| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 4/23/2008 1:26:21 AM | | When I was young it was heart. Now that I am in my 40s, after a divorce, I follow my head ( well, most of the times). My last BF has a lot of personality traits that are incompatible with me but he was fun and cute. Eventually I had to break it off and move on, and I am now dating someone who treats me really well. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:42:27 AM | | I won't resist my temptation in answering brain vs heart that the heart is better to eat overall, I think, but you can eat either, and men have eaten both since deep deep stone age. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:22:28 AM | I hate to jump on the logical bus, but I don't correlate my being in love with my heart.
Rather, I look at things a little differently, leaving my organs out of the picture.
To me, there is my emotional side and my logical side.
My emotional side (read heart) can only be trusted as far as I'm emotionally developed and aware.
My logical side (read brain) is only to be trusted if my emotional side is a mess.
Ideally, they should be working in tandem.... but there aren't many of us out there that have
the capacity to balance the two. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:34:08 AM | | When I was younger, I always followed my heart ... sometimes with disastrous results. Now, I lead with my brain - or logic and qualifiable traits, aspirations, etc. My hope is that my heart's smart enough to follow! | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 4/23/2008 1:37:46 PM | I would say earlier in life,definitely, you have these buckets inside you that are "sort " of empty and a lot of us are looking around for someone , a love/ a relationship, to fill the buckets..and we feel incomplete unless we find someone to fill the buckets..and teh buckets could be sharing, security, sex, familarity, bonding, inner knowledge, social acceptance, parental pressure, identity and so on...and some buckets are closer to the front and shallower than others..some can never be filled up.And some of the people we choose are incapable or the wrong person to fill them up..ANd ithink the older you get the more you come to terms that actually for the most part those buckets were meant to be filled by your "self"..and the ones you need someone else to fill or choose to, you become more particular to who fills them up..because in essence it really is your time, your buckets. the trick other than finding someone to fill some of those buckets up is also finding being with someone who you want to fill some of their buckets..its all balance i suppose. and then on top of all of this is the "Bucket #6" from Bozo.WGN.javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 4/23/2008 2:20:15 PM | I also use my brain, so much so that my heart doesn't know how to work any more. I do not consider this a good thing.
I think as I've gotten older, I have felt all the different types of pains, and I know how much the pain sucks, so I protect myself by "rationalizing" myself out of love. I come up with picky excuses--real or imagined--for not pursuing a relationship. He watches too much TV, he's too busy, he's not active enough, whatever. These are all things that COULD be overcome were *I* in a proper state of mind [heart?] to put up with them. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:52:27 PM | Aww, you say it all...I just love your thoughts so much...so sweet & tender, so vulnerable, yet so strong...true, "demanding" isn't the best of traits w/GF's...but it's not your fault at all as a female...please, please: stop rationalizing, be the girl you are! Mmmm...Your job is to be the girl that chooses who it is that you want to spend the night with, or a lifetime.
That's it. Be your actual FEMALE, completely, & you got it, period. (Oh, no pun intended.)
Really, it's men's fault for not putting you in the proper state of mind/heart. We mean that, with all the love in the world. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 4/26/2008 12:24:40 AM | | I hate to say it, but my heart seems to win most of the time. And I have paid for it. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:07:41 PM | all my life I've let my brain make most of the decisions and while it may not be as spontaneous as following my heart, it's most assuredly ended up making the right decision..................I followed my heart and (Mostly my fault) my heart ended up in a million pieces. I've spent most of the time since then, picking them up and putting them back together. ...........I'm going back to listening to my brain. It's less painful.
I have to say that (above) was exactly what I was thinking reading the OP's question. In not the so distant past, I did this, let my heart make the disasterous decision over what my brain was telling me. Like *nicky2tone* I have always depended on my brain to make the decisions. When my brain makes the decision then my heart follows fully. This is probably what many would deem a defense mechanism. And I ended up kicking myself for a while over this and was pretty angry at myself. I don't relish having to put back the pieces of my heart either. And I too am going back to listening to my brain.
Good post nicky2tone, took the words right outta my brain. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:12:16 PM | | Temper the mind with the heart and the heart wiht the mind. Both parts are part of you and dating so use them to help eachother If mind says "okay don't bother" have heart ask "why?". IF the answer makes snes to not bothering, go wiht mind, if it does make sense to bother go with heart. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:17:42 PM | Your heart is stupid. Why? it has no brains. Your brains are smart because they don't need a brain, they are a brain!
Seriously, following our heart is not the way to go. Logic tells you more then people let on. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:21:02 PM | In some situtations, I followed my brain and saved my heart a lot of pain. In some situtations, I followed my heart and it was good for a while and then my brain said what were you thinking?
It is better when the two work hand in hand.  | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:36:40 PM | | Most of the time I do follow my heart and well, the results are less than favourable. I am trying to make a conscious effort to change but unfortunatley, the heart wants what the heart wants. My brain always seems to be two steps behind, crappy. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:45:35 PM | | I've given up since neither my brain nor heart seem to do what's best for me, so now my iguana makes all the major decisions. In fact, he picked my current boyfriend. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/3/2008 4:27:05 PM | When I let my heart do the talking, it eventually led to serious and fairly deep hurt. Hurt that lasted a long time, taking a long time to heal....
Since I've allowed my brain to take over, I have loneliness from time to time......
I guess the equivalent would be: the heart is a sharp pain that eventually subsides.....while the brain is more like a dull ache that never seems to stop....
After breaking my back years ago, and knowing how pain thresholds work, I would much rather deal with the daily dull ache than the really bad deep pain that can actually take your breath away........
So I stay with my brain now......... | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/3/2008 4:42:34 PM | This is where I am in my life.
I left my toxic marriage because I realized that it was borderline abusive and Ihad too much self respect to allow myself to be treated the way that I was. It was incredibly difficult. I pulled the rug out from undermyself. Literally in the middle of fighting for my life. I felt it might get dangerous. And I loved him dearly for 10 years.
I do to this very day. But going back would mean relinquishing all self respect. So I am acting with my brain and feeling with my heart. I find I can't even begin to feel for anyone else the way I felt for him. I wonder if my brain is protecting my heart by not allowing it. He was not an awful person, but he was unaware of his personality flaws and unwilling to change.
My heart seems to have shut down. Emotionally I am the happiest with myself that I have ever been. Secure, despite insecure times. Able to hold myself. But I'd like to give my heart another run. My brain would have to approve. So I suppose they both monitor each other. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/3/2008 5:08:07 PM | | When the your brain and your heart start arguing, take your penis out for a beer and follow to his advice. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/3/2008 5:15:28 PM | | Heart wins every time. No question. You feel that in your bones. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/3/2008 5:15:47 PM | | I think if you use your brain it leaves you with a healthy heart in the long run, we first meet someone our heart often rules too fast , which has caused me pain in the past and the older i get the less i feel i can over come stuff so my vote stays with use your brain..... | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:19:25 PM | For me, my heart now consults with my brain at all times..as my heart tends to rush in and is too spontaneous without making clear decisions..
Although this is still not a sure fire way to avoid a broken heart atleast both my brain and my heart have to accept joint responsibility now for whatever happens. In my biological make-up no longer can the blame be put solely on my heart.............................. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:49:31 AM | If my brain is making the decisions then I doubt that I'm feeling much for whoever it is. If it was up to my brain I would probably hardly ever date because I'd always be looking for reasons why someone wasn't 'right'.
Once my heart gets involved my brain usually becomes a back seat driver - offering useless instructions that are ignored until they get so loud they can't be ignored any more. And that's when I know I need to get out of whatever mess I'm in. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:12:21 PM | I try negotiations between my brain and my heart.
The conversation goes something like this.
heart: But I liiiiiike him.
brain: Yes, but you're making too many excuses for him. Move on.
heart: But I'm attracted to HIM.
brain: Ummm, yes, well, get busy, work, watch oprah and put some space between you two.
heart: sigh! If only, just this once, I wish it was mutual.
brain: uhuh, don't rush, take some self improvement sessions, get therapy, move on.
heart: how about I settle for friendship?
brain: couldn't hurt, might learn something.
heart: I'll knit him a scarf
brain: Knit 5 scarves, send one to each relative and work that frustration through.
I had to stop, I'm cracking myself up...'cause I've actually done this. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:58:03 PM | Good post Val0214, well done...
My answer would be that it would depend on what lies in your heart. Many things, many emotions can exist there, love though hate and the range in between. Love can give way to hate and so many other negatives. If your mind speaks logic at least you have that and perhaps can guide you well, but if your heart speaks emotion then what happens when love is rejected? We hope that our minds can recover and overcome the powerful instincts that are part of us from birth, separating us from what our hearts are capable of. Then again no real love existed that was born of logic. Perhaps what is most important is what lies in our hearts and mind, to do the human thing and to combine the power of the two all the time. Otherwise we may see more of what Shakespeare shared with us from his own heart. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:45:03 PM | | Take up knitting Zero...Very therapeutic. | |
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| Brain vs Heart
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:31:14 PM | Here's a more scientific, interesting and condense understanding of the Brain vs Heart debate.
Psychologists once maintained that emotions were purely mental expressions generated by the brain alone. Emotions have as much to do with the heart and body as they do with the brain. Of the bodily organs, the heart plays a particularly important role in our emotional experience. The experience of an emotion results from the brain, heart and body acting in concert. Studies have shown that the heart is indeed linked to our emotions and our health, vitality and well-being.
Recent HeartMath studies define a critical link between the heart and brain. The heart is in a constant two-way dialogue with the brain — our emotions change the signals the brain sends to the heart and the heart responds in complex ways. However, we now know that the heart sends more information to the brain than the brain sends to the heart. And the brain responds to the heart in many important ways.
This research explains how the heart responds to emotional and mental reactions and why certain emotions stress the body and drain our energy. As we experience feelings like anger, frustration, anxiety and insecurity, our heart rhythm patterns become more erratic. These erratic patterns are sent to the emotional centers in the brain, which it recognizes as negative or stressful feelings. These signals create the actual feelings we experience in the heart area and the body. The erratic heart rhythms also block our ability to think clearly.
When we experience heart-felt emotions like love, care, appreciation and compassion, the heart produces a very different rhythm. In this case it is a smooth pattern that looks like gently rolling hills. Harmonious heart rhythms, which reflect positive emotions, are considered to be indicators of cardiovascular efficiency and nervous system balance. This lets the brain know that the heart feels good and often creates a gentle warm feeling in the area of the heart. This is what we miss during breakups, stress, and relationship anxiety. Exercise, proper diet, yoga and daily mediations can help counter the daily negativity we experience in Life and help rationalize our decision process. | |
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