| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:01:01 AM | Mrwrong wrote:
>> if you are nice to her..she will ALWAYS ALWAYS reject you. All yo uhave to do is look at any of the nice guys threads, youll see how nice men are treated>>
But again, I have to ask what type of women are they choosing? I would never reject a nice guy provided there was some chemistry. The only men I've dated for any length of time were the nice ones, or at least the ones who portrayed themselves at being the nice guy.
Also, it's a matter of perspective. Someone can say they're a nice person and that doesn't mean they are. For instance, I dated someone who I truly believed was a great guy and all the while, he was taking my money, cheating on me and lying to me about anything and everything. Men think he's a great guy.... real nice and helpful. But among women, he has quite a reputation. I'm just glad I found out quickly, but he was gifted at hiding it from me. And even afterward, he still claimed he was a nice guy.
No one really knows unless they are behind those closed doors. "Nice" is subjective.
Sharzi | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/26/2008 3:35:38 PM | | I disagree. I think you either feel it or don't. But I guess everyones different. There has to be some initial chemistry, sexual attraction or whatever to get a second date. Its probably a nice way of saying I'm not attracted to you. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/26/2008 4:05:35 PM | Ready to go
are your pics on your profile recent ??? i have rejected almost every man I have met on here due to the fact that the pics that were on their profile were anywhere from 10 to 20 years old. When we met face to face they were nothing like their pic. much older, heavier, and so on. It was an immediate turn off that they were being so decietful. I lost all respect for them immediately. I have also met a few guys that did look like their pics, but once I met them I did not like their personality, or some of their beliefs so I became uninterested. There just has to be some kind of chemistry for women, just one of those crazy things ya know !!! there has to be a little spark, twinge, or a little butterfly. Guess its just how god made us . lol | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:17:08 PM | after reading ur history OP... I dont think its 'spark' or chemistry that is scaring them off.. its.. quite simply... u.
they see ur photo. unless u look ten times different then that.. i cant see too much problem there.. i think some of the women seriously meant there was no spark.. but its mostly i would say how u talk...
ur posts are very bitter, bitter about women.. how many have rejected u, how hopeless u are... etc etc etc.. im willing to bet u go on a date and inject a bit of that attitude.. and thats a major turn off for most ppl.. plus.. ever heard of the term or attitude of..
'self fullfilling prophecy' ???
ur half convinced before u meet these women it wont work out.. so why would it.. i mean women only dump on ur ass right?
change the attitude.. even the ugliest of men get women.. at the end of the day looks mean something but soooooo does attitude and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/26/2008 10:15:33 PM | ^^^
even the ugliest of men get women ...just look at me....I'm kick-ass dude! LOL
Love that movie. But she is right. Attitude and the way you carry and handle yourself in a lady's presence is EVERYTHING. Looks only get her to stop and check you out. There has to be some substance, and the "woe is me" attitude cannot be camoflaged as substance. It's weighing you down. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:12:08 PM | Deuce98 , I want to take you home with me. You always speak the truth. Gentlemen, all you need to know to attract a woman is quoted below. It's not that complex. And please don't ask us to rate your appearance on the first date. Don't ask if we like you. Stop being so openly insecure. Stopppppppp.
Attitude and the way you carry and handle yourself in a lady's presence is EVERYTHING. Looks only get her to stop and check you out. There has to be some substance, and the "woe is me" attitude cannot be camouflaged as substance. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:24:31 PM | even the ugliest of men get women
IMO very few women would date a man that they think is ugly unless he is rich. Maybe YOU think this man is ugly. However the woman that is dating this man thinks that he is attractive or at least okay looking. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:50:56 PM |
In the last three years I have been meeting women, every first date ended nicely. But two days later I'd get the call or e-mail saying "You are a great guy but I didn't feel the spark. Good luck
At least you got a call or even a simple email saying their not interested.
Forgive me for saying so but there is absolutely no way you can feel a spark with someone on the first date unless you have a buildup of static electricity. Like striking a match to get it to light, it might take a few dates before the spark can be found.
I couldn't agree more, a couple of hours even at that is not a way to know much about a person. People tend to want things right away and write things off before you actually know a person.
You don't know anything about the other person after one date. There is still a lot to learn before you can determine whether they are good enough to continue.
I can learn fairly quick about a person in a few hours just by talking and asking questions. I can not make any decisions based from a those few hours, unless the date went completely horrible. Although, you have to take into consideration the other how the other person is feeling about it. Things sometimes just don't work out and you move on. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 4/1/2008 6:28:36 AM | Northeast,
I don't think I'm all that attractive. I'm a bit overweight also. But most of the women I've dated in the past year, and before my marriage to a beautiful girl, were gorgeous. I'm not talking diamond in the rough gorgeous. I'm talking about the hottie in the club that most guys drool over. It has happened a few times where I'll be talking to a girl in a bar and a group of guys will be watching, and as soon as either I leave the conversation or she does for whatever reason they stop me someplace to ask how I do it. It's personality/charm/charisma or whatever you want to call it. I'm confident, funny, and can carry a conversation about nearly any topic and not get offensive/defensive on the matter. I know how to treat a lady without coming across as overbearing or wimpy. I don't drop a billion compliments and rant and rave about how hot she is. I treat her like any other girl, and I think often times that is the kiss of death for many men. Most women, no matter how good looking or how great a body they have, think there is something wrong with them and they are not at pretty or sexy as others perceive. They see the flaws. I know I see mine. I dont' let it get me down but I know they exist. But I think where a lot of guys go wrong is in treating the woman like a goddess right off the bat when she doesn't necessarily feel that way and it weirds her out. Perhaps she wants to feel "normal" and not like some sideshow freak, albeit the pretty, kissing booth type of freak! You know, the daughter of the dog-faced man and the bearded lady with the pretty face and the knockout body that just doesn't belong! LOL
Physical attraction is only a small part of the equation, and beyond the initial glance a person can be REALLY attracted to someone as a whole even if they don't find them physically attractive to begin with. Women see the whole much better than men do though, I think.
EDITPOST:
And for those of you who say you can't feel sparks within the first date I think you need to open up your eyes and your minds. THAT or you just don't have what it takes to attract the women you are seeking and your game needs some tweaking. Sparks are just a fancy word for attraction. Like moths to a flame, we are attracted to the opposite sex and it's those tingles that create that curiosity. If you are going on one or three dates and not feeling anything for that person other than a general curiosity to get to know them a bit better I think you are in the wrong arena, or you are looking at the wrong women. Hell, the only reason I ask a women I just met out for coffee or a drink is because I feel a spark! I just don't spot a pretty girl and go ask her out. I might make the effort to walk by her, make eye contact, smile, and maybe say hi and see what she has to say. THAT is when the spark should or shouldn't be felt. Right at that initial meeting. The person should move you somewhat, be it with their mind, body, or soul. They should elicit a feeling inside you that says "must learn more...must see more". If you aren't feeling that spark I think you need to take a step back and assess what it is you truly want and if you are even emotionally available to date. For psychologically speaking that spark is a basic human tendency within all of us. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:39:28 AM | | If people were being honest, most people "know" within the first 15 min of meeting someone. There are a million reasons why someone might not want a second date and "lack of spark" is just one of them. Are you honestly suggesting that everyone is required to go out on a minimum of 2 or 3 dates before making a decision about someone?? I'm glad you have that kind of time. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:44:46 AM | Thank you for your post, Jackal.
I DO know within minutes of meeting someone if I'm interested in them or not.
When I tell people this, they look at me like I have 2 heads.......
I'm not a snob, but know what I want, and am willing to wait. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:11:23 AM | I don't think I'm all that attractive. I'm a bit overweight also. But most of the women I've dated in the past year, and before my marriage to a beautiful girl, were gorgeous.
I'm not saying a man must be great looking in order to date an attractive woman. An average looking man could date some attractive women because of his personality. However I still think most women wouldn't date a man that they think is ugly.
If people were being honest, most people "know" within the first 15 min of meeting someone.
This certainly doesn't apply to me. The only thing I could figure out that quickly is pure physical attraction and any obvious dealbreakers. If I wasn't physically attracted to a woman that I went out with once, that would often be because she wasn't honest about her physical appearance.
It is possible to have sparks on the first date. But I wouldn't make a decision about a person based on the presence of sparks on the 1st date. There were times when there wasn't any sparks on the first date. But there was sparks on the 2nd or 3rd date because we knew each other better or one / both people were more comfortable and less nervous / shy. There were other times when there was sparks on the first date. But I had lost interest in a woman by the end of the 2nd or 3rd date when I was realized that we simply weren't compatible with each other. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:35:40 PM | I agree with jackal too. I've been on a ton of first dates and I know within the first few minutes if there's a "spark" or not. I almost hate to use that word b/c there ar many reasons I have not been interested in someone (bad breath, don't look like their pic--age, weight, lack of hair, missing teeth, they're arrogant, boring, whatever)...the easy thing to say is that you don't feel a spark. It's often better than telling them you prefer men with all of their teeth, ya know??
I may not always know for sure if there is a spark, but I am very sure when there isn't ever going to be one. Why would I waste my time going on a scond date with someone I know I am not interested in? That's dumb.
It's the nature of dating, you have to have a thick skin. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:53:39 AM | Ohhhhh GOSH yet another I am a nice guy and women won't date me because of that thread........
Geez, if a person is NOT having success in the field of dating over and over and over AND OVER, it is because of something they are doing... SORRY, but that is a fact of life...
Someone posted he isn't the hottest guy but he gets lots of ladies, and beautiful ones to boot... IT IS because he has a positive attitude, and doesn't seem to FEEL they rejected him, but rather LOST out on NOT getting to know him... He likes himself, and enjoys who he is as a person...
He understands being sickeningly sweet makes a girl wonder exactly what agenda the guy is running...Axe murder, stalker, pediphil, that list of concerns goes on...
Just dealt with that very thing with a guy... He was sickenly sweet at very first, flattered me for just taking a breath in his presence...However I was TRYING SO HARD TO GIVE THE "NICE GUY" a chance... Then he wanted to push the sex envelop, as though I had NO CHOICE simply because I flirted with him... GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!! I said sorry not ready to go there, and he ran whimpering to his corner of his mommy and daddies house whinning I rejected him like all the other women... That I basically had absolutely NO RIGHT to say lets slow things down... AFTER ALL I was NOT READY to put out on a third date...
Nice guy... Then he threw in my face all the NICE THINGS HE DID FOR ME and how I didn't appreciate him for all of these nice things...
UMMMM after saying that NO I didn't appreciate them simply because he wasn't doing them to be a nice guy, but rather felt he was to get a BIG pay off for his NICENESS...
This guys issue? He wanted to force a relationship, when real relationships DO take time to spark as it has been posted... IF a person is NOT interested in things taking time THEY AREN'T being nice...
Remember being someones friend is NOT a fatal place to be... She just may have some friends that think you are the greatest things since the invention of the wheel... However if you have a negative attitude and insist that women are NOT nice simply because they aren't into you right off...Dating will be a disgusting experience for you... | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/7/2008 3:47:56 PM | Wishful thinking. I think it is instant love or never-anything-at-all.
Sure I'd love if girls gave me my chance too but they just do not. Wanting to change that is pure ideology. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:47:50 PM |
Geez, if a person is NOT having success in the field of dating over and over and over AND OVER, it is because of something they are doing... SORRY, but that is a fact of life...
I don't think that this is always true especially on internet dating. Some people have bad luck. Sometimes 2 people can have great email / phone conversations, but there is no connection when they meet in person. Some people can have a bunch of dates with people who are rude, dishonest about their appearance, or have unrealistic expectations. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:23:12 PM | I'd have to disagree...I know during the first meeting if I'm ever going to want to sleep with a person. Sometimes I know I never will- so why keep dating and waste the guy's time?
It's not a looks thing, just a chemistry thing. | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 243 | |
| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:54:58 PM | I DO know within minutes of meeting someone if I'm interested in them or not.
Unless a man is unattractive or there are any obvious "red flags" about him, then how could you ( or anyone else ) figure out if you are interested in a man that quickly. IMO that is why many people are single. They would turn down a person that could be a good match for them just because there wasn't instant chemistry. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:07:18 PM | | Sheeks! how awful if youv been on lots of first dates then get rejected every time and you come down to the fact its something you are doing wrong! what do you do? If your totally being yourself, warts and all, then whats the answer? If you change things about yourself your not being yourself then are you? Iv had a few crappy dates and the ones that have been bad are usually when iv not really known them before iv met them. it seems to flow a lot easier when the date isn't a stranger and youv met previously in a setting with friends or youve met them through friends, so you at least have some common ground. I find dates can be like job interviews if you dont know them, you find yourself searching for common ground and they are really hard going! The best things about them are when you re-tell the story with your mates the next day . | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:08:59 PM |
I DO know within minutes of meeting someone if I'm interested in them or not.
Unless a man is unattractive or there are any obvious "red flags" about him, then how could you ( or anyone else ) figure out if you are interested in a man that quickly. IMO that is why many people are single. They would turn down a person that could be a good match for them just because there wasn't instant chemistry.
I agree. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:08:04 PM | | i think what u say is very true nobody can really tell if there are a match after 1 date, ive had that experience both ways,takes time to get to know some 1 , but i would say on a first date i would,nt call it a spark of love , but to find them attractive is good enough reason to date a second time | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:15:49 PM |
It's ridiculous. I had to vent. And now that is done and I'll be departing POF in a week.
Well, it's been 6 weeks since you wrote this and you're still here. So?
Five minutes is plenty of time to know if you feel anything or not. One entire date is more than enough. Either that, or there's something wrong with YOU where women just don't want to go out with you more than once. Have you considered that? The women aren't the constant in all of this - you are. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:37:43 PM | | Why leave you never know, you could get a response just by venting on the forum. You got a date, I think that is nice. I go for soo many job interviews and don't get the job because "they say" they had a stronger candidate. I have 2 job interviews tomorrow, one of them surely I have to get...It's the same as this site, everyone should not feel rejection, just the "spark not there". Life is the luck of the game. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:54:05 PM | Ok wait a second. I didn't read all of these, but I did read enough.
It's unfair to decide not to see someone after the first date?
If I don't pass the first job interview they aren't going to make me CEO. If they did, don't invest your money in it. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:05:00 PM | LOL.. I have often put off a first meeting for quite awhile as I did not feel a 'spark' in just chatting. When I have finally agreed to a first meeting.. some I put off didn't care for a second meeting.
Talk about rejection! LOL.. it is all about being who you are and what you want.
I never feel rejected as I feel we were just not right for each other.
People put too much emphasis on what they think others want and not enough on what they want. | |
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