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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 4/2/2008 9:07:09 AM | Op - there are plenty of men who would be lucky to date YOU - and anyone who would dismiss you because you have a child is not the MAN for YOU!
Speaking from experience (45 with an 11 yr old) there are men who will love you for you - and even be willing to put up with 'a little witch' (someone used that term earlier in this thread - as an insult, but as anyone who has raised prepubecent girls can attest - can certainly apply at times ;-). Had he dismissed me out of hand because I had a child (he is 50 and his kids as well as my oldest, are in their 20's) he wouldn't have been the one for me - and we'd have both missed out on a great thing! He's not bucking for parent of the year - and makes no pretence of trying to 'be her (step)father' - but he is a stable and good influence on my daughter's life (something her real father is not) and she (and I) are lucky to have him.
So keep the faith.
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:05:40 PM | People with kids are human beings too!
The only caveat for me would be if the difference in our kid's ages was huge, as I have big plans for after mine makes her own way in the world.
Watching how someone else parents their kids is a huge indicator on whether or not we could get along. If the differences are too great, we wouldn't stand a chance anyway. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:25:41 PM | I think you should stop focusing on what will prevent you from having a relationship and think only about what will enable you to have one.
You're a gifted lady and if you find the right fella whether or not you have a child will make little difference.
If you have a house of deadly brats who are linked into the local gangs you may have a problem particularly if new-man has to deal with big issues; but if you've a decent family set up it could actually be just what he's looking to be a part of.
I went speed-dating a few weeks ago and one lady spoke to every man who sat down about her two disabled sons and she was so preoccupied with the idea they would put men off that's all she spoke about in order to test the men's reactions.
Totally wrong approach. A quick mention would have been enough. The disabled sons didn't put me off - but her prejudice that it would did.
I know a guy in his 50's who won't go for a new job because he says employers are prejudiced - maybe they are to an extent - but when you hear him talk he talks like an 'old man' who can't be bothered - a self fulfilling prophet. We can all make a similar mistake. When a man sees you, he sees YOU. That's how YOU need to think.
And if he doesn't he's not worth knowing anyway. Focus on your strengths OP and just build on them. Don't focus on what you think of as 'weaknesses' because they may not be seen that way but if you do your attitude towards potential new-man may put him off.
I keep an eye out for women who ask me if I drive, which I don't, and that question is a clincher for them every time. To me those ladies need a chauffeur, not a fella. I still get my fair share of women wanting to date regardless.
If I kept thinking 'I'm hampered by not being able to drive' I'd be wrong. I might even give up meeting women. All on the basis of a false assumption. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 4/13/2008 11:09:48 AM |
I date a Woman , not her family.
That's not the way it works. When a woman has children, they are going to be part of the picture if you get past the first or second date. Many women say that they keep their children tucked away when dating; but the truth is that if things progress even a little bit, then everything about planning dates and doing things is done with the kids in mind. The kids always come first, and when you're dealing with a middle-aged woman, there are likely to be grown kids and at least one ex in addition to the young child. It's invariably complicated. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 4/13/2008 11:43:32 AM | Speaking from experience I would rarely recommend a batchelor marry a woman with kids. Possibly if they are young it might make a difference. One day I was a batchelor, the next with three kids (the eldest was 13). Surprise, surprise it was not the kids that were the problem, it was the spouse. Having kids together, you have an equal footing in terms of making mistakes. Perhaps I can help explain it by reminding you what you were like with your first child. Every sniffle required rushing to the hospital. By the time your youngest arrives unless they have severed a limb, you don't get too upset. Once the batchelor has raised a couple of kids of his own, there tends to be a lot less friction in child raising.
Now that my own kids are teenagers, it wouldn't bother me to once again have younger kids. I no longer have an excuse to see Santa Clause parades, sneak halloween candy, go on roller coaster rides, read fairy tales, watch Saturday morning cartoons, help with spelling tests, or hold hands while crossing the street. Indeed I am looking forward to the next phase of my life but I am sure there are many men like myself who like the simple pleasures too. | |
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PeterC
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 162 | |
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PeterC
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 164 | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:38:46 PM | Dearest Fairsong:
If I may suggest it – you perhaps think that men are repelled by your child, but remember that it is good to repel these men, they avoid responsibility, and embrace weakness. Baby is bellwether here, flagging potential parasites. Better another, that seizes all the responsibility he can, the power to change things.
There are plenty of men who would jump at the chance – you're cute, you're cultured, you're well spoken and educated plenty. Baby is darling, too, an excellent package deal. You're evidently doing all right for yourself – you appear quite healthy, and that's what really counts.
Maybe it's something else, and maybe – just maybe, now – you put it on the little sweetie, and avoid facing the problems, and – it does not serve you, or anyone else. Examine some possible alternative views.
I like you, tho I may seem aggressive at times – naw, I'm totally aggressive, and it works for me, mostly. But I make adjustments for what I really want, and all smart men do. You will need to also, on the way to El Dorado. There is no Royal Road.
We've had some exchanges, and I find you a little evasive. I don't think it's intentionally deceptive at all – you are trying to be too polite, you wish to avoid all possible conflict. I, for one, want to test your mettle before I buy. If you bite me hard, you are strong, and it is most desirable in a mate. Don't be so shy, these guys are all at safe distance.
Advertise yourself – assert who you are, uniquely you, inquiring minds want to know. Never lie about it, there is no need. You have a facile mind, and that is your greatest asset – at least from here, but - the pictures are real nice, too.
I don't mind if someone is totally different – I like it, lots. I don't think it is a common like, but I think it is better. A diversity of thought breeds new and useful thoughts, discussion, truth-seeking. Speak your mind, that a real man might choose it, someone bold to complement your type, if not match it. You need only match where you meet, it is enough.
Don't come in with too many preconceptions of what constitutes happiness – stick to that too tightly, and you find misery instead, I fear. Happiness only happens in the Now. You are unique, and so are we. Never stray from adaptability. Change is a constant. There are too many variables, and you must learn to improvise as well as plan.
So hey, Girl – don't be afraid to say who you are, up front. If they run, you've saved some precious time. If you hesitate, we become suspicious – it cannot be helped, it's human nature. If it offends you, if it offends them, we all must learn to be tougher thereby. If it hurts, it may just make you stronger – by expanding the limits of your conception, and your bounds of creativity. You – and only you - may allow what will hurt you, and what will not. You have nothing to fear but fear itself – fear fear's paralysis first.
Curiosity killed the cat – but if I'm not mistaken, many, many cats remain, and need curiosity to survive. Men need it, too. There is risk in both directions, and curiosity is evidently safer in the long run, so – we need to know things. Speak, O Sphinx, and I assent you may devour me if I fail the test.
If you really want it, you must do what needs to be done. No one will, no one can, do it for you. I see you classy, well-ordered – and now, I want to see what makes you shake your fist in the air and curse, and I envision it as glorious. We want to know the actual boundaries of the other – we can't respect them 'till we know them thus.
But some will be damned tenacious, despite this. It is a good sign, I say. Based upon the voluminous evidence above, you must assent – you have great appeal to someone.
LUCI
the Light of the Mind  | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 9/27/2008 7:09:09 AM | OMG!!! This is not even funny.
How do you suppose the children of older women feel? This is the most arrogant, outrageous thread i have ever seen!!
I had my first child 15 years before i had my last child. I was abused for 1o years, then lived in a wonderful relationship where i was spoiled rotten, but something really strange happened and i let the age gap win...and ended up with another abuser, ended up pregnant ..So my kids are 24,23,11 and 9. and i would NEVER EVER trade that for anything. !!!
No one can ever believe that they have two older sisters ...they always ask me if i was 10 when i had them, and i know that is supposed to be a compliment, but seriously, i dont think its cute..
i am very involved in their lives , just as i was my girls lives and i am the bestest momma ever. I really abhor this ridiculous pompous thread.
and OH YEAH! i refuse dates on a weekly basis from guys young enough to be my own child!! so you see, not every man out there are total jerks. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 9/27/2008 7:39:00 AM | Yes..Yes, I would..I am a middle aged guy, with a young child.
Having a full time job, and spending every weekend with my daughter, cuts into my personal life. But she is here, and I will not leave her at Grandma, so I can go out!!
If I meet a women my age, with a young child, she will understand that. And I will understand that she won't be able to do certain things.
Me, and her kid/s can all hang out on the weekend, doing something that is appropiate for the kiddos.
Getting together on the weekdays, when I don't have my daughter, but she has her kids, well, that would require some planning, but can be done.
But if she has no help, or simply doesn't want to do it, I would understand. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 9/29/2008 12:56:38 AM |
carole123456 (Msg 114) ~ ...I ADOPTED MY DAUGTER SO IT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ACCIDENT OR MISTAKE . MEN ARE SELFISH THAT JUST THE WAY IT IS...
Wow... Adopting one's own child, how is that posible? As the mother and parent, I thought you would file for (shared or full) custody of your child(ren) in event of a divorce. And typing in CAPITAL LETTERS means you are SHOUTING!!!!
Hey "rdcnorm" (Msg 125) good points.
O/P ...asking someone to "surprise you" will result in responses that you may not like or expect (eg. derogatory & unsavory approaches). Also I think that key words like "Good" & the "Right One" are too ambiguous & are too commonly used to describe all sorts of values & personality traits. You would therefore have to be more specific & tell us (hopefuls) what it really means to you. In the meantime search for those in life who match what you're looking for... And don't be afraid to make the first move, we (men) don't know if you are interested or not... with or without children.
I know that "weeding out" means those who are trolls, crude, selfish, abusers, & with addictions of all sorts, etc. It sounds so negative, just as one person's junk is another person's treasure. Finding a "soul mate or perfect person" doesn't mean that they are anywhere perfect, it just means that they are right for you & that they meet the qualities you are looking for... however no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Everyone needs "Me Time" or "Time out" to go some where alone to reflect inwardly or just to spend time with friends (eg. girls night out/guys night out). As for "Love" not everyone is looking for love on the Internet, some are married, some are trolls, some are looking for FWB, some are just participating in the forums, & some like me are searching for the "Right one" whilst enjoying/participating in the forums, etc.
**~Remington55~** 
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 9/29/2008 6:09:56 AM | Well, there are obviously a wide range of men who aren't interested in dating over forty single mothers and to them here's a firm "fine and dandy."
I've never had a problem finding a date yet and the child factor didn't play into it in the least. It still doesn't. Most single mothers don't involve their children in their dating lives anyway, so it's not likely to be an issue until and unless the relationship becomes extremely serious.
The kind of man that would opt out of developing a serious relationship with a woman based upon the child factor is doing me a favor by letting me know about it in advance. I wouldn't be interested in him anyway. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 9/29/2008 6:28:18 AM | I guess I must be more of a 'freak' than I want to own up to...................
First off - I want to let greeneyes269 know that the opening line of his post:
Well Girl when you hit middle age let us know was AWESOME.............you're a 'keeper' in my books................
Having children PERIOD can be a deterrent - for some people. Regardless of the ages.........
While my girls are 'older' (almost 16 & almost 22). and yes, this does allow me more 'freedom'...............I would welcome more children into my life (his, not more of my own - just to clarify), as my biggest regret of this lifetime is only being blessed with 2 children.
But that's me............like I said................may be more of a freak than I own up to.......
Hang in there.............there ARE Gents out there who will welcome your kids.
B. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:35:42 AM | | Op-tough call, it's hard enough to start a new relationship, it's even harder to try and deal with a child. So many issues, so little time. May work for some, most guys are like, "Later!" | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:42:03 PM | | i started quite late with having kids. when their dad left, i knew that i would never place a mans needs above my kids. my kids would always be first. that is my job as mum. Having kids means, u come second. (i did fall for a few men, cried myself to sleep, cause i just knew, i could never give the man the comitment he needed for a relationship)i did date of course but never offered anything so serious as moving in together, or marriage, or sleeping at my house, and even worse ..being alowed to disipline my kids....my kids were always involved with me...so it would be nights of playing monopoly in those days....then like 15 years later only my son was relying on me...so it was fishing trips...........today my girls are 20 and 21, both at uni and have part time jobs and live at home....they have independant lives and settled and together run the household. my son is 15, all teenage mouth and full of opinions........god help any man trying to act fatherly and disipline him .he would get...u are not my father so dont tell me what to do. do i want to put any man through that...NO. would i want to choose between a man and my son ....NO. there can never be a choice. when i became mum, that was my choice. ...............i have now somewhat solved my problem and can have a serious relationship. i got a camper. which i park outside the house or up the road near a lake. i meet people in my camper, sleep over, etc. away from my kids...trouble is.the kids keep joining me . | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 10/25/2009 11:30:30 AM | | I'm 53 with a 12 year old son.He is a really good and respectful kid. None of my friends have kids that young, but they don't mind having him around.Same goes for the men I have dated, it has never been an issue.I would stay away from any man that felt kids were a problem. To the jack azz that wrote the last post....any women that would even consider a one night stand with you needs to give her head a shake! | |
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as opposed to those that state that it would be an ideal situation, especially for men who are older parents themselves, or truly enjoy having kids around.
