Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Unconventional relationship vs the 'norm'.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Unconventional relationship vs the 'norm'. Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I hear that Unconventional is going to be the new Normal.
I guess the definition of normal is a couple that live together, and other relationships fall into the category of FWB. I don't think that is fair. Just because a couple decides not to live together should not be a reflection on how serious they take the relationship.
A good friend of mine, was happily involved with a guy for 8 years, living apart, then they decided to live together, it lasted less than 2 years. They enjoyed each others company, got along well, went places and did things together, just couldn't live with each other. They were both busy people, who were used to living alone, and were unable to deal with having somebody around on a full time basis. They are still good friends but otherwise involved as far as partners go. She now lives with her present boyfriend, but he works away from home for months at a time. Don't know if there really is much difference.
I think the term FWB cheapens many happy, successful relationships.
 nickphilosoph
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 27
Unconventional relationship vs the 'norm'.
Posted: 3/15/2008 2:02:56 AM
re the Opost
"...I guess my question is to all the POF'ers here is having 'unconventional relationships with another person more acceptable by today's standards or do men and women really want to be in a long term relationship with just one person?..."

As posed, the answer to that question is a for sure YES, it is more acceptable, much more actually, by today's standards.

And as another poster specified, when two people who have sex spend time together outside sex as well (movies, etc), then it is called FwBs (if it is just sex, then it is called f..k buddies).

Who says that humans come in couples? They are not shoes!!!

PS. Philosophical: And those who like to throw the slogan "I do not like sharing", oh well, then in principle, they can date Robinson Crusoe (and share the same island but be surely "exclusive")!!!! lol

PS2. Some people say they want exclusivity and then cheat, some say they want freedom but choose not to exercise the option to have more than one lover. Philosophically and ethically, I prefer the latter!



 Jayderaven
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Unconventional relationship vs the 'norm'.
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:48:15 AM

Nope, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. I am not the easiest lady to deal with, and for those who think Meathead is a sh*thead...I can be very difficult to deal with...and I'm sure on more than one occassion I've pissed him off. I think the fact we seem to just be coasting ( in varying degrees) does irk me, and I should say something, but I'm afraid to. Yep, I said it, fear is keeping me from asking him a lot of things.


You know, sometimes fear keeps us from moving forward and when something happens that forces our hand one way or the other, we're surprised to learn that what we feared would come simply isn't the outcome. IOW, we feared for nothing.

I had a quite lovely FWB relationship with a friend of 20+ years. At the time, I thought I might want more, but was afraid to push forward with that with him because we'd agreed to a FWB nothing more. So I didn't. Then I got involved with someone else and we ended the "WB" part... and I came to learn that he was devastated - why? Because he wanted a more conventional relationship with me.

He was much as you describe your friend - bullheaded, a bit of an ***hole at times, standoffish, but very loving, affectionate and caring when alone with me. We're still good friends - and I know that if I ever called him or needed him, he'd be there in a second.

Just something to think about for your situation.

Good luck!
 mz taken
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Unconventional relationship vs the 'norm'.
Posted: 3/15/2008 9:12:12 AM
the advice I stand behind the most and that I never can offer enough is : NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING. and SAY IT OUT LOUD.

if you really don't know how he feels--ASK him, ask him what he considers your relationship to be, if he labeled it, what would he call it? tell him to be upfront and honest and be prepared for whatever answer you get.
when you two really discuss what both your expectations or goals are for the two of you--or LACK of, then it's out in the open and you both can decide to let it go or work with it.
it's all about choice.

he has a fwb with you, you have to decide if you are really ok with that or are just hanging on in hopes of turning this the way you'd prefer, but remember--just hoping and wishing this into a bf/gf situation isn't going to make it so.
ask him.
 Guy Named Ray
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 30
Unconventional relationship vs the 'norm'.
Posted: 3/15/2008 10:38:39 AM
Quotes from the movie Peaceful Warrior

Socrates: Everyone wants to tell you what to do and what's good for you. They don't want you to find your own answers, they want you to believe theirs.
Dan Millman: Let me guess, and you want me to believe yours.
Socrates: No, I want you to stop gathering information from the outside and start gathering it from the inside.
 ldytrkr
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Unconventional relationship vs the 'norm'.
Posted: 3/15/2008 11:59:10 AM
Normal is in the eye of the beholder. What may be normal to some would be abnormal to others. I have had fwb's and enjoyed the company and companionship. It is a personal choice and not something that you should have others choose for you. I agree with other posters that if you are wanting something more then you need to sit your friend down and have a open, honest talk with him. You say you are not the easiest person to get along with, I can relate with you there, neither am I. LOL I have found that my independent self has put some men off. They seem to be looking for a china doll that needs to be taken care of and thats just not me. Ok that was off subject but you do what you feel you need to do and dont worry what others think.
 Mary12465
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 32
Unconventional relationship vs the 'norm'.
Posted: 3/17/2008 5:35:47 AM
In asking these questions, I've had to stop and take a hard look at my own unconventional relationship. I guess there is no real simple answer to it, but at least now, thanks to all the great posters here, I have some thinking to do. I'm not asking people to like or accept my circumstances, but it appears that many people are choosing alternate relationships than exclusivity.

Though Meathead and I have do not have an exclusivity clause in our relationship, he is bascially the only man I've chosen to be with for months. He's made mention at one point he wasn't seeing anyone else either, but even if he was I really couldn't be mad about that fact because we aren't a conventional 'couple'. Again, the dynamics of a FWB, at times mirror's the conventional, yet it allows for some freedoms that the typical monogamous relationship does not...by moral standards of some, but clearly not all.

Again, thanks to everyone whose had something to share. I appreciate the time and thoughtfulness each person took in replying.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 33
Unconventional relationship vs the 'norm'.
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:39:51 AM


Socrates: Everyone wants to tell you what to do and what's good for you. They don't want you to find your own answers, they want you to believe theirs.
Dan Millman: Let me guess, and you want me to believe yours.
Socrates: No, I want you to stop gathering information from the outside and start gathering it from the inside.


Good one! But Socrates does give the answers later in the movie. What does he say about getting what you want and happiness?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Unconventional relationship vs the 'norm'.