| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 3/26/2008 4:19:35 PM | UUHHH YEAH!!!!
Doesn't matter the reason why. Living in the same house as the ex AND his new girl??
I'd have to say..."Love ya, Babe. lemme know when you have your own place."
I'm a pretty understanding guy, but this would be really tough on a relationship. If you're just casual dating and nobody comes for a sleepover, I guess it might be different. | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 3/26/2008 4:51:06 PM | KittyKat, don't give up! There are men that are secure enough that can deal with your situation. I speak from experience. I was roommates with my ex for two years for the same reason -- I didn't want him to lose his house, which he would have if I moved out. We have a daughter together, our divorce was never bitter, and he had a girlfriend. So, I stayed and helped with the finances, getting his bills in order, etc. (yeah, some may call me stupid, go ahead).
Anyway, as I said, he had a girlfriend, and I dated. Eventually, I did meet a guy, with whom I would have built a future with, but he died suddenly. After my heart healed, I dated again, met another guy and we went out for a year and a half. Now, both of these men met my ex. I wanted to be sure they knew it was over, which it was. So, they were welcome to call anytime, come over (which they did), meet my ex's girlfriend, etc. so that they could see that there was NOTHING between my ex and I - we were just roommates for financial reasons. Both of these men were wonderful, and had no problem with my being roomies with my ex. Point being -- don't give up hope and lump all men into the same category. Some will have no problem with your situation, just be very honest about it. If you're in a situation where your ex doesn't want to meet your dates, then I'd say that sends up major red flegs and you might as well wait until your situation changes. I hope this helps.  | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:02:13 PM | Opost:
"Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband "
Probably, it is quite "weird", any which way one "cuts" it.
Plus it reminds me of a movie situation with Jennifer Anniston and what's his name.
What if the date starts playing video games with the ex and telling the woman what a great guy her ex is?????
It is, IMO, not a matter of whether a date is "secure about himself" or not, it is simply too weird a situation, IMO.
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:13:28 PM | | On first glance, too complicated for my liking. Are him and you still on good terms? Usually all the animosity of the divorce forces both of you to go your separate ways, finances and all. If he's got a girfriend who's living there (or not) why does she not help him, or you buy him out? Does sound a bit fishy to me.... | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:20:36 PM |
well there it is. I guess I'll just be off the market for a while. I would rather help him than worry about a love life. He is the father of my kids and divorce or no divorce i refuse to allow my kids to see him lose there house. Family before romance. As for his girl friend she doesn't live there. Thank you all for your post. They helped me very much
^^^^ You rock. I love your priorities.
It's very attractive. | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:24:16 PM | Weird situation? Yes. Difficult to accept? Yes. Would I try to make a go of it? Yes, if I was convinced that OP was on the level.
I had done something like that to a small degree. My ex-wife used to live in a town which was about 3 hour drive away, and she has a son for whom she had joint custody with kid's father, who stayed in that town. So, every other weekend she needed to bring the kid over, and she would drive 6 hours round trip on Friday night, and 6 hours round trip on Sunday night. And, I was the one who encouraged her to stay there over the weekend and make it 3 hour on Friday and 3 hour on Sunday.
That would mean she would spend the weekend staying in her ex-husband's apartment. Not quite the full time that OP is looking at, but still... I was perfectly fine with my wife spending 2 days living next to her ex. | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:26:51 PM |
well there it is. I guess I'll just be off the market for a while. I would rather help him than worry about a love life. He is the father of my kids and divorce or no divorce i refuse to allow my kids to see him lose there house. Family before romance. As for his girl friend she doesn't live there. Thank you all for your post. They helped me very much
Yeah, what guynamejeff said. You rock, OP. | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:42:18 PM | | Let me ask you this , what is the guy you were dating moved back in with his ex ,how would you feel ,and I think it would be hard to get some pvt time together if you know what I mean | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:49:13 PM | OP, you slept with him. You used to be MARRIED with him. You could fall back in love with him, or get drunk or upset one night, and things....happen.
There are lots of things that don't bother me, but I'm a stickler for fidelity.
The only guys I can imagine that would not mind, are guys who aren't interested in more than a fling, guys who don't care if you do f*ck your ex-husband, or guys who get off on it. Either way, it's a situation that has "no good, healthy relationships here" written all over it.
Until you 2 can find a way to live separately, I wouldn't expect more than the occasional fling. | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:59:32 PM | | Obviously no matter how you word this situation it will be a little strange, but is best to be out in the open with it. I think if you could arrange to set the house up in a two tenant rental situation might make the living together easier. One floor per person and their own social/common areas. It may though cause a type of competitive environment between you and your ex. Just a thought to not fall into this type of trap. | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 3/26/2008 6:38:07 PM | | yes, cause i am getting my runners on as i write...lol...so instead of staying together for the kids, you are doing it for the house....fool! i lost my house after my x moved out with her boyfriend and you know that was the best $200 000 i have ever spent. him and his new honey can't pay the bills...well mabey they should look for work and not you. | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 4/22/2008 12:08:08 PM | I am obviosly not a man.But I live in a similar situation.The good news about my situation is that he remarried.
Some guys find this situation odd and some run.For those that run,their loss. | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 4/22/2008 12:53:07 PM | Short answer - Yes
It's an awkward situation to say the least but if you approach it right a guy can get over it. With the housing market the way it is and everything it's an understandable situation but don't be surprised if guys are kinda put off when the first hear the news.
And whatever you do don't rent that movie with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn (The Break-Up, I think) for the first few months of the relationship. | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 4/22/2008 1:31:27 PM | this situation will make some men uncomfortable, other men won't care. a lot will depend on what type of relationship they're seeking from you.
why not try try looking at things from the other way around. if you were interested in a guy and his roommate was also his ex-wife, how would you feel? | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:36:34 PM | | I'm sure there's guys around desparate enough to date someone who is living with her ex. Hell married people cheat all the time. No valid acceptable excuse to live with an ex no matter how you shake it. Excuse pretty lame. | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:42:07 PM | O h my goodness, I had to check this out after reading the headline. I'm sorry, but this situation screams DRAMA.
Yeah, he wants to keep his girlfriend, but it's a whole new can of worms when you bring home your new guy. Now, of course, this may not happen, but if a guy told me he was dating a gal that lived with her ex-husband and he ended up being shot, I wouldn't be surprised. Not saying that's what would happen but sometimes you really need to look at a situation and assess how much trouble it may bring.
I feel for you and I hope it works out for you. You're a cute gal and many men (myself included) are a sucker for a pretty face! | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:59:01 PM | Chalk another ine up under the definately colum.
I can't say as if I know of a solution for you, but if I was in your shoes, it'd be worth the thousands for my sanity.
Good Luck! | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:04:29 PM | tough call , OP.
Wiser minds have wrestled with this one :
Try David Crosbys take on it:
Triad by David Crosby
You want to know how it will be
Me and her or you and me
You both sit there with your long hair flowing
Your eyes alive, your minds are still growing
Saying to me what can we do now that we
Both love you -- I love you too
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as three
You are afraid, embarrased too, no one has ever in your sweet short life child
Said such a thing to you
Your mother's ghost stands at you shoulder
Got a face like ice -- just a little colder
Saying you can not do that it breaks all the rules
You learned in school
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as mmm three
You know we love each other it's plain to see
There's just one answer comes to me
Sister lovers -- some of you must know about water brothers
And in time maybe others
So you see what we can do
Is to try something new - that is if you're crazy too
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as three | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:09:21 PM | | uh ,, ya,, would definitely be a big no no from this person anyway, ways around that problem with the house,, its called putting it on the market, most states would require division of the property anyway, or division of the bills, which would you choose? | |
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| Will men run if my roomate is also my ex-husband
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:11:40 PM | | If they can't handle it too bad. (Yes most guys will probably run.) If you want to decrease the chances of them running I suggest having them pick you up at your place, introduce your ex to them if he is around, and introduce your date. "XXX, This is XXX, my date for the evening, XXX, this is XXX, my ex - we are temporarily roommates until the real estate market improves and we can extract the equity from this place... XXX - Are you ready to go or would you like to have a couple beers first... From there on out, if you are serious about the guy you are dating, let him know you realize it is a little awkward, reassure him that there are no "hidden surprises" waiting and encourage him to drop by ANY TIME he is in the area... | |
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