| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/28/2008 1:39:14 PM | Well Merry I think this sort of thing has been going on long before our generation came around. however it probably has gotten worse or more common as most bad (and good) things have since there are more people. thing is we still have the same choice to handle things how we want. i cant speak for those guys who get ticked off if they dont have sex on the first date but i personally would not want to have sex on the first date. i dont know you and you dont know me so why are we doing something like that? of course its fun and risky but its not worth it really. the old parrothead | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/28/2008 1:54:39 PM | I believe in the world of dating I get to make up my own mind about who I go to bed with and when. Personally I am not interested in hopping into bed with a fellow unless and until I care deeply for him. This takes time and trust. If a fellow does not like this my attitude is there is the door. Don't let it hit you in the way out. My suggestion would be decide for yourself how you want to be when dating and stick to your values. There is a lot of men out there and he will be the right one for you when he respects your values and makes love to you on your time not his. | |
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Jigstx
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Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 78 | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:16:44 PM | I wonder where the idea that men are all uncaring sexual predators looking for nothing but immediate physical gratification came from?
Well, a lot of men still seem to think that the internet is the place to go for a quick lay, full of gullible and desperate women who think that f*cking leads to a relationship.
As for taking a post "literally";
you have to take everything literally. I had somebody jump all over me( figuratively speaking) because I used the term "online dating" and she took it to mean that I regarded online interactions( emails, IMs, reading each others blogs, whatever) as DATES. She felt obligated to inform me that "dating" only occurs in real time, like I was some ignorant dumbass that thought exchanging an email with a guy was a "date".
So yeah, whatever you put in these fora will be takien literally by some...sarcasm, irony, exaggeration for effect, "tongue-in-cheek" don't always come across in text on a computer screen.
And note that this IS the 'over 45' forum. A lot of the men who come to these sites have been in a failing relationship with no sex for YEARS. They don't want a serious relationship, they want to get some sex! Again they go back on outdated ideas, that the internet will be and easy place to find women they can easily obtain sex from, without the risk of getting picked up for mistaking an undercover policewoman for a REAL hooker...
Cindy O | |
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Jigstx
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Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 80 | |
| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:38:56 PM | At the risk of continuing on such a dilicate issue that appears to be just like work where some are getting way too little and some are getting way too much. I'll opt for my roller-skates and go jump rope awhile  avoiding undercover policewomen and hookers. All in a Days fun and remaining a Virgin! | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:48:29 PM | | Well, I think the internet is positively the worst place to go looking for sex, quick or otherwise. The real world is positively jammed full of available women, single, divorced, widowed and married, that are more than eager to find physical satisfaction whereever and whenever they can find it. Mostly, they go out to places where men can be found, rather than sitting at home typing on a computer. Generally I have found that the internet is populated largely by people who don't always present themselves as they really are, something that is a lot harder to get away with in real life. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/28/2008 3:24:41 PM | And yet, here you are....... Interesting topic, a lot being said. I am new to all this internet stuff and am still trying to make up my mind if it is worth it. I do hear a lot of nasty story's about people presenting themselfs in a unique way..........
I am surprised about all the stereotyping going on, keep hoping that a person wil be able to approach another without all the little stickers in hand. Just one person trying to get to know another and making up their mind if they want to continue knowing that person. But i am also one for taking it slow and easy, prefer a good soup simmered for hours over the one heated up in the microwave. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/28/2008 3:35:33 PM | Hmmm. I don't see that they have changed at all. I did not "date" in high school but waited until I started college in 1960. It seemed to me then that each girl I met was different from the one before and the fewer assumptions and expectations I went in with, the better. I don't see any change in that over the last 47 years. Regarding sex, sometimes I wanted to have sex and the lady did not; sometimes the lady wanted to have sex and I did not; sometimes we both wanted to, so we did. It was not hard to tell if a lady is interested or not, and I never had much luck changing one's mind. So I stopped trying that a long time ago.
It seems to me that dating is nothing more or less than a man and woman getting together to see if they like each other and like doing the same things. Very seldom do we stay in step with each other, so the acid test is how we handle it when one wants to do what the other does not. The only change that I see is that I now discuss openly with ladies I barely know, topics I would never have dreamed of mentioning when I was younger. That honesty and communication is all to the good as far as I am concerned.
Well, sure there are men, and women too, who are foolish in that their actions are not likely to take them where they say they want to go. Don't see as that has changed either.
Posts in these forums mention the "rules of dating" from time to time. My answer is that there aren't any other than the ones you decide to make. If I start dating you, I expect that we will communicate our expectations from the start; if there is not a good match we will go our separate ways. I have no right to impose my expectations on you and you have no right to impose them on me. If we treat each other with respect we will be fine. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/28/2008 3:40:32 PM |
you still have your choices.
I think pinebreeze makes the perfect point here.
As with anything in 2008, the lack of personal responsibility that people seem to be reveling in is blindingly self-evident in everything from the dating world...to credit card debt. (No one forced you to buy the $4000 TV did they?)
While things have indeed changed, the individual still has the option of free will in how to best live their life.
Self-evaluation is an important tool and incredibly underutilized by most. Figure out what your values are and stand by them, even if it means you won't be having sex (With a partner anyway  ) for the next five years. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/28/2008 3:40:40 PM | The fora are not exactly places to hunt for dates. Mostly they are interesting threads of conversation about interesting topics.
I do agree, however, that just simple meeting of people is how things should go. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/28/2008 5:59:39 PM | Well, now that I think about it, I have no personal conception about whether things have changed in the dating world. I never dated as a teenager. I had my first one-night stand at age 20 and that turned into a 25-year-stand, spent a couple of years regrouping after he died, and basically started dating for the first time in my life when I was 47, going on 48.
Since I didn't know the "rules," I just made my own. It's worked out quite well, and I'm still enjoying it. A little good company now and then. A bit of good sex now and then. Works for me. From the way a lot of people describe it, the "old" way would have bored me to tears. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/28/2008 7:28:02 PM | Hmmm...
Looking back, I don't believe I dated "fast women," but it seems to me that the third date was most often THE ONE. And in some cases I was the one to insist that we wait at least that long. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/29/2008 8:25:50 AM | Dating hasn't changed, you have.
You'll never be 20 again so why worry about what the world was like then.
Spend some time to get to know someone and meet them. It isn't going to work out 90% of the time but it is better than watching reruns or spending all of you time posting on the threads. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/29/2008 2:34:24 PM | | Maybe dating hasn't changed but we have........But do any of you still get that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach when you do meet someone new.......the insecure feeliings, the nervousness???? Boy, I do not ever want to be 20 again but that little feeling feels kind of good. Has that changed???? | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/30/2008 4:12:10 AM |
Up here in Canada the only group to benefit from the "liberation" of women was the income tax collectors. Canada jacked up the taxes so that both men and women work, but effectively all of 1 salary goes directly to the tax man. Now couples have basically no choice but to work.
I have often thought that a very effective way for people to stifle the appetite of governments for money would be for the population to revert en masse back to the lifestyle of the 1950s. The women would just stop working. A 50% decline in tax revenues would have a huge impact on government ability to squander money on all kinds of silly things.
Of course, it could just as easily be the men who quit and stay home. I would be first in line for that! Rearguard2: That's a great post, but doesn't really fit in this thread. Why don't you post the thought as it's own Thread Topic? | |
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swf001
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Joined: 2/16/2008
Msg: 95 | |
| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/30/2008 4:39:27 AM | | I am not sure if it has changed much. I have never really dated at all. I can go a year with out going on a date. Since it is up to me what I do then no it has not changed. Mind you last year was good I went out with 2 different guys. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/30/2008 3:07:49 PM | Yeah i agree things have changed since 1972 but life goes on
take charge of your sexuality.......that means carry protection should you desire sex? first date or 51st date.......
that is your power and your choice if a man is worth his weight he'll wait for the right time everyone's view is different there is no right or wrong way here
just go with what you feel is right or...stock up on the old batteries LOL
i myself prefer to wait until i know someone well enough that i would want to share intimacy moments with him and get to know each other on that higher level
But he'd have to be DAmn special for me to find out that part of him......as i consider myself a very special woman,sensual , intelligent and warm..
to me sex is not a prize or payment ..it is a complete sharing of eachothers inner energy at a wonderful level
but like i said do what feels right if it does go for it and be prepared if it doesn't then you are under no obligation for anything someon chooses to buy you...
good luck with all that............peace | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:21:42 PM | I do not think much has really changed in the dating world.
The obvious , as we get older it is not as easy to find someone we feel a connection with. Or maybe it is that we are more aware of what works for us, so we now know more who we hope to meet.
The one thing I do feel has changed alot is the things we talk about with our dates.
We are much more open on how we feel about things like sex early in a relationship, and that is a good thing.
Best to talk about that early , so if the two people are not on the same page, they have the option to not continue dating that person.
I do not think it is an issue of gender, there are some men that want sex early in the relationship and there are some woman that do.
And the same with wanting to wait until they get to know each other a bit.
The trick is to find the person that not only agrees with that, but you also have interest in.
There is nothing wrong with letting the other person know how you feel about it.
It gives them the chance to know what is the right next step. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:52:20 PM | Things have significantly changed in the dating world since I first dated way back in ought six, or 1958, to be more precise. I started dating as an adolescent in pre-pill times and things were just as the OP initially described, at least in my little part of the dating world.
Then I got married about the time the pill became popular and lost out on the easily and plentifully available sex times of the mid sixties and beyond. Darn it!
A few years ago, well after AIDs and other STDs became rampant, I got divorced and found the three date rule usually applied. Sometimes sex happened sooner and sometimes later. It has happened for me from within 20 minutes to 10 dates, literally. Currently, I usually want to get to know a woman a bit, including her sexual history, as well as obtain medical test results for the common STDs for both of us prior to having sex with her. Perhaps my sex drive does not have the raw untamed horsepower it used to have but I am no longer of the "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" mentality. I definitely proceed with caution these days. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:55:16 PM | What I believe has changed the dating routine, is the internet.
The internet has somehow widened expectations of sexual
advantages, than the normal everyday going out on a date.
It seems there are a selected number of people in these dating
sights who are here only seeking sexual adventure. The whole
relationship thing is not on their agenda, or they are already
involved and not available for anything other than sex.
Back in the day when we did not have internet and solely
depended on personality, making eyes at each other, and
that special smile that reeled them in. These sites are lacking
the emotions brought on by face to face meeting, until you
actually say "Yes lets meet". | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:52:26 PM | The original post seems to put the problem with guys that simply want to have sex. I am sure there are plenty of them out there. However, there appear to be ladies that are similar. I have met and dated on this site, been a complete gentleman (I am somewhat old fashioned) and expected nothing but company and a meal and some interesting conversation. There have been dates where the lady was very much to the point....let's do it. I think what is being written about is more than one way.
The internet has changed things, but for someone that works and has no zeal for the bar scene, it has proven to be a wonderful way to meet some very nice (and not so very nice) people. | |
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