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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:25:23 PM |
Let's face facts here controllable or not for the majority of women(NOT ALL) , but the majority short ,bald, fat and overly hairy is not something attractive, controllable or not.
You know, I was really trying to avoid responding to this but you don't give up.
Most men are not tall (the majority of women want to date men in the top 20% of heights), nearly all men are hairy, and by the time men get to their 50's over half of them are balding or bald (over 30% in their 30's, over 40% in their 40's). "Delusional" is when the majority of women who think that by the time you add the probabilities up that the 1% of men who are tall, have full bodied hair on their heads but none on the rest of their body want to date her over the 60-70 or so other women who are competing over him (if those men aren't already all married, and they probably only want to date the top 1% of those 60-70 women anyhow). And even if you got him, you'd be spending the rest of your time beating all the other women off of him. Add in "style of clothes", so far zero items you mention have any impact on the quality of a relationship, and well forget it. I can't believe the times I've seen in this thread and another in the past day that clothes had such a huge impact on getting a second date (not that I don't dress nice for dates). As I said in a thread a few months ago, I suspect if a guy already thought a woman was interesting from her profile/picture, she could show up in sweats from the gym and it wouldn't bother him one bit.
The women here who are using hair, clothes, height to determine a second date will likely either be single forever or end up in a really bad relationship. Get a grip on the odds because they are so stacked against you it isn't funny, and if you don't believe it dating/relationship professionals will tell you the same thing. On the bright side there are still plenty of decent guys in great shape, who have good jobs, good with kids, etc. who actually do want to date you (if you get lucky you might even squeeze in one or two from your fantasy 4 requirements) ... if you'll just step away from the delusion.
It's telling that you did not respond to harrabyman when he was generalizing about women seeing as he was the one i was responding too . I basically just said what he said but about men. It seems that to you it's ok when someone bashes and generalizes about women , but it's not ok to do it about men.
Re-read your posts ... you're generalizing about women. I have NEVER seen a man claim to be a tall, full head of hair, hairless body, designer clothes in his profile. If women are expecting that when they show up for first dates/meetings (which is what you're actually generalizing) then re-read what I wrote above ... and good luck with the fantasy. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:51:34 PM |
Delusional people come in both sexes.
You skipped right over this didn't you love on fire? I was responding to someone who was generalizing against women and saying "hey it's men too" . Please read entire post before jumping to conclusions. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:57:10 PM | Most men are not tall (the majority of women want to date men in the top 20% of heights), nearly all men are hairy,
Tall and short is something that is somewhat subjective. To me anyone around my height to even 1 or 2 inches shorter is fine. I did say "overly" hairy which means hair on back, growing out of noses and ears.
I have no idea what fantasy you are talking about , but i am quite aware of what league i am in . I don't go chasing after mr hottie because i could never get him anyway.I did not generalize about women . I said most not all. It would be generalizing if i said all women or just wrote women .I specifically wrote most women and then put (NOT ALL).
My point was that both sexes do this
Clearly something you also did not bother to read at all. People really need to read entire post before jumping to conclusions. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 5:50:46 PM | OP,
After looking at your profile, I think you are a lot better off than you give yourself credit for.
I think your problem is that you have played the nice guy card and it does not do a thing for you. It shows all over your profile; which you need to change asap. You need to Man the hell up.
I would suggest reading the books titled "The Game" and the "Mystery Method". | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 5:54:18 PM |
You skipped right over this didn't you love on fire? I was responding to someone who was generalizing against women and saying "hey it's men too" . Please read entire post before jumping to conclusions.
I'm not sure what you mean, I Skipped over what? that comment? I personally agree with you that generalizing is not right, so we agree there. Sorry if I did run into conclusions.
However the guy that just answered after me, he also made a fantastic point, and really I think he said it better then I did.... so I appreciate his information, because it also makes alot of sense. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:29:27 PM | I know how you feel but people are so quick to judge and not giving people second chances!
You're giving up to EASY! Your experience should NOT let you overrule your dating. Life is SHORT!
You will go through some bad apples in life but it will WORTH it in the end if YOU stop trying to hard. Let it happen! If its meant to be, it will happen in its DUE time. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 10:04:26 PM |
written_by_hank:
I did not post a photo nor did I send any first contact letters. However, I received a lot. I could of gone out on a date every day of the week from all the ladies who asked.
When I post an average, run of the mill profile, saying what a nice guy I am and showing a nice picture, I get nothing. I don't try to figure it out . . .
Your first one was funny. How many women's profiles say, "I want a man who makes me laugh."
Of the sites I'm on, the one with the funny profile does best by far. On gross hits, not meaning good matches per se. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 12:05:58 AM | written_by_hank:
I did not post a photo nor did I send any first contact letters. However, I received a lot. I could of gone out on a date every day of the week from all the ladies who asked.
When I post an average, run of the mill profile, saying what a nice guy I am and showing a nice picture, I get nothing. I don't try to figure it out . . .
Hank you are so right!!! I have been told my profile isnt very good,,,its bland and doesnt say much about me ( are they serious???!!!)))..anyway I was told thats why im not getting any emails or responses. So I did an experiment. i put the pic of a body builder,, and made a very very negative, mysogynistic, and rude profile. Within 10 minute sof making this profile, i got about 5 emails. SO most women are lying about what they want and what it takes to win them over. Also, I know what its like to get rejected on just ONE date, and hear the smokescreen " chemistry" line. She actually thought i believed it too | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 12:32:20 AM | I wouldn't say they are lying. I say the reason is, most of the profiles (men and women's) pretty much say the same thing. Write something unusual and different, something that shows your true personality rather than just saying "I'm this" or "I'm that," and people will respond.
My post a page or two back was to show that the post I responded to - the one that said the ladies won't respond to a negative profile - was incorrect, in my opinion. Not to suggest anyone lies about what they want.
People know what they want. I agree with those who say you know whether or not your attracted to someone within minutes of meeting someone.
Added: Yup, funny will get you that first date. Not always the second date, though . . . | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 2:00:50 AM |
Forgive me for saying so but there is absolutely no way you can feel a spark with someone on the first date unless you have a buildup of static electricity. Like striking a match to get it to light, it might take a few dates before the spark can be found.
Actually, I think you can tell if there is not going to be any spark after one date. I've been on a few first dates with some very nice ladies, but still could tell there was no spark there and there wouldn't be any. And yes, there were others where it took more than one date to figure that out.
To give you another example, I'm a real estate agent and I can tell you that a client can make a decision to NOT buy a house five feet inside the front door. As a matter of fact, they can make that decision pulling up outside the house and there's no use trying to change their minds. However, they will never make the decision to buy the house in the same amount of time. If they get past the first few steps inside the door, then they spend the rest of the home tour looking for reasons not to buy and if they can't find any really good reasons, they decide that this is probably the house for them.
You walk up to your date sitting at the table at Starbucks, shes already sizing you up. Did you walk up with confidence or did you look like you were scared to death? You introduce yourself and she's deciding whether she likes the sound of your voice or not. If she doesn't like the high pitched squeal of your voice on the first date, she won't like it on the second one either. She is aware of whether you are focused on her or the blond bombshell sitting at the table just behind her. And by the same token, are your eyes locked on hers for five solid minutes without blinking and creeping her out? Basically, that first date is like that first five feet inside the door of the house. She may have already made the decision that you aren't the one for her, or she may have decided that she needs a few more dates before she forms a opinion one way or another.
Oh, and by the way, men do this to women, too. It's a two-way street here. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 5:16:22 AM |
Get a bit of carpet.
Rub it occasionally. Then touch them.
Wool sweater or socks would probably work too. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 6:08:47 AM | | Op I agree with u on the spark thing and also in ur decision to leave pof as I am seriously considering it myself.The question is for alot of pof's is whether they feel u deserve a second glance or chance but they don't try to separate lust from attraction or coveting from needing.It is up to each individual to decide how they want to live their lives.I mean do they want to be driven by lust always ending outside the bedroom because they figure out after the sex that they don't like this person as a person?Do they want to be mature and first learn to except theirselves so they can be more excepting of others with their faults or do they want to take the time to get to know someone on a personal level seeing if their is a mental connection.Looks have a way of changing so I try to approach meeting someone for the first time almost in a blind manner with no expectations but an willingness to except them as another human being with all their faults and fralities just like me and hope and pray they do the same for me.Good luck guy | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:51:40 AM | | For me, either the SPARK is there, or it isn't. I wouldn't accept a second date with a man if I felt no spark for a few reasons. (1) I wouldn't want to waste his money; (2) I wouldn't want to waste his time; (3) I wouldn't want to waste my time. Sparks don't suddenly happen on the 3rd or 4th date - at least not with me they don't. I feel it immediately - within the first 5 seconds of looking into a man's eyes, and like I said, either it is there, or it isn't. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:07:14 AM | | hey bud.i know how u feel.i was on a first date last week.we decided to meet as friends at first so ther be no nerves.we went for sumthing to eat.five mins into the meal,she said she was giving up on the internet dating.she had 3 different dates that week.i think women are spoilt for choice in this dating.they wouldnt know a decent guy if it bit them on ther bums. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:14:39 AM | | can i ask.if ther was no attraction on the date,why meet them in the first place.people surely ave a photo of the person ther meeting.go figure.if woman go by looks then why wer they attracted to photo and not the person. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:25:38 AM | | ^^^There's SO much more to attraction that a headshot, and if you need to ask this question then I think there may be no hope for you buddy. How many times have you seen a pretty girl and she opened her mouth and you went "oh dear god!". Or been walking behind a girl with a GREAT ass and a nice set of legs with long flowing hair, and she turns around and scares the bejeezers out of you! LOL It happens fairly often. Personality plays so much more of a role in attraction than looks do as far as I'm concerned. I could be out on a date with the hottest girl you'd ever seen but if I think she's conceited or self-absorbed I want to finish my drink and move on. There are the subtleties as well. Annoying laughs, quirks, a lack of a sense of humour, innattention, etc etc etc. Lots of things that could make a person lose stock. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:26:48 AM |
I feel it immediately - within the first 5 seconds of looking into a man's eyes, and like I said, either it is there, or it isn't.
If your definition of sparks = pure physical attraction, then I would agree with you. If there something about the other person that is an obvious dealbreaker, then I would also agree with you. Otherwise how could you tell that quickly.
This is exactly why a first meet should be just that. A first meet, not a date. That way, there are no real expectations on either end.
IMO this is semantics. A first date doesn't have to be fancy, romantic or involve high expectations. The first 1-2 dates should be used to determine if there is any interest beyond the initial emails and phone calls. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:36:03 PM | Mrwrong37 wrote:
>> So I did an experiment. i put the pic of a body builder,, and made a very very negative, mysogynistic, and rude profile. Within 10 minute sof making this profile, i got about 5 emails. SO most women are lying about what they want and what it takes to win them over. <<
I guess it all depends on the type of woman you're trying to attract. Personally, as soon as I see a pic of a guy without a shirt, it's a turn off and I pass right by it. It always looks like bragging to me, and after having my share of liars, cheaters/players, I'm definitely looking for the nice guy.
But... that's just me.
Sharzi | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:40:54 PM | datelooker wrote:
>>>> can i ask.if ther was no attraction on the date,why meet them in the first place.people surely ave a photo of the person ther meeting.go figure.if woman go by looks then why wer they attracted to photo and not the person. <<<<
For me, there have to be several elements... humor, an attraction (not that the guy has to be gorgeous, but I have to see something in the eyes or the smile), and we have to have enough in common. You can have all those things online or even on the phone, but then when you meet, you just don't feel it. On the other side of the coin, there were times when I wasn't sure I'd like the person at all and took the chance to go meet them and there were huge sparks. So, you really never know until you meet and spend a little time together.
Maybe some people can grow into chemistry, but for me, it's either there or it's not and as another poster wrote, you don't want to waste anyone's time or money (including mine) with someone you're just not clicking with.
Sharzi | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:49:25 PM | If you're getting an email, call, or text message a day or two after a date saying "You're a great guy, but I didn't feel the spark. Good Luck," chances are you're Mr. Nice Guy. Very few women feel comfortable or are able to do such a thing, but with Mr. Nice Guy they feel bad for parting from them.
My advice -- don't be Mr. Nice Guy on a date. Doesn't mean you have to be a player or Mr. A$$hole. It means you don't be over-polite, tossing out an array of compliments, or even giving that vibe that you COULD BE that kind of guy... or that you're so thankful to go out on a date with her, as if you're applying for a job and she's the interviewer. Turn the tables, you'll see more success. Be the interviewer. Those applying for jobs don't send rejection letters to the *potential* employers. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 4:59:52 PM | azureorb wrote:
>> My advice -- don't be Mr. Nice Guy on a date <<
So in other words, pretend to be something you're not? If a guy didn't show any interest on our date, I wouldn't want to see him. My way of thinking is, if he's not excited about me now, I doubt it's going to get better.
Sharzi | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:39:17 PM | So, there is life after "one date wonders"? 
It almost seems that some people believe if they actually go out with you again that by the third date you might start shopping for china patterns. I agree this whole internet dating process is just hit or miss.. but, at the same time, some people use it for social dating and content with the idea of not really finding that connection with someone. They're bored, they initiate contact with someone who has caught their interest based on some pictures and a brief profile, ask them out for drinks or dinner. You have several great conversations via email, IM, text messaging and phone and then the big moment arrives.. then it's over before you know it and it's time to cross that one off your list and NEXT!
I've learned not to be offended if there isn't any follow through after the first date. No matter WHAT they tell you the reason is it's more than likely BS (because they think they're sparing your feelings). I take it all in stride. I mean, after all, it's their loss right? | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/25/2008 12:21:27 AM | So in other words, pretend to be something you're not? If a guy didn't show any interest on our date, I wouldn't want to see him. My way of thinking is, if he's not excited about me now, I doubt it's going to get better.
YES, because if you are nice to her..she will ALWAYS ALWAYS reject you. All yo uhave to do is look at any of the nice guys threads, youll see how nice men are treated | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/25/2008 6:38:02 AM | | But here's the thing. You can't fake being a bit arrogant or c0cky forever. Eventually that softy side will come out, and if she's not into pushovers or hypersensitive men. I'm told that I'm a nice guy but I don't get blown off. I have a wild sense of humour and can be a bit forward and c0cky when I flirt so it gives them something to hold on to. The nice guy bit makes most women sick, where they want to do everythign for the girl and compliment her and not form a clear opinion on anything in fear of upsetting her. Honestly, if you are talking politics and she is a staunch conservative and you happen to be a pretty strong liberal do you think it's going to work out in the long run even if you hide the fact that you believe in abortion and gay marriage?! Eventually the truth will come out and it WILL set you free when she can't stand to talk to you anymore because of it. That's a pretty extreme case but you catch my drift, right? The nice guys doesn't have to finish last. The panzy will almost always do so though. The sooner men decide to man up rather than patsy down the male persuasion will be a happier one. Women want to mate and relate just as much, if not more, than we do, but somehow there is a large portion of unhappy single men out there who have been fighting rejection for long periods of time. | |
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