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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:11:12 AM | so if your not physically attracted right in the first 2 seconds...then there can be no LOVe that comes from inside? OK that explains this:::
I guess not 3/23/2008 2 17 AM Unread Deleted
saw you in a forum 3/23/2008 2 57 AM Unead Deleted
TOO BAD 3/23/2008 2 25 AM Unread Deleted
a man who can laugh 3/23/2008 2 44 AM Unread Deleted
STEWIE!!!! 3/23/2008 2 55 AM Unread Deleted
Saying Hi 3/23/2008 215 AM Unread Deleted
Hello 3/23/2008 2 44 AM Unread Deleted
Hello 3/23/2008 216 AM Unread Deleted
hi 3/23/2008 2 56 AM Unread Deleted
The answer is Yes!!!!! 3/23/2008 221 AM Unread Deleted
REAL MEN 3/22/2008 9 46 PM Read Deleted
How do you guys do it??? 3/22/2008 927 PM Unread Deleted
cant read this guy 3/22/2008 9 31 PM Unread Deleted
Just curious 3/22/2008 9 10 PM Unread Deleted
OMG look at this 3/22/2008 9 36 PM Read Deleted
cant read this guy 3/22/2008 9:09:47 PM Unread Deleted
WEVE GOT FACEBOOK!!! 3/22/2008 9:07:04 PM Read Deleted
REAL MEN 3/22/2008 9:01:38 PM Unread Deleted
cant read this guy 3/22/2008 9:00:06 PM Unread Deleted
Saying Hi 3/22/2008 8 48 PM Read Deleted
Hello from California 3/22/2008 8 45 PM Unread Deleted
your profile... 3/22/2008 8 26 PM Read Deleted
well 3/22/2008 8:03:31 PM Read Deleted
hi 3/22/2008 8:01:31 PM Read Deleted
hey there 3/22/2008 7 49 PM Read Deleted
THANK YOU!!! 3/22/2008 7 37 PM Unread Deleted
Hello 3/22/2008 7 46 PM Read deleted
Good Grief 3/22/2008 11 59 AM Read Deleted | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:22:24 AM | | I often felt there had to be a spark right away but came to realize something after all the initial first date meetings . I think for most of us this online dating thing is almost a last resort so we put a lot of emphasis on knowing he/she must be out there and become determined we will find them. You chat with many and 1 stands out and you think wow this could really be something then you meet and either you or them dont "feel it" and you feel as though you wasted weeks getting to know someone and then based your decision on the chemistry when you saw them. I think the older we get and the road we have travelled has made me realize that immediate chemistry and or spark has ended up in failed relationships so why base so much on that. Lets face it at this time in our life we get excited over silly things but cant seem to get that same feeling when we meet someone the first time. Something real should take more time after all most of us are here to find it and its taken us this long so shouldnt we spend more time getting to know all of them and not worry so much if the fireworks go off??? | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 5:47:22 AM | | you hit the nail on the head Lori. Instant attraction is nothing more than lus. Never was, never will be. We refder to it as "physical or sexual chemistry" which is a crock. That is nothing mroe than a booty call. If isntant chemistry really existed...thre would beno need for dating or courtship(now there is something that has died) | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:38:24 AM | MrWrong37 wrote....
>>>>anyone ever notice the women in here, are basically on her side, and admit its all about superficial reasons and whether or not you look "HOT". <<<<
I really don't care if someone is "hot" or not, what I care about is that there is some sort of spark.... something in the eyes or the smile.... both of us clicking about what we enjoy doing or how we feel about certain things. Without some element of chemistry, why would you go on another date with someone?
When you first look at a profile, there has to be something that makes you want to contact someone. A blank profile isn't going to do that any more than a first date with a bland person sitting across from you.
I have to have some sort of spark, and the guy doesn't have to be adonis.
Sharzi | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:48:10 AM | MrWrong37....
Maybe you have all those deleted emails because of your screen name or because your profile says you aren't looking for a relationship.
Something I read a while back....
First rule of thumb for women.... if a guy tells you he's Mr Wrong, a jerk, a dog, or any number of other negatives.... believe him. Chances are no man is going to admit to something negative about himself unless he really fits that description.
Also, I'd say that if you're here looking for a relationship, chances are a guy who says he doesn't want one, is not going to be the one you'd want to spend any amount of time talking to unless you're going to debate a thread post.
First impressions mean a lot. How many guys would seriously want to contact someone with the screen name Super B*t*h?
Sharzi | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:48:48 AM | | I'm in the same boat last 2 dates from here the same thing happend the last one we met for coffee at starbucks and things seemed to be going really well I asked her if shed like to grab a bite to eat and we went to a resturant across the street and before we knew it six + hours had gone by. She had mentioned one time it seemed she was talking alot after we had parted I sent her a text message to let her know that I had a great time and she replied back basically the same thing then the next day i got the blow off e-mail its all good ,It only cost me 4 hours of chating online a pizza and a couple drinks lol nice company wish it would have turned out better but I'll rebait my hook and try again ......................Happy fishing...........Glenn | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:00:31 AM | Maybe you have all those deleted emails because of your screen name or because your profile says you aren't looking for a relationship.]
NOPE!!! I put that in there just ysterday. I figure if beiung honest and sincere doesnt help, I should just quit looking
[Something I read a while back....
First rule of thumb for women.... if a guy tells you he's Mr Wrong, a jerk, a dog, or any number of other negatives.... believe him. Chances are no man is going to admit to something negative about himself unless he really fits that description. ]
Thats funny because if a guy SAYS anything good about himself, or says he's a nice sweet guy...he must be a manipulative jerk because any guy who is TRULY nice will never say "im a nice guy". They call any man who ADMITS to bein nice, whiny . At least thats what EVERY woman in the nice guy threads, say. So, damned if we do/ damned if we dont.
[Also, I'd say that if you're here looking for a relationship, chances are a guy who says he doesn't want one, is not going to be the one you'd want to spend any amount of time talking to unless you're going to debate a thread post. ]
That really doesnt change anything because I wasnt getting any repsonses or emails anyway
[First impressions mean a lot. How many guys would seriously want to contact someone with the screen name Super B*t*h?] First impressions do mean alot to people, even though they are nothing. and yes, women will get emails no matter what BECAUSE they dont take the time to email us. Do you assume that the first impression you get from a guy, will ALWAYS be who he is? | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:25:22 AM | MrWrong37 wrote:
>>>>First impressions do mean alot to people, even though they are nothing. and yes, women will get emails no matter what BECAUSE they dont take the time to email us. Do you assume that the first impression you get from a guy, will ALWAYS be who he is? <<<<
Whether I meet someone out or online, first impressions will make the difference between talking to someone or not talking to them. If a man tells me right from the get go that he's Mr Wrong, that's not someone I'd want to even think of getting to know because he's obviously telling me he's not what I'm looking for.
As for saying you're nice and women thinking that's whiny.... I guess that wouldn't be the kind of woman you'd want anyway, right? I've had my share of liars, cheaters and manipulators, I prefer the nice guy. He will usually say what he means and do what he says, and I'm all about honesty. The nice guy doesn't even have to say it.... he'll exude it. That's the guy who will be Mr Right for me.
You could be the nicest guy in the world, but chances are most women would see that screen name and move to the next profile if she's really looking for a relationship.
Sharzi | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 8:32:14 AM | Sadly a lot of online women dating have extremely high opinions of themselves and what they are looking for.
Many still think they are 21 with good looks when in reality they are mid 40's and wrinkley !
A woman friend of mine is the same, she gets dates with great looking men but every relationship has ended after they got there wicked way !
The good looking blokes seem to be mostly players....................... | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 9:24:43 AM | | to judge a guys ENTIRE character based on an internet scrrn name isnt really very wise. You wanmt to know a guy? find out about him? email him!!! dont rely on a forum or screen name as a way to actually know him | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 9:50:49 AM | I am so sorry to hear this crap you had to go through. Some of these "women" can really act like low lifes and they should have someone give them a more thorough education because I feel they need it. They are not worth your time, you are way better then they from what I hear, and you should not worry about what some 'chucks' think of you. It's their loss, and frankly most of them that do that, do not know what they want.... lol they are worse then a dog chasing it's own tail. You may compare such people to a blind person, looking for a dark cat, in a dark room, where the cat is not even there!!!!
Just move on and find the beauty quenne that you deserve!!
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 10:35:20 AM |
Sadly a lot of online women dating have extremely high opinions of themselves and what they are looking for.
Sadly so do a lot of men. Even though they are bald , fat , hairy and15 years out of style with their clothes they still see a tall ,blond Adonis with a head full of hair and a ripped body. Delusional people come in both sexes. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 10:45:02 AM | | I can relate to what you are saying. I have had a few dates that went awesome, they usally ended on a very positive note. However the inevitable text message or email saying that you are a really great guy but there was not the connection they were looking for. I have come to the conclusion that most woman want jerks. If you are a nice guy and you respect them and dont try to screw them on the first date then they are not interested. I refuse to become like most men out there, if a woman wants the " Bad Boy" I just move on. On a first date it can be difficult to really get a grasp on your chemistry. I believe you have to go on at least 2-3 dates before you can accuratly tell. Granted there are some instances where you can't get away from them soon enough. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 11:00:31 AM |
Maybe you have all those deleted emails because of your screen name or because your profile says you aren't looking for a relationship.
First rule of thumb for women.... if a guy tells you he's Mr Wrong, a jerk, a dog, or any number of other negatives.... believe him. Chances are no man is going to admit to something negative about himself unless he really fits that description.
I was on this site once just to read the forums. I didn't want to write "Forums Only," so instead I wrote a profile so bad, I figure no one would possible be interested. For a user-name, I picked: Settle For Me. I then went on to describe what a horrible person I was. For a First Date I wrote: "Get drunk and have sex in the back of my car." At the end of the profile, I wrote: "This is a real profile. This is who I am. If you write, well, you've been warned." Just to really make sure I'd receive no letters, I describe the lady who should contact me as: "Anyone, who after reading this profile, figures they can't do any better."
I did not post a photo nor did I send any first contact letters. However, I received a lot. I could of gone out on a date every day of the week from all the ladies who asked.
When I post an average, run of the mill profile, saying what a nice guy I am and showing a nice picture, I get nothing. I don't try to figure it out . . . | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 11:03:30 AM | Sadly so do a lot of men. Even though they are bald , fat , hairy and15 years out of style with their clothes they still see a tall ,blond Adonis with a head full of hair and a ripped body. Delusional people come in both sexes.
Well both sexes do. But also it's good to consider WHAT it is that someone wants to have in a partner, and how realistic it is. Like when most men say they want a skinnier lady, people can control that to a degree. Meaning it is not uncontrollable and it can be cured by the right excercise and dieting. Baldness, there apparently is no cure for that and it's not at all the persons fault, so you can't hold that against anyone unless they deliberatly pulled their hair out for some reason. Hairy, well thats kind of in the middle, it shouldn't be as big of an issue as being overweight is, and you can say it is more of an issue then baldness, because baldness really isn't an issue. So it depends where the person is hairy? Some people may have too much hair, and in fact I don't know if you people heard of this, but in Mexico there is one guy and I think his whole family that has a rare condition where his whole body is filled completely with hair, like even his face, neck, forehead, everywhere, so I guesse there is such thing as being REALLY overly hairy. But the point is, out of the three you mentioned, only fat or obese are things that people should watch and can help, the hairiness is sort of in teh middle, and baldness is not an issue at all, because it's not controllable...unless he dilberately shaves it for a political statment or something then I would kick him in the butt for it lol, but otherwise that is not a good example to prove your point lol.
By the way, why does it always have to be tall thin and blond. I personally do not have blond and thin in the category I find "ideal". Tall yes lol, but not neccessarily blond and thin. I am not into thin ladies....thin as in bony, sorry that makes me squimish. Now having long dark hair (even down to your butt) and being 5'4 to 6'1 and big healthy breasts and a womanly curve figure, ....now THATS sexy. But anyway, sorry for going alittle off topic there. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 11:10:13 AM | lori0417 sez,
I think the older we get and the road we have travelled has made me realize that immediate chemistry and or spark has ended up in failed relationships so why base so much on that.
Bravo! I couldn't have said it any better! | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 12:02:59 PM |
I think the older we get and the road we have travelled has made me realize that immediate chemistry and or spark has ended up in failed relationships so why base so much on that.
Natually if you base your whole relationship on JUST the chemistry and spark, it's at risk of failing. Making a relationship work is a formula that's made up of a few things, not just one. If you like chocolate, and the guy you're dating likes it too, would you say - well that's all I need to know, let's date? Of course not.
It's silly to assume wanting attraction in someone you're dating means that's all people are going on.
Lets face it at this time in our life we get excited over silly things but cant seem to get that same feeling when we meet someone the first time.
That's life. Lack of attraction happens more often than not. It means we need to be more patient in choosing a partner. I've seen people take more time buying a new car.
Something real should take more time after all most of us are here to find it and its taken us this long so shouldnt we spend more time getting to know all of them and not worry so much if the fireworks go off???
AFTER the attraction is present or the spark is there - naturally you should spend a lot of time getting to know if beyond that you can actually date them, so yes - it would take more time if you want it to be something real. Just because a lot of people cave in early and follow their hormones doesn't mean relationships fail when there's chemistry. It merely means people tend to get sidetracked by the attraction and don't learn whether or not there's anything else to pursue.
Unfortunately, attraction is a major part of someone wanting to date you. If you cannot handle the fact that some people thru no fault of their own are not going to be attracted to you, your best bet is not to date. It's the only way to avoid it. Calling someone shallow, saying you weren't given a chance, or being nasty about it only makes you less attractive in the "pond" in which you fish. The theory of that fisherman yelling at fish for not biting comes to mind here. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 12:19:17 PM |
AFTER the attraction is present or the spark is there - naturally you should spend a lot of time getting to know if beyond that you can actually date them, so yes - it would take more time if you want it to be something real.
lol Actually the spark (the REAL Spark) will be realized only after you get to know the person, otherwise you don't know if there is any chemistry or compatibility without getting to know the person. People that make quick judgments and dismiss someone after a few seconds have missed the entire point of dating/mating and relationships. The fact is without getting to know the person, you really can't determine if it will go anywhere or not. But if you judge too quickly and let looks be the deciding factor, I honestly think that those people are doing themselves alot of disservice, and maybe they should think twice if they really want to be dating. It's like someone trying the same thing over again expecting a different result....that is getting into insanity and clearly these people are not really in their right state of mind.
No disrespect offcourse to anyone, but I really think this is just comman sense, and so easy to figure out, it surprises how many people are going wrong on this. People who focus on a "Magical" spark or chemistry to me most of the time don't really know what term "Chemistry" means and they also seem (and this may sound wierd) they seem to view it as some sort of supernatural mystical thing, almost as if it's another religion comming along and that is whats very sad about that. They are replacing THEIR idea or chemistry and spark for LOVE, and they seem to be focusing less on love and the beauty that it brings naturally, and they instead focus on some fictional made up idea that really holds no ground in reality, and that in turn controls their thinking and decision making and who they choose to date etc. Frankly it's like a blind person, looking for a dark cat, in a dark room that isn't even there in the first place.
But like I said regarding the OP, he does deserve someone better, and someone who is worth his time. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 12:58:16 PM | almondcookie writes :
Yes there are many men and women who are immature and still believe the fairy tales that they read as children and the hype fed to them by Hollywood movies. If I see a profile that says "let's meet to see if there is chemistry", I click and move on to the next one as it is clear that this person has unrealistic expectations and not a clue about how to begin a relationship of substance and depth.
Obviously almondcookie....You've never experienced that 'spark'. I actually feel sorry for you and all the others that say it doesn't exist. But just because people don't share your opinion, does not give you the right to resort to name calling and your narrow minded views. I actually spent 23 yrs (geeze-almost as long as you've been alive-imagine that!) with a wonderful man with whom I felt that spark on our first date-we'd still be together if he hadn't of died. So much for your theory that us shallow people that base 2nd dates on "sparks" have unrealistic expectations.
Duece hit the nail on the head.....It seems to be the ones who have never felt the 'spark' that deem the rest of us 'shallow with unrealistic expectations' when we look for it.
Yes I want chemistry! Usually I'll know within 15 mins if its there or not.....but I will allow up to 3 dates to determine it for sure. If it still feels like I'm kissing my brother, its all over......Nothing is ever going to change at that point - at least not for this girl. I've never had something that started off as 'friends' ever go beyond that.
It is a rare but wonderful thing when its mutual - but so worth waiting for.
HR | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:25:18 PM |
lol Actually the spark (the REAL Spark) will be realized only after you get to know the person, otherwise you don't know if there is any chemistry or compatibility without getting to know the person. People that make quick judgments and dismiss someone after a few seconds have missed the entire point of dating/mating and relationships. The fact is without getting to know the person, you really can't determine if it will go anywhere or not. But if you judge too quickly and let looks be the deciding factor, I honestly think that those people are doing themselves alot of disservice, and maybe they should think twice if they really want to be dating. It's like someone trying the same thing over again expecting a different result....that is getting into insanity and clearly these people are not really in their right state of mind.
Ok, well if you mean "Spark" as something other than attraction, then I agree. However, in my case, I meant attraction. If there is none, then it's the end of the road. I could waste HIS time by continuing further, but beyond friendship, there's no where for it to go....and doing anything else but letting him know falls into the "leading him on" category. There are numerous threads about women who don't just let a guy know immediately that she's not interested. Guys can't have it both ways, either we tell 'em as soon as we know, or we don't and after four dates they find out. Take your pick.
No disrespect offcourse to anyone, but I really think this is just comman sense, and so easy to figure out, it surprises how many people are going wrong on this. People who focus on a "Magical" spark or chemistry to me most of the time don't really know what term "Chemistry" means and they also seem (and this may sound wierd) they seem to view it as some sort of supernatural mystical thing, almost as if it's another religion comming along and that is whats very sad about that. They are replacing THEIR idea or chemistry and spark for LOVE, and they seem to be focusing less on love and the beauty that it brings naturally, and they instead focus on some fictional made up idea that really holds no ground in reality, and that in turn controls their thinking and decision making and who they choose to date etc. Frankly it's like a blind person, looking for a dark cat, in a dark room that isn't even there in the first place.
That's way too complicated. Let's start from the beginning and break it down. It's like this.
We meet, I talk to him for 10 minutes, I feel no interest or attraction, I finish the meeting and tell him it was great meeting him and end it.
If I do feel an interest or attraction, I make sure he did as well. If not, I won't hear anything. If I hear something from him, it's mutual. From there, the process is to get to know more about that person as a potential to actually date them. If/when one of us disagrees this is possible, then it stops there. If we don't disagree, then it continues.
It's really just that simple. What part of that is doing ourselves a disservice? Sounds pretty thorough to me. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:33:28 PM | OP,
May I suggest the George Constanza method. That is, everything you would do, next time do the opposite. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:36:51 PM | Uhh love on fire i already made the point in my post about both sexes doing this so what are you going on about? It doesn't matter if what makes you undesirable is controllable or not, it still makes you undesirable. Let's face facts here controllable or not for the majority of women(NOT ALL) , but the majority short ,bald, fat and overly hairy is not something attractive, controllable or not.My point was that both sexes do this , but as usual you ran with something someone has pointed and made something out of it that it was not meant to be.
It's telling that you did not respond to harrabyman when he was generalizing about women seeing as he was the one i was responding too . I basically just said what he said but about men. It seems that to you it's ok when someone bashes and generalizes about women , but it's not ok to do it about men. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:57:39 PM | Every time we expose ourselves, we are taking a gamble. That is part of life. We should go into any situation, like in dating, with an open mind. Dont build up unexpected, expectations. Dont assume that you will hit it off. Remember its a first date. Which means you have piqued an interest. At times, not always some people are serial daters. Which may mean they are not looking to make a meaningful reatationship. Then some of us require that phsycial attraction..Just remember that beauty tends to fade away with time.
I would say if someone is honest enough to tell you, that they are not attracted. Take it with a grain of salt. They could of take it further, causing both of you heartach and who knows what else. Its not a bad thing to be honest with someone. Dating should be a simple task, as going out to a movie with a friend. You want to get to know that person. They are giving you the opportunity to do so. If not then accept it for what it is. If there is not an attraction, there is no intrest. Oh well, next!!  | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 3:42:37 PM | Uhh love on fire i already made the point in my post about both sexes doing this so what are you going on about? It doesn't matter if what makes you undesirable is controllable or not, it still makes you undesirable. Let's face facts here controllable or not for the majority of women(NOT ALL) , but the majority short ,bald, fat and overly hairy is not something attractive, controllable or not.My point was that both sexes do this , but as usual you ran with something someone has pointed and made something out of it that it was not meant to be.
No I didn't run with it, i just wanted to make a comment about it thats all. Concerning the desirable or not, my point I think was quit clear, I am not saying it doesn't happen, obviously it does, but I am just pointing out how there is a difference, and it is not really acceptable to make these kinds of assumptions or judgements, thats all. Also I never said it's ok to generalize about women you did not read that from me. I made that clear that I don't think it's right. But it's ALSO not right to generalize against men and thats what I think I mentioned earlier. Simple as that really. I think it's wrong for either of you to say generalized assumptions like that about any gender...even though I feel you did yours to illustrate a point, and also that is very much what I am doing also, but the moral is, that it's not right to rush into judgments and generalizations that are unfair to the other person. Plain and simple and no harm intented.
Uglybetty.... you still missed my point, I was thinking more in the broad sense when I say "making it hard for yourself", I won't explain it again because I think I did that, but there doesn't need to be any confusion about it, but unfortunately some people are brought up alittle differently and well...thats ok. But my point was clear, honest, misunderstood? ..aparently lol, but I think some people if they think about it , they would understand how simple and fair my point was.
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