| how did you know when you were done with a former relationship?
Posted: 3/21/2008 5:46:15 AM | I sat up all night sifting through the conflicting debris of our life together, weighing my feelings and possible actions, options and outcomes.
And then, deciding.
There's a point where, unaltered, the outcome is inevitable. If the sincere attempts to alter things has failed, seems to me the only thing left is to call it. Sometimes you ride it down all the way, struggling all the while to turn it around. Sometimes you see what IS clearly and step aside while you can still think well of each other. | |
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| how did you know when you were done with a former relationship?
Posted: 3/21/2008 6:32:38 AM | My "wake up" call came when my drunken husband (now ex) put a gun to the back of my head and told me he was going to blow my brains out. We had been married for 30 years, in which the last 5, his drinking had gotten steadily worse. Like so many women, I thought it would get better and I couldn't make it without him. (HA!) I gave him a choice, the bottle or his family. Two months after we seperated, I had a heart attack. I survived the seperation and the heart attack. I have been given 2 chances for a happier and better life and I don't look back.  | |
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| how did you know when you were done with a former relationship?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:41:48 AM | When his presence was irritating... all the time, and I didn't want to fight anymore. I just didn't care anymore.
I was "done". I'd done and said everything I could... there was nothing left to do or say.
There is a feeling of weariness that comes with this.. and all that can be said has been said, it's an impasse that can not be overcome. Then I'm done and it's time to go. | |
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| how did you know when you were done with a former relationship?
Posted: 3/21/2008 10:59:46 AM | | The way I ended my relationships was by taking stock of the emotional condition of my partner. Looking generally, overall, at what all they were complaining about, it became obvious they were not happy being with me. That made the relationship pointless. So in order to free us both up for future happiness, I called it done and walked away. Since my last relationship I have met a few women and there were some promising experiences, but I now look to see if the woman is shopping for a man to make her happy. If she is, I back off. I know that as her source of happiness I can only last a while, then she will get unhappy and the relationship has outlived its purpose. From now on if I have another relationship it would only be with someone whose use for me was one that would last past the disillusionment that follows infatuation. Otherwise there would come that day when she was unhappy and it was time to hit the road again. | |
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| how did you know when you were done with a former relationship?
Posted: 3/21/2008 11:50:52 AM |
From now on if I have another relationship it would only be with someone whose use for me was one that would last past the disillusionment that follows infatuation. Otherwise there would come that day when she was unhappy and it was time to hit the road again.
I've reached the same conclusion. Both ways. How would you recognize that, I wonder? | |
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| how did you know when you were done with a former relationship?
Posted: 3/21/2008 12:02:13 PM | The shibboleth for me is the idea of regenerative happiness. It's the idea a person has about what they want someone for. In my mind it looks like this: Every day I wake up is another day of being here. Things will happen, some on purpose, and all of it is a kind of adventure. One of the things available in life is to pair up with one other person and share that adventure. The pairing and sharing consists of the idea of belonging together and the sense of feeling right together. I think it is probably built in or at least follows the example of early family relationships, since we all start out with parents and maybe siblings, and not just wandering alone and unattached from everyone else. In any case, it is available for me to have that kind of life with someone.
There are different ways of seeing relationships, and different reasons people have for becoming entangled. The expectations match up when the ideals are similar. In my case having this ideal of a shared adventure, I would recognize in her expression of what she wants that we are after the same thing. It should also be obvious in how we are together, because even before we get well acquainted it would be the same basic approach to life and to companionship, sort of falling into step by virtue of marching to the same drummer.
The challenges are to avoid mistaking too vague poetic expressions of yearning as evidence of like-mindedness, and to refrain from falling head over heels in love in post coital bliss when there is no other basis for a daily life together. | |
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| how did you know when you were done with a former relationship?
Posted: 3/21/2008 2:22:24 PM | Well you will also know when you are done when you cant sleep in the same bed together or be around that person any more. I been there myself feeling that way .
It's when you loose all trust and feeling's and just dont care what they do any more and you just move on and the person who cheated will never know what they had or lossed untill it's to late and by that time you as a person will find some one much better in time.
It just dont make sense in the first place when your happy and have every thing you every wanted in a relationship and then go ahead and cheat and loose it all that's just plane stupied if you ask me. But in any case you will know when you had enough and know it's over it's a gut feeling we all have. | |
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| how did you know when you were done with a former relationship?
Posted: 3/21/2008 3:35:14 PM | It was after I found the love notes that where not from me.
Was also after all the lies she was caught with.
When the counselor told me to throw her out was a close second
I knew I was "done" when she walked out the door for the last time.
I was so relieved because when she left I felt the bricks from my shoulders left with her. | |
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