| Do I have to let my ex help me choose a name for the baby?
Posted: 3/28/2008 9:05:21 AM |
I just don't want him waiting until our daughter is born then seeing her and wanting to have a say in it then. I have already started picking out names and such.
The fact that he is not involved with the doctor appointments or thinking about names at this point is NORMAL behaviour for new fathers, they just don’t have the same pregnancy brain that women do. It doesn’t hit them until the actual birth.
Good point from msg 21:
because those moments solidify something, even if they don't act on it
You should include him in the birth and you should prepare yourself to include him in all of those other moments as well.
| |
|
| Do I have to let my ex help me choose a name for the baby?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:07:59 PM | | NO WAY!! I was in the same boat! I dumped my ex 5 months along and he did nothing for me or my daugher yet wanted her to have his last name! LOL He wanted alot of things but guess what I did it all my way, my body, my baby my choices! It's up to you whats best for you. If he misses the birth he can never get that back, but if he makes the birth hell for you, you can never get that back! You will know in your heart whats best, for you and your child. | |
|
| Do I have to let my ex help me choose a name for the baby?
Posted: 4/18/2008 12:49:34 AM | I see no harm in asking his opinion about names and such but I do have to say that as far as letting him be in the delivery room while you are in labor is something that is gonna be totally up to you. It really has to be what you are comfortable with, a stressed out mommy is only going to make a stressed out delivery. So if having him in the room will make things to stressed on you then you should certainly not have him there, but should allow him to be in the waiting room if he wishes to be there. I've seen a lot of replys saying you've gotta think about what's best for the baby and not be selfish (not in those words but basically) well if having someone in the room that stresses you out or makes you uncomfortable while in labor that's not good for the baby and can make delivery harder, the more stress you feel the more stress the baby feels. This is one time when it's important to focus on mom. And who knows maybe half why through you will decide you want him there so it will be good that he's right down the hall, it's been known to happen. Just do what you are comfortable with.
I know it's hard being pregnant with the father not around, I went through it with my daughter, but keep your chin up things do get easier  | |
|
| Do I have to let my ex help me choose a name for the baby?
Posted: 4/18/2008 7:24:08 AM | While I agree with many posters that you could allow him input on the name, I disagree that you "Have to allow" him in the delivery room. It is stressful enough going through a first labour without someone who has been at you with "its not mine" statements throughout your pregnancy. If it will cause you even a tiny bit of extra stress to have him there during the delivery, do not have him in the room, until you and baby are clean. He can be a big part of the bonding then.
It is a bloody, painful, undignified, somewhat embarrassing (if your bowels give out on you) messy, stressful etc., few hours that you need all the strength and willpower you can manage for yourself. He can wait in the waiting room and bond just moments after birth.
Make up as long of a list as you can of names you like, then let him look at your choices to see what he likes of those, and go from there. I recommend you find at least 20 names you can tolerate.
I was in a similar situation with my ex, and I came up with names I liked - even in combinations I liked. However it wasn't until baby was born that the final decision was made. I allowed my ex to cross off names he really hated, added a few he liked, and I could tolerate, and went from there.
The only bone of contention was the last name. I wanted mine due to ancient translations of the full name. A name, in my background culture (very important to me, and also not unusual for it to be mothers name if she comes from the more prosperous family in my background,) is a description, not just a nice sounding word. So my son has my last name with the translated meaning in the full name being "Treasured gift of laughter" as opposed to having his paternal surname to alter it to "Traded away gift of laughter."
You may as well disregard my last two paragraphs - it was just to illustrate different reasons, culturally, for why a baby's name is important. But do let him at least have a little of his own way if he hates a name that you are thinking of. It is his child too, and a name can alter how you view a person. | |
|
| Do I have to let my ex help me choose a name for the baby?
Posted: 4/18/2008 7:45:12 AM | HECK NO! The biggest mistake i made was letting my ex help me, when we werent together, on a name for our 5yr old. Oh my. Now he is named Bryan. Not a bad name but not 1 that i like.
If he was more involved & in the picture, i would say at least hear him out. But hes not so screw that idea!! If he complains you should say "I am naming her without your input because you werent around the past 9 months & how do i know you will be around the next 9?"
My ex was a jerk during both pregnancies. Tho we never got along & always fought he did go to every appointment & stuff so i let him be there for the birth. You need to think "am i going to feel guilty in 5 years because i didnt have him there" or whatever.
I regret a lot of things that i did or didnt do during my pregnancy and deleivery. My ex & i fought 18 hours while i was in labor with my oldest, he got me so stressed out i ended up having to be rushed for an emergancy c-section. So make sure no matter what you are NOT stressed. Also they will kick him out if you ask! They asked me if i wanted my ex kicked out.
I know Florida rights state that the father has NO legal rights to the child UNLESS you were married or the court has approved & given him visitation rights. Sadly that can also mean no child support in some cases.
This guy might take a 180 and be a wonderful dad after shes born. My kids father did a 180 after our 2nd was born, well almost 18 months after. I dont know what took him so long but heh at least he did. He is trying to be a good dad. | |
|
| |
| Do I have to let my ex help me choose a name for the baby?
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:39:56 PM |
You dont have to do anything you dont want to. Although, if he really wants to help name the baby, i see no harm. Might just make him feel closer to the baby.
As for him being there when the baby is born. I think you have to do what you are most comfortable with. although again, might just make him feel closer to the baby.
You two are going to have a child together,best to learn to put your personal feelings aside, and learn how to negotiate something you can both live with. otherwise it is going to be a long hard fight.
That is the best advice...
My exh walked out 3 weeks before our son's birth. I named our son what we'd agreed, even though it wasn't my first choice. I called him when I went into labor, so he was there for the whole birth process.
A month after our son's birth he walked away and hasn't been involved since.
I went through a period of time where I wished I hadn't invited him to the birth (he was NOT comforting or even very supportive - because we both knew he'd been cheating on me by that time) and wish I had named our son my first choice, etc. But you know what? It's been more then five years now - my ex still isn't involved, but I'm now kind of glad I did invite him and do all that... because I can say that I did everything reasonable to make sure he was a part of our son's life - and his choice to walk out and abandon his child was just that - HIS choice. | |
|
| Do I have to let my ex help me choose a name for the baby?
Posted: 4/18/2008 8:43:53 PM | I'd say the first thing you do is stop listening to those women who want to make your ex pay for what their own exes did to them. Their poison reeks so strongly that my screen is all fogged up.
The second thing is, think about what is better for your child. And I mean THINK. Not "feel". | |
|
Home
login 
