| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:18:52 PM |
Most that don't pay their child support are also abusers or criminals of some sort...ok...maybe not most...but a good deal. So the non payment of child support is just a symptom of something worst many times.
Interesting point and I tend to agree. This does raise the question then: " Why are so many women having kids with losers?" Don't have sex with losers, criminals, abusers and other a-holes should be women's main motto in looking for a partner, it seems. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:21:58 PM | I agree...it is both parents responsibility. I think one does have to do with the other. Our children should not be made to suffer because a parent is a dead beat.
While I understand and agree to some degree, that you are saying if one is seeking sole custody they should be prepared to care entirely for those children without support or assistance. If all it took to raise a child to be a decent adult was money, or who had the bigger annual salary, all of these points would be moot. But specifically it takes more. For some of us, the ex makes more annual than the custodial parent. but that ex is also abusive, unattentive to the children and addicted to one thing or another. For all intent and purpose, it was best for my children to have physical sole custody of them. Their very futures depended upon it. They didnt have as much materialistically as they may have had with their father, but they have their feet firmly planted as a result of those years of "not having the material's". I do not entirely agree with you about not expecting support from the absent parent. Why should a cp not expect it? other than from a practical standpoint, it should be expected if for no other reason to change the status quo. I believe that when you change the way ppl thing generally about a thing, you then begin to change the way they respond in their actions.
But I have to wonder on the ethical questions that accepting the satus quo by our actions, brings up about the ncp's involvement, as well as what we as society are willing to readily accept from an ncp with little or no accountability for failing to meet their responsibility. like i had said before, the system is severely fractured. I think that maybe its best to continue the dialogue in order to effect change. Perhaps not just here but in other aspects of our lives and communities. I did not tollerate having every penny questioned,,, but until the system intervenes and becomes intollerable of such treatment from one to the other, or requires accountability for each penny, nothing is going to change. In order to require accountability for where the money is spent, it first has to define, "What is child support meant for"
I am all about, if its broke, lets see how we can either fix it or make it more efficient.
And yes, we could, ( and have ) gone on with this for days. It has brought up some interesting social commentaries about the entire topic of ncp's and cp's, child support, who its owed to when the children reach the age of majority, etc. At this juncture,, "child support" is a fairly vague concept. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:44:20 PM | I don't believe that more money makes you a better parent either. For a while I was the one who made less....but always took care of my kids. Just because a parent can give the extras does not mean its a good place for them to be. I DO expect him to provide....but I m realistic. I just think that like anything else in life, you should be prepared for the worst. If the worst never happens....then ok. Its better to safe than sorry...old cliche' but still a good one. I really don't think "child support" is a vague concept...child support = Food, medical care, tansportation to and from school, clothing, education expenses....and whatever it takes to improve or maintain a good quality of life.
And yes some of us screw up and marry a loser.....lol. I was too young...my fault. They are not all losers in the beginning. I was married before I even got pregnant. I was married almost 20 years. So not all of started out with a loser. Thats just how it ended.
That could be a whole other thread there...lol. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 3:17:02 PM |
That could be a whole other thread there...lol.
There is at least one old thread about it in "Ask a Girl". At least you were married. I realize that POF forums are not exactly an accurate cross-section of society, but I can't believe how many women I've seen complaining about the incredible loser she had at least one kid with and then wonders why she isn't getting any help or why the guy doesn't spend any time with the kid(s).
And the guys don't get a free ride either. I think there are a lot of stupid guys out there who don't wrap it up and use some spermicide in there for good measure rather than trust a woman when she says she can't get pregnant, is using BC or blah, blah, blah...
There are a lot of stupid people out there. I don't even exclude myself from that group, though my ex pulled some shit that not even her family or friends thought her capable of. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 3:19:36 PM | ""Just because a parent can give the extras does not mean its a good place for them to be.""
AMEN SISTER!
""I DO expect him to provide....but I m realistic. I just think that like anything else in life, you should be prepared for the worst. If the worst never happens....then ok.""
My dad used to tell us " prepare for the worst and hope for the best". good advice!
""I really don't think "child support" is a vague concept...child support = Food, medical care, tansportation to and from school, clothing, education expenses....and whatever it takes to improve or maintain a good quality of life. "
yer a woman, as are many of us.. we usually understand these things,, a good portion of the fellas in this particular thread/scenario seem to be quite vague on the concept of what "child support" actually means in practical application. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 3:36:46 PM |
yer a woman, as are many of us.. we usually understand these things,, a good portion of the fellas in this particular thread/scenario seem to be quite vague on the concept of what "child support" actually means in practical application.
Give it a break, trish. You throw things out with your own little agenda to prove and never even listen to anyone who disagrees in any way with you.
I'd love to see the day when women have to start paying CS and alimony as often as men do and see how much you all like having someone else control your bank account. I think the day is coming, and I welcome it. Of course, I'm also sure that when that day arrives, the laws will finally change. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 3:41:12 PM | Is this still plodding on? Wow!
The ludicrous thing about child support is the very idea that two people who profess to dislike each other so much that they cannot live together, are expected to act civil as long as there are children involved. Even more ridiculous is the belief, by some, that the government or its agencies will get it right even 1/4 of the time, or resolve it in any way deemed equitable by both parties. Another thing I find rather absurd is this misguided concept that getting a divorce would RAISE either party's standard of living.
Sometimes the perception of "Freedom" gained by divorce pales in comparison to what you actually end up with. Some people need to think about THE reality before they go signing up for the BIG D, just cause they are bored, tired, or simply unhappy. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 4:09:44 PM |
I'd love to see the day when women have to start paying CS and alimony as often as men do and see how much you all like having someone else control your bank account. I think the day is coming, and I welcome it. Of course, I'm also sure that when that day arrives, the laws will finally change.
Well....me too but it won't start here in Texas. In this state if you are the male of the species you can expect the following treatment in cases of divorce and child support:
1. You are nothing but a sperm donor.
2. You are identified not as a parent but as an account number.
3. Fully expect to be treated as an ATM machine.
Period. Unless the mother of your children is a blatant crack-whore seen screwing for drugs on the courthouse steps at high noon by a live television crew.......you're in deep shit. Does not matter if your wife was screwing around on you for six months before the divorce or the fact that the person she was screwing happens to be the very same lawyer representing her in court. Welcome to Harris County. 
I'm fully aware of what child support is supposed to be used for. Anything the custodial parent (note that I did not say "mother" or "father") feels is necessary for the care and well-being of the child in question. That's it. Pretty wide swath is it not? I understand this and I accept this. The one thing I cannot fathom is the fact that due to my success at my chosen career path and the additional income that success has provided that I should be forced to pay roughly 24% of my income to the custodial parent who won't keep a job for more than two months at a time. My success should not have to pay for her ineptitude or laziness. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 4:12:42 PM | The one thing I cannot fathom is the fact that due to my success at my chosen career path and the additional income that success has provided that I should be forced to pay roughly 24% of my income to the custodial parent who won't keep a job for more than two months at a time. My success should not have to pay for her ineptitude or laziness.
Texas, Canada, wherever, it's pretty much the same especially the bit about being reduced to being an ATM or Walking Wallet.
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 4:27:37 PM | I know that alot of guys get a raw deal. My step dad remarried after my mom...divorced again...he actually has custody...sole custody. She was only ordered to pay 50 dolars a month. A check bounced and Support Enforcement wanted him to pay it back! Washington and Arizona automatically deduct it from the payors checks and submit through a clearing house. Cuts back on dead beat parents. My ex actually threatened to try and have me pay HIM alimony. I don't believe in alimony even for me...glad that was an empty threat and I have a great lawyer. Sure alimony is sensible for a woman with children that was in a marriage that dictated she be a house wife....until she can get on her feet. I think 2 years should be the max..then a review. I am sorry....I got off on a tangent!
Short of having the custodial present receipts to some sort of go between to get reimbursed for child related expenses....I have no idea what the solution to this would be. Makes everybody too nervous to commit anymore. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 4:28:48 PM | ..."never even listen to anyone who disagrees in any way with you. ""
how would i know if i disagree with them if i dont pay attention to what they are saying? you simply made no sence in that statement.
my "agenda" as you refer to it so negatively, was to pose a question to see if what i had been hearing was any more true than just in my circle of comunity and friends. several points were proven in the process. if thats offensive to you, then i really dont know what to tell you that will help.
personally i think generating dialogue on matters so emotional and political is a good thing. its best to dialogue than steam in your own juices. when we exchange ideas, we will be able to reach a place of agreement rather than one of division.
presently there are no actual laws that give mothers the upperhand when it comes to the question of custody. there are no laws, but the courts sure seem to sway in that direction. it is certainly worth looking into to at least define though. family court usually has fewer perameters than criminal court does. a lot of its decisions are based on educated guesses and taking chances given the evidence presented in regards to what would be in the best interest of the child. again, the system is clearly and severely fractured. i would also love to see the day where the courts werent so anxious to award custody of children in an automatic manner to the mother rather than the father. i dont believe that which determines who is the better parent is based mostly on gender. I would love to see the day when parents are able to put their petty differences aside and actually be effective parents. i would love to live to see the day when there was more accountability to ncp's who dont pay their ordered support. I would also love to see the day when cp's who use their children as pawns are also held accountable for denying access to the ncp.
HOWS THAT FOR MY "LITTLE AGENDA" as you put it? | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 4:39:45 PM |
how would i know if i disagree with them if i dont pay attention to what they are saying?
Paying attention is not quite the same as not listening, but, as usual, you lady trish are correct in all things.
HOWS THAT FOR MY "LITTLE AGENDA" as you put it?
IF THAT WAS ACTUALLY YOUR REAL TAKE ON THINGS I THINK IT IS wonderful.
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 4:54:04 PM | ""how would i know if i disagree with them if i dont pay attention to what they are saying?
Paying attention is not quite the same as not listening, but, as usual, you lady trish are correct in all things.
HOWS THAT FOR MY "LITTLE AGENDA" as you put it?
IF THAT WAS ACTUALLY YOUR REAL TAKE ON THINGS I THINK IT IS wonderful.""
your entire post was flaming,, clearly,, flaming. as in: being inflamatory, an effort to hijack the thread and/or engage one in arguing.
now,, either you have something of worth to offer or you are here to flame.
which is it? | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 5:06:18 PM |
now,, either you have something of worth to offer or you are here to flame.
Not sure how you get that from me agreeing with you, but whatever.
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 6:52:55 PM | Not sure how you get that from me agreeing with you, but whatever.
it wasnt a difficult stretch, when you said
"IF THAT WAS ACTUALLY YOUR REAL TAKE"
given that i have posted directly to that effect several times, your questioning the sincerety makes your post inflamatory. your post could hardly be called an agreement . | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 7:43:56 PM | | you two should just start a new thread.....this reminds me of my kids arguing. Its just mking you guys upset and really not solving anything. Have a nice weekend. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/28/2008 7:55:21 PM |
this reminds me of my kids arguing. Its just mking you guys upset and really not solving anything. Have a nice weekend.
You are correct. I feel so ashamed.
You have a good weekend too. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:39:17 AM | | I have had a lot to say in this forum, I have also read and listened to views of more than a few from both sides. and it IS really hard to put yourself into the shoes and walk the miles the other parent is in with this child support issue that I feel WILL never be resolved. Its a bad deal PERIOD!!!! I have disagreed with more than a few even to the point of getting really upset L.O.L. but all in all with all the opinions and views and feelings people have shared by just getting involved here I think it was agreat topic for dicussion and brought up many points from both sides of this issue, and gave both sides of this and the people involved some real issues that they,we and everybody needs to consider. THE KIDS!!! and also gave a real clear picture of why this is such a mess. Im relly hopeing that it has also caused some to reconsider how they are doing things. everybody can give a little and adjust there thoughts and work together IF they want to, but divorce causes more than a few reasons why the two people involved DONT WANT TOO> kinda plain to see too!!! L.O.L. I hope in some way that we all learned something. how to be more effective in what needs to be done in the best interests of the kids. Money aint gonna fix this, the courts aint gonna fix this, The only people that can fix this are the parents of the kids by finding someway to get along ,work together and do the best you can do with what ya got to work with ,whether its a little or a lot!!! Be REAL with it and do what ya gotta do and try to see what the other feels deep down inside, but I will say from a NCPs point of view they have lost alot, There is no feeling worse than haveing someone , ANYONE, to say to you, YOU are not good enough to have your children!!! so Im taking them away from you and giving them to someone else. and IF you are the one to ever hear these words it is then ,that you WILL understand, how alot of NCPs feel. I aint NEVER got over it and never will. but thats what I got to work with. WHAT you got??? This post has got alot of people pretty involved, and no matter what your view or situation is in this issue of child support one thing we HAVE ALL agreed on is this whole system needs some serious work. I have talked to many, It would be a great thing if we would all spend a little time mabey writing some of these thoughts on paper and writing to people of importance congress men, women, people of authority and see if anything changes, but I bet you are gonna find out the same thing I have already,its really not a big concern, Good luck to all!!!! Johnny B the ROTTEN one | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 10/24/2008 8:01:10 PM | | Sports fees an other extras like education are not deemed technically as child support, You can claim seperatley for that in court. When you and ex partner were togeather and you religiously had him in some program , You can get that awarded seperately. Just like daycare costs. Child support is based according to guidelines of what you make and is designed so that the childs life can stay as closely to the same lifestyle economically as when you and your ex partner were togeather. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 10/24/2008 9:33:30 PM | | CHILD SUPPORT= support the needs of the child, but in my case as many others the custodial parent spends a major amount of that on their own needs, the custodial parent needs to support their needs, the cost of the home and quit stealing from their own children!! The biggest lump of crap I ever read is the legal definition of child support in NORTH DAKOTA, money for an x spouse and the legal child, that puts the custodial parent first and the child second, why would I care to support my x? Maybe the legal system should wake up and pull their head out of their ass and put the children FIRST!! | |
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ldet
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Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 297 | |
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/1/2009 6:08:25 PM | | The way it was explained to me is that I give the money to my ex and she can do whatever she wants with it. If I was still married, I would be spending this money on the kids anyway. So, I pay child support...it is the first check I write after I get my paycheck. And if the ex needs more money for sports or whatever else for the kids, all she's gotta do is ask. If I can afford it, I give it to her or buy the kids whatever it is that they need, within reason. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 9/16/2009 7:42:58 AM | Shelter (and the associated expenses keeping a roof over their head), food, clothes, daily school expenses.
In Canada, in addition to "Child Support", we also have S.7 (special and/or extraordinary) expenses which include things like daycare, prescriptions, dental, eyeglasses, orthodontic treatment, sports and recreation, expensive (i.e. overnight) school trips...and probably some other things I've forgotten. | |
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| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 9/16/2009 7:49:24 AM | Coach purses and vacations. 
I'm feeling snarky today! lol
Child support is set and regulated by the state. Like I told my daughters bio father....if you had stuck around I would be getting ALL of your check AND you would be helping to raise a child. If I pay all the bills and daycare and etc and then a check comes in then I can spend it on anything I want! Just because I didn't get it in time to cover half of the expenses (like it would cover half of them anyways!) doesn't mean I don't get to spend it! At that point it is a reimbursement to me. | |
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