| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 12:03:32 PM | | I agree with msfitness, Negativity is not attractive on both sides. Confidence in one self is huge. You did receive good responses. Maybe you are just coming off as to serious. relax, joke around, maybe you are just to stiff and expecting rejection. Loosen up a little. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 12:03:49 PM | | Don't be so hard on yourself here.....Sometimes things just don't work out after a first date. And maybe u should consider trying to find the dates out of the internet dating sites. I have and I have met so many nice people.....friends of friends of friends kind of thing. I have tried to date on this site and I wasn't impressed with one of my first dates either. The spark was not there for me at all. Sometimes u can tell just by talking and spending some time together. There doesn't have to be a second or third date to find that out. Heck one of the guys expected me to drive to his house, which was 2 hours away and I wasn't willing to do that. He wasn't willing to meet halfway, either. Very selfish on his part and when I told him so I got called everything but a white woman. So....in all honesty, I haven't had much luck on these dating sites either. I like POF because it is free and I am not about to pay to join a site to meet all these phoney people. Too may do hide behind this monitor and can tell u anything they want u to believe. Like I said...I have met more people out on my own and have had dates with some very sincere and honest guys. You sound pretty sincere and honest.....why not try it out and see if it works for u? Some of the nicer ones are not on these dating sites posing as someone else to get a date. Try it out on your own for awhile.....I'll bet u will have better luck. Just a suggestion.......Good luck to you! | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 12:33:19 PM | Zippy,
give me a break. The idea women date to get a free meal is high school mentality. Women are not going on a dating site because they are starving and many would go for coffee on the very first date,rather than spend an hour trapped with someone that is crazy, disgusting or simply unattractive to get a meal. My guess is they just don't feel attracted to OP in person. It happens. The best way to minimize this sort of thing is to post the most current picture you have and keep updating it. If you post a picture from when you had a full head of hair and are now bald or have gained 100 lbs., do you seriously epect someone attracted to that picture will find you appealing now? I met a man on this site that posted pictures where he looks extremely handsome. He showed up at my door and still had a cute face but weighed three times the size he was in his picture. He had fat tags that covered the chain he wore around his neck! He also called himself a few extra pounds. If you lie in your add, why should a woman give you the courtesy of even bothering to tell you there is not spark/chemistry/attraction(is the same danged thing)? That does not mean they were after a free meal! On he other hand, what if you get there and are interested but have left your wallet home? I once dated a guy that prompted me to get a sandwich with coffee but left me alone at the register to go to the bathroom before I took him up on it. I paid for it but the ploy was obvious and rude so I never dated him again. Is that what you would want if you get there and like the woman? Then go ahead and leave the wallet home. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 1:15:07 PM | OP: At least you got the courtesy of a notice. It's far more common to have communication just stop abruptly these days when someone decides they're not interested. Very rude and classless! Supposedly by this age we're all supposed to be mature adults. I'd much rather receive a polite "no thanks" than the you're not even worth a reply tactic.
Sorry to hear about your misfortune. Don't give up. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 1:36:41 PM | | hehe...the famous 'spark' . Alot of people have narrowed their horizons so much with this attitude, but still expect love to be written in the stars. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 3:09:51 PM | Rejected after the first date?...
Sorry to hear your not having any luck..
But I firmly believe you either like someone or you dont.When you meet them you can have a chat and a laugh.You dont have to like them. It would be rude not to stay there if you didnt like or not get on with them.so you both make an effort.But thats were it would end. If you dont like them for what ever reason. ,you wont go on a second date. And the person is being honest with you. and thats what you want.
thanks but no thanks.
Rather than be messed about for several weeks-months to be told they are not interested.
happy hunting | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 3:18:16 PM | I agree with most of you. I do not feel a spark or connection on a first date ( for the most part...only once did I feel something early on and that was by the third date.)
To play devils advocate, maybe it was not so much a lack of spark as there may have been red flags they saw in you and had no other nivce way of telling you. The other thing is maybe you are meeting women that feel they can only be with "perfect males" and want that imediate spark. If it is red flags, then you need to work on yourself. On the otherhand, you may just need to date more and not worry so much. You might meet someone who has an immediate spark, or is willing to date you for a month or two first. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 3:32:48 PM | Sometimes women and men can tell right away it isn't going to work (grammar issues, etc.) Isn't it better to know sooner rather than later???? We all have deal breakers.
Just look at it this way....every "no" or bad date is one date closer to finding "THE ONE"......Just like cold calling in the business world.....
Another thought, maybe you seem too desperate. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a guy who seems desperate or insecure. Women like confident men (not arrogant men).
You look really attractive in your profile. Change your profile to something more exciting or positive (you seem "mad at the world" in your current profile). It's one thing to express frustration in a forum, but not on your profile.
Obviously, you are still interested in finding "The One"...or you would have deleted yourself already.
Keep trying, you're young and attractive. When you find the right person, you will feel it was all worth it. You have to go through hell to really appreciate heaven. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 3:37:31 PM | You "SPARK" lovers on the first date are going to be forever searching. When you do click with what you feel is the right person for you, you won't necessarily be the right person for him. In addition, if you are into this dating thing for an initial emotional high, then you will never find a lasting relationship because you are looking for the illusion but not the reality of a relationship. You'll go from no spark to spark and it will simply go on. Maybe you will hook up with someone you get that unrealistic spark from, just to find out later that it is no longer there.
Gosh! No wonder some people can't find someone good to be with! What a waste of human effort. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 3:44:29 PM | latinchk, a lot of chicks are users in my experience ladies want equal rights so why should the have to be judged if he doesn't pay??
Answer me that I need to know. I have 7 kids I am not about to start buying lunch for chicks here there and everywhere. Zipp is good with the ladies and knows what he is doing . My wallet thing works everytime..Ya dig??
ALWAYS get a 2nd date and usually sex or at least a bj   | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:43:30 PM | Not knowing what exactly transpired on your date, it's hard to say.
I can tell you this, I pretty much know before the first date if he's "kissable". That part is out of the way.
I can usually tell on the first date if a guy lives his life in a way that makes me want to be a part of it.
Nuff said. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:07:45 PM | Well I have been on this site since last August and I've probably:
Emailed about 100-125 different ladies 
Had about 10-12 short replies, 1 or 2 sentences(about my age) 
Have 1 friend
No first dates yet!!  
Saved a lot of money 
PRICELESS!!!! 
LIFE IS ABOUT UP AND DOWNS!!!
HOPE THIS MAKES EVERYBODY ELSE FEEL THEY ARE NOT THE LONE RANGER OUT THERE!!!!!!!! | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 8:08:28 PM | Whoa! No wonder most folks are disheartened about on-line dating!
People there is such a thing as a spark! Didn't you ever meet someone where both parties sensed something was happening beyond the control of both people? Yes it's an animal attraction that does start with the visual aspect of human nature. But it doesn't stop there. You've got to add a few more ingredients to make the mixture work. And yes it does and can happen on the first date.
My recommendation - if at first you don't succeed - keep trying. And that includes changing your profile - experimenting - being creative.
And when the time comes for that date - make it short and sweet. No dinner - no show - no movie... a simple cup of coffee or drink and set the time limit from the start - at 30 minutes! That sets the stage to protect all parties - no hard feelings and trust me - you do this and you will get more first dates.
For those 30 minutes - if you find the woman attractive and someone you want to see again - give her your undivided attention. Turn off your cell phone - make eye contact - make believe like she is the only woman in the room and above all - make her the center of your conversation. One of two things will happen - 3 hours will go by and it will feel like 30 minutes or if you do get up and leave after 30 minutes - if you followed my script - she will be hounding you for another date!
People come on - this is online dating - there are thousands on here vying for attention.
I've been on this site for about a month and I have been getting responses. But I have been continually working on my profile. Take a look at it to get a sense of what I mean! | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:21:31 PM | zippythehippy writes:
"I have 7 kids I am not about to start buying lunch for chicks here there and everywhere. Zipp is good with the ladies and knows what he is doing . My wallet thing works everytime..Ya dig??
ALWAYS get a 2nd date and usually sex or at least a bj "
WOW!!!! I have no words for this ....seriously? REALLY? you're 26 and you have 7 kids and you have the audacity to use this type of approach so you can get sex or "at least" a bj????
There should be a billboard at every corner warning women about men like you....
Scary, maybe this works in England but I can only hope that us "users" in the US will have enough sense to avoid your type. Your wallet trick, would not get you a second date with me, but then again, your 7 kids (that you know of) at your age would not get you a first date.
I have to give you credit for being honest though. I just don't understand the women who date you.
Cheerio.
Sorry guys didn't mean to go off subject, I just couldn't control myself...   ...K I am done now.
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:13:24 AM |
You "SPARK" lovers on the first date are going to be forever searching.
Exactly.
When you do click with what you feel is the right person for you, you won't necessarily be the right person for him.
Or it may not be a person of character or someone with whom you are compatible. The presence or absence of sparks on a first date means NOTHING. The only thing a first date can tell you is if you have anyting in common and if there are any show stoppers that would make you want to run to the hills screaming EEEEEEK:
Other thatn that, if the person doesn't turn you off physically, why not give it a try fro another date or 2.
In addition, if you are into this dating thing for an initial emotional high, then you will never find a lasting relationship because you are looking for the illusion but not the reality of a relationship. You'll go from no spark to spark and it will simply go on. Maybe you will hook up with someone you get that unrealistic spark from, just to find out later that it is no longer there.
That's right. Very unrealistic and immature. That chemical high doesn't last forever. It grows into something deeper and more meaningful if you let it. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:59:52 AM | So what...Is this really such a big deal? Maybe they felt the conversation didnt flow...Or maybe it was an attraction thing, who knows. Whatever the case, they've given you the consideration by being honest to tell you there was no spark.
The fact you ran and wrote that ridiculous atuff in your profile only proves your immaturity...Perhaps these women caught on to that to!! | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:06:32 AM | I read your profile, do you really think you will be able to keep yourself from dating forever? Our basic instincts are survival and reproduction, that is what everything boils down to. It is a need to seek out a mate and have someone to call your SO. You are giving up to easily! Never give up!
Forgive me for saying so but there is absolutely no way you can feel a spark with someone on the first date unless you have a buildup of static electricity. Like striking a match to get it to light, it might take a few dates before the spark can be found.
You don't know anything about the other person after one date. There is still a lot to learn before you can determine whether they are good enough to continue.
I completely disagree with this, most everyone can tell wether they are physically attracted to another within the first 30 seconds. They can tell if they would want to spend more time with you within the first 2 min of conversation. The "spark" is either there or it isn't right away. It doesn't matter what you know or don't know about the person, the first meeting will make or break it in terms of if they have potential or not.
I was going to write some pointers but I decided it would be to long, so I'll just shorten it up and say:
Touch is very powerful, do it at the right time and the right way and it can keep you from being friend zoned. But only if they are initially interested in you. Of course if they aren't physically attracted you don't have a snowballs chance in hell! | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:26:22 AM | Sorry..but I do the same.. I know right off if I want a second date with a guy or not.
I have had guys start telling me what he plans for "OUR" future (first date?!! come on)
I have had guys treat the staff poorly . (not a good sign)
I have guys go on about their ex and nothing good came out of their mouths or how they got screwed in the divorce etc.. (they need to get over this ) etc...
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 122 | |
| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:12:40 AM | | It is possible for me to lose interest in a man after one date. But I wouldn't make a decision based on "sparks" or "instant chemistry". I would lose interest if he is physically unattractive, a rude jerk, or there was something else about him that is an obvious dealbreaker such him being married or dressing like a scrub ( ripped/dirty clothes etc ) | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:21:39 AM | It seems many people today want only instant gratification and when they don't get it, they frantically seek one after another and wonder why they are alone or not able to connect to a person? 
I'm only an expert at first meetings...  because I've yet to be asked out on an "official first date".
If a person is so quick to toss me aside after only a brief face-to-face meeting, I consider myself lucky! Rather than view it as a negative, I see it as a positive....Just like I do the ones that have stood me up-really saves me a lot of time and frustration-better to see the true colors sooner than later.
Unless a person's behavior is outrageous or rude, I am always willing to meet them again as I know some people might be nervous on a first face-to-face interaction and/or some people take a longer time period to warm up and feel relaxed or comfortable enough to open up and communicate with ease.
Unfortunately, not everyone in the dating pond is capable of even exhibiting basic manners and courtesy and so being "rejected" is just part of the dating gig. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:44:24 AM | | maybe they just didn't find you attractive , and that was the best way they can let you down .. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:01:03 PM | Have you ever just felt a lack of attraction or chemistry?
Do you always do a second or third date even though you didn't feel anything?
Getting a message a couple of days later saying thanks but no thanks isn't really getting dumped is it?
A woman has a right-no matter how disappointing to you-to say she doesn't want a second date,same as you.
My advice (and I'll be the first to say asking me for advice on dating is like asking me about uranium) is to do simple dates-you're paying the tab so keep it simple-and don't project that you've been "dumped' or you can rest assured you won't get another date.
And why announce that your leaving the site?
It's sounds whiny and pouty and besides-these are strangers remember and no one cares if you take your balls-excuse the pun-and leave the playground.
One thing for sure-you won't get even a first date by a woman who reads your rather soggy post. | |
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