| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:06:19 PM | Dear Diary,
Love doesn't exit. It was created by certain Asian references to sell commerical products and over-value lust.
Postscript - The term ordinary was created to eradicate the alpha from the counter-culture.
Post-postscript - My neighbor has receding eyebrows ... keep an eye on him! He might be a communist. | |
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Render
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Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 102 | |
| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/25/2008 3:41:14 PM | | Of course love exists. I'm a father. I know what love is. It's not the same as the "love" that we see in movies and television. That "love" is not real. What I feel for my son, I have never felt, nor will ever feel for another person. That is real love. I'm just griping about the "love" that everyone on POF is searching for. It's not there. Instead, find someone you can tolerate for a long time. Someone who shares your plans, dreams, and goals. Someone you can partner with. That's the best that any of us can hope for. "The One" isn't out there. "The One" is a pipe dream, and we're all just fooling ourselves to think that they are. I don't want "The One." Instead, I want something real. | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/25/2008 5:40:21 PM | Render,
That's a trick!
What you feel for your son isn't love, but self-gratification and possessiveness! Same way someone might want to protect their land by throwing a fence around it and calling it a country.
By the way: My name is Johnny and I'm here to say ... Hello! | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:08:02 PM | Love does exist
Learning it
In it's various forms
Is life's purpose
Having a child
Teaches unconditional love
Relationships
Teach romantic love
The hardest to learn
Is loving the seemingly
Unlovable
There are
No throw-away people | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:44:48 PM | The love of a child can not be weighed in gold
The love for a child exists as much as my beating heart
Children are not possessions
But gifts to ourselves
Unconditional love, the best kind
The smile on their faces, the innocence of their minds
To say no such love exists
Is a tragedy in itself
For the love of a child is like no other kinds
Now far as true love from a significant other, that is another story and i am sure i will put my two cents in soon | |
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mmmmmy
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Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 107 | |
| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:54:51 PM | byron.......I could hardly compare my love for my son....to a fence! It is a complete and fullfilling love that one shall never find anywhere else! It begins from the moment they are conceived and carries on throughout our lifetime and even thereafter!
I can only say, maybe you don't have any children, or you have been with a parent that found you to be their "property" I may be wrong, I hope so my friend!
 | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/25/2008 8:24:11 PM | here i lie
a broken shell
bombed beyond belief
how many times before have the explosions occurred
countless
in ones mind
and yet i live
reborn at last
life within my grasp
a childs vision guides mine eyes as they open to the day
imagine
the hope within
imagine
let there be hope
note: the love of ones child is unconditional and pure...it is nothing else...it is most certainly not a fence | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:13:15 PM | Ha.
Well, I'm not going to argue with you.
I mean, that's the secret right? Indulging in those ideals and pretending it all means something. Romance and love and children and Gods and ... and.. burger king?
Heh.
Whatever it is, you're all still beautiful to me... I just happen to a cynic with bad breath and dirty laundry.
Carry on! | |
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T.M.S.
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Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 110 | |
| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/26/2008 3:55:15 PM | .
(I wrote this about someone local, not intended toward this crowd.... thanks)
I told you I admired you
you laughed at my sincerity
I told you your words were special
you built a wall to keep me out
I told you I was a friend
through trick and win
you turned your back and walked away
leaving me as a solo writer
I told you it didn't matter
that my skin was thick and tough
the truth is your "special words"
have seared my side and left bruises
not the ones you speak on stage
but the cloudy ones you spill in vain
on roadsides, with accusatory judgement
I think I'm the one who was the fool | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:16:42 PM | Love . . . Six?
the light that crosses lover's eyes
if you've never felt it, then
you may think I'm full of shit
the plain comfort in enjoying who your with
sometimes it's just the one person who's
not stabbing you in your back
knowing when you come across
something, someone that this person
is who you were looking for
someone who makes the rest of it go away
look man there's a war going on, don't know where you're from, haven't
read your profile, not gonna. people gettin jacked up everday, i've met
mercenaries, and regular everyday soldiers.
protests, there are some who shouldn't be there, but some of us need to be there, for whatever reason. no fight in ya, be a chaplain er whatever,
there's other things goin on, new orleans, brad pitt, and angelina, could use some help,
india gettin screwed. weather's killing em, farmer's committing mass suicide cause they're getting killed by monsanto, and big business.
california's probably on fire somewhere, or will be soon.
there's a revoultion goin on in tibet, people are cleaning up from devestation . . . everywhere. I'm sure they could use the help.
Don't know why you have the time to ask whatever it was you were asking, and
questioning the bonds between parent and child, don't know what to say
climb out of your mom's basement and find something to do.
think you might be on the wrong thread.
the one you might be looking for is . . . your a ****, and here's why!
There's alot of things to do, and places that could use help, and I'm asking someone to come to these places with me, or . . . be there when I'm home.
yeah, just so you don't go, and off yourself cause your feelings were hurt
i'll give you the advice our land nav instructor gave us
"if your lost, look up, and see where everyone else is!" | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/26/2008 7:43:21 PM | Something i wrote in the past and it seems fitting with the theme that seems to be of late in here, edited of course but most of its the same thoughts
Why is it that tiny words can mean so much? Whos idea was that to give them such power? Amazing how it takes a simple thing as four letters to turn a persons world upside down in mere minutes. Could change you for a lifetime. Destructive, but the most wonderful feeling in the world.
So why such a big fuss over a tiny little word? Why does it control all our emotions? Why do you we let it? No seriously what is all the fuss about? What is it though a person, a place, an event? Something we dream up with our imaginations? Maybe we just enjoy the sheer joy of pain, what a oxymoron. Notice there is the word moron in there. Is it an expensive pair of shoes you only wear in good weather so you wont ruin them? Or is it a mere cheap pair of flip flops that are only comfortable if you head off to the beach?
It is so diverse in itself. Intense, so fulfilling, so colourful, so black and white, gray, so empty at times or so crazy its beautiful. Even leaves a bittersweet taste in your mouth.
Sometimes its EVERYTHING but sometimes its NOTHING.
It seems to be an uncertain flavour in life. Sometimes we cant get enough of it, even when we had our fill, we still want another serving. Sometimes we feel so sick to our tummies from it. I want it. I need it. Tiny tastes of it, not too filling but enough to make me come back for more.Savour the moments, cherish each of them as they were new.
So mind boggling really. Like a fragile deck of cards. Like building a tower with them but one little sneeze and the whole thing could topple over. But no matter what you will get on that ladder and rebuild. You know sometimes the truth hurts, and reality bites.
Love is pain
and
Love is pleasure | |
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T.M.S.
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Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 113 | |
| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:46:32 AM | that was cool.... great write K
one of these days chick......
Dear Diary,
I put Nickey down for bed. It was one of those nights when he had a long afternoon nap. He was restless. He asked me for one more hug. I told him to lay down and I would be in, in a minute. I hugged him. I told him that I loved him and it was time for bed. I retreated to the back porch to finish my late night smoke ritual. No sooner had I lit the smoke when I heard, "dad".... I set down my smoke in the green glass ashtray. I went to his side and looked sternly at him. He reach up and said, "I just needed one more hug." I obliged. I forgot to tell him that I loved him when I tucked him back in. As I went to the sliding glass door to finish my cig... from his bed I heard, "I love you." He slept well that night. I slept well that night.
TMS | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:53:12 AM | I walk in the bedroom,
and find comfort, as
your all wrapped up, with
your head at the foot
of your bed
I think of getting you a pillow,
but I don't want to disturb you, I
kneel down in hope that your maybe awake and stare at your
eyelids, nothing
starting to snore
I sit down on the floor
for a minute, and think
about the day ahead
turn around kiss your lips
get you your pillow, and head
out to work | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/28/2008 4:57:16 PM | absolutely loved that last write eyes....bout the pillow(kinda).....Visual....very well said girl.....and T.M.S....loved that write as well....
Run and hide
behind hate
if it makes you feel better....
and when you straighten it all out
in your mind
and finally seee
why this very moment was here
I'll still be willing to love you
regardless of shoes
or burger king
or what anyone else says
because that's what I do
not because God told me to
not because it convinces me of other falsities
but because it actually IS productive (multiplying itself..producing fruit worth eating)
and it actually FEELS good
hateful ways and violence: counter productive
I never did get far peddling backwards on my bike
actually most often found myself in the exact same spot....
going nowhere...
sure am glad I figured that one out quickly
or else I'd still be sittin' in the woods on my dirtbike....
in my hometown.....
starved....
and alone... | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/28/2008 5:16:44 PM | Dear Diary,
I wish I could fix the world...yanno??.....Wish I could make folks see.....that sadness even serves a temporary purpose....but it's purpose IS NOT to consume us. I wish I could show them what I see when I look at each of them. I wish we weren't our own worst critics. I wish that we coulda just knew all the stuff we hafta learn....for that would be the only way to eliminate suffering and such. If we eliminated it otherwise it wouldn't fulfill the purpose that it needed to. For the suffering leads to enlightenment eventually...and to rob someone of their suffering or sadness would be robbing them of their eyes. I wish I could SHOW them how it works....I wish I could show them a childhood wrapped up in abuse.....surrounded by anger....and what such an environment produced in the immediate following....the miserable times.....the self inflicted pain....I wish I could show you a father that realized what he did upon losing everything...and then show you ten years later a changed man.....who was just lost, and had to suffer to find his way....just as I had to suffer so that I wouldn't grow into a hateful violent being too... THEN I wish I could show them the loving heart that was a product of it all.....and the tons and tons of folks that have appreciated the hands that would stroke their hair while they cried....the arms that would hold them regardless of what they did wrong, and regardless of why.....and the ears that would listen to everything they had to say.......and the hope in their eyes upon finding such a person to unconditionally love them....b/c I KNOW what it's like to be lost...I know what it's like to absolutely hate yourself and everything that you've done...the bed you made.....and lying in it sleepless....I know what it's like to pray for death....to hurt others because I hurt.....to hate others because I hated myself....to wanna kick somebody's ass 'cause I had mine kicked a few times a day.......I know that I wouldn't understand all of this had I not suffered.....and I know that the hope in others' eyes upon finding understanding and love is priceless....and makes the suffering worth it....because there's NOTHING else that can make my heart feel that way.....absolutely nothing else that can remind me of how great this life is....and how we cross each others paths for a reason....upon getting to the end of "myself"...i found me......what I was meant to be....
i hurt for those others,
ash
pride is a dangerous thing | |
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mmmmmy
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Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 117 | |
| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/28/2008 5:38:00 PM |   Wonderful write Ash my girl! Every word was so heartfelt and true.
I so admire a young woman that has such insight into her past and heart, it is quite the
admirable trait my friend. I am sorry of the way it was handed to you...Yet you amaze me everyday with your kind heart and words. You are quite a wonderful young woman.I know you will be something great, although you are now, the world has a special thing for you! Never stop writing your feelings. You have a gift , my friend!
hugs mmmmmy | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:33:13 PM | | thankya doll....fealt like I was puttin' myself out there......those thoughts overflowed when I read the discussion that took place over the last few pages.....and the pain that started the discussion.....either way.....still kinda feel self-conscious for "exposing" myself so much...but my gut said write it....so i did...much luv 2 u lady! | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:37:27 PM | Always enjoy your soulful writes Ash and once again eyes its always good to see your mind . Hey T such a cute diary thought. And nice to see you mmmmmy
Dear Diary,
I need something....something like this........
You fill the empty part of my bed with warmth.
Lay beside me, let me feel your dreams.
Watch you breathing into a comatose like state.
Watch you as you sleep.
Comfort me
Put my soul to rest
Each night
I know you are there,
When i fall asleep
When i awake.
You are there to make each day turn from
Wrong
To
Right
To make memories to last a lifetime
In my bed beside me
Where you belong
Nothing but a neurotic romantic
Kim | |
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mmmmmy
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Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 121 | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:09:11 PM | | dang.......thanks......I mean really.......warms my heart to hear that......and thanks for the vote of confidence.........can u tell I'm at a loss for words here?.....and a little shy about compliments......thankya babe.....for feelin' me..... | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/30/2008 12:20:35 AM | Mr. Anti-citizen.
This is for those that soldier,
Those that kill, devastated,
For false agendas,
Gods who pray to men who reflect chaos
Who are preordained to swoon at the
Smell of perfumes their gunfire exercise.
Men who sink in the dirt with
Handfuls of good-will.
Did they imagine life would be easier if
They lived for love?
This is for those men that
Gape, wide-jawed at comets passing through,
For those that avenge invisible boundary-lines
Set by Gods with white teeth and
A mass public willing to crucify its
Stolen charities.
How conscience penetrates the deepest of
Explorations.
This is blood and poverty and
Songs of consumption
And
It gnaws truth till it spirals into a puzzle.
Spiritually damaged, reinventing
Themselves through television, standing
On the roots of their fathers and
Their fathers before them,
Believing in the withering denunciations and
Magic formulas of Bureaucrats who
Now beg forgiveness for believing in heaven.
Men who have spent the last hundred years learning to hate themselves,
Working for humiliating wages,
Believing more in the power of lottery than
The power of Gods,
That tendency to daydream and
Bump into advertisements and garbage
That burning desire to rise from the blood
Their ancestors laid out for them in the
Ashes of slaves and Indians.
Where is that family now?
Crucified by culture.
This is for those that soldier,
Whose commandments are:
Sit up straight, don’t raise your voice, do what we tell you. What time is?
Whatever you say, sir. | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:41:23 AM | has it only been 150 years ago that doctors trained as barbers
only 100 years ago that women finally looked like they might have their voices heard?
(96 since they first voted nationally)
70 years since an evil rose and spread across the earth
killing tens of millions of every color and kind
63 since the mushroom shaped cloud seared its image onto our soul
history of how we are didn't start with one birth,
it won't end with one death
perspective is how we sort
perseverance, how we survive
persistance in the power of plowing ahead
thru whatever chaff we harvest along with the wheat
it isnt the end of times
or the end of thinking it is
somewhere in that soup of self indulgence
we taste our weakness
and choke on it | |
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| Raw and emotionally exposed....Dear Diary thoughts
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:59:47 AM | Unexpected
He wants something he cant quite comprehend
He craves me like no other
Feeling his hands on my hips
Kissing me on my lips
Such a hungry feeling
He cant get full
Thirsty for more
Loves the taste of my skin
Wants the ultimate sin
But he doesnt know where to begin
Tingles of the mind
Tingles of the heart | |
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