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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:27:37 PM |
Lol I do love the moralizing and self-righteousness of the posters on here.
Nice to see so many posters so saintly living their whiter-than white lives. Compassion involves being non-judgemental, I doubt many here could claim to be compassionate on those grounds.
The bottom line is the OP blamed the site for personal choices in the thread. Judgement aside, OP needs to grow up and quit blaming everyone else for the choices made be they right, wrong or stupid. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:48:46 PM | | Seems to me that if you really loved your husband you would be spending the time with him instead of on this site talking to other men. No pitty party from me baby. You made your bed now lay in it!! | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/19/2008 7:04:14 PM | Well, it seems like the OP has vanished -- perhaps she is reading and/or lurking here under a different name. If so, I say OP -- you should be ashamed of yourself. For cheating? Sure, yes. But also for insinuating that the mere existence of sites like POF was in any way integral to you exercising your free will to go out and find something more immediately gratifying than the relationship(s) to which you had already committed yourself (i.e. your husband and children). Most people do what they want to do for the most part, even if they have to be passive aggressive about it. It's easy to run to the new and exciting when the bloom is off the rose and you actually have to put some work into your relationship.
In general, I must say I've been amazed at the number of people on this and other dating sites who admit either directly or "in code" (so to speak) in their profile that they are 1) already in a long-term relationship and/or married, and 2) are looking or some additional "connection" with someone new/else, to "feel alive again."
Love is not love which has not gone through the entire cycle of periods of excitement, growth, and fallow rest. Love is a decision, and the exercise of that decision is what can lead to the fulfillment of continually falling in love with your spouse. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/19/2008 8:15:19 PM |
Is my reading comprehension meter broke? I dont think the original poster is blaming POF for her situation by anymeans. I think shes fessing up, and also serving fair warning to others in the same situation that you could get snake bitten very easily if your not careful.
Haha! So true. People don't actually know how to read posts on here. If they did then they'd think exactly what you were thinking. Good to see people not paying attention.
Lol I do love the moralizing and self-righteousness of the posters on here.
Nice to see so many posters so saintly living their whiter-than white lives. Compassion involves being non-judgemental, I doubt many here could claim to be compassionate on those grounds.
Once again dead on. Glad to see so many in-compassionate people on here. She was admitting her mistakes and then everyone is saying haha like 5 year old. Grow up people. You want to fix things in this country start by forgiving people for their mistakes cause I sure bet most of you screw up all the time.  | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/19/2008 8:16:54 PM | Jinx, what you state is true, but.....
Let us not judge ok.....there is no doubt that we, ourselves will or may perform similar or some other shameful act at some point in our lives. We all should take responsibility for our own actions. The funny thing about the heart of a person is it is deceptive at times. | |
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Cazimi
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 31 | |
| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/19/2008 8:21:16 PM | You came on this site to play ,like so many people who have partners. You wanted some action to spice up your life , you now pay the price .I am thinking if your husband never found you out , you would be doing it with another man rather than blaming the dating site for your actions.
I have been single for years ,been on pof for over six months, on and off, met many guys, dated a lot never slept with any one because I am searching for the right one to come along, althought I am free to do whatever I want ,I choose to respect myself .I've heard all the lines from men , did I believe them ? some , but no sampling of my goodies unless he's for real ,it takes time to prove if someone is for real .
Hope you learned your lesson,and make better judgement in the future . | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/19/2008 8:21:42 PM | | Great epiphany - now what? there are plenty of books about life after the cheat - I hope your marriage survives this - GOOD LUCK and thanks for sharing - most 'addict's' find their way on here looking to 'score' and many toy w/ the notion of finding 'damsels in distress' or men who are vulnerable - hopefully your 'share' will prevent someone from going the same route - all the best... | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:00:23 PM |
I started out just wanting to chat and make friends, I found interesting people with stories and lives just like mine.
If you are living in misery, the solution does not lie in finding happiness, it is getting out of misery. They are two separate issues. First you get out of the bad situation and find a good one. I did not go this route. I too thought that the solution was to have an affair to be happy. NOT!!! I felt worse. Because I found someone that I thought made me happy but I was still trapped in my marriage. I felt worse that when I started out. I then got out of my marriage not to be with this other person, but to not be with the one I was with. Who happens to be a great human being, but we were not made for each other. And in order to do this I left my home and my children. There is a price to pay even if you do the right thing. But we are all better off that if we had stayed together and be miserable. All of us, her, the kids and myself.
And as far as the uncompassionate, intolerant and judgemental people here in THE FISHBOWL...take this Bible quote...there are those who would say "Even the Devil can quote scripture" if they heard me say this. I use it when the Pentecostals, Evangelicals and the Jehovah Witnesses come preaching. Sends them into a tail spin....
Matthew 7
1 "Judge not, that you be not judged.
2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.
3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?
4 Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye?
5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
6 "Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:43:14 PM | No... you heard what you wanted to hear. You were on here for a reason, which we all know what that was. And then you have the nerve to boo hoo on here. I feel so sorry for your family. I find situations like this so disgusting. I have no pity for anyone that does anything like this. I have never wanted sex, or attention, soooo bad, that I would screw up my whole family for it. IF you get what you deserve, it's going to be a bad one. Shame on you.
And to the people justifying this......... well, now we all know who the cheaters are, thanks!!!!!!!! | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 1:32:17 AM | outofthedesert,
The bottom line is the OP blamed the site for personal choices in the thread. Judgement aside, OP needs to grow up and quit blaming everyone else for the choices made be they right, wrong or stupid.
Thats not how I read it, the OPs post was tongue-in-cheek. She was reflecting on how being on fish had affected her life.
Once again dead on. Glad to see so many in-compassionate people on here. She was admitting her mistakes and then everyone is saying haha like 5 year old. Grow up people. You want to fix things in this country start by forgiving people for their mistakes cause I sure bet most of you screw up all the time.
Burnt toast ( love the name!)
Thanks. Its much easier for people to sit behind a screen and judge and accuse others without actually realising their lives are not as white as they portray. Like anyone needs kicking when they are down. That seems to be the mentality on these forums...if someone can be kicked... everyone joins in and virtually queue up to get their turn.
Mind you, at least it gives you the chsnce to spot the people you would rather not know  | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 1:57:23 AM | | Hum? I hate to be the one to tell you it's women like you that make men like me. Reading between the lines here it sounds like you had a good man you and he just failed to communicate. That part could be just as much his part as it is yours. But' That still doesn't give you the OK to cheat. Now' If your husband leaves because he can't handle what you have done he will be distrusting of every woman he comes across. If he stays with you he will never really trust you again. He may try but down deep inside he will always wonder what your doing when he isn't around. Every time you leave it will be in the back of his mind is she going to go to the doctor or did she lie to me so she could go be with her lover. I have been here before. Good luck to you. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:19:40 AM | I agree. I can't believe how they all jump at the chance to kick someone so quickly. Pretty 'compassionate' bunch. They sound like a bunch of parrots. It's sad to think that these people are our neighbors, co-workers, family and friends. I suppose hiding behind the internet gives them some sense of safety, because I'm sure they'd never act like that toward her in person.
Maybe before the internet they'd all buy fake beards and line up to stone her in public. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:51:03 AM |
that I was willing to cheat on
I thought I needed someone to tell me they loved me and show interest in me , and I found plenty of that
Neither of us planned to leave our families and my husband found out and now I live with it day after day
I am not comdeming her. Getting her to think so she does not make the same mistake twice. She admitted she was willing to cheat, she was looking outside the marriage for correction and neither planned to leave the family--but the husband found out--how long would it have lasted if he had not found out? I pointed out, he cheated to be with her and now he has returned to his spouse. In the abstract, he cheated on her to return to his wife and probably was still sleeping with the wife at the time.
As far as forgiveness, I am not the one she cheated on. I have no quarrel in the forgiveness as she did not trangress against me.
I am not judging her as I have not walked in her shoes. My life is not lily white but no matter how bad my marriage was, I honored the vow to remain faithful. That was MY choice. I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater(tho most times it is true) but I do think if someone is married and cheating with another married person, it may not be the first time and it may not always be the last. I have heard a lot of married cheaters say they do it because it is safe. I don't buy the argument--I couldn't resist or he gave me what I wasn't getting at home. If you aren't home, you can't work on getting what you need. Cheating married/committed people strikes a raw nerve with a great many of us who were married to cheaters and were trying to give the straying spouse everything they needed but they were never home to get it because they had 'business meetings' or were 'going fishing'. A married cheater will justify the need to cheat to themselves and those around them, but it is not always valid.
For a great number of people in that situtation, they ran back to the spouse when found out rather than take the loss of family and property. If the marriage is not giving you what you need, you don't run to girlfriends to chatter or to guy friends to bellyache nor do you seek it somewhere else. You talk to the spouse. If that does not work you have options. This is not a judgement, it is an opinion. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:52:55 AM | Anomalus,
Maybe before the internet they'd all buy fake beards and line up to stone her in public.
Only if she said Jehovah....
Oh and before anyone jumps on my back its a reference to Life of Brian. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 4:07:48 AM | Sorry but I have to agree with what the others are saying.
When you play with fire you get burnt. I can see it from your hubbies side too! My ex hubby after 13 years together had a one night stand with some tart who knew he was married just cos she fancied him and he was flattered! Didn't matter that I was out earning a living to support him and our 3 kids at the time and still giving him what he needed 3 times a week!
I would certainly not have been on a dating site if I was married that is for sure. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 4:35:08 AM | To all of you who are saying that others(me included) are "picking" on the OP. What would you like us to do???? Thank the OP for pointing out the obvious????You know, if you are married, you SHOULDN'T be on this site with temptation abound????If you are married, unhappy with your relationship,,,DON'T try to find the answer here???? Or,,,,if you screw up,,,,BLAME someone else????
What is wrong with people nowadays???? I think the only people that the OP is really connecting with, when she does a post like this,,,are people who are doing the same thing she was. And that would be, dare I say, DUMB PEOPLE. And with that, she has no hope in hell, "helping" those people, cause, well, they are not very bright. I can say that, because they are here trying to find answers where they are not. HERE!!!!
A lot of people should really know that mirrors are a wonderful thing if you know how to use them. I can't feel sorry for the OP. SHE did what SHE did. Now, SHE faces the consequences, including taking abuse here, after she opened the door and told us all how much she respected her family, her hubby, and even HERself. If I was a betting man,(which I am not), I would bet she makes more than one more screw up in her life. Just saying is all.
No, I don't need to thank the OP. I knew what she found out recently, longggggggg time ago. I wonder why I knew then, what she probably still hasn't figured out yet????Hmmmmmm. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 5:15:22 AM | | I was married to a woman like you once.. She said it get's easier with numbers. I am sure you will find that true too. Lust is not love and you of all people should have known that.. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:42:23 AM | It has become common place in today's society for people to blame their problems on anyone and anything but themselves. Personal responsibility is becoming non-existent.
I'm not going to bash the OP for cheating, that too is quite common place anymore. People look for instant gratification when they aren't happy with the way their life or relationship is going. It's a lot easier to replace, even temporarily, than it is to fix. The internet has only made it easier, but is not at fault. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:47:10 AM | Walts,
o all of you who are saying that others(me included) are "picking" on the OP. What would you like us to do???? Thank the OP for pointing out the obvious????You know, if you are married, you SHOULDN'T be on this site with temptation abound????If you are married, unhappy with your relationship,,,DON'T try to find the answer here???? Or,,,,if you screw up,,,,BLAME someone else????
No I am saying that kicking someone when they are already down is counter-productive and pointless.
The OP poasted a reflection of her life since coming on here, but instead of exploring that issue people here, like yourself have chosen to play judge and jury.
Until you lead a totally blameless life its all rather hypocritical.
Married people do fine on here if they don't see it as temptation. People are adults and make choices, it is not certainty that married people on here will give into temptation. So suggest otherwise is narrow-minded.
What is wrong with people nowadays????
A myopic sense of right and wrong and a desperate underlying need to be self-righteous??
I think the only people that the OP is really connecting with, when she does a post like this,,,are people who are doing the same thing she was. And that would be, dare I say, DUMB PEOPLE
You know that funny, because I am not married, or attached. I am 100% single. Yet I notice in the OPs post her sense of reflection and questioning her own values and decisions, and the reflection on the end that its not the way to do things.
Maybe its dumb people who feel the need to insult others for showing compassion and understanding.
he has no hope in hell, "helping" those people, cause, well, they are not very bright. I can say that, because they are here trying to find answers where they are not. HERE!!!! Not very bright? Well I guess that must make you Einstein then for getting your kicks from posting comments like the above.
Einstein was a famous physicist, in case you didn't know.
[quote} A lot of people should really know that mirrors are a wonderful thing if you know how to use them.
Yes and mirrors are easily broken. Given that fact that what we percieve in the mirror is actually a visual lie, do you then extend your metaphor to suggest that people project what they want of themselves, not who they really are.
SHE faces the consequences, including taking abuse here, after she opened the door and told us all how much she respected her family, her hubby, and even HERself
Pardon my confusion, but is this an American thing? The 'God given' right to abuse others as you see fit??
If I was a betting man,(which I am not), I would bet she makes more than one more screw up in her life. Just saying is all.
And If I was a betting woman, I would bet your life is not blameless and whiter-that-white. And I will also bet then when you make a screw up, someone just like you will be there for you. Let he who is without sin...etc etc...
No, I don't need to thank the OP
Thats good then, I don't recall her asking for thanks.
I knew what she found out recently, longggggggg time ago. I wonder why I knew then, what she probably still hasn't figured out yet????Hmmmmmm.
If you are so wise, how come you managed to miss the lesson on not being judgemental?
This is what POF has done to me.... given me the chance to witness bandwagoning first hand.  | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:55:45 AM | Caterpi,
It has become common place in today's society for people to blame their problems on anyone and anything but themselves. Personal responsibility is becoming non-existent.
Absolutley. People tend to have an external locus of control, believing its not their faults and somehow something or someone caused their behaviour. The victim mentality is all too rife with lawsuits being filed for absolutley anything these days.
I didn't persoanlly see the OPs post as blaming fish soley, because she went on to describe her actions. But your point is still a very valid one.
I'm not going to bash the OP for cheating, that too is quite common place anymore. People look for instant gratification when they aren't happy with the way their life or relationship is going. It's a lot easier to replace, even temporarily, than it is to fix. The internet has only made it easier, but is not at fault.
It is human nature to seek the easiest way out of a situation. which is why we make so many mistakes :o) Learnign fromt hose mistakes is key, and I do believe we need to make mistakes in order to process and grow. Although before anyone jumps on me I am not advocating everyone should be unfaithful 
Instant gratification is a social disease, its not just sexually or financially either. Look at the forums, lots of people jumping in and criticising others to gain themselves a quick boost from being 'right'. Or trying to outdo each other with their moralizing. It does make me chuckle.
Until my life is blameless, who am I to judge anyone? | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:35:33 AM | It really amazes me when I see married people join a dating site looking for "Friends" . Hey lady, you joined this site to cheat. You only have yourself to blame.
Now think about this, you tell us you have to live with it day after day. How do you think your husband feels knowing that he can't trust his wife? A husband or a wife are the people that you should be able to trust the most. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:59:47 AM | Well, non-refundable,,, you have your opinions and I have mine. I don't like stupid people, you do. I don't like people that don't THINK before they DO,,,looks like you don't mind them. Looks like you don't have a problem backing up or even making lame excuses for a person who had a definite INTENT , which included not worrying about someone she supposedly "loved"(her hubby and her kids), and making sure HER personal satisfaction came before those "others".
At my age, I have seen, witnessed enough people just like the OP to know they almost ALL come from the same mould, and with that, the same excuses. I DON'T like people like that,,,so shoot me. Liars, cheats, chickshiats, hiders, quiters, etc,,,,,allllllllll the same.
Like I said before non-refunadable,,,,you go right ahead and pat the OP on the back and tell her how good of a job she did. Go ahead, feel free. Then get in line right behind her, or you could start your own excuse list for others like her to use,cause the ones I hear time and time again,,,,are just repeats. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:16:28 AM | I personally dont need "advice" nor to be "warned" as to what can happen in a relationship for making a bad choice. No, I'm not married and presently not in a relationship, however I have morals and enough sense to know how cheating can destroy a relationship. Some make think I am judgemental and perhaps that may be true in this case, but I do not feel I need or should for that matter show compassion for someone that chose to join a dating site(when married) for "friends" as she says....
Diasagree if you will...
Hopefully this is a lesson learned... | |
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