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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:33:20 AM |
Is my reading comprehension meter broke? I dont think the original poster is blaming POF for her situation by anymeans. I think shes fessing up, and also serving fair warning to others in the same situation that you could get snake bitten very easily if your not careful.
Haha! So true. People don't actually know how to read posts on here. If they did then they'd think exactly what you were thinking. Good to see people not paying attention.
Lol I do love the moralizing and self-righteousness of the posters on here.
Nice to see so many posters so saintly living their whiter-than white lives. Compassion involves being non-judgemental, I doubt many here could claim to be compassionate on those grounds.
Once again dead on. Glad to see so many in-compassionate people on here. She was admitting her mistakes and then everyone is saying haha like 5 year old. Grow up people. You want to fix things in this country start by forgiving people for their mistakes cause I sure bet most of you screw up all the time. Looks like both of you are lacking reading comprehension skills. The title of the thread says it all.. "What PlentyOfish has done to me?", not a damn thing about her responsibility nor anything about what she did. Sure, she explains what she did, what she was looking for. But there is something missing and its called remorse.
I am by NO means Mr. Perfect and I never will be. However, I have been on the wrong side of a cheating spouse and I have ZERO sympathy for any spouse that does that. Oh, just out of curiosity, do you two forgive Hitler for his 'mistakes', feel compassion for the guys that killed the people on 9/11? Before you sit here and preach to the rest of us about compassion, do you even realize that there are no qualifiers to that? | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:49:09 AM | Plenty of Fish did nothing to you or for you--you did it yourself....if you weren't here tramping around you'd be elsewhere tramping around.....and if you weren't blaming POF you be blaming someone or something else--just take responsibility for your own actions....don't blame others. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:33:37 AM | Your lack of wisdom and judgment.... not the websites.
However, learn your lesson, salvage what you can, forgive yourself and MOVE FORWARD.
Get off this site and put your sights back on your family, if you are fortunate enough to have a forgiving husband. Some here are very harsh.... your decision to cheat doesn't make you a bad mom, just short sighted and selfish, but then who among us hasn't been short sighted and selfish! | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:36:56 AM | Walts,
Well, non-refundable,,, you have your opinions and I have mine.
Indeed. The difference is mine are backed up with reasoned argument. As this next line shows:
I don't like stupid people, you do.
Instead of coutering the points I raised, you decide that I apparently like stupid people. What I like and dislike is actually irrelevant.
[quote}ooks like you don't have a problem backing up or even making lame excuses for a person who had a definite INTENT , which included not worrying about someone she supposedly "loved"(her hubby and her kids), and making sure HER personal satisfaction came before those "others".
So point out where I have made excuses or backing anyone up?? Please do quote me.
Or is this yet another piece of fabrication?? Are you making things up now Walts because you can't defend the points I have made?
At my age, I have seen, witnessed enough people just like the OP to know they almost ALL come from the same mould, and with that, the same excuses. I DON'T like people like that,,,so shoot me. Liars, cheats, chickshiats, hiders, quiters, etc,,,,,allllllllll the same.
And I have been married, cheated on, divorced, new LTR...cheated on... so if anyone has reason to hate cheaters its me.
However I dont hate. I dislike people like that and I disapprove of their antics. But what I do have is a wealth of compassion for people who have realised their mistakes.
I alwayss hold dear to me the notion that my life is not entirely blameless, I have made mistakes just as other people have on here. Until your life is blameless.... you are in no position to judge others Walts, certainly not in the way you and others have done. I see it alot on the forums, and it is less about who is right or wrong and more the posters need to jump in and moralize.
Like I said before non-refunadable,,,,you go right ahead and pat the OP on the back and tell her how good of a job she did. Go ahead, feel free. Then get in line right behind her, or you could start your own excuse list for others like her to use,cause the ones I hear time and time again,,,,are just repeats.
Again would you care to show me where I have made excuses? You are going to need to back up your statements Walts otherwise you will be seen as full of hot air.
All I have done is show compassion and siad I hope she manages to sort it out for her kids sake. You don't like that, but can't actually find anythign wrong with it...so instead you have 'invented' what I have said and claiemd I have made excuses and patted her on the back. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:43:44 AM |
Looks like both of you are lacking reading comprehension skills. The title of the thread says it all.. "What PlentyOfish has done to me?", not a damn thing about her responsibility nor anything about what she did. Sure, she explains what she did, what she was looking for. But there is something missing and its called remorse.
Looks like you need to realise there is more to a post than just the title.
I am by NO means Mr. Perfect and I never will be. However, I have been on the wrong side of a cheating spouse and I have ZERO sympathy for any spouse that does that. Oh, just out of curiosity, do you two forgive Hitler for his 'mistakes', feel compassion for the guys that killed the people on 9/11? Before you sit here and preach to the rest of us about compassion, do you even realize that there are no qualifiers to that?
And so have I. Having sympathy, and showing compassion when some admits their mistakes are two different things. Maybe you dont realise that.
Lol you know when someone has lost and argument when Hitler and other such irrelevant and uncomparable examples are brought in.
Compassion doesnt need a qualifier, but showing it something people lack, especially on here. You dont need to approve of what anyone does... cheater or otherwise, but to use other people, and these forums as a ego boosting moralization party is hypocritical.
People on here are soooooo quick to judge regarldess of the topic posted.
Who the heck are you, or anyone else to judge another person when you can't even show compassion???
I dont expect you or any of your ilk to comprehend what I am saying, but if one person does and thinks twice about judging another then its well worth the time taken to write it. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:44:09 AM |
do you two forgive Hitler for his 'mistakes'
Oh yes you know cause she's obviously Hitler. I remember reading about her killing 6 million Jews in concentration camps. Get real. She cheated. She screwed up royally. But at least she's owning up to her mistakes. What you're not going to ever forgive people for their mistakes? That must make you a great individual. Did I EVER say she was right for doing what she did? Hell no. She wasn't looking for sympathy though. She wasn't looking to get bashed either. She's not blaming Plentyoffish either even though the title of the thread might lead you to believe it. If you read through it though she's not. She was simply stating it was a tool for her to commit infidelity. Maybe you need to check your reading comprehension skills.  | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/20/2008 11:36:52 AM | If a man goes to a prostitute for sex, you don't blame the prostitute, you blame the man.
Look in the mirror - that's who ruined your life, not this site. My ex-wife did the same thing (except not on here), and I have the pleasure of knowing that she has to deal with that decision every day that she wakes up. I don't pity a cheat, no matter what the circumstances are. Go to the guy you were screwing if you want sympathy. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 3:04:33 AM | As for me' I am not jumping on her. I am just telling the truth. The OP made a choice. Her choice was to sleep with another man behind he husbands back. It doesn't matter how the other guy in question woos her with his smooth talking. She decided to spread her legs and believe the bull shyt he told her. Bottom line' She cheated and then had the nerve to post it here. As far as i see it you get what you ask for. But' You know what? Maybe she will have to live with guilt but her guilt doesn't matter. What matters is when she has to look her husband and her children in the face knowing they know mom cheated on all of them. For me' If i did that i would never be able to look my kids in face again knowing i betrayed there trust. Not jumping on her. It's just the simple truth. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 3:33:28 AM | | Hey I think you are all being too hard on this lassie, we all make mistakes, quit throwing stones unless you are all perfect, OK, so she messed up...who hasn't about something in her life...it's how we learn.....God did not make us perfect......where there is guilt there is hope... | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 3:39:06 AM | | Yes I can see your point....but things can still work out,,,if her and her husband really want it too, if the love is still there, and her husband can forgive her, the children certainly will | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 5:22:55 AM | Another bible quote I like (though I'm too lazy at this hour of the morning to look up the reference text) is "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." (I think it's also in one of the gospels.)
A lot has been said here about judging the OP, bashing posters, showing compassion, etc. I, too, value compassion, and I think it has a place -- a very large and important place -- in the interactions of any two or more kind-hearted and secure individuals, and in the operation of society at large. Something I left out of my original post here was some encouragement that was running through my mind even as I read the thread and posted -- to the OP, I say with compassion, "yes, you made a huge mistake, and its roots are somewhere within you and within your relationship with your spouse. Go now and turn away from temptation, fall on your sword, confess your error, beg forgiveness and renew your love for your spouse. If he is able to heal -- and it will take time, and is a very very very long and difficult road -- you two may be able to salvage your marriage and your family. But no matter the original problems in your relationship which lead you to rationalize cheating, or let yourself believe you could meet some of your needs for emotional or sexual intimacy outside your marriage, the largest portion of the burden, the work, of healing your marriage falls to you. You have to work to rebuild, you have to work to regain the trust of your spouse, you have to learn to live so transparently that he doesn't have to wonder where you are, what you are doing, who you may have uppermost in your mind, etc."
I didn't say all that because from my experience, those who damage a marriage by cheating usually are not interested in that long road of work to repair it. They're gone, at least in part, before they cheat. And the cheating, sometimes I think, is simply a step they take to allow themselves to loose the marriage, to at least take a step in any direction rather than remain alone in their misery.
To the OP I say now, I hope you have some good and true friends in your life, and if you do have at least one, use that person as a sounding board and a support as you seek out the help you need to rebuild your life and repair your self. Good luck, and best wishes to you.
By the way, next time posting a thread such as this, perhaps a better title would be "What I did while on PlentyOfFish." | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 5:35:03 AM | ahh well then for all the bible thumpers hmmm what about those "sacred vows",never taken em myself but i believe in the especially the part that says,"forsaking all others,
so not only is she a liar and a cheat she's an oathbreaker and you"compassionate people" wanna let her off the hook,your word is supposed to be your bond,if you can't keep it don't give it.I agree you have a right to your opinion but I don't see where the op ever admits that her decisions brought her to the point she is at so how is she deserving of any compassion at all? | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 6:11:07 AM | | wimmer you are so right. you dont know what you got till its gone.ive meet a wonderful lady on pof her name is anna.the reast is history. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 6:57:59 AM |
What PlentyOfish has done to me?
I started out just wanting to chat and make friends...15 years with my husband...2 loving children that I was willing to cheat on...I found love no, not love , sex with another man...it was all about sex...my husband found out
This website is Plenty Of Fish, not Cheaters 'R' Us. No one held a gun to the OP's head and forced her to commit adultery after 15 years of marriage and child-bearing.
Tough noogies. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:19:11 AM | You cheated on your loving husband and your 2 kids???
How the did Plenty of Fish do that to you???
Didn't you do it to yourself? | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:42:30 AM | Although the OP seems to have exited the site (she will be back, I have no doubt), this thread begs for an answer.
I was willing to cheat on. Instead of taking the time and talking to my husband I found love no, not love , sex with another man.
"Willing."
I thought I needed someone to tell me they loved me and show interest in me
"I thought . . ."
What I had forgotten was the 15 years with my husband
"What I had forgotten . . ."
Three "I dids" there and yet POF is to blame? If you used a phone to call your lover, was the phone to blame for your predicament, as well?
Take some responsibility. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:46:54 AM |
so not only is she a liar and a cheat she's an oathbreaker and you"compassionate people" wanna let her off the hook,your word is supposed to be your bond,if you can't keep it don't give it.I agree you have a right to your opinion but I don't see where the op ever admits that her decisions brought her to the point she is at so how is she deserving of any compassion at all?
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Judge not, lest ye be so judged.
Those who do not extend mercy will not receive mercy. (I don't know if that is in the Xtian Scriptures, but it sounds good.) | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 8:22:07 AM | The OP is obviously regretful of the actions she chose...no use in really making her feel worse. We all know she will pay for this in her mind and heart for the rest of her life. Judgements and punsishments are not always the way to help someone. She does need to take full responsibility of her actions but her children do need her to be strong enough to move on.
I dont condone cheating in any form, since honesty is what we all need to convey to our partner, especially when it involves loved ones, such as our children. They are always effected by our personal choices. I dont see that the man that partook in this affair was any less responsible and hopefully he shares in the problems that it can cause his own personal life.
Its true that she has not blamed POF for her choices, she only said when she chose the site over communication with her husband, that she found support here.
OP, I feel bad for you, for the choice you made and hopefully you will be able to repair the damage it has caused, but I do know that this can hold you back from not only repairing, but also from forgiving yourself, to move on into the next lesson of your life.
We all have made wrong choices in our lives and for anyone to act like your choice is so appauling, is wrong. They can pretend to be perfect if they chose, but I completely see this in a different light. This is something that should change your outlook on the meaning of the word " faithfulness" and hopefully a lesson well learned.
As for those that never did something so wrong in their lives, im sure that although you have never cheated on anyone, you have not been innocent and probably have a few skeletons in your own closet. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 8:59:12 AM | This site should be called plenty of holier than thou!!!!!!!!!!!
So many people who have never made a mistake in judgement. It must be nice. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:02:36 AM | ^^^^^^
I've made plenty of mistakes in judgement.
However,
I take responsibility for my mistakes.
I don't publicly blame some website, for the mistakes I made. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:03:33 AM | ^^galonthemt
Sorry, but if you're going to post here that you met someone from POF and cheated on your husband with him, you're not likely to get many warm and fuzzy posts. | |
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| What PlentyOfish has done to me?
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:58:37 AM | I think the problem lies in peoples inability to understand a post, prefering to cherry-pick at one line.
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