| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:29:57 PM | Sorry to hear how sad women have been to you these da-years...
Find a nice restaurant with carpeting, take your shoes off, shuffle your socked feet across the floor, zing your next date, say "There!", and then leave. They probably won't contact you to tell you they felt no spark - though they probably won't contact you again altogether, unless they have a zany sense of humor.
Sounds like these women you've been meeting were mainly just horny - they wanted you to communicate through equivocacy (and eye-flirt, physical contact, etc.) that you'd do them like a dog and make em like it - that feeling is translation for "spark". Chances are you were too formal, respectful and "nice" for them - even if that's who you really are, law of probability suggests those particular women think all men lie, cheat, are scum, and that you in fact were/are being spurious with your honest kindness. They're really blowing you off with "I think you're a great guy, but I can't see myself sleeping with you because you're a great guy".
If you try again, switch your personality - try pushing your boundaries a little toward "opinionated jerkwad" (just try not directing any of those opinions toward them - you want to be hypocrisy-friendly), and don't worry about cussing in front of a lady - those drive most women wild in moderation.
After all, isn't the point of being on here to meet new people and have fun? Uhm, sorry geminigypsy, but that's not the point - some people genuinely look for long-term relationship, companionship, and even "the one". As per the selection list here of what you're looking for, you can choose "Hang Out", "Talk/E-mail", "Long-term", "Dating", "Friends", "Intimate Encounter", "Activity Partner", or (any) "Other Retaliationship" ( )... Despite it being a supposed guide to help the right (minded) people connect, and everything being incredibly open for interpretation (2 weeks is "long-term" these days) ("friends" easily mistaken for "odious backstabbers") ("Hang Out" possibly meaning "Someone to take the fall on a drug bust") ("Felonious" could prefix "Activity Partner", and so on), nowhere do I see "Fun" - though so many gals include the even more ambiguous term in their description, that it should certainly be a choice. I'm personally awaiting "jaded jezebel" to make the roster so that I may at least find someone honest.  (My sarcasm's on Broil tonight.)
Good luck ReadyToGo75 - I feel for ya.
- Excog. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:41:54 PM | You said there was no way you could tell with just one date if there was not spark. I agree that sometimes it's possible to have a spark come later, but there are going to be plenty of times when you can tell that you would never be interested in someone. There are tonnes of people I can tell even with a picture or their profile that I'm not going to be interested. There are times when I can tell I won't get along with someone even on the phone. There are times when I meet someone (male or female) and I can get a mean, or creepy, or evil vibe from them, and I won't want to be around that person for more than 5 minutes. If someone's values are completely different from mine, that can come out in a first date. If someone says something racist, I can tell immediately I will never be interested. If someone has a weird odour that I can't stand or smells like cigarette smoke, I'll be able to tell it's never going to happen...I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.
I'm of the expectation that only a small percentage of men will attract my attention, and of those, an even smaller subset that I'll have a "spark" with, so don't get all down. Just try to adjust your expectations of how many matches you're going to make. Best wishes. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:43:18 PM | im so sorry you'll be departing but the truth is they just dont fancy you!!! that's the bottom line ...........ive had it maybe not on line............. but face toface it always tells a different story i have had dates when the online connection is very strong......only to find.........well........ it has to do with.........yeah the spark.........the bottom line weather you can see yourself ............kissing them......or indeed .........sh***ING them all in all it's about physical attraction
dont beat yourself up about it this goes with the territory of on line dating.....and all in all of dating all together its all about chemistry and dont let anyone tell you different.....so the chemistry wasnt there............move on .......there will be someome you will click with.........although dont keep it for online throw your net further afield as in face to face in a nightclub or pub!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!sorry to be blunt but its just the way it goes esp with online dating .................life is like a box of chocs..... you never know what you are gonna get !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:03:28 PM | Come on guy, I know if I have any interest in a woman in 5 seconds of meeting her, and the same for the women about her interest in me. It never fails that the disinterest is mutual, and the same for the interest.
Also I know a fair amount about her before meeting. I pay attention to what she writes or says if their is a phone conversation. In fact, I often know that it isn't going to work before meeting, but I make the meet anyway just for the experience.
I think it'd be a good idea if a lot of people here could develop a looser or less uptight attitude about meeting the opposite sex. I think too many of you have unreasonable expectations.
The Eagle | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:07:19 PM | hey ready to go75
can i be blunt ...............think i have anwered this already ..........prehaps the spelling is not there but i will have to be honest ................ i dont want a big brother or an advisor i want to look at s0meone and go phoarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr that'll do for me
its all about chemistry attraction and weather you can see your self kissing them as in french or indeed taking them to bed..................but rest assured most woman want that...................reguards of what they might say!!!!!most women are looking for the happily ever after.............................yeah yeah just e-mail me other wise ive read all the profiles JUST LOOKING FOR FRIENDS AS IF  MOST WOMEN are looking for someone to sweep them off thier feet..................tell them there the only one????????????oh please give a break guys...............will always look for whats on the next page..............for something better..................its all a case of biology ......pure and simple women put tooooooo much emphasis on the romance of it alll when it really is a case of SEX   enjoy what's out ther e | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:18:50 PM | OP: consider this. You may be doing something that is consistently turning women off. Here is a suggestion. Be open to a woman you dated giving you honest feedback about why she doesn't want to date you again. Maybe one of your recent dates, if you are still in touch.
I did this with one guy who I really liked on email. But when we met, there were just so many little things that bugged me. I knew he was a great, sweet guy, and a super catch for another woman, but I couldn't get away fast enough. After I told him I wasn't interested (a day or so after the date), I asked him if he wanted a few tips. Fortunately, he was open, and I gave them to him. Just some socially awkward things that were easy to fix. He thanked me profusely.
Well, within a week of that conversation, he had met a great woman, and they really clicked! He removed his profile and pursued this relationship, thanking me again. I hope they are still happy. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:27:53 PM | | I had an experience where I talked to a guy every day for almost 2 weeks . We feel good enough about each other to go out for dinner. The date is the best i have had in POF. Before we say goodnight he immediately says that he wants to see me again. We had just talked and laughed for 4 hours. Then he kisses me goodnight. I assume that i will hear from him soon and that we will go out again. Obviously i am very interested in doing so. After a few days i email him to say that i had wondered where he went and that i missed the daily contact we had. He said that he had a great time but i wasn't the "perfect connection" he was looking for. I think if they are not sure if they want to see you again, they shouldn't mention it at the end of the date. I thought the second date was a matter of when , not if. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:31:37 PM | mmm mmmmmm ok so they didnt want to see you again??? your offf then???? it all comes down to chemisrty................ bottom line.........friends first..............doesnt work there has to be some kind of spark whether it...................jesus i could rip your pants off here and now or just wish you could just take you to bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but you cant blame men for that....................i t its in in the genes..............morally or not men dont see it that way girls love and sex are too different things!!!!!! sex its just a way of getting it off there is no love involved..............women see it as .............omg he doesnt love any more.................he shagged someone else..............he probably loves you more its just a physical thing with men.;..............its biological............and dont get me me wrong ive had it done to me.................the thrill of the chase is too much~~ for men as well as women so above all stay safe..................guys and gals........anyone got a rucksack i can borrow>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:35:12 PM | I agree msfitness..
Unless i am totally turned off on the first date I like to give it a second one.
Sometimes it takes more than one date to feel any chemistry. Some say it's there or it isn't but when you get older you like to give it that second chance and who knows it could turn into love, like it did with me.
I have also given it that second or third date only to find out the first date or two was a put on, the guy wasn't really what he had me believe.
Then there is the date that has chemistry from the first meeting.
Those often end as fast as they start. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:35:28 PM |
In the last three years I have been meeting women, every first date ended nicely.
AND when you put that shoe on YOUR foot, how many women have you REJECTED after the 'first date', when you didn't feel that SPARK ?
geeeeeeeeeeeeeshhhhh
It is so easy to take these situations out of context,
WHEN SOMEONE DOESN'T GET THEIR OWN WAY !
ps I vented too. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:02:16 PM | | I would like to recommend you read the book "Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking" by Malcolm Gladwell. It will change you mind about how long it takes to make an informed decision. It also explains how and why speed dating works. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:09:23 PM |
I had an experience where I talked to a guy every day for almost 2 weeks . We feel good enough about each other to go out for dinner. The date is the best i have had in POF. Before we say goodnight he immediately says that he wants to see me again. We had just talked and laughed for 4 hours. Then he kisses me goodnight. I assume that i will hear from him soon and that we will go out again. Obviously i am very interested in doing so. After a few days i email him to say that i had wondered where he went and that i missed the daily contact we had. He said that he had a great time but i wasn't the "perfect connection" he was looking for. I think if they are not sure if they want to see you again, they shouldn't mention it at the end of the date. I thought the second date was a matter of when , not if.
I had something similar happen except she just got int her car and drove off in the middle of the date when we were going to get food. Go fig... | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:21:44 PM | {quote]Come on guy, I know if I have any interest in a woman in 5 seconds of meeting her, and the same for the women about her interest in me.
Absolutely right. I can tell if I'm going to like ANYBODY the first time I meet them. That's part of being human and using your intuition.
If you go out on one date and they aren't interested, consider yourself lucky that it didn't take them 6 months to make that decision. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:26:00 PM | | I think that is one of the inherent problems with online dating. The anticipation and excitement of being around a person takes time to build. Traditionally, you would be around someone on a regular basis, build a desire for them, then take the chance of asking them out and hoping they say yes (remember high school?). That fear of rejection, nervousness and subsequent joy when the person agrees to go out with you feeds your attraction for the person. With online dating, that is all avoided. You don't really know someone until you meet and likely have low expectations for the first meeting. Furthermore, there is very little fear of rejection, as if they were completely uninterested they would not have emailed you. So, when you meet the person and don't feel those traditional emotions which would normally be interpreted as "sparks" it is easy to put them aside. The key that I find is to be aware of this phenomenon and go into a date anticipating that it will take a few times before you will feel this anticipation. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:33:20 PM | I'm with you Bud'
you are wasting your time.
I'll tell you where to meet some nice woman- the library, or a coffee shoppe.
Forget this dating site- its just a laugh.
Make some female friends somehow- then they will introduce you to their glamerous girlfriends.
don't waste your time trying to impress woman on first dates-
JIllycan
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:36:12 PM | The "spark" a/k/a "connection" a/k/a "chemistry" is not BS in my opinion. Like other posters above have stated, there IS a feeling (call it what you will)..maybe a first impression... when you first meet someone. If there's not a bit of "Man, he's great. I can't wait to learn more about him"...or "What a sweet smile he has"....some kind of gut level attraction. It's either there or it isn't.
I'm not saying you can't change a first impression, but it's sometimes tough. A long-term relationship (which is what I'm seeking) is enough work even if there is amazing chemistry from the get go. If you have to strain or work at building an attraction, I think it will take even greater effort on down the road.
It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you OP, it just means it wasn't a good fit. When you find that person with whom you feel that chemistry/spark and she feels the same, you won't think it's ridiculous. It just takes time....and a lot of fishing. 
Rose Mary | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:37:57 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^ You are 100% correct in my opinion
ReadytoGo - I GOTTA ask you - are you giving this bitter vibe when you first meet someone? Perhaps you are not, but when I meet someone and they start telling me how rotten their last girlfriend was or how all women are shallow money grubbing gold diggers, that sends me packing.
Think carefully -what do your first conversations consist of? Do you swap stories about how miserable your ex was? How all people are phony and people are liars? Or do you talk about stuff you like to do, movies you like, etc.?
Meeting someone for the first time is brutal, and most of the time there probably won't be a connection - it happens, and when nothing is there it hurts, I think most of us are looking for "someone" | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:38:38 PM | | Sorry to hear. Bottom line is, we all need to get away from the computer!! Be a good Man at all times, and you will fine your woman. Good Luck. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:41:18 PM | Ok here is my take on this, always treat the first meet as , meeting a new friend...not Mr. or Mrs Right. Also meet in a relaxed casual setting...meeting new peeps is exciting enough. Even if the sparks did not fly...you at least made a new friend.  | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:48:22 PM | | I'd like to have a first date to find out.....this is my second profile here and have never even had a first date. good luck to everyone | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:00:38 PM | @ready to go...I can understand what you are saying. I just dont do it for many guys either and that ok by me, just means theyre not for me....next.
you said>>>"What is a physical attraction spark? "Just touching someone on their arm during the conversation?
for me its about his eyes and his smile...that does it for me everytime. its the way he looks at me...and how he smiles at me... that just makes you melt...makes you go....mmmmmmmmmm....nice. have you never seen a woman and go wow....and drift off for a minute? well, thats kinda what I look for, that kind of connection.
hope this helped you some. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:12:22 PM |
I'll tell you where to meet some nice woman- the library, or a coffee shoppe.
OH, so very true!!! When you meet someone at these places... Guess what, You're already ON your first date! Talking, spending time.... When you ask,"Can we get together again?" There's date #2.
(Just stay clear of the self help isle... You never know what evil learks) | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:21:18 PM |
Forgive me for saying so but there is absolutely no way you can feel a spark with someone on the first date unless you have a buildup of static electricity. Like striking a match to get it to light, it might take a few dates before the spark can be found.
You don't know anything about the other person after one date. There is still a lot to learn before you can determine whether they are good enough to continue.
Finally a man with a sensible point of view. It's refreshing.
Yes there are many men and women who are immature and still believe the fairy tales that they read as children and the hype fed to them by Hollywood movies. If I see a profile that says "let's meet to see if there is chemistry", I click and move on to the next one as it is clear that this person has unrealistic expectations and not a clue about how to begin a relationship of substance and depth.
Don't let it get to you. Go through the profiles carefully and try to get a sense of what the women are expecting. Maybe even bring this topic up before you meet and if you sense that they are after some childish fantasy, don't even waste your time meeting them. Good luck. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:31:46 PM | I don't believe in the whole "chemistry/spark" thing, but I know after, or usually halfway through, a first date if I want to see the guy again.
I can't expain it, but it isn't all physical as some people have said. I just know I have never, ever decided not to see a guy a second time & wished I had.
On the other hand, I have gone against that instinct, seen the guy again & wished I hadn't.
Whatever you call it, for me at least, it seems to work.
Hang in, OP, there is a woman who will feel the second date whatever it is that makes her feel a second date.
Girls are hard. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/15/2008 2:26:26 AM | I totally agree.... It would be great if everyone had a 3 date rule!
Honestly, I have gotten the ICK factor on a 1st date... and I'm not gonna tell someone YOU gave me the ICK factor... it's easier to say I felt a friend connection.
Don't depart POF just because you've had a string of 1st dates... you have to keep on keepen on.... I read an article that if you're serious about finding love you have to attack it the same way you would finding a job! (Let me tell ya finding a great job is a biatch....!!!) LOL | |
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