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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:25:37 AM |
Did you ever think that maybe it was the women you associate yourself with that have the problems?
HappyRebel: I don't generally associate myself with women (as a group) who have chaotic lives and baby-daddy drama. It has just worked out that way over the years. Out of all the women I know though, the ones who have had chaotic lives have been the women who got pregnant as teens, and the women who got pregnant in their late 30s and early 40s. NONE of the women I know who had families in their early 20s to mid 30s had the same kinds of problems and chaos. It's the early mothers and the late mothers who have had the lifestyle problems. Most people I know agree with that.
It's not being judgmental to notice the differences in the lives of these middle-aged women who have toddlers. I've said on the thread that I think they are good people who are trying to be responsible. I even said that many of them may be worth dating. However, as a group, these women had babies late because of chaotic circumstances, and potential suitors tend to avoid those situations. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:35:33 AM | | well I have already raised my kids but if u r willing to except me for me then I will do the same for u.The fact that u r middle aged is endearing and very sexy so the problem with us is we r built the same way but I can get my male suit out the closet if u want me too hehehehe.Op pls don't ever deny ur kids for the sake of a man and there r plenty of nice guys that will not even hesitate to chat with u even with ur kids around.I would just be very leary about telling men about my young kids and definitely would not introduce them till we have crossed the 8 month threshold.Kids are so easily influenced and u really don't want to make the mistake of letting someone around them when u aren't sure of their true colors.Be safe girl and be patient.Good luck | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:34:44 AM | | tell me . Why are so many of you ladies worried about a guy who sees you with kids ? I was with a mom who had 2 kids . then she had this big kid . I heard the dauhgter say " mom do what he wants but keep him around " well the daughter wanted me to stay BUT , mom didn't care if I stayed or left . | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/24/2008 12:44:29 PM | | I have met men in their 40's that haven't had any kids and wanted to start a family! I really think it depends on the people. I have known men that didn't balance their time with dating, work, and kids. I have tried hard to balance my time. I don't have real young children either though. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/24/2008 1:17:31 PM | Obviously, having a young child at my age isn't everyone's cup of tea. This much said, and with respect for all the POF members that have kindly posted in this thread, I would like to mention that being a parent has made me more selfless and has changed my life perspective.
I enjoy making a difference in a young person's life. If that fact makes me "undatable", so be it, although I truly believe that there are others that like me that enjoy having children at home, and feel confortable with being a parent.
I believe that there is no specific timeframe for giving, and loving, and enjoying the gift of a child. Furthermore, I believe that there is a time in our lives when some of us are called to help form and guide a young person's life.
All of us have different life experiences. I respect a parent that gave generously to his or her children when they were younger, and now are enjoying a well deserved rest. Yet all circumstances are different, and I would hesatate before passing judgement on an older single parent because they don't fit the "norm". Who says the "norm" is the measure of everything that is good? It is also the "norm"for most (not all) American parents to plant a child in front of a TV for three hour a day. or for Americans to be obese. Does that make it "good"? I think not.
I would appreciate Spitfire to refrain from using words like "chaotic lifestyles" to define older single parents. Most of us are highly disciplined and organized people. We need to be to deal with the demands of work and solo parenting. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/24/2008 1:27:34 PM | Spitfire said:
So I guess there are some middle-aged or elderly guys with toddlers who have chaotic lives in the same way most middle-aged women with toddlers have chaotic lives.
A better way to describe a any single parent, at any age, is as a person that wasn't afraid to assume responsibility. It takes courage, patience, strength and love to deal with fufilling a young person's needs.
Then some people wonder how they get into shallow relationships... | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/24/2008 1:39:00 PM |
I would appreciate Spitfire to refrain from using words like "chaotic lifestyles" to define older single parents. Most of us are highly disciplined and organized people.
Why would you want to censor the term "chaotic lifestyles"? We've already established that we're dealing with anecdotal evidence here. No one's experiences apply perfectly to the entire group of middle-aged women with young kids, so no one here should be offended by that. The word "chaos" is mild in describing some of the single parent situations out there. I think we can agree that when a 38-year-old woman on a limited budget gets pregnant from a one-night stand--that's a chaotic situation.
Yes, there are many highly disciplined middle-agers out there who are raising their children well. However, there are far too many 40-somethings (cougars) hitting the bars and clubs---something they might wisely have outgrown in their 20s---- and then coming up pregnant. You see it a LOT. 20 or 30 years ago, you would have rarely seen that. The truth is that some of the same cougars who easily find partners when their nests are empty suddenly become isolated if they make a mistake (not saying all late mothers 'made a mistake', but MANY have) and end up with a new kid. Guys avoid those situations when it comes to dating. It's just the truth. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:34:51 PM | OP, your posts sound genuine and caring ... but, unfortunately, utilizing spit's own definition, by nature, your life must be very chaotic - who's isn't??? Save yourself the time and trouble and stay away from threads he 'participates' in ... he lives for chaos, with his self-serving imperially 'correct' hijacking of decent discussion topics - he has mastered the art of insulting most of the intelligent posters and then monopolizes the thread with his own conceit and ever-so-opinionated approach ...
note - that even a previous poster who attempted to reinforce spit's generalized 'theories' has been bashed himself when he dared to 'disagree' with the hijacker... sound like good old POF interesting discussion? Nope... he has set out to polarize, bash, troll and terrorize... nuff said - and good Karma to you and your lovely child :)
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:18:07 PM | There have been 2 kinds of posters on the thread: the posters who have discussed the topic, and the posters who have wasted all their time yapping about other members. A quick look at the thread will tell you who's who.
This is a good thread with mostly good responses. Just for the record, I have dated several 40+ year old women who had young children. The women acted pleasantly on the dates, so there is nothing bad I can say against those women. In order to answer the OP's question about why most of these women have trouble getting dates, we have to look at the truth. Something may be making these women less desirable to suitable guys than their childless counterparts or younger women with children. It's an interesting topic, and I'd like to see more definitive answers.
Answers such as "Guys are just selfish" don't really qualify as good answers. There is a reason (or reasons) why guys are making these dating choices. I've provided a few possible reasons. Let's see some more. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:02:10 AM | live2ridenh
I apologized to you twice for our misunderstand in communication,, I promise you this it won't happen again..
I find it interesting that you come to this post with out any useful opinions on the subject OP posted..
Yet you have comment about people who post here,, Now I would think you might be the one who is the on trying to steal this tread in our own way,, or the attempt to cause more disagreement between spit and me ( I am assuming you were talking about me..) but either way that wouldn't matter..
If you are talking and me,, I'm sure spitz and I will be talking again,, heated most likely, however,, that will be our choice if he and I were to take that route, as we both agree to disagree,,{at least that is how I veiw it} However, why this is a concern of yours is beyond me other than you might be the troll,, Just to point out something to you,, I might just be sitting back, because I need to see how the flow of this post is going before I need to comment any thing further,, so as you seem to assume my things as well without knowing the facts.
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/25/2008 1:01:45 PM | carol
I ADOPTED MY DAUGTER SO IT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ACCIDENT OR MISTAKE . MEN ARE SELFISH THAT JUST THE WAY IT IS.
Statement like that, I am sure, it's why men stay away,, attitude,, poor...
Now how can your statement be true,, as I adopted my son,, "AFTER "my wife passed away,, so I must ask how can men be that selfish as you suggested,, Men with children I would think, would take offence to that statement,, I know I did | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/25/2008 1:34:58 PM | 'I ADOPTED MY DAUGTER SO IT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ACCIDENT OR MISTAKE . MEN ARE SELFISH THAT JUST THE WAY IT IS.'
Sounds like you are still angry about your situation... not all men are selfish... just like not all women who have children are unable to find the right partner. Blanket statements like these are simply evidence of unresolved issues from previous relationships which inevitably get in the way of us moving on. I have children and am no spring chicken myself, however I have had several relationships which have ended because of other issues, not the fact that I am a single parent. Lets keep some perspective here folks!!!!! | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:05:08 PM | Hi
There is a general trend in society to have children in your 20's to about 33.
this being true what you will find is most people intheir mid to late 40's have all their children over 18 or near to it.
So if you started late with children you find yourself in the position of having young children in your late 40's . where as most members of the opposite sex are done raising their children and are not up to doing it all again. People who have kids the same age as your kids are 10 - 15 years younger than you are.
It is a tuff position to be in because you tend to associate with parents that have kids the same age as yours but for a partner it is far harder to have a 10 to 15 year difference in age. First off Society looks down on such large agfe differences and second off there is often a difference in what page of life you are on. So it is a tuff poition to be in I know I have a 7 year old daughter and I am 47. All her friends parents are in there 30's some intheir late 20's and even though some are single moms the age difference is too much. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:36:01 PM | FLIP side.....for the gender buster in me.
I would NOT date a man with small or less than teenage children and I am middle aged. I don't care if he was 36, or 43.
I met a guy once and we went out....he was 36. He liked me just fine alright, as I happen to be a very good mother. His ex was less than a suitable mother, and he travelled for his job. I still remember what he said to me on our 2nd date........You just have to meet Hannah, she will change your life. That really got my red flag flying. He was very adamant that we all "hang" together. Whoah. Big no no and for me it was a "no can do".
Been there done that.....4 TIMES! Grandbabies, sure, got one and will be ready for more when the time comes, but I am looking forward to my last baby leaving the nest(she is 16) and some ME time. LOL | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:09:22 PM |
Men with children I would think, would take offence to that statement,I know I did
And so do I.
I have found in the last year men are a lot less selfish about children then women.The men that do not want any around are player'ss party all the time still little boy's yeah loser's. And the women wanting them are trying to be 20 something again.
and some ME time.
That statement is the biggest reason, I no longer talk to women over 40 or so about dating if they have no children at home. Nine out of ten are selfish and self-centered. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/26/2008 12:32:53 AM | Serenitycw (#73) had one of the most intelligent and interesting responses on the thread, even though I disagree with her. By the way, Serenity almost always has something good to say on any thread.
Serenitycw said:
you need to look at it in another way (paradigm shift). by your weeding out the ones who won't date you, a more selective dating pool is established so you won't waste "your" time.
There is no "weeding out" mechanism which is going to work for middle-aged moms. They need to take what they can get. Weeding guys out would leave many of them dateless for years, just like the 51-year-old I mentioned earlier. The paradigm shift should by no means involve becoming more selective. Rather, it should involve a lowering of expectations and an adaptation of the dating style.
I'm giving it to you straight: many middle-aged moms need to go for "3M" dates now-----meal/movie/mating. In other words, a good dating strategy would be for a middle-aged mom to just prepare a meal at her home for a guy she's interested in connecting with. Send the kid(s) over to grandma's. Have the guy bring over a DVD and some wine, and just enjoy a quiet evening together capped off by lovemaking. Few unattached guys will turn down a good meal and sex. Middle-aged moms are probably better cooks (as a group) than any other demographic. "3M" really is the solution for many women to the question posed by this topic. If middle-aged moms take the initiative a little and are willing to entertain at home, there will be sufficient guys willing to be a part of that.
Otherwise, middle-aged moms are facing a shallow dating pool, limited prospects, and avoidance by guys who don't want LTRs with women whose kids will be around until the age of 60. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:06:42 PM | | OK I WILL ADMIT I HAVE LOW EXPECTATIONS IN MEN I NEED ONE THAT WILL SURPRISE ME I GUESS . I THINK THERE ARE GOOD ONES OUT THERE THE PROBLEM IS THE GOOD MEN DON'T MEET THE GOOD WOMEN , I DON'T NEED A POOL OF MEN I JUST NEED THE RIGHT ONE FOR ME AND THAT IS THE HARD PART. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:25:02 PM | ok ...for what its worth ...heres my play on this ...i wouldnt expect a lovely intelligent woman NOT to have children ..not at our age ... and yes, i said lovely and intelligent , because thats why i'm dating them !...i guess there are enough guys my age to go around  ...maybe not  | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/26/2008 2:49:45 PM | I agree Steve that there are nice men out there. I know I have dated men with children. I think that the children issue goes both ways. I have even known men that were 45 having children.
Most men with or without children are gentlemen. I know there are some real low lifes out there that would want you to think less of yourself for choosing to raise a child later in life, but that is just them projecting their own personality and lack of class. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/27/2008 5:47:24 AM |
OK I WILL ADMIT I HAVE LOW EXPECTATIONS IN MEN I NEED ONE THAT WILL SURPRISE ME I GUESS . I THINK THERE ARE GOOD ONES OUT THERE THE PROBLEM IS THE GOOD MEN DON'T MEET THE GOOD WOMEN , I DON'T NEED A POOL OF MEN I JUST NEED THE RIGHT ONE FOR ME AND THAT IS THE HARD PART.
Here is the problem with that statement, most men will pick up on that poor attitude, why that is,, we have failed in your eyes before we even get a chance, because you already closed you mind off that good men exist. even though now you said some do after your first statement..
As a men I don't want to prove myself to you,, How I live, act, treat others, that is proof enough,, I'm sure other men would say the same..The good men as you suggested, are out here, and so are good woman. That is true whether a woman or a man has children at any age,, I personality know at least a dozen woman with children, They are all great woman, yet we are not a good match for a long term everlasting relashionship.. Now I could say, but this isn't true,, all woman suck because after meeting them, I either don't want them or they don't want me for their partner,, I will never say that,, The truth is we maintain some sort of friendship..and I have never met a woman I haven't liked in some way or another,
I agree finding the right person for us is difficult,, yet does your/our happiness and attitude have anything to do with not having some one in your life,,
That answer should be No.. your attitude and happiness has everything to do with who you are,, find those and you will be on you way,, not only to a better life, also in finding the right man for you...
The truth in dating and finding someone, if we keep attracting the wrong person over and over again,, what is it that we are doing that causes that,, where are we hanging out,, what is out attitude,, do I give the persona of being needy,, or even wounded or bitter...
there are only two outcomes, one is you become the pry of undesirables,, and the good ones men/woman will stay clear..
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