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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 3:13:38 PM | I totally agree with blueeyedbaldman's post above.
I make a comfortable living, not mega-bucks, but enough that I can allow a few dollars to just float away when I pay for the date.
Hopefully the date would have had some enjoyment to it, just sitting and getting to know a Lady that I have never met before is entertaining.
If someone is in a bad situation finacially then he should be working on a game plan to correct that.
Women do not need men to blow their life savings on them, or at least I hope that is not the case.
But to be responsable in life take on many forms, and living within your means is part of it. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 3:21:20 PM |
For women I'd guess it is more about being noticed to augment esteem as when out there'd be a chance of being viewed and maybe even told something like they're pretty, maybe given free drinks, free meals, free movie tickets (at least more in their favor than for men whether or not some women like to pay as well).
Perhaps for a small minority of women but certainly not the majority. Your introductory assertions were great. Most compelling questions. But you seem to over-justify your position with unreasonable assertions. There is no need to do that.
For guys, I'd think it'd be more for them to view than to be viewed and more often than not be able to show off from being able to spend money (whether easy or going in debt to do so).
Again, perhaps for a small minority of men but certainly not all men. These blanket statements are troublesome. If you prefer to stay home and have fun, fine. Im sure you can find a partner who agrees with your lifestyle.
And don't let the male bashers get to you. They are so predictable. Half of them are in current relationships or married and come here to spew their passive anger. The other half are just plain mentally ill. A group think of negativity towards men. Clearly, a bunch of sad sacks. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 3:26:53 PM | | hmmmm. sitting at home watching the same crap on t.v. or reading the same book that has been written a 1,000 times or going out meeting new people, experiencing different things, etc. if money is a problem then there is a 1000 different things to do without spending a lot of money. go to the beach, go to the zoo on free day, going to your local park, going to a forest preserve or state park, etc. what good is saving all your money if you are going to die tomm.? i am not saying to blow it all but life is an adventure, go out and live it. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 3:43:32 PM | Dear OP:
Is this all about "the free dinner" complain again?
If paying for a meal for you date is going to set you back. DON'T DATE!
I have two jobs and find it simply ridiculous when a white male living in The United States, has problems letting go of $40.00 !!Sounds like you'll be the perfect husband, keeping track of pennies, yes, that is how every woman out there would like to spend the rest of her life, living with a guy who thinks fun is what you make of it, as long as it's indoors and costs no money.
I guess traveling is out of the question right?
Sounds to me you need to find yourself a homebody girl that enjoys cooking like you.
You'll stay home every night, cook nutritious meals loose a few pounds, keep each other company,have fun indoors, have a dog, a cat, birds. Clean the house, read together, talk. NO need to go out and socialize with other people, spend money unnecessaryly.Work from home, cuts down commute time to zero, grow your own vegetables, have your groceries delivered.
Better yet.Why don't you move to a desserted island where you will ensure NOBODY will ever cross your path again, why don't you???
O.K. I got a little carried away, but you do get my point.
Sounds like you are antisocial and cheap. Find someone that is OK with both and you are all set. She'll probably won't look the way you want her to look but you are probably not what most women want in a man either.
Good Luck!
PS(Did your dad paint your bike blue and told you to pretend is a new bike, when you were nine???) | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:19:12 PM |
I do however think that men are more practical with money. We don't need a pair of shoes for every pair of pants that we own
Yet another stereotype ....not all women buy 5,000 shoes like Emelda....I own 3, all practical. Someday in a perfect world, there will be no stereotypes. Ok off to visit the Wizard of Oz to see if he will grant my wish | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:46:53 PM | I suppose, as usual, people what to hear (read) only what they want to hear(read). I do remember that *at least* in 2 of my posts I mentioned activities outside of the house that cost little or no money at all. However OP chose to conveniently overlook those. It's not my (or anyone's) business what OP does with his money. Some people enjoy the mere fact of possessing the money, some people view money as means to an end - live of balance, enjoyment, experiences and growth. However, it's not anyone's job either to mold themselves to the OPs idea of how dating should be. Same as OP says that people have "obsession with going out", I can turn that around and say that he has "obsession with penny-pinching and saving". As long as he (and each of us, respectively) finds someone who is more or less on the same page with, it's all good. happy  | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:55:51 PM | The OP is OCD over money at least, and I would bet some of my hard earned cash that it crosses over into other areas of his life as well.
OP...it' time for you to "Get busy living or get busy dying." Living in limbo has to be a lonely existance. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:04:27 PM | | OP, I doubt you intended to come across as cheap or condescending, but unfortunately you have given that impression. For what it’s worth here’s my opinion. Being more of a homebody doing things at home is what I usually do, but I still like to get out of the house. Once in awhile going to the movie is fun – just because it’s doing something different. Going out to dinner once in awhile is fun (or even having it delivered) – just because I’m not cooking and/or cleaning up after. You do not have to spend a lot of money. Going out for a walk on the waterfront or hiking is nice – because they are lovely changes from the daily scenery. Going window-shopping for antiques is fun – just because I like looking at them. Some things that cost money can still be fun and educational – ever gone to the zoo, aquarium or the museum? Are you getting the idea? You are ok to be you, but learning to compromise is a good thing. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:58:10 PM | I won't date women that feel a date has to be "Out on the town spending money" It has nothing to do with being a tight wad. It has more to do with them being gold diggers.
It's hard to get to know someone when you are out all the time going to resturants, movies, clubs or whatever. The whole purpose of dating is to get to know a person. If all you are interested in is sex.....than by all means take the woman out and spoil them. However, in my opinion a good quality woman won't insist on going out a lot. If she wants a good serious relationship with you she will want to have a LOT of alone time with you. That means dinner at your place or her place.
I think....at least from my experience, and I know a lot of women will stone me here. But it's fine. I can handle it. I see it more in the women in my age group.....40s...... they are out of a long marriage. They feel they did a LOT more than their husband did for the marriage. They were the ones that cooked dinner, worked , took care of the kids, cleaned house and so on. Now that they are divorced, the kids are older and don't need 24 hour supervision. So, now it's their time to have fun. So, in a way......they are looking to sow their oats. They will date a man that will spend the money on them. However, I have noticed that the smart women will out grow this when they realize that they really want a guy that will be there for them when he is needed. They start to realize that guys have put just as much into marriage as they did but in other areas. That is when they decide that having a guy around that truely loves them, respects them, and treats them well is more important to them than a guy that takes them out a lot. This isn't to say that guys that spend a lot of money on women aren't great guys. It means that after a while most women that have a healthy opinion of men realize that it isn't the amount of money that a guy spends on you that makes him special. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:05:08 PM | Point well taken, but it is nice to get out of the house every-so-often. I personally don't eat much fast food, cook, and have friends that cook. However, it is nice to get out of the house to change the mind-frame. Home is nice to come home to, but being trapped at home is not always fun either. I love being home, but there are many places that I go where they serve certain things that are alot easier to go out and have than cook at home.
BTW-If you are paying $4 a pop for drinks, consider yourself lucky, where I live that's what a beer costs. Diversity is the breath of life. Be versatile and enjoy. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:29:21 PM | Only cheap men use the term "gold digger".Those are the ones who have absolutely NO GOLD to be found in their possesion.
OP You sound like you were raised in a third world country. No offense to the third world country people, but you think $20.00 for a dinner is exorbitant! Only people who come from a place where they make $5.00 a day on hard labor can consider $20.00 for a dinner outreagous. Then I read you live in a forest, maybe you were raised there too, with little of no contact with the rest of the population.
You list grocerie shopping as a social event and for everybody else is an errand it leads me to believe you are isolated more than the rest of us.
Either your mother or your father was cheap. You learned somewhere that spending money on you or others is painful and wrong. Life is too short, live a little. Treat yourself to something you really want, it doesn't have to be expensive. You don't have to go out once a week, maybe once a month is a good start. Do it for yourself. Forget about dating for a while.
Unless you find a "forest" girl who is excited about the grocerie shopping trip. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:58:36 PM | Msg 41,
Here, paying $4 for a drink will get you a bottle of water, but I get what you're saying, and to be honest, paying $4 for a bottle of water kind of sucks, especially when I know that I can go to the grocery and get a 24-case of bottled water for $3.99, sometimes even $2.99.
But the bar doesn't force people to buy anything. I'll buy it because I know that's how things work - it's like the cost of admission. The bar spends money up-front to make a nice atmosphere, in a nice location, with good music, and maybe even some live entertainment or a DJ. I understand that the bar is in this to make money. If people don't show-up, or if people don't spend money, the bar goes out of business. This is the bar's risk.
So if I like the bar, and I show-up, even if I'm not thirsty, I'll pay my 'admission fee'.
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Now, my own pet peeve, is paying for food that I could cook better myself. I've found some places that make me very happy when I spend my money, but then again, a single guy's version of 'eating out' is not the same as date-quality 'eating out'. One of my favourite places will make your clothes smell like bbq smoke, and is set-up like a fast-food place (but it's not fast food), so it's not really 'date-quality'. This is too bad, because the food there is just great. It makes me hungry just thinking about this place. The value is tremendous too, because I don't think I could even buy the raw ingredients for what they charge.
This is another good point: this restaurant's purchasing power is better than mine due to 'economies of scale' - it's not McDonald's-size 'economies of scale', but still, better than mine. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 8:04:19 PM | | Tell me OP... Are you trying to attract a woman with that charm or just ensure that noone looks your way?... | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 10:23:13 PM | Hey nxtdoorgirl,
I know plenty of guys that make well over $250,000.00 a year that use the term gold digger all the time. I don't even know you and I can bet you don't make that much. Are these guys cheap? I don't think so. They are experienced. Any woman that feels a guy isn't good enough for her if he isn't spending money on her is a gold digger. These women are shallow. They are the type that feel time spent with a guy isn't quality time unless the guy spends money on them. Now, I don't feel why you have to insult the OP. It's pretty clear to me the guy is pretty intelligent. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 10:26:51 PM | OP,
I think women are just more social than men. Also, I think woment DO go out to get noticed, no matter what we're hearing here.
Good luck | |
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svj2
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Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 66 | |
| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/23/2008 11:01:20 PM | If hanging out with you alone was more fun than going out, OP, she would want to stay at home with you.
Judging by your first post, I can totally understand why she wants to go out.
I just can't understand why she wants to go out with you. 
You must be hung like an elephant or something...
cause it certainly ain't your wallet or winning attitude that's reeling her in.  | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/24/2008 12:13:30 AM | Mr. Bassman:
You can be a wealthy man and still be cheap.
You can be loaded and still be a tight wad.
You can be poor and be cheap. You can also be poor and generous.
You can have more money than God and still .........be cheap!
The most generous guy I know is a male nurse, he doesn't make $250.000.00 a year but if you met him you would think he does. Not because he spends money like crazy, he lives within his means. But he's never the guy looking at the bill for 20min trying to figure out who ate what and who ought to put more money down on the table to pay the bill. He is never the one that gives you "soap on a rope" for a gift and all his friends reciprocate gladly, including me.
The cheapest man I know, has never worked a day in his life, he is on a trust fund and if you met him you would think the man is homeless. He doesn't buy clothes, drives a 15 year volvo and when he dies (alone) his millions are going to benefit the Dog pound where he got his dog, for free
Guys who use the term gold diggers are just upset because women don't go out with them . Why??? Because they are cheap! When you are cheap, you are not just cheap with money, you also are cheap with your emotions and not a generous person in general. Wealthy people who are also generous are happy to provide for the ones they care for. That's why they made the money in the first place. They have the money and they provide and don't look back to see, who paid for the last dinner and who's turn is it to pay for taco bell.
I don't know much about you either but I can tell by the way you are siding and defending the OP you just might be one of them too.
Gold diggers, want cars, their rent paid for, houses, trips and jewelery.
Paying dinner for someone hardly qualifies as an incentive for a woman to go out with you (unless they are on food stamps) In most cases we don't even eat the ribs you want to order in the place you choose.
It tells a lot about your personality and capabilities as a possible partner.
We just want to see if you have manners, that's all.
So get over the "free meal trip" already.
You don't have to worry about how much money I make,
Because you'll NEVER have to pay for my dinner.
I'm not insulting the OP, merely stating my opinion. Some people benefit from hearing what others think. Unlike you. Many people here are under the impression the OP is cheap. That is not an insult. I'm not calling him names. He is just cheap.
Peace | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:03:51 AM | I'm a good cook, so unless a restaurant is really good, I like to cook in. I'm not overly thrilled about the restaurants that ship it in pre-made frozen in a truck and then want to charge you $15 for it. I do my best to know where the good restaurants are.
But the rest of the OP's comments didn't cover much useful. The idea of going to a bar is usually more social, and I don't keep a "stocked bar" at home. It's probably cheaper to buy a few expensive drinks out than plan to drink in (which doesn't sound like much fun anyhow).
If going out is just restaurants and bars to you though, you're missing out. There are lots of other places to "go out" to in life, some free, some expensive, both can be fun. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:47:03 AM | | You have a point, but there are a lot of ways to "go out" without spending a lot of money. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/24/2008 4:38:15 AM | OP....Its nice to stay home with your man and do nothing sometimes but all the time........You sound very boring and someone who let's everything bother them........Do you know my ex..lol....... | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/24/2008 4:43:59 AM | Hey nextdoorgirl.
You said this
"Only cheap men use the term "gold digger".Those are the ones who have absolutely NO GOLD to be found in their possesion. "
I have nearly 20 ounces of the gold stuff. Got to love those boring coin collectors like me that bought full ounce gold coins 5 years ago!
By the way. I use the term gold digger just like every other guy out there | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/24/2008 5:05:13 AM | Guys who use the term gold diggers are just upset because women don't go out with them . Why??? Because they are cheap! When you are cheap, you are not just cheap with money, you also are cheap with your emotions and not a generous person in general.
THE POINT PRECISELY! They are afraid to expend their emotions or efforts on someone or something that is not GUARANTEED to pay off. And if they do, oh boy they don't let it be forgotten for a second!!! | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/24/2008 5:11:28 AM | | Putting aside that you seem to be equating things with money spent,,,,,,,,,,,,,Sometimes women like to get out ........just to get out...... If money is your problem...buy a bottle of wine,,,,, order a nice cold lunch at a restaurant..pack it in a picnic basket and take her to the beach or park to spend a lovely afternoon. | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/24/2008 5:42:24 AM | My best friend and I have one expensive night out a year that we both save up for. No men invited lol! It'd spoil the fun of being "princesses" for a night. We've being going to the same place as part of our lead up to Xmas for the last 15 years and we aren't about to swap now. Over the years our men have offered to take us and pay, but it'd spoil it, as it's a chance for the two of us to get away and enter a land of pure escapism from the daily grind.
Re dates - my fave everyday place to "eat out" is actually a local Irish greasy spoon where you are hard pushed to spend over a fiver. The tea or coffee comes in the "everlasting variety" and the kitchen is clean.
When summer time rolls around I'd actually rather take a picnic somewhere different than spend and evening in a swanky restaurant and I've never been able to handle my liquor too well so lots of pricey****ails just don't appeal.
I only tend to "go out" in the cold winter months when the beach, parks etc aren't as appealing. Even then I'd rather go to local places usually and meet friends than travel miles in the freezing rain.
Maybe you are just hanging with the wrong people? | |
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| obsession on going out
Posted: 3/24/2008 6:00:58 AM | Ahhh shoot, this sounded like a great thread topic until it turned into the woman bashing, all females are gold diggers whine.
Being myself a person who would much rather cook at home than eat in a restaurant, I agree, I can't see the obsession with eating out. It IS more costly....and almost always not as healthy. Eating "out" is also on of the big reasons that I learned 30 years ago to really enjoy camping. Going on vacation with 4 children, spending HOURS waiting in line to get seated was the pits!!! While I do understand that most women feel that it's not much of a vacation for them when they still have to cook and clean up afterward....I found that definitely the lesser of 2 evils after 1 trip to Disney World in which 6 hours each day was spent waiting in lines trying to feed the kiddies.
I also think that "going out" too often really spoils the sense of doing something "special". One reason why singles tend to "go out" more is probably due to "safety". I certainly don't invite someone to my house for dinner until I've met them a few times and determined whether or not I want them in my home. After that, I believe that a home cooked meal and a video or a game of Scrabble are definitely more intimate than sitting in a restaurant with a waitress doing a hand check every 5 minutes!
As for going to bars, if I'm driving....I drink water with lime, regardless of who offers a drink. My freedom is much more important than the consumption of alcohol. If someone else is driving, I usually drink Diet Coke.....as I prefer to be able to determine whether I should get into a car with them...or call a cab. This is not to say that I'm anti-drinking, indeed I like an occassional glass of wine AT HOME, but I must say that the $ 12 bottle of wine you mention is wasted on me.....I can't tell the difference between that an an $8 bottle......or a $200 bottle for that matter. In fact, having once had wine that cost $200 a bottle....I think I actually prefer the $8 stuff.
Among the motivations you listed for women, you deliberately neglected to add that going out is one time when she doesn't have to cook, get up and fetch the salt, ketchup, and refill all the drinks constantly, or spend an hour after the meal cleaning up.
You were fairly accurate on the men's motivations: The want to impress people by spending money which they may or may not have; and they also like having something to complain about.
My ex boyfriend and I used to argue frequently about his "eating out" habits. If it wasn't greasy and between a bun with ketchup on it...he wouldn't eat it. He argued that it was cheaper than buying groceries (which I always bought) but I think the real issue was that each meal I cooked (and cleaned up after) was 2 hours of constant attention that he wasn't getting....plus he thought all vegetables were poison!!!!
I suggest that financially responsible PEOPLE think responsibly about anyone's finances and perhaps you might resolve your issues if you were to date more financially repsonsible women. | |
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