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~Kyn~
| | Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 28 | |
| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 3:29:38 PM |
the thing was, he wasn't willing to compromise either and became somewhat fanatical on it
See here's the thing IMO OP...I dont reallllly think religion had anything to do with it.
It could just as well have been differing stances on a sports activity he wanted to commit to and you support him in.
The fact was...you were both being stubborn in your positions and when you stated your cases to the other...each of you simply dug your heels in a little deeper and it escalated to division.
What it all boils down to is communication and negotiation.
What we are willing to give and to receive.
Its kinda like arguing the glass is half empty or half full...both of you are right but there's still an argument over it that leads to separation.
Imagine how highly he would have thought of you...to support him in something you didnt much care for...but did it for him anyway
^^^Thats the difference. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 4:10:39 PM | | i just don't think it should have required me participating in something he knew made me uncomfortable. kind of compares to the whole "if you love me, you'd sleep with me" line. i have a feeling, he wouldn't have thought highly of me at all, rather he would have seen that as an opportunity for control in future things. people should not be required to compromise themselves, their feelings or beliefs to "impress" another or have them think highly of them. if there had been true respect there to begin with, he would have respected my decision, not freaked out over it! | |
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~Kyn~
| | Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 31 | |
| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 4:30:49 PM |
i have a feeling, he wouldn't have thought highly of me at all, rather he would have seen that as an opportunity for control in future things.
As Ive already stated my opinion...just a quick comment to this ^^^
IF you felt that his underlying intention was a control factor...absolutely stand your ground. Thats also just as likely a possibility to why he reacted so vehemently to the situation.
And that surely is your call because as in most threads...or the written word infact...all the information cannot be presented, nor the spectrum of semantics.
I think...that you've doubted yourself...and answered yourself.
So if this thread gave you validation for what you knew was ultimately true in your heart...thats all that matters.
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 4:34:29 PM | this will be a good thread. i consider myself religious, i sing in a professional southern gospel quartet. i dont drink, smoke, drugs, i dont say swear words. do i consider myself better than anybody else? heck no!. here is how i feel on it, religion IS important BUT as a personal thing. if the dude quit dating you because you didnt go to church? man, red flags would have been going off in my head..saying 'control freak' . i have heard many times that christians are their own worst enemies..as far as bible thumping..ha, the dude is off his rocker..you get nowhere thumping anybody with scripture..i guess the point i want to make is..religion is a PERSONAL thing..should not be a relationship breaker...
billy | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 5:19:16 PM |
it was as though a switch was flipped when i made my feelings known
Sounds like the onset of a control issue to me.
Dad makes him go to church, so he wants to make you go to church. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 5:24:20 PM | | I tend not to care what religeon someone is, but I have had people leave me for being a Nihilst ( which I am not, I am an egotheist there is a major difference). I am not an athiest or an agnostic and I abhore Nihilism more than I find it hard to swallow the concept of a god. I do not think your faith should in anyway impune anothers right to believe ( or not believe) in anything you want. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 5:44:05 PM | I think what he did was rude but I am glad you tried to handle the religious part in a civil and respectful manner.
Would I break up with them? Knowing myself I would. The reason is because ones spiritual (Whatever they may be) beliefs are a cornerstone to a person’s makeup. It’s hard to ignore. Maybe when I was younger but after dealing with people who are religiously (Or whatever) on the same page (And in the same book lol) as myself… I can’t imagine having a stronger feeling of connection with anything else.
But at the same time I guess that counters my logic since I believe part of a fantastic relationship is having a connection religiously. lol | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 5:47:46 PM | I am not religious in any sense of the word, so it would be a deal breaker in my case. Not so much my doing, but I have found those who are really religous can't stand the fact that others not only don't believe as they do and have no intenton of changing. Like the only thing that will make it right for them is if everyone else believes as they say!
I don't do extremists. Left, right or religious. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 5:53:47 PM | | I have to be careful who I date. I'm pagan and I'm not willing to convert for anyone, nor do I expect them to do the same for me. I respect your religion, you respect mine. I've sadly dated a few Christians who dated me to convert me. I'm a bit weary of Christians now. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:01:56 PM | I was brought up in a very religious home but I was never able to live up to the expectations of most religions and chose in my adult life to only go to church when it feels right to me or if I feel the need. I don't condone people who pretend to be religious but don't live the life they portray. But at the same time I believe in not being judgemental and can't speak for anyone but myself.
My faith is important to me and I can't see myself being told I can NEVER attend church or speak of my faith to someone. I've dated men who were adamant about never wanting to hear anything about religion and that was also a turn off for me. People who are mature enough to decide for themselves whether or not to believe in God should also be mature enough to allow others their freedom of speech. I won't bible thump anyone, but I might occassionally speak of something that happened in my life that I felt was "devine intervention" or something. There have been a lot of times that I felt that I was saved from certain death by unseen forces..guardian angels or whatever.
If I know someone is an athiest, I'm not going to try to convince them of something they will never believe in, but I would always say a silent prayer on their behalf and hope that someone or something will happen to change their mind. It's not my job to save anyone.
I'm not one to judge another's beliefs or unbelief. And I wouldn't want anyone to judge me for mine either. It's basically all just the universal golden rule. Treat others as you want to be treated and that includes respecting their beliefs or lack thereof. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:06:49 PM |
I have to be careful who I date. I'm pagan and I'm not willing to convert for anyone, nor do I expect them to do the same for me. I respect your religion, you respect mine. I've sadly dated a few Christians who dated me to convert me. I'm a bit weary of Christians now.
I do not blame you. Welcome to our world. Christians are scary and they outnumber us. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:07:34 PM |
I have to be careful who I date. I'm pagan and I'm not willing to convert for anyone, nor do I expect them to do the same for me. I respect your religion, you respect mine. I've sadly dated a few Christians who dated me to convert me. I'm a bit weary of Christians now.
With all the pagan friends I have I would say so. It's no fun dating Christians when you’re a pagan especially, it seems. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:26:56 PM | | That is a good question because I don't know when to bring religious beliefs up either. On the one hand, you don't want to appear preachy or closed-minded, but if you have certain religious beliefs (like I do), you want to be with someone who shares, or at least respects, your point of view. And when should one ask about that? Any suggestions? | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:29:14 PM |
That is a good question because I don't know when to bring religious beliefs up either. On the one hand, you don't want to appear preachy or closed-minded, but if you have certain religious beliefs (like I do), you want to be with someone who shares, or at least respects, your point of view. And when should one ask about that? Any suggestions?
I do respect most people beliefes, few respect mine.I do not share mostpeoples beliefes but I do respect them. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:36:55 PM | so guys, if you were dating someone and everything was great, and religion played a role in your life (big or small), would you end a fantastic relationship over it?
Yup. Wouldnt even think twice about it. I won't even date a non-christian and won't consider marrying a non-catholic. Some battles are worth fighting, some are not. Starting off with someone who holds different belief and value systems is not wise.
the first question most neighbors and co-workers asked her is "what church do you go to" as if it was their business.
It is their business for reasons you will never understand. What may seem trite and simple minded to you is far more complex that you could ever imagine. Do slam a piece of culture that you know nothing about.
To bring a relationship to a head & finalise it over something that means relatively nothing to you...but does to him... seems counterproductive in the war of singledom vs relationships.
Ahhh... a woman with relationship skills... she knows how to pick her battles! Someone close by snatch her up before she gets away!!!
he wasn't willing to compromise either and became somewhat fanatical on it...i really didn't think it was that big of a deal and didn't see the need to sit through something on a hard pew and be bored to tears.
Its one hour a week. If you truly cared for someone, what is one hour a week of being "bored to tears". I have sat and watched many a chick flick or sitcom and been bored to tears. So what? It was important to my mate. You bend a little, you give a little and they bend a litte and give a little... its only when you become rigid does something have to break.
I would be willing to bet good money there was a huge social stigma attached to your attending services with him. Probably a lot of your being accepted by his friends, family and colleagues hinged on your attendance.
Imagine how highly he would have thought of you...to support him in something you didnt much care for...but did it for him anyway
^^^Thats the difference.
WOOO HOOO!!! (oh... wait... I meant...) Amen sister! Amen! | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:50:34 PM |
so guys, if you were dating someone and everything was great, and religion played a role in your life (big or small), would you end a fantastic relationship over it?
I wouldn't even begin a relationship with someone who wasn't on at least a very similar page with me, religion-wise. What would be the point? What would I have in common with an atheist, for example? We would look at things completely differently and we would go about our daily lives and decision making in entirely different ways. Choosing someone who doesn't think like yourself on the really basic things is a prescription for disaster. It's fine to have friends of other religious backgrounds, etc. but why on earth would you want a life partner who isn't on the same wavelength as yourself?
Someone who doesn't believe isn't someone I have anything in common with. It is definitely not someone I would trust to raise my child were something to happen to me, it's not someone I would trust to handle my affairs, or make any important decisions were I to become incapacitated, etc.
As I said, I would not have to end a "fantastic relationship" over this issue, because I would not even begin one with someone who doesn't at least think similarly, spiritually speaking. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:07:44 PM | | This is a very touchy topic, as I know from my own beliefs and the Christian masses that do the "Bible Thump" thing. I am a Christian but am also not a fan of organized religion, although I still go to church regularly. However, the guy you were seeing was extremely narrow minded because he didn't ask, or you didn't post, the true question that should be a deal breaker for a relationship: "Do you believe in God" or "Are you a Christian." Depending on his faith, I'd assume the 2nd question should have been his deal breaker and for me it is the 1st. If the foundation of your relationship is your belief in God, then there's strength no matter what happens. Without a shared belief, there will always be questions and doubt that will erode away even the greatest of love. Of course, this is strictly my opinion, just a Christian that doesn't believe in force-feeding faith. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:15:30 PM | | aprincelyfrog -->i have never made a man sit through a "chick flick". if they're not interested they're not interested. and it's an hour a week of MY time. time that I CHOOSE how it's spent, not someone else. if it's spent doing something i do not wish to do and will make me unhappy, i'll only end up resenting them for it. that's his perogative if he wishes to do it for someone, but i had no reason to. i am no longer going to check this thread because a majority of people answered my question while maintaining respect for others without preaching or becoming insulting, while others like yourself have made it into something it was never meant to be. furthermore, it is NO ONE'S business, especially neighbors whom you don't know, whether or not a person attends a weekly religious service. and to quote your own words "It is NONE of their business for reasons you will never understand"!! furthermore, "a huge social stigma" should never be attached to person just because they do not step foot inside a church. i am a great person. i volunteer for local charities, many of which are organized by church's yet that is never a question when volunteering my time; you know why? BECAUSE IT ISN'T THE ISSUE! helping others WITHOUT JUDGEMENT IS and that is what makes a person great, not which building they choose or not choose to step inside! | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:57:28 PM | Princelyfrog,
congratulations, you win the prize for arrogance but unfortunately not the one for intellectual abilities.
There is a vast difference between going for a movie that bores you to make someone happy, and going to a religious service. The latter implies belief in the supernatural creature, created in Man's image, and for the worshipping of whom people have congregated. In other words, it corresponds to putting on a T-shirt carrying the words 'I too cannot think, I too believe in things for which there is no evidence, and for which we'd have to put aside all known laws of the natural sciences. Hallelujah'.
I do not care we are talking about the flying spaghetti monster, or the 'god' whose followers took joy in killing 3,000 people on Sept 11, or the one whose worshippers burnt witches alive, I am never going to pretend to believe in any superstitious nonsense.
You're a strong woman OP - my compliments. Don't let anyone tell you what to think and how to act. | |
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| religion in a relationship...deal breaker?
Posted: 3/16/2008 8:11:04 PM |
I do not care we are talking about the flying spaghetti monster, or the 'god' whose followers took joy in killing 3,000 people on Sept 11, or the one whose worshippers burnt witches alive, I am never going to pretend to believe in any superstitious nonsense.
You're a strong woman OP - my compliments. Don't let anyone tell you what to think and how to act.
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Could'nt have said it better myself! | |
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