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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:29:15 PM | | oh my god, i only asked a question, i pointed no fingers, i never said women dont cheat, i do not like bad boys why do you ashume i do. i havent had lots of men only long relationships and why is it my fault a person cheats, if a person carnt be faithful then its their fault, thanx to all the normal people out there and to all the other stupid comments well im just glad i dont know you | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 77 | |
| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:33:54 PM |
i never said women dont cheat, i do not like bad boys why do you ashume i do.
What is the one constant in all your relationships ?
i havent had lots of men only long relationships and why is it my fault a person cheats, if a person carnt be faithful then its their fault,
Though who chose them ?
thanx to all the normal people out there and to all the other stupid comments well im just glad i dont know you
Your welcome. | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:36:01 PM | Now, you're getting it red; I agree. There are a lot that will point the finger, but the victim isn't the problem, because we all choose that which we become...and that includes adultery. You can choose to be an adulterer, or you can seek help, or get out.
Actually, according to the report, the problem is availability now a days. There are lots more folks who don't care and so...availability has increased for both men and women alike. We have more cell phones which make it easier to cheat, more computers, more dating sites, etc. MORE! So, it's simple to do. Most people simply can and that's why they do. And so, many 'choose' the negative route at the first sign of trouble or difficulty, in a relationship. It becomes a situation wherein it's easier to trade the goods rather than try to fix the problems or work them through with each other. It's a matter of pointing fingers, rather than looking at one's self, in this day and age. Sadly, we have become a disposable society. Personally, I think we've doomed our own race by treating each other with such disrespect and disregard. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 79 | |
| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:42:19 PM |
I agree. There are a lot that will point the finger, but the other party isn't the problem.
As I've said from the beginning, it's about taking personal responsibility for the situation, good U turn though 
It's a matter of pointing fingers, rather than looking at one's self, in this day and age.
Curiously enough as you have been doing from the beginning with your magic 80% and claiming that all people who you can offend must be guilty, it's a shame, though there is a behavioural title for that.
Personally, I think we've doomed our own race by treating each other with such disrespect and disregard.
Indeed, and now finally your words match your actions. Though I don't think it's doomed, north america has a lot of work to do for sure, though not doomed. | |
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| Are there faithful or decent men out there short answer: yes
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:50:08 PM |
If I pulled up the info for you, and actually did the legwork for you, this supposedly would make me a better person, in your eyes? lol. Well, one of us has to be a grown up and I suspect I will have to be that party, as usual. Have a good life, friend. hehe
This women doesn't get it.......and nor will she....EVER
Most people don't assume anything unless there is proof.....to throw out numbers you show fact...she can remember the numbers without question. But the other information she now can't remember........ughhhhh......
Here is fact.......you look really bad right now.....you don't get it.....this looks and smells like someone seeking attention...doesn't matter if its positive or negative.......just attention seeking.......if someone dare challenges the information that you have posted then your angered ......Ohhh Yeah .......Your fired from your job I want a new messenger........... Blue | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 83 | |
| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:50:09 PM | This women doesn't get it.......and nor will she....EVER
I'm thinking I'm going to have to agree with you there, the point has been proved another 4 pages of her passive aggressive silliness and avoidance isn't going to help, nor imaginary studies, I'm off.
Must be a Florida thing akin to the voting fiasco and made up numbers ......... !! | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:08:09 PM | Since it's been used here, I figured I better post what to really watch for, when discussing passive/aggressive traits. I'd suggest you watch closely. Does this sound like anyone you've listened to here, today? :)
This is the "condensed" version. For the expanded version please see Dr. Wetzler's book, pages 35-37......
*FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy & afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by trying to control you.
*FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded & often mistrusful, he is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He's often out of touch with his feelings, reflexively denying feelings he thinks will "trap" or reveal him, like love. "He picks fights to create distance."
*FEAR OF COMPETITION - Feeling inadequate, he is unable to compete with other men in work and love. He may operate either as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure, or he'll be the tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect, needing to eliminate any threat to his power.
*OBSTRUCTIONISM - Just tell a p/a man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it for you. But he won't say when, and he"ll do it deliberately slowly just to frustrate you. Maybe he won't comply at all. He blocks any real progress he sees to your getting your way.
*FEELING VICTIMIZED - The p/a man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reproach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and tirades.
*MAKING EXCUSES & LYING - The p/a man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling 'promises'. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love - to have power over you - the p/a man may choose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.
*PROCRASTINATION - The p/a man has an odd sense of time - he believes that deadlines don't exist for him.
*CHRONIC LATENESS & FORGETFULNESS - One of the most infuriating & inconsiderate of all p/a traits is his inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. And his selective forgetting - used only when he wants to avoid an obligation.
*AMBIGUITY - He is master of mixed messages. When he tells you something, you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.
*SULKING - Feeling put upon when he is unable to live up to his promises or obligations, the p/a man retreats from pressures around him and sulks, pouts and withdraws.
A passive-aggressive man won't have every single one of these traits, but he'll have many of them. He may have other traits as well, which are not passive-aggressive.
FROM: Kaplan, H.I. & Saddock, B.J. (1997) SYNOPSIS OF PSYCHIATRY, 8th ed. Baltimore: Williams & Wilkins
The following is an excerpt from the above:
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER
People with PAPD are characterized by covert obstructionism, procrastination, stubbornness, and inefficiency. Such behavior is a manifestation of passively expressed underlying aggression. In the DSM-IV the disorder is also called negativistic PD.
CLINICAL FEATURES
PAPD patients characteristically procrastinate, resist demands for adequate performance, find excuses for delays, and find fault with those on whom they depend; yet they refuse to extricate themselves from the dependent relationships. They usually lack assertiveness and are not direct about their own needs and wishes. They fail to "ask needed questions" about "what is expected of them" and "may become anxious when forced to succeed" or "when their usual defense of turning anger against themselves is removed."
In interpersonal relationships, these people "attempt to manipulate themselves into a position of dependence," but "others often experience this passive, self-detrimental behavior as punitive and munipulative." People with this disorder "expect others to do their errands and to carry out routine responsibilities." Friends and clinicians may become enmeshed in trying to assuage the "patients' many claims of unjust treatment." The close relationships of people with PAPD, however, are "rarely tranquil or happy." Because they are "bound to their resentment" more closely than to their satisfaction, they may "never formulate goals for finding enjoyment in life." People with this disorder "lack self-confidence" and are typically pessimistic about the future.
DIFFERENTIAL DIAGNOSIS:
PAPD must be differentiated from histrionic and borderline PD. Patients with PAPD, however, are less flamboyant, dramatic, affective and openly aggressive than those with histrionic and borderline PD.
COURSE & PROGNOSIS:
In a follow-up study averaging 11 years of 100 PA inpatients, Small found that the primary diagnosis in 54 was PAPD; "18 were alcohol abusers, and 30 could be clinically labeled depressed." Of the 73 former patients located, "58 (79%) had persistent psychiatric difficulties" and "9 (12%) were considered symptom-free." Most seemed "irritable, anxious, and depressed;" somatic (internal physical) complaints were numerous. Only 32 (44%) were employed full time as workers or homemakers. Although neglect of responsibility and suicide attempts were common, only one patient had committed suicide in the interim. 28 had been readmitted to a hospital, but the disorders of only 34 had been diagnosed as schizophrenia.
TREATMENT:
Patients with PAPD who receive supportive psychotherapy have good outcomes, but psychotherapy for these patients has many pitfalls. To fulfill their demands is often to support their pathology, but to refuse their demands is to reject them. Therapy sessions can thus become a battleground on which the patient expresses feelings of resentment against the therapist on whom the patient wishes to become dependent. With these patients, clinicians must treat suicide gestures as any covert expression of anger, and not as object loss in major depressive disorder. Therapists must point out the probable consequences of PA behaviors as they occur. Such confrontations may be more helpful than a correct interpretation on changing patients' behavior.
1.
2.
PERSONALITY DISORDERS.
NORMAL PERSONALITY:
A. Defining Personality
i. is it constant across situations?
ii. is it multifaceted?
iii. is it permanent, unchanging?
iv. where does it come from?
v. stable set of characteristics & tendencies that determine an individuals response to a varity of circumstances
B. Defining Abnormal Personality
i. inflexible, maladaptive traits that interfere with a person's ability to perform adequately in various soical roles:
CLUSTER A - Odd, eccentric, mistrust, constricted emotion
a. Paranoid - tense, guarded, suspicious b. Schizoid - socially isolated with restricted emotional expression
c. Schizotypal - peculiarities of thought, appearance, behavior, emotionally detached
CLUSTER B- Dramatic, emotional, erratic a. Antisocial - manipulative, exploitive, dishonest, disloyal, lacks guilt, breaks social rules, childhood history of troubled behavior b. Borderline - cannot tolerate being alone, intense, unstable moods and personal relationships, chronic anger, drug/alcohol abuse
c. Histrionic - Seductive, needs immediate gratification and constant reassurance, rapidly changing moods, shallow emotions d. Narcissistic - self-absorbed, expects special treatment and adulation, envious of attention to tothers
CLUSTER C - Anxious, fearful, avoidance tendencies
a. Avoidant - easily hurt and embarrassed, few close friends, sticks to routines to avoid new and possibly stressful experiences
b. Dependent - wants others to make decisions, needs constant advice and reassurance, fears being abandoned c. Obsessive-Compulsive - perfectionistic, overerconscientious, indecisive, preoccupied with details, stiff, unable to express affection.
d. Passive-Aggressive - resents demands and suggestions, procrastinates, sulks, "forgets" obligations or is deliberately inefficient
Comparison to Axis I
a. earlier onset
b. perhaps less florid
c. less responsive to treatment
d. more continuously/consistently present
e. systems are ego syntonic
P.A. TRAITS, ETC...
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE HELPING HAND
Now, next time, if someone attempts to diagnose you, you will be able to tell them they don't know what they're talking about. By the way, if one should diagnose you publicly, you might wish to take it to an attorney, because once you do, you might find you have a case against the person, since it's against the law for one to practice medical diagnoses unless one is licensed to do so, and has actually seen the patient personally. Oh, and they can't, according to the law, discuss one's medical background publicly, hehe. So says the law! ;) | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:09:43 PM | | i shall refrase it, for those of you who only read part of it.....why do some partners cheat( is that better) not every single partner has cheated but the ones that did, got their fingers burnt (doesnt that tell you something) i am actually a very nice person(if you actually knew me) and just maybe its the not very nice people who pick me... people always try to see the bad in others, i was only wanting to see how many nice men were out there but my god did i get some nasty people replying to this... some people just like arguments but im not one of them so argue among yourselfs because im busy looking at all the nice people....... | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:16:34 PM | Excellent response, Red. And now you know why I don't bother responding with looking up all the things that most of these characters ask me to. Essentially, most are just looking for the arguement. They're not interested in what someone else can bring to the table. They're interested in only hearing what they want to hear.
Why? I believe the article and study I spoke about gives us a reason as to why people do it. It's not something the victim has caused, which I'm sure many will disagree. But, nevertheless, according to many doctors and studies alike, it's because the availability is there...and it's easier to do in this day and age. People are easily accessible. Sad, eh? The old adage...'because I can' applies. | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:18:19 PM |
Actually, according to statistics, 80% of men cheat, when in a relationship.
Source? And who are they cheating with?
I see women who have boyfriends and husbands cheat on them in bars and lounges. Quite often. Not exactly a scientific observation, but your stat isn't, either.
The screwy thing is that is seems many women have little trouble with hooking up with players and cheating men, until they get caught---by their own bfs/hubbies. | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:19:47 PM |
is there faithful or decent men out there
I think they all went to Russia or Nigeria, some might have went to Africa.
In distress, they e-mailed women over there and asked for air fare...women are just too complicated for them everywhere else. *sighs* | |
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mxk883
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Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 91 | |
| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:22:15 PM | My lord some of us have lots of time on their hands.....
Well, I could sit here all day long and defend this drivel, but personally, I have a life, hehe...
Yet...3+ hrs and probably a dozen posts later.......still posting rants.  | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:25:45 PM | Your dark, I read about it in a news article, and to be point blank honest, I don't recall where it was. Then again, I really don't think it matters that much, but I'm sure if you google it, you might be able to find the study.
Who are they cheating with? Umm...I would suspect either their own sex, or the opposite sex...depending on the person? hehe I mean, it would seem a bit overboard if they went for an animal or plant, don't you think? Although, I'm sure some of them do, hehe. ;)
Are you sure my stats aren't exact science? Just because someone 'says' my info isn't factual...does that make what they say a fact? Meaning, unless you know for sure, maybe, just maybe...
Oh no, I posted a whole 12 posts, hehe. Bam, what a parachute, eh? ROFLMAO | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:35:50 PM |
Your dark, I read about it in a news article, and to be point blank honest, I don't recall where it was. Then again, I really don't think it matters that much, but I'm sure if you google it, you might be able to find the study.
Who are they cheating with? Umm...I would suspect either their own sex, or the opposite sex...depending on the person? hehe I mean, it would seem a bit overboard if they went for an animal or plant, don't you think. Although, I'm sure some of them do, hehe. ;)
Are you sure my stats aren't exact science? Just because someone 'says' my info isn't factual...does that make what they say a fact? Meaning, unless you know for sure, maybe, just maybe.
"Studies" come and go. You can't rely on a single article posting a number in order to justify an agenda or get attention. And if you even have taken an ungrad statician course, you would realize how serious errors can be committed, even with non-biased intentions. Plus, that's not accounting for demographics, the size of the pool of subjects, length of study over time, variance in cohorts, etc.
Covering a few dozen men (anon-wise) and asking in a questionnaire if they would cheat, for example, is not impressive or something you could extrapolate a conclusive---and a forgone conclusion at that---that eighty percent of men cheat if you're poll was scientifically weak in the first place.
Aside from that, most men aren't bisexual or gay. Sure, a minority of men cheat with other men, but most cheat with---you guessed it---other women. This includes single, divorced, and married women, btw, who are clearly complicit in their actions if they aren't ignorant of his marital status.
And I would also advance that loyal/monogamous men are considered "boring" for a strong subset of women and these women seek out men that see multiple partners in a short span of time, but that's for another thread. | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:40:37 PM | Actually, according to the study (if I'm not mistaken regarding the total number of people who participated) 600 people took part in the study, and it was done by following the subjects in their lives, for a period of 2 yrs. Apparantly, the study began in the beginning of their marriages.
Well, I was attempting to be comedic when I mentioned other men 'and plants', but hey, you never know, hehe. ;) What ever happened to other peoples' sense of humor? Hmm...I did post a smile, didn't I, or did I forget it? hehe | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:44:16 PM | | Plus, there is the question of cohorts and activity. A man who has a single one night stand and never has one again is far different than the one that cheats with several women over time. | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:48:24 PM | | Is this a Clinton response? Hmm..."No, oral is not considered sex," roflmao. I thought cheating was cheating? You know...married, you don't have one night stands...simple enough, right? hmm...Yup, Clinton and Monica all over again. What's one cigar, right? ;) | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:54:12 PM | now here's a lesson for all you psychology 101 majors out there....it'd have to take a woman who constantly goes after guys that are losers to post a thread asking if there are any faithful decent men out there.
i find this completely hilarious. a woman will go after a loser in a heartbeat...but thinks she has a right to complain about the way she gets treated. now is it just me or is that kind of person a hypocrite??? | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:57:53 PM | I was never unfaithful when married (13 years) and I've been celibate for 14 years (I regard one night stands as being unfaithful to me).
I've only met a couple of these male 'players' in my entire life (and have no respect for them when I do and don't think most other men have respect for them either).
The same few naughty fellas must be getting through all the ladies. I think there are about 10 of these men in existence and they're doing the dirty deed on hundreds if not thousands of women. The dirty so and so's.
Actually, I have had a good few women who were with partners and wanted to get off with me but that's another story. | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:59:29 PM | Oh, if it were only as easy as that. The same question could be asked of the guys. Doesn't it make a man a hypocrite if he only goes after women who treat him like trash, if he complains about it?
The problem with this is...many don't show their true colors, upfront. :( I mean, most men aren't going to tell the lady: "Yes, I'm going to cheat on you and when I do, I will expect you not to complain, just take it, like the good little dog you are." And most women aren't going to tell the guy: "Yes, I'm going to cheat on you and when I do, I will expect you not to complain, just take it, like the good little dog you are." :) | |
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| is there faithful or decent men out there
Posted: 3/25/2008 4:02:13 PM | | I hate to disagree with you, Solar, about other men not having respect for the losers who play the women. In fact, many times, you will see other men hi-fiveing each other because they scored another bimbo. But, don't get me wrong...women are catching up with these players, and many are giving these guys a taste of their own medicine. ;) | |
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