| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/27/2008 6:33:58 AM | When you find the right person, it isn't going to matter if they have children or not. However, if we're ruling people in or out because of their children, we are just limiting our own dating pool. If you're happy with that, so be it.
Having said that, I think it makes perfect sense to be 35-50 with young children (not sure what you call "middle age" but guessing it's somewhere in there). That's exactly what I'm looking for. When I was dating in my 20's, I was MUCH more worried about people in their 20's with young children. I spent my 20's traveling, working awesome jobs, just getting to know myself. People who had nothing better to do than get married and have children (when they had a good 15-20 years to fit that in) were just not that interesting. Now, I find men (and women-but I'm not dating women) in their 40's with grown children or (YIKES!) GRANDCHILDREN! Now that's scary.... those are the same people who had children way too young when I was dating back in my 20's. And now in their "midlife", they are much more likely to be the ones who are unhappy, overly busy, having regrets.... The people 35-50 with young children are some of the happiest, most well adjusted, interesting, and active people I know. They've lived the life they wanted to, waited until they were actually ready (financially, emotionally, mentally) to have kids and they are in the same life stage as I am. I'd have no idea why anyone (anyone decent and not self-centered) would consider them undateable!?! | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/27/2008 7:03:42 AM | When you find the right person, it isn't going to matter if they have children or not. However, if we're ruling people in or out because of their children, we are just limiting our own dating pool.
Whether a prospect has children or not is a factor for many, if not most, people. It's a huge factor for the reason that most people in their 40's and above are beginning to prepare for retirement. Few want to take on the burden of a partner's young child at that late age. (Yes, I know we're not supposed to call a child a 'burden', but let's be honest----there are few professionals out there in their 40s and 50s who want to help raise someone else's toddler. That's the hard truth.)
It would help middle-aged moms to focus on being more competitive within the dating pool. They should be willing to attract guys in new ways. I've seen many middle-aged moms do that with success. Once they get over their insistence on traditional dating protocols, most middle-aged moms can do O.K. for themselves and have plenty of male company. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/27/2008 7:28:04 AM | can_handle
You had NO clue what I meant by ME time, so why comment??
ME time (for ME....lol) IS:
I was a military wife for 25 years to a very selfish man(who was normally DEPLOYED or working) and well, my baby will soon graduate and I can have time for a relationship where I am valued, loved, and respected, as a woman, and I actually get to be ME (as in woman with a first name) not just MOM , or the wife of man who takes me for granted.
Self centered is NOT how you describe a military ex wife and mother of four children who homeschooled for several years.
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/27/2008 7:46:54 AM | | My last gf had two small children. I ended falling in love with the 3 of them. Unfortunately, when you're are a guy who is single and with no kids, it is difficult to transition from single to being 100 percent of the time dad. So it is very hard, even for the guys that are interested in such women. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/27/2008 8:55:03 AM |
No very likely. Most of us have adream of retirement. I wouldn't want to have any toodlers or babies around at this stage of life.
See? It really comes down to LIFESTAGE, not age. I wish you could search by lifestage ("prekids", young family, mid-career, empty nester, retired...etc.) instead of being forced to search by age. Like it or not, we all assign something to these ages based on our own experiences. The ex military wife and the 43 year old looking at retirement are much "older" in their lifestage than I am although I am in their same age bracket. Really, don't we just want someone whose life is compatible with ours? Although age tells you a little bit about a person, it obviously isn't the best indicator of compatibility. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/27/2008 9:22:04 AM |
Really, don't we just want someone whose life is compatible with ours?
I would agree with you there TallTexan. I envision my eventual retirement from my career as "me" time, not child raising time. Although I used retirement as an example, I'm entirely washed up...lol. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:46:26 PM | | WELL I JUST GOT OUT THERE RECENTLY DIVORCE SO BUT JUST FROM AROUND ME MOST MEN DOMPTED THEIR OLD WIFES FOR NEWER MODELS .BUT YES I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT I JUST DON'T GO OUT DON'T LIKE BARS .SO I GUESS I WILL JUST HAVE TO STAY SINGLE FOR NOW UNLESS I MEET SOMEONE AT THE PARK . OR WHEN I GO CAMPING WITH MY DAUGTER WHAT HAPPEN -HAPPEN IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE TO LOVE BUT NOT NESSASSARY GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE SO MUCH LOVE AND SO MANY PEOPLE LOOKING FOR IT , IT'S KIND A SAD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ALL THOSE PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET LOOKING FOR LOVE. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/27/2008 9:08:57 PM |
Never.. Well, maybe if I were peg-legged and morbidly obese..
No, wait.. Even then, I'd still be unsure about dating a middle-aged, single mother..
How can one person deliberately insult /make fun of 2 types of disabilities and women all in one statement without cause, is beyond me.. In my opinion, middle aged woman will do just fine with out you,, just to clear up any uncertainties that you may have,, | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/27/2008 9:54:22 PM | I consider a woman with children a package deal - and a very attractive package, too.
What frightens Real Men about this situation most, I think, is that the package is most attractive when the mother/child bond is strongest, we deeply fear interfering with that; we also strongly fear building a bond with a child, and then abandoning or otherwise letting them down hard.
It is always best, I think, to be up front about that with the man, and plumb his reasons - if he merely fears responsibility - RUN AWAY! He is a child himself, and will STRIVE to draw your attention away from the kids, a recipe for disaster. If he's worried about hurting your kids - you are on the right track.
He should allow to avoid meeting the kids or interacting with them much at first, and ensure that he is ready to make the REAL commitment - to the kids, before he proceeds; they are the delicate ones.
Sometimes, the kids have drawn me in, I find Mom is intolerable too late - and I end by burning the poor tots by walking away. Talk about guilt! - won't do THAT again...
Take your time, guys - be VERY careful, but - you know you want it! Good things take good work, and better things deserve better work; we are paid accordingly. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/28/2008 11:13:49 AM | Promethium741---I think you have a valid point. I think most men feel they need to compete with the children for some reason. Its nice to know upfront if someone is willing to date a woman with children still at home.
The 2nd relationship of my life ended because I had teens and he could not take on the 'packaged deal'. He'd failed miserably with his own children and I think he feared failing again. Not many people are willing to take on something that they've already failed at once-especially something as important as children. If only it hadn't of taken him over a year to realize he couldn't do it, it would have been easier on everyone concerned.
Because of the death of my husband, my sons & I are very close...but unlike some children with some divorces, they are very much open to having a father figure in their lives because all they've known is the love of two parents (and now one parent). Does it make it more difficult because we are so close? Possibly. But then I wouldn't have it any other way.
If the man can't take on the 'packaged deal', he's not the right one for me anyways. Its much easier if its known upfront-no one gets hurt that way.
HR | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/29/2008 7:21:44 PM | I think most men feel they need to compete with the children for some reason.
Hmmm...competition? I can understand guys having a preference based on whether they want raise a new family or not but I don't get this fear-of-competition theory. By the time a boy becomes a man, he should not fear competition from tiny little humanoids. LOL I, for one, am not afraid of little people.
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/30/2008 12:16:41 AM | NO I got nothing wrong! Someone more concerned about them self, and all they gave up in the past and now it is time to go party like your the age of your kids or party with them. I know some, that have and do. For those of you who do not remember one of the thought's you had before you got married was.........I'm wasting my life doing this! It's time to get married and settle down I'm not 16 anymore and do not need to act it.
respected, as a woman,
dah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is what you left behind. Do women really believe men respect women in thier 30's, 40's & 50's out running around dating 6 or more men boy's in the last 3 month's or less. They can and will tell you they do,......I was single till nearly 32 married with ex 19 years. have known a lot of men over the years the truthful answer is hell no. Out of 54 years of living the best years were doing my job as a man. Taking care of my family. If that meant working 16 hours a day being gone part of the time,tried all the time I was doing my part and my job. Looking ahead to some time when it was behind us and then our time. Not looking at when they are gone from home and I can get stupid again.
I am valued, loved, and respected, as a woman, and I actually get to be ME (as in woman with a first name) not just MOM
I doubt if you find the love or respect that you had as mom, in the woman with a name.
I know at 54 male single and raising my now 2 year old grandson. I will never wonder in 20 years if he loves me. (yeah I pray ever day let me get him raised Lord)The same as I would not have to if I dated and married, a middle age woman with a child she might not but the child will.
Now this is just opinion I have found the only bigger waste of money then women middle age or close to middle age, then the thing's they wish to do is to go in the bathroom and flush hundred dollar bills.  | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/30/2008 5:10:02 PM | Oh the man over 50 with a little child. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. Never again.
NO thank you.
This is the selfish stage of my life. It's all about being free, going where I want to go, when I want to go and without having to worry about kids, or pets. I especially don't want to be paying someone else's child support. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:30:32 PM | Man some people are just FULL OF CRAP!!!!!!!
1. I do NOT Party
2. My ex was ABUSIVE and did NOT respect me as a human being. As a matter of fact, he tried to turn my own children against me. Being a good provider materially/financially does NOT make you a good husband!
3. My children come first
4. How many people I have dated and is MY business, who are YOU to judge me?God can judge me, not you.
5. I am NOT bitter toward other men after being horribly demeaned and criticised , as well as verballly and emotionally abused day in/out by the man I loved for several YEARS!!!!!! and who I was a GOOD wife to(even when I had NO reason to be). I have no doubt most men are really good people in their hearts. You on the other hand have shown all the POF women that you are really pretty judgemental and still angry!
Don't post back, save your energy for someone else. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:11:48 PM | CanHandle, I don't know why you are attacking people about whom you know nothing because they choose to refrain from dating someone with kids. I have a friend who is my age. He loves kids, married a woman with several children whom he continued to raise after the divorce and helped another girlfriend raise her kids for about five years. His youngest is 18. He does not want to date a woman with young children and I do not blame him.
He is at a different life stage than I and I can understand how he feels. He can pretty much do what he wants when he wants. That does not mean that he is not there for his grown children nor that he is running the streets getting a life, just that his life no longer revolves around short people and he is enjoying the relaxation. Is he any different than the imaginery women you disparage who equally have the right to choose to remain on their life course rather than deviate and join you in the choices you made?
My youngest will be gone in 9 years and at this point while I would not shy away from someone with younger children, I would certainly prefer someone with my age kids or older for the same reason, so that we can start enjoying being able to do things like vacations and other things that we have put off for years because the children come first. Everybody makes choices, you should accept that yours came with a price and rejoice in the time you are sharing with your grandchild rather than railing at others because you feel it is an impediment to dating. | |
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rex741
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Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 145 | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:00:00 PM | | I have dated a woman with a small child and I loved that child as much as I did the mother. My kids are pretty much grown, so this was all new again to me. I knew she had a small child when I met her and accepted that child as if she were my own. Each person is different in their outlook towards kids, so dont give up hope on that. That relationship is over but I never regretted the fact she had a small child. I dont go looking for women with young kids but Im not going to condemn someone who has one. Once again though, thats the difference in each individual. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:40:24 AM |
this is the selfish stage of my life. It's all about being free, going where I want to go, when I want to go and without having to worry about kids, or pets.
The most truthful answer on this thread.
CanHandle, I don't know why you are attacking people about whom you know nothing because they choose to refrain from dating someone with kids.
It was not a attack it was in response to the statement ME Time, and that one that I did not know what I was talking about. If you read the post that followed I did know.
You are willing to pass someone over that might be a great person because of some small inconvenience. That apply's to all inconvenience's. And people on POF call other people shallow
Everybody makes choices, you should accept that yours came with a price and rejoice in the time you are sharing with your grandchild rather than railing at others because you feel it is an impediment to dating.
I thank God every day for him and pray.
Lord don't let that cold wind blow till I get it done.
And I know that better then anybody what the price was. Most the women I have talked say the do not wish to remarry, only want to date and be friends.
Which was/is fine with me I, was and have been interested in only dating. How then is me having a child to raise a problem. I havemade it clear that I will not live with a woman and not be married. I do not feel in anyway that it is, or should impede my DATING. If you truly only wish to date.
I would be under attack my every one if I was to say that all middle age women were to overweight out of shape to many wrinkles, to set in their way's(I do not feel that way) or dated the age women that I could date. Could have been settled down again if I could still make kid's. (1 of those things I did for her)
You on the other hand have shown all the POF women that you are really pretty judgemental and still angry!
Judgemental no just calling it as I seen it and read/hear it that's not judgemental it's called truth and honest. Which is the one thing that the women on POF say you must have and do not apply if your not. They can't handle the truth. That is what my screen name is all about. I'm honest and truthful all the time. Beside's that I must be as ugly as a bull dog never got much mail before I started posting in the forum's.
Angry also been called bitter. The truth is I do not know.
Because of my marriage NO!
You said your ex tried to turn your children against you. Thank God he didn't. You are blessed I'm happy for you that he did not.
But my ex's running, sleeping around cost me my baby girl, that is a hurt I will never get over. Im I mad at all women about that NO! I just don't do P.C. tactful Bull. If I step on any ones toes it is what, I thinking, not them personally
And do not post a opinion ever to offend or hurt anyone So I'm Sorry | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 4/1/2008 2:48:20 AM | Try finding a man who likes snakes!!!
Holy Cow!!! Your children are a part of you. Couldn't be you without em. Oh, I'm 52 and my ex has our 9 and 11yr old boys. I have 12 more boys of my 9yr olds age to coach in baseball. Talk about running down. Kids keep ya young. At least that's what I've been told. Good luck and hang in there. Daunty | |
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DanXS
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Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 150 | |
| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 4/2/2008 8:09:07 AM | I would and have dated women with children. But my concern is that if a women has children by a number of different fathers, then maybe she isn't going to be very easy to live with. Why did the men scarper or why did she give them the boot? On the other hand most women seem to have gotten around to having kids by the time they are in their 30's so I don't see why they shouldn't continue dating.
Re 40's personally I would have to like her a lot. Some french bloke came up with a formular for men/women age compatibilty. I think it was (Mans age)/2+7 = (Women's age). So if the man is 40 his ideal partner is only 27. Then again he would because he was french! No offence to womenizing french of course. If the women is 40, her ideal bloke would be (by that equation) 66! I don't know I think its just an excuse for men to think its ok to go for much younger women. | |
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