| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 6:20:37 AM | Other than the evidence that this further provides for my rule about male/female friendships (No....YOU think he's your friend. Men know better) I'd say stick around but keep your trap shut.
This is exactly why I don't date women who have a lot of men hanging around wanting to be her 'friend'. They've got drinking buddies already. I'm not saying that it means she's going to run off with one of them or that he's necessarily making any particular effort to woo her. I do know that it wouldn't take much to convince him to pounce on any perceived opportunity though. | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 6:35:19 AM |
Update....she has me on her friends list on MySpace....and she has recently put up photos of her going out to a club or something or bar...and she's got pictures of her flirting and dancing (one pic of a guy picking her up...because she' s a small woman).
Ok, so she's social. Nothing really odd about that. I'm like that in a relationship where I see someone every day. It's just my nature.
Hope this 'Contruction worker' doesn't start kicking his butt.
That's between him, her and whoever else she's hanging out with. Oh, and if she's talking to drinking and flirting with other men, why wouldn't you be one of them? Just asking.
And yes, the boyfriend does exist, because he she has, "This is my Sweetie" underneath his photo in her gallery in her pics area.
I had no doubt he would exist. Doesn't matter either way, but why wouldn't he?
So obviously she's going out, flirting with other men during the 27 days of the month where she's not seeing the boyfriend.
And yet she didn't flirt with you - if it comes so easily to do so, wouldn't she have done so without even thinking about it?
He's more of a part-time boyfriend.
That's not news, because she's already stated the frequency of it. HOWEVER, to HER, that's obviously sufficient. Who cares what anyone else thinks it is?
So, what do you make of this, I have found photo graphic evidence, that her relationship is a sham.
I think she has no interest in you, and genuinely thinks of you in a platonic sense. Based on what you've seen, if she was into you - she'd have made you an option, at least to hang out with outside this group. Instead she has both told you she has a bf, and stated that she's NOT pursuing other options. Doesn't matter really - she's been pretty straightforward and given you a clear message. Ignoring it IMO would be just offensive. | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 6:48:08 AM | Well, actually, she shouldn't be doing what she's doing if she's involved with a serious boyfriend that's my point, you can't have respect for someone who disrespects her boyfriend. So that is rather a turn-off for me....possibly a deal breaker if she goes off flirting with other guys. I tend to question the loyalty and integrity of women and men who do that.
She lets men paw on her all the time, pick her up, handle her, with no regard to her boyfriends feelings.
Either
1. Her relationship is a sham
2. She wants her cake and eat it too | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:11:57 AM |
Well, actually, she shouldn't be doing what she's doing if she's involved with a serious boyfriend that's my point, you can't have respect for someone who disrespects her boyfriend. So that is rather a turn-off for me....possibly a deal breaker if she goes off flirting with other guys. I tend to question the loyalty and integrity of women and men who do that.
Then why are we all here discussing your interest in her situation if it's a turn off for you? The point here is, it's none of your concern - that's between her and her bf. If you don't respect women who do that, don't date one. Beyond that, it doesn't matter to your existence. Sorry to say, but it can't be a dealbreaker if there's no deal to start with. None of the current equation contains you as an element.
She lets men paw on her all the time, pick her up, handle her, with no regard to her boyfriends feelings.
Either
1. Her relationship is a sham
2. She wants her cake and eat it too
And? How is this affecting your life? Why try to analyze it? Who cares?
Listen, from most of the posts I've seen from you I can tell you like to assume things to a larger proportion than they may be based on your opinion or what you think someone should be doing or some personal issue of your own. Life is much less stressful if you pay less attention to what others are doing, and focus on just your life.
This girl for whatever reason isn't interested in you. If what she's doing is a turn off, then there's nothing else to discuss or care about here. If however you're subconsciously not happy that you're not of interest to her and that's why you've decided you don't respect her, then that's something you need to go over with yourself. This woman, her life, her relationship, her actions just don't have anything to do with you. | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:28:39 AM |
Well, actually, she shouldn't be doing what she's doing if she's involved with a serious boyfriend that's my point, you can't have respect for someone who disrespects her boyfriend. So that is rather a turn-off for me....possibly a deal breaker if she goes off flirting with other guys. I tend to question the loyalty and integrity of women and men who do that.
She lets men paw on her all the time, pick her up, handle her, with no regard to her boyfriends feelings.
Either
1. Her relationship is a sham
2. She wants her cake and eat it too
Wow, quite the leap you are making here. So because you saw some pictures on her Myspace page that YOU think MAY be disrespectful you now have complete insight into her relationship and her mindset. Seems avbit presumptuous on your part. These pictures are on a easily accessed medium that anyone can view including her BF, for all you know the man that she is dancing with is her brother or cousin at an event that her BF was also at.
Frankly, if this is how your mind works I suggest you leave her alone. You have made some pretty incredible and offensive statements about this woman who is nothing more than a stranger to you. That in itself says alot about you. | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:37:33 AM | Actually, I found out from her that this was just some guy she emet at the bar... he "picked her up" and said she was leaving the country with her as a souvenier (sp?)
And her friends laughed and said, "She wouldn't make it through customs!"
So she told me what was up with those photos. I forgot o mention number 3.
"They have an open relationship apparently" | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:10:41 AM | I will never understand some people's thinking? Sweet jezussssssss, OP why are you wasting peoples time on here? you already know the answer to your question , the more im reading the thread the more im convinced you're just breaking balls.
You like a woman who has a boyfriend, now they have a open relationship blah blah blah, so then go for it, and if you fall for her and she breaks your heart because she's possibly found another play toy don't go crying about it.... well maybe to your shrink.
If you think you can rescue this damsel in distress and transform her into a monogamous wonderful human being God Bless you guy and there's a ocean front property in Bedrock up for sale I think Wilma or Betty is selling the property | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:14:39 AM |
"They have an open relationship apparently"
I never thought she was interested, and the more I find out, the more it confirms that. If they ARE in an open relationship, then she'd have certainly picked you as an option if she was free to. She didn't want to tell you she wasn't into you, so she just said she had a boyfriend. Telling you she can talk to other men while not flirting with you is just a confirmation that you're not her type.
Not that you care or anything, since you find her so offensive. | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:27:05 AM | Uglybetty is right.
Great thread for amusement factor though.
But yes..if it's an open relationship and she did like you then she would have done something about it by now.
She isnt interested and she also is not being disrespectful to her fella..it's an open relationship.
It's amazing how quickly your attitude over this lady has changed.
You do seem to like going for women who are 'taken' or only just out of a relationship..is it a competitive thing for you? | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:32:39 AM | GEt this, she asks me not to mention what she did with that guy at bar to anyone else, and I said, "Well, for starters, you need to take off the photos with that guy" 
She said she doesn't want anyone to think bad of her. | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:45:32 AM | Well..whatever..it's her life.
You having turned this thread around makes you seem jealous and a little bitter that she hasn't picked you as a part of her open relationship.
Just the way it looks to me. No offence intended. | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:24:07 AM | Op are you sure you are 34? This is getting more and more outlandish as time goes by. How do you go from being interested in her and within literally hours to calling her all sorts of names and questioning her morals.
I am calling Bullshit and think this is pretty much either in your head or you are making shit up as you go | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:44:01 AM | "I am calling Bullshit and think this is pretty much either in your head or you are making shit up as you go "
And that pretty much sums this thread up in a nutshell. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 6:49:02 PM | Ugly Betty nailed it and in addition, as to your friend whose attitude is that they all have boyfriends, well, watch out when the karma bites you on the ass.
Why would you want someone that would get involved without ending something first or be the type of guy that would try to steal a girlfriend from someone else. Oy. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:05:38 PM | Don't try to be her friend. She is already aware that you are interested in her romantically -- women have this sort of sixth sense about it. If she was interested in return, she would let you know somehow. Being friends with a taken woman usually involves listening to all her complaining about her boyfriend. You end up being the crying shoulder. I say put your bobber in the water elsewhere.
But there certainly seem to be be a lot of people here very paranoid about being cheated on. It sucks when it happens, but letting it color your future relationships seems ultimately defeating -- and you might actually *make* it happen by trying to make sure it never happens. | |
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| Pursuing someone that's taken, but....
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:06:53 PM | okeedokee444 , you have spent a great deal of time contradicting yourself, and trying to read into things, that MAY or more than likely NOT exist. Ugly Betty has been right on top of that.
If you think so little of her being a flirt, blah blah blah and that she is all a bad person because she was out apparently with friends, and didn't feel threatened by someone that doesn't live in the US, boy you need to come out of your bubble just a little bit more.
People can INNOCENTLY flirt, without them going to bed with these people. WOW some guy picked her up, and isn't she the little tramp now. My son is 12, and a really small boy, so for kicks other kids like to pick him up...Does that make these kids gay??? HARDLY THINK SO, just messing around, having a little fun.
You don't have a pic of her locking lips with some guy, that also has his hands on her butt or down her panties, so your photographic evidence is pretty much a delusion in your own mind.
She also has a pic of HER SWEETY, which means SHE LETS PEOPLE KNOW LOUD AND CLEAR, she is taken.
However if you feel the need to continue this delusion of this girl by all means do, you've gotten three pages of press already.  | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/26/2008 4:51:06 AM | I have to wonder why anyone would seriously want someone that can be swayed from their partner? Can't they do the math?
The glaringly obvious stuff:
Regardless of the "open relationship" bit, she refers to him as her boyfriend and her sweetie. She also posts his pic on her page, and even if that's a ruse designed to keep him happy, if she were interested in any other man, she'd act on it.
It might even be possible that she wants more from their relationship, but has accepted that this is how things are. Who knows? All that really matters is:
-how the two of them define their dealio.
-in terms of the OP...how she feels and what she wants.
-the fact that she has expressed to the OP that she's taken.
But what I really want to address is the mindset of those that think their outside view and perception should be important, somehow. It isn't. Not a one of us has the right or even the ability to determine how things "should be" for another person; most especially a person that we aren't even related to or intimately involved with. We have the right to be concerned and to express concern, but we don't get to say "well, I don't care for their relationship as is, so I have the right to affect it or influence it." That's horse shit. There's zero respect in that type mindset, and it's arrogant as all get out! Why would anyone be interested in a anyone that would behave in such a manner? Goodness, if they'll behave that way to "catch" you, it surely won't end there.
The respectful thing to do--if one is absolutely compelled to arrogantly intrude on a relationship that isn't their own--is to simply say "if this thing ends, look me up". And that doesn't mean to try to woo her away, either. From a woman's perspective, I'd be much more intrigued by a man that said that to me just once--and then coolly walk away-- while being respectful of me and treating me like a friend, and NOT trying to seduce me away, than I would a man that tried to influence me or interfere in my relationship. It'd be a huge turn off, because it would tell me that he doesn't respect me, doesn't think I'm able to think for myself and handle my own choices, and that he's full of himself...and way too c ocky! That might be hot for all of thirty seconds or less, but in time, it'd fizzle out and present a real red flag for me.
Respect is very important. While I agree that (to a degree) "all's fair in love and war" , and it's awfully sweet to go after what you want, that will never, ever trump respect, character and dignity. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:18:33 AM | Are you kidding me? Or just kidding yourself?
So women who are in relationships should not go out or dance with other men?? Sounds like she is just a flirt that likes to have a good time. That hardly means her relationship is a sham. Actually quite the contrary since she is willing to acknowledge him in a very public forum as her Sweetie.
You are making yourself out to be nothing but a predator. A hyena that patiently waits in the wings to feed off of someone elses kill. I hope this woman does not "fall" for you because you obviously do not respect her or her choices. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:31:51 AM | Inthewoods!
LOL.. yeah that's what I was going to say too... I tell guys I HAVE to see often because of work or things like this 'group' that don't read the obvious 'I'm not interested signs' and keep hitting on me with the old 'I have a bf.' story.
I really hate to feel I have to do this, but there are some ppl who would get really bent out of shape if you just told them 'Sorry not interested.' Especially the customers that come to my work place.
Whether she has a real bf or not is irrelevant though, if she was interested in OP, she'd let him know.
Her relationship sounds fine to me, sounds like she sees bf the equivelant of almost every weekend. Pretty normal arrangement to me. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:22:42 AM | So women who are in relationships should not go out or dance with other men?? Sounds like she is just a flirt that likes to have a good time. That hardly means her relationship is a sham. Actually quite the contrary since she is willing to acknowledge him in a very public forum as her Sweetie.
Of course she shouldn't be going out, dancing and flirting with other men if she has a boyfriend, that's unacceptable and disrespectful. If she does go out, why don't they go together?
I'm only asking/toying with the idea...I'm not attempting anything with her ,unless she becomes single again. I won't pursue a woman that's taken, obviously...because there would be no point.
She even posted a special shout out to me about something in her Myspace page. SO I thought she could 've been interested as well.
But actually, found out she's a smoker anyways...so it's a dealbreaker as it is.
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:29:35 AM | The one thing that you must remember is that, she obviouly knew that there was a connection between you too or you would have never found out that she only sees him 3times a month. I guess the point is, yes you can wait, but do you think that she wouldn't do to you like she has done to him and make sure that there is someone there waiting in the wings for when you are gone.
Mute point since she's a smoker and its a deal breaker but food for thought none the less | |
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