| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:25:44 AM | | i have only been out with two women i didnt want to kiss ...never been out with a woman i didnt want to have sex with ... the first one i was 11 and it was fixed up by my sister in law ... i just wasent into kissing at that age ... but i knew enough that if sex had been on the table...i would have give it my best ... the second woman that i didnt want to kiss we wrer kinda forced together ... i didnt like her she didnt like me and we were just thrown together by some friends ...but as the night wore on ...i did kiss her ... we did have sex and we did find out we liked each other ... and we did become friends and lovers for some time ... damn glad i didnt follow my first impression ... damn what a woman ... and still a good friend .... now most of you may say that im a slut ... i dont think so ... im just picky about who i go out with ... i like most people men and women know very soon if there is a chance for sex.... no wont go out with just anyone but if i ask you out ..its a pretty good bet that i am open for intimacy....unless the mrs hyde comes out in you | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:37:06 AM | So OP, what happens if you date a girl who won't initiate the kiss? Then you are at a standstill.
I say it should be whatever feels right. I went on a date with a gentleman, he was sweet and I had a great time. I really wanted him to kiss me, but he didn't. When he leaned in I went for the kiss, and he went for a kiss on the cheek and a hug. Oh well lol. | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:25:10 AM |
It seems women like to kiss more than guys. Anyone else see this as being true?
I had this chat with a lady friend of mine once... she tells me that it's not that they like the act itself so much more than we do, but they really like that *stage* of the relationship, the sparks, the attempts at seduction, the playfulness and everything that leads up to sex. Once that line is crossed... there's no going back to it, not really. And then the relationship is "grown up" and while it can still be incredible, it's a definite transition from teenage innocence when stuff was a lot more simple, to... this.
And conflict that with men, and from the cradle to the grave, we have it beaten into us to run faster, be stronger, finish first, "git 'r' done!" and a kiss is a stepping stone, not a destination in its own right.
AND add to that the fact that this is the age of cheat codes and walk-thrus, and you can end up with some rueful women who, for lack of a better explanation, say "they like kissing more than guys do".
Cowboy | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:38:46 AM | Beckylee (Message 3) - don't try to be assertive. You are fine just the way you are. I also am not aggressive and don't initiate. Why? Because I don't want to make the man feel that he has to do something he doesn't want to really do! What if he isn't attracted to me but just goes for the kiss because it's being offered? What if he doesn't even like me? What if he's a player and I'm playing right into his game? Too many things to worry about.
Based on the above, I'd much rather wait for the man to initiate. At the very least it shows some type of interest. I don't kiss on the first date anyway, other than a little peck on the cheek or something. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I have confirmed this over and over -- if you go into a major luscious kiss, the man will be focused on you solely as a sex object. He needs to like you first as a person - a person who also happens to be beautiful, sexy and hot. But the first focus should not be you as a sex object. Therefore, keep the passionate kisses out of the equation for the first few dates. Keep sex out of it for at least 6 weeks, with 2 months being even better. I find that it's very difficult to do, and even then, sometimes men wait to get what they want and then cool off. If they are not in love with you within the first couple of months, they never will be. I'm not talking here about love, I'm talking about "in love," which is different. However, I believe that ""in love" is a requisite for love. "In love" is not the same as "in lust," but I also believe that you need the "in lust" feeling to feel the "in love" feeling. Then after that, if people are lucky, the love comes - love is not physical, it's more of an emotional thing, where you truly care about the person, you want to be there for them in the good and bad times that they encounter in their lives, and you can mutually depend on each other for emotional support and affection. | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/20/2008 2:17:02 PM | Yes, kissing is MORE important to women. Men like it too though, but I have heard some men do not think it as important.
The point being - what is important to a person? If I'm dating someone and they say they like something or it is important to them, would I not try to accommodate them (we're talking simple things here)?!
When there's attraction and interest, it has always been both me and the man going for it. KISS - much more than what you think it is lmao. | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:19:54 PM | I don't think there is a firm answer to that. Only opinions.
I think the one that feels the most motivated should initiate the kiss.
Just hope you don't get the "turn around" or the "pull back"...lol
Before meeting someone, I usually have had several conversation on phone before meeting, so the kiss usually happened right at the beginning of date, sometime right in the parking lot after we got out of our cars or soon into the date.
Of course the physical attraction and chemistry has to be there.
In all my dating experience I have only had one woman turn away and give the cheek, when I went to kiss her and later on the phone, she said she was just playing around and expected me to go for another try...I said TOO late, if you were into me , you shouldn't play games like that.
I think the sex thing is handled with a conversation to confirm if you both on "the same page". Doesn't have to be a totally direct " do you want to have sex" type of conversation but I am sure you can figure in a "round about" way what to talk about it.
You can gather much information in those phone conversations before meeting, if you ask the right questions in a respectful manner. | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/20/2008 5:27:55 PM | SunStar wrote "Beckylee (Message 3) - don't try to be assertive. You are fine just the way you are."
Thank you SunStar, I appreciate that -- I know I'm "fine" just the way I am -- I wasn't bemoaning deficits.
My point is that I know there are men I could probably get along really well with who might be unsure how to approach me.
Although this is uncharacteristic of me ... one time, during a music event, I notice a man had been studying me from across the room throughout several hours. His interest was palpable. I smiled at him -- he smiled back but he never approached me. So at the end of the evening, before I walked out the door, I started walking slowly over to him -- his eyes got bigger and bigger as I approached. I slowly leaned in and kissed him full on the lips and the return response was definately kissing back -- a good night kiss.
We never did talk -- lol. But I know he appreciated the goodnight kiss and me approaching him. | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 34 | |
| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/20/2008 5:55:17 PM | I think by the time that first deep passionate kiss happens, you both should be driven pretty much half insane looking forward to it ;-). You should look at her, and have your hand ache to touch her hair, to feel her cheek, to brush her ear...
First kisses are special. Be very careful with rushing them. We're old now ;-). There's not many things that can make us feel like kids anymore, but that "first kiss" is one of them.
AAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN to that!
i LOVE when a man makes me wait, so i can want him more. keep the suspense and the interest, but don't just jump right in. same for sex. we're not 15, bust sure miss those butterflies. first kisses seem to be the only ones we still anticipate so much, and first time making love.
thats why patience is a virtue. but i DEFINITELY want HIM making the first move. i find extreme satisfaction in reveling in HIS desire, not mine, basically knowing he wanted it bad enough to initiate it. i wanna feel wanted. that makes me want him more. if he's acting detached, i lose interest. same if he seems too much about just getting laid. he needs to become special to me, or he's just a dime a dozen. and guys that don't give a sh*t ARE a dime a dozen | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:02:00 PM | | I don't think its a SHOULD thing. I have no problem initiating a kiss, if I'm feeling it, I'm doing it. Now if he doesn't kiss back..well, then I'll make up an excuse and go home. ?? his loss cause i'm a great kisser... haha. | |
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dk4u
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Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 36 | |
| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:04:42 PM | Ok, just have to weigh in on the first kiss. Was seeing a woman (7 dates) who absolutely was against sex outside of marriage for religious reasons.
So, one night, she says to me "Aren't you ever going to kiss me?" I replied, "No." and gave the reason that kissing is a prelude to doing the two backed beast and since she was not into that, just did not want to start anything that would get my hopes (and other things) up. Well, let it suffice to say she hates me now.
So, the only woman that I refused to kiss, either if she started it or I did, couldn't handle not being kissed.... | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:27:19 AM | On my first date with the ex b/f, the chemistry was unbelievable-never experienced it to that degree before. As he was leaning in to hug me goodbye, I just had to grab his face and go for it---not once but again when he went to walk away.....OMG!...I felt the damn earth tilt...and so did he....We both laughed afterwards...He said it was a wicked turn on for him....that most girls will allow a hug on the first date or maybe a peck on the cheek but I was the only one who had initiated a passionate kiss. We still laugh abot it. I think it was the only time I initiated a 1st kiss and boy was it worth it!
If I really want something - I'll go for it....
Do women like kissing more than men? Maybe...but I've been lucky to find the men who love to kiss as much as I do....Whether its hanging around the kitchen cooking dinner or watching a Sox game...There's always time for passionate kissing.
My question is....Why do some men always assume passionate kissing has to lead to sex? Can't you just engage in kissing for the sake of kissing? It really is a lot of fun if its done with someone who knows what they're doing....If we're watching a Sox game and start kissing.....you better wait for the 7th inning stretch for the sex.... ........Or half time if the Pats are playing....
HR | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:53:07 AM |
Why do some men always assume passionate kissing has to lead to sex? Can't you just engage in kissing for the sake of kissing? It really is a lot of fun if its done with someone who knows what they're doing...
We ARE simple creatures. And "goal oriented". And it absolutely IS a lot of fun with someone who knows how... but, the problem with that is... well, you know the effect a good passionate kissing session has on a guy; we only have so much blood in our bodies to go around, somethin's gotta give ;-).
There's a subtly about it... the difference between a "let's have sex" kiss and a "you make my heart go pitter-pat" kiss that a lot of guys will miss. If you want to train a guy, and by that, help him learn to appreciate it, try kissing him passionately in places and at times where you cannot have sex. Tell him it's like making a reservation ;-). And once he realizes the effect it has on BOTH of you when you finally can, all that smoldering passion the two of you've been building up, he'll catch on quick ;-).
Cowboy | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:35:09 AM |
Not to mention, 99% of the time the man is open to having sex faster than a woman. I know that has been the case with me every time I have asked a girl out.
*Tries to hide her loud snort of carbonated beverages into her sleeve.* | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:51:49 AM | Q: Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
A: Yes.  
Hmm seriously, who ever wants the kiss ought to initiate it. Man or woman. I like Leanne's answer best. If both people were in tune with each other, both people would want it at the same time. That's always great when it happens. | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2008 10:09:48 AM | What I can't understand is how anybody can be dating in this fasion and not have a helluva good idea not only if you are going to be kissing but if you are going to be having hot monkey fvcking or even who will bring the hancuffs and the paddle???
Geez Louise don't people talk, a lot before they even decide to consider a relationship?  | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2008 10:29:52 AM | Kazot, we don't agree normally but I think it's pretty clear with the girl/boy talk that we're not talkin' full growed here.
Ya gotta just nod and pat them on the head. Neh? | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2008 12:39:04 PM | Why should a women be the one to initiate the first kiss? Because, according to your research, 99% of the time the guy just wants to get in her pants? Where did you get these numbers? Or are you speaking for yourself and including men in your little world?
Not every guy asks a girl out because he wants to get laid. Some guys will ask a girl out because he likes her/has a crush on her. Ever think of that?
Also, what's with all the stupid rules these days? Why not do what you fell when it feels like the right thing to do. According to you, what if a girl is too shy to initiate the first kiss and therefore is waiting for the guy to make the first move, but the guy is like you and believes she "should" make the first move and is therefor waiting for her?
Guess it's going to be a long time before that first kiss.
Why even add more stupid pressure to the date? Just go out, relax, have fun, and if you want to kiss your date, wait for the right moment, and go for it.
At 22, you have a lot of growong up to do and a lot of learning about relationships. But hell, so do I. | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2008 1:40:07 PM |
We ARE simple creatures. And "goal oriented". And it absolutely IS a lot of fun with someone who knows how... but, the problem with that is... well, you know the effect a good passionate kissing session has on a guy; we only have so much blood in our bodies to go around, somethin's gotta give ;-).
lost cowboy....Thanks for the chuckle..I had forgotten about the blood flow....And I loved your idea about training the guy.......So if I want to watch a Sox game when I'm with someone, I should be in a bar or something so he doesn' t get carried away with the 'runs scored' kisses? I loved the 'reservation' idea, too....Hmmm..just how far away are you?
So long as someone makes the first move-who cares? I guess it comes down to a confidence issue. Maybe some are afraid to make the first move in case they're rejected....If you feel like laying one on someone---go for it!
HR | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2008 2:07:59 PM |  Hi everyone
I'm always messing up by mistaking "where" to put the first kiss
If I did get tired of waiting/can't read the signals/my bladder needs drained so I'm not going to wait anymore/etc, etc............... so okay; I'll risk rejection and make the first move.
Expecting or insinuating a desire for sex via someone accepting you for a date or asking for one produces "drive=by" pregnancies.... change that attitude while your still young and have a paycheck
So its more important to know "who" should initiate a kiss thats important....... no wonder I get the "where" to kiss mixed up
Bye bye everyone
"The soul that can speak with its eyes can also kiss with a gaze." 
 you never kiss her........... you only find a new way to whisper into her mouth. | |
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| Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2008 2:12:42 PM | ..the kiss is usually a reflection of how the rest of the "action" will go....rushed? bad technique? sloppy?
the kiss is also chemically engineered for subconcious mate selection hhhmmmmm?! can't negate or diminish it's importance in my books....you'll both know and it should be mutual in the timing dept. | |
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