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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:22:19 AM | MizSweet,
Independence is GREAT! I love independent women. I've dated way to many really needy types......just not fun at all. I think the trick to making a relationship work when you are an independent person is to realize that the best part of having a parter is having someone to share the load with. If you start the relationship with the other person knowing that you are independent and need a lot of space to do your thing.....and then you WORK at letting someone give you a hand once in awhile you can find a lot of happiness. It takes a lot of communication......and it also helps to have a partner who is fairly self sufficient themselves.
best of luck in your search,
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:42:13 AM |
if you are that independent buy me dinner!
If you were independent you'd buy your own, after all, we do - most independent people want the same in a partner.
but you may not have parents to fall back on when things go awry.
Independent means you don't fall back on your parents. You have your own security... | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/15/2008 2:07:36 PM | I associate blessing with something positive unlike curse / negative, so I naturally look forward to something inspiring and uplifting. To your question OP I would say that being too independent and strong just shows that one is able to pull themselves out of mud, dark tunnel ... and with own faith and belief is able to start all over again because the instinct of survival and love feels closer to the skin than anything else.
In a healthy balanced relationship one doesn't have to ask to see / feel a helping hand. It just feels natural to be there one for another. Hmm ... different wiring on the whole should feel 'fair & square'. | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/15/2008 2:24:39 PM | | I've had two men in my life, whom after we broke up..told me one of the things that bothered them is they felt like I didn't really need them. I thought about it for a long time. I realized..that alot of times..after being single, living alone, and independent for quite awhile...being taken extreme advantage of once when I did rely on someone..it was really hard for me to "let go of the reins" sometimes. I would find myself grabbing a door handle before he had the chance, or if a waiter asked if everything was okay..I would find myself answering, when I really should have let him. If he was doing a project in my home, I "had to help him"..which probably pissed him off. I didn't mean to do it..it was just force of habit. When I tried to make myself aware so I wouldn't do these things..I felt awkward a bit. I do want someone in my life. I am so used to taking care of myself..and not having anyone else to rely on..it's kinda scary letting go of that control sometimes. But I still need the hugs, the fun times, the laughs, the kisses, someone to share dinner and the day with ..the companionship. I wish they had only realized that, because they were great guys that I probably unknowingly pushed away. The girls they did end up with....one was on welfare with some children, and the other had substance abuse issues but she got help with his help. I guess they were those women's knights in armor. | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:13:31 PM |
]Being in a great relationship is an addition to a happy life. The right person adds, enriches...
Exactly! Interaction with another is to embellish,nor take away. The right person walks in step yet not to block the other path,
to give, share, love and grow in a common bond of harmony. | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:14:27 PM | I haven’t read the posts so please forgive me if I’m being repetitive.
You’ve taken an interesting twist on the “independent, strong woman” OP. Here is my take on it…
Essentially, you’ve asked ”Can it be too much of a good thing? In my opinion, yes it can be.
I think a fully balanced human being is able to freely give as well as receive; as soon as one has difficulty in either area, it suggests some growth is necessary.
Clues:
1. Whenever someone has said I am one way, I “try it on”. I accept for the moment that what they have said is true, and take a look at what behaviours or attitudes I may be exhibiting that would generate that opinion. Then I look inside for why I am doing that… usually it is fear based. (a common area for people who are afraid to accept help is that thy are afraid they will lose themselves or that there will be strings attached).
2. If I don’t like to ask for or accept help it is usually that I am afraid. How is the sky going to fall if I asked for help? What do I think ”asking for help” says about me? (in my case it was that I was going to be needy… so at one time in my life I went too far in the other direction).
3. Relationships are about connecting. If someone is too rigidly independent they aren’t relaxing their guard long enough to let the other in… so they aren’t available emotionally to connect fully with a human being.
4. People get joy from giving, it is also a way to express and create love. Someone who will not allow another to give to them is blocking them from being fully expressed. Eventually, many people will wander away from a relationship where they cannot be fully expressed.
5. An extremely independent person is an emotional cripple. | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:31:26 PM | I suppose the question is "to who"?
Independance has nothing to do with allowing a man to cook for you...or fix your car....true independance is self taught, and comes from knowing who you are as a being...it cannot be a blessing or a curse in my opinion, it just is....
Keep being who you are...come a day, you wont feel like changing your tires.....having someone there to offer a helping hand will feel okay...:) | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:27:08 PM | Sorry-- but what good is a man who wont let you rely on them emotionally? A man is your partner.... you share your life -- the good and bad-- and its just as important for a man to offer emotional support as it is for a woman.
As for women-- its the one reason marriages are failing in the US-- the roles are confused-- and men dont know what they're meant to do anymore... women are confused too ... partnership is about being together-- sharing TOGETHER ... we have focused too much on doing everything alone. Its time for us to focus on a stronger vision of interdependence as couples.
Thats my story and I'm stickin' to it! | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:19:59 PM | there's a book, i think it's entitled, "how to make a great first impression"...i think.
according to that book, as human nature, we are more attracted, or enjoy the company of others who makes us feel better. think about it, if you were to pick from one, great talker, or great listener, who would you pick? *probably* the good listener, cuz you benefit more from that right? you just want someone to listen to.
an introvert, would *probably* rather have a great talker by their side because that takes away the attention from themselves. the introvert doesn't get into a spotlight, so they'd prefer the great talker, because that would benefit them.
a boss would most likely give you a raise based on what you've done for the company, not because you have a great smile.
with that, that's just how the world seems to be. we appreciate those who makes us feel better and as men, it's just part of their being to feel needed in a sense that having them around makes your life much better...does that make sense?
change your oil, do your thing. it's great in the long run for them, cuz you can leave them for their football nites, or guys time, than doing the car stuff for you. but it's also nice to feel that every now and then, they can do something for you. don't you feel better about yourself when you do something for others?
for me personally, i'd rather be with someone who can benefit from me (i bring much help and comfort) to someone, than be with someone who does everything on his own, and pretty much doesn't need me in anything. if anything, would he even appreciate my presence, if it wouldn't really matter if i'm out of his life?
it's like man are from mars, women are from venus. by nature, we female species are nurturing and just wants someone to listen, while men just wants to be the bread winner, and fix things. if he feels like he can't fix anything for you, then what is he good for? (generalization...for simplification)....does that make sense? | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:40:18 PM |
It is much better to be independent than to be dependent on someone.
^ Is it? Inter-dependence would be a healthy, balanced relationship.
Both dependence and independence can create problems in a relationship. I suppose the benefit of independence is it would be easier to get on with your life after your relationship fails. | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/16/2008 1:24:15 AM |
The girls they did end up with....one was on welfare with some children, and the other had substance abuse issues but she got help with his help. I guess they were those women's knights in armor.
It seems that these guys didn't want independent women who could take care of themselves. They just thought they did. With their subsequent ladies, they got to play "victim/rescuer". But that's not your game. Sure, I'm quite capable of scratching my own back, but it would be nice to have someone else scratch it once in a while.
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:49:39 PM | BRAVO, it's Margo! Couldnt have spoken truer words myself!
Everyone is on this "be indepedent" kick--- so much so that they've gotten lost along the way-- forgotten how to be in a partnership and be inter-dependent. | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:00:20 AM | I've had two men in my life, whom after we broke up..told me one of the things that bothered them is they felt like I didn't really need them. I thought about it for a long time. I realized..that alot of times..after being single, living alone, and independent for quite awhile...being taken extreme advantage of once when I did rely on someone..it was really hard for me to "let go of the reins" sometimes. I would find myself grabbing a door handle before he had the chance, or if a waiter asked if everything was okay..I would find myself answering, when I really should have let him. If he was doing a project in my home, I "had to help him"..which probably pissed him off. I didn't mean to do it..it was just force of habit. When I tried to make myself aware so I wouldn't do these things..I felt awkward a bit. I do want someone in my life. I am so used to taking care of myself..and not having anyone else to rely on..it's kinda scary letting go of that control sometimes. But I still need the hugs, the fun times, the laughs, the kisses, someone to share dinner and the day with ..the companionship. I wish they had only realized that, because they were great guys that I probably unknowingly pushed away. The girls they did end up with....one was on welfare with some children, and the other had substance abuse issues but she got help with his help. I guess they were those women's knights in armor.
According to the book "The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women" the number one love need of MOST men is to feel appreciated. When a guy says he doesn't feel needed, the translation to that is he doesn't feel appreciated.
You see this in a lot of independent women, they are so used to doing for themselves that they take away the "primary tools" normally used to make their man feel "appreciated."
There are other ways to make a man feel appreciated other than having him do stuff for you but oddly enough most men dont feel comfortable with those methods.
I think the other part about pitching in and helping is that if you're not careful you can make a man feel incompetent... which of course is disasterous in a relationship. | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 6/11/2008 7:25:13 AM | It seems really clear to me! In seeing if another person alines well with an independent partner; first observe they're friends general perona. If a person is attracted to strong, outgoing, open-minded, creative people; it logically will work that way in attracting a dating/spouse partner.
People often confuse space with independance...that is a whole different fish to fry? | |
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| Is being too indepent and strong a blessing or curse?
Posted: 6/11/2008 2:52:48 PM | | For me, it is a curse. Some people like to feel needed by the person they love. Even if it is go get a spider, its the fact that the other person actually needs us to be around. Of course maybe switch that around that a person should want another to be around instead of need it. | |
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