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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/19/2008 11:32:59 PM | | LilBrooker (Message 42): that's what I've been asking myself. I am analyzing the situation, meaning -- am I getting something important out of it that I need? And am I more satisfied/happy than dissatisfied/unhappy. Hard to tell at this point where this is going - if anywhere. | |
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| Existentialism and This Dating Site
Posted: 3/19/2008 11:42:17 PM | Orcaanna (Message 48) - I do believe that I am being shortchanged. I have everything to lose in this situation and nothing to gain. Even if we stay together, he gains and I lose.
He is 71. This means he doesn't have much longer to go in relatively good health; that is, assuming that he hasn't lied to me and he has cancer, a heart condition or some other condition. So, even if we move forward and stay together, I will have just a few good years with him. Actually, the years won't be so good. He has an alcoholic son who's in rehab now, so that is a major pain in the a*s because he's worried about the situation. It affects him, so it affects me. If the son is having a difficult time, he crashes at his father's place, so I can't go over there.
Even if we can manage 4 to 5 good years, he will then die and I will be left alone and sad. I will be older by then, so I will be less marketable; yes, we have to face it, it's a market out there. I do have looks on my side, a pleasant and engaging personality, and I am a nice person, but still, I will be older, which will be a detriment to me. In addition, he is cheap, so he wouldn't be taking care of me financially. On the other hand, if he were to screw around, I would leave him (or divorce him, if we had gotten married); the problem with that is that since he is retired and has no work income, I might have to pay HIM spousal support! Talk abour ironies of all ironies: the wronged partner having to pay the wrongdoer!
He has everything to gain: a good looking, joyful, pleasant, funny, youthful, intelligent, spirited, good lover and partner who will be his NURSE!
Methinks the scales are tipped WAY in HIS favor! | |
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| Existentialism and This Dating Site
Posted: 3/19/2008 11:48:04 PM | | Applause to Tralaza (Message 38). I agree with what you said; I also don't want to be a nurse. Many men fu*k around their entire lives, don't give their heart to any woman, practice being emotionally aloof, turn themselves on at the right moment and off as soon as the sex is done - yet when they need a woman to nurse them, they find one, get married, and use her for company and to provide care, just like they used the many that came before her for just sex. Many men are users - plain and simple. | |
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| Existentialism and This Dating Site
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:47:08 AM | | Thanks for the info, Word. Needless to say, it was a PRIVATE message, meaning, not to be shared with others. Thanks again. | |
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| Existentialism and This Dating Site
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:52:09 AM | To Orcaanna (Message 48): I should add to my initial reply to you that while the scales are tipped in his favor and I have everything to lose and nothing to gain, I could at least deal with it if he was romantic and did some of the little things that I already discussed with him: flowers or some token of affection every once in a while would be great, such as flowers (an entire bunch costs $6.99 at Safeway; even a single flower form his garden would do). A small box of candy ($10.00 at See's). A balloon ($1 at Safeway) with a heart or a kiss or something for lovers on it. A card ($1 to $4) with something nice written on it would be wonderful. Even calling (no cost) during the morning or afternoon spontaneously and without it being on its usual schedule would be great.
His behavior just does not show that he's really into me. I'm not going to stay in this much longer if things don't change. | |
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| Existentialism and This Dating Site
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:31:10 AM | Whoa! Why are people encouraging this man to take ED pills when it's obvious he doesn't have ED? It's probably not "cheapness" at all that's holding him back from doing that, just common sense about putting unnecessary drugs in his body.
I'm certainly no expert, I know enough to realize that men are as individual in their sexuality as women are. Some, even in their youthful vigour, require more stimulation (friction, speed, intensity) to climax than others. That's a lot of physical effort, and it's hardly a surprise that even a relatively fit man could have problems maintaining that for a long period (if he's naturally the type who requires a long session) as he gets older. Not all men, of course, but some - and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Another poster mentioned the possibility of aching joints, etc., that could make some vaginal sex positions painful.
OP, if you really DO enjoy this man's companionship as much as you said in one of your earlier posts (you did backtrack about that in some later ones, so I really don't know what to make of that), it's time to have a frank discussion with him about it, and be open to vaginal sex where you have to do the majority of the physical "work" involved. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:51:26 PM |
His behavior just does not show that he's really into me. I'm not going to stay in this much longer if things don't change.
OP, I believe you just answered your own question!
Why would you want to be with someone who is older and does not give you what you want, sexually or emotionally? | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/20/2008 4:50:26 PM | ***One other issue is that he drinks quite a bit.
I am betting he drinks more than you know and alcohol is known to have this effect on that part of the male anatomy. And ifn he has been drinkin' for a long time, I am betting his excuses will continue too...and I bet he doesn't perform oral on you, does he? That vagina problem....
earthen
My advice is you need someone younger than 71...MUCH younger.... | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:12:17 AM | OP: I have found that men who are cheap (money-wise) are also cheap emotionally (31 years experience with a man who made Scrooge look benevolent).
Oh, sweetie; you sound beautiful inside and out.......every second you spend with someone who isn't meeting your needs is a second wasted.
I only spent 31 years that way (LOL, LOL)
It's amusing sex was the ONLY good thing in my marriage; now it has been 3 years since I have....ahhhh. indulged; I have paint chips in my teeth from chewing on the walls, but have not found a man I want to be intimate with (well, I HAVE, but that is a long story).
Hugs, Rossal | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 5/30/2008 12:25:54 PM | could be boredom or sexual preference to oral stimulation..
but who really knows? Atleast he can get some satisfaction and hopefully satify her
hey I hope I can still rock the boat at 70!..
dusty | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:31:30 PM | | There could be some medical or psychological reason but I'm guessing for what ever reason, oral turns him on and it's the only thing he wants to do. Now does her return the favor or just get his? | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:10:14 AM | | as long as you're talking about E.D. what is protocal for that? when should a man reveal that tid bit if he has it? I think i would be pretty upset to find out at "that moment" that ummm....the plumbing's not going to work so to speak. Just curious. | |
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| Existentialism and This Dating Site
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:31:59 AM |
I should add to my initial reply to you that while the scales are tipped in his favor and I have everything to lose and nothing to gain, I could at least deal with it if he was romantic and did some of the little things that I already discussed with him: flowers or some token of affection every once in a while would be great, such as flowers (an entire bunch costs $6.99 at Safeway; even a single flower form his garden would do). A small box of candy ($10.00 at See's). A balloon ($1 at Safeway) with a heart or a kiss or something for lovers on it. A card ($1 to $4) with something nice written on it would be wonderful. Even calling (no cost) during the morning or afternoon spontaneously and without it being on its usual schedule would be great.
His behavior just does not show that he's really into me. I'm not going to stay in this much longer if things don't change.
If you have any investment in this situation at all, consider couples counseling. I was involved with an elderly man, age 76. Now before you go "ewwwww" - the sex was fine and he never once used any ED drugs. That was not the issue. He had psychiatric problems that interfered with his being in a relationship. We did go to counseling one time, but shortly after that I broke up with him because of some psychologically abusive behavior. I still see the same counselor, though! (professionally, not romantically)
You should also not regard a 71-year-old as having only 6 or 7 years before dying. If they're reached 71, 20 more years is a more likely scenario. Both promising and scary at the same time!
I don't know why you've stayed this long, but in my case, I truly had some caring feelings for the geezer and worried about his welfare. After we broke up, I contacted the county social services people who deal with elderly clients to keep an eye on him, connect him with services, etc. There are a lot of single old people who have NO family support and society does need to do something for them. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:55:06 AM | Colestrol will prevent blood reaching the penis long before it prevents it reaching the heart.
This is a job for a good GP long before you ask a gyno or a shrink. | |
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| Existentialism and This Dating Site
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:43:12 AM | WITH SEXUALITY JUST ONE PART OF A RELATIONSHIP, WHY WOULD YOU ASK ABOUT A QUESTION ABOUT PAYBACK ??? ARE WE SO LIMITED IN SCOPE THAT ONE CAN NOT SEE OTHER PLACES INSIDE THE HEART THAT SATISFY ONE'S NEED FOR INTIMACY...????? IN A RELATIONSHIP THE CURRENCY IS FROM ALL DIFFERENT PARTS OF A PERSON. WHY WASTE TIME ON TRYING TO FIGURE OUT AND EXCHANGE RATE BETWEEN ONE OR TWO FACETS OF A PERSON.... JUST A THOUGHT
BERNIE | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:59:40 AM | ED is not just "getting it up" It includes not being able to keep it up, AND being a picky****--liking it This way and not That way or whatever. I agree with word, alcohol inhibits erectile functioning--also rich foods, and eating shortly before sex..
the position that works against him the most would be you on top, because it causes the blood circulation to slow down. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:10:56 PM | 71 years is not necessarily old and over the hill, sexually. If he's able to orgasm and be
erect with oral, but not with vaginal penetration, then I do believe he's not wanting a really commitment.
I think for guys, oral sex is satisfying , but penetration is more about commitment and possibly the fear of an unwanted pregnancy.
I don't think he needs any medications for ED, I think he knows exactly where he wants to be in this relationship.
After all, Bill Clinton swore up and down that he did not have sex with Monica and she was blowing him in the Oral office.
He was only committed to her mouth!
If he can get an erection, then there is nothing wrong with the blood flow into his penis. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:11:39 PM | I was so surprised to read through 3 pages of this thread and find no mention of the condition called "delayed" or "retarded ejaculation". According to what I've read, it's the 3rd most common male sexual problem.
Delayed or retarded ejaculation is a condition where a man is unable to reach climax through sexual intercourse. Difficulty in ejaculating is known by doctors as retarded ejaculation. Although men with this problem may be fully sexually aroused during sex and enjoying the stimulation, orgasm seems to take for ever and may not happen at all.
Retarded ejaculation (RE) can be a very distressing condition and make men feel embarrassed, isolated, confused and very frustrated. Partners often blame themselves and feel inadequate, which puts even more pressure on the man to perform and compounds the problem. Some men may have had the condition all their life, in all sexual situations. Some will have no problem when masturbating alone but tense up completely with a partner. Others may only have the problem during intercourse.
Most of what I've read about this condition is that it does in fact, have psychological origins...Many of the men tend to have had a strict upbringing and are very controlled in their lives. Some have terrific drive and detachment, and have risen to the top of their professions. A surprising number have been in the finance industry.
Some of them readily admit to having quite controlling personalities. Very often this is directed inward rather than at other people. They may have difficulty in showing emotions and in 'letting go'.
Other possible factors include: fear of causing pregnancy; fear that the vagina is dirty;
over-strict religious upbringing; latent homosexuality. I've even heard that men who masturbate a great deal can end up with this condition.
There is an abundance of information about this condition on the Net if you google it under either name.
It's also pretty well-known that alcohol intake can dull the senses and increase the need for more pressure to be applied. | |
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All this talk about oral, vaginal and orgasms
IS GIVING ME NEEDS!!!!
