| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/3/2008 9:44:34 AM | To Rearguard....your thoughts certainly seem to be representative of what many of us women seek in a man....it's quite refreshing.
Golconda...
I'm also wondering what is going on with all these women that are unhappy about the men that want to have sex with them right away. I know there are lots of guys who don't view dating as a way to get quick sex so I'm puzzled at why the women seem to continue choosing the ones that do.
I suggest that women should do a better job of screening the guys they date. If the guy starts talking about sex right away, that's a big clue that he wants sex. If that's not what you want, then it's best not to date the guy.
"What's going on with these women", is that we're clearly stating in our profile and communications that we don't fall into bed with everyone that comes down the road. We do...at least I know I DO...make every attempt to screen carefully.
Have you not met someone who slips under your radar? I'm a great judge of character, but several men I've met have been the epitome of propriety until they go out with you....especially if you make clear in your communications and profile that you're not looking for a roll in the hay.
When a man starts talking about sex right away via email or phone, I'm done....no more talking, no more phone calls. Do you honestly think a woman would agree to meet someone like that if that wasn't what she is also seeking?
In terms of your comment
I know there are lots of guys who don't view dating as a way to get quick sex I think we tend to "know" many people with thinking similar to our own. Obviously you don't have expectations of sex by the third date, and per your comment, many of your friends do not. (and I only say "bravo" to that!) Likewise, I would never sleep with a man on the first or second date, neither would many of the women I know, yet this site and the forums are filled with many women who are very comfortable with that. With all due respect, because we don't know many people with a certain type of thinking, doesn't mean they don't exist.
I find it very simplistic to take an attitude that if we women screened better, this wouldn't happen and the inference we are opting to go out with someone who acts like a pervert and then complain because he is one.
Rose Mary | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/3/2008 9:51:01 AM |
I'm also wondering what is going on with all these women that are unhappy about the men that want to have sex with them right away. I know there are lots of guys who don't view dating as a way to get quick sex so I'm puzzled at why the women seem to continue choosing the ones that do.
Sorry Mr. G but I really have to disagree with this thought. I don't know any of my g/fs that do a pee poor job of screening. By this age, we are pretty much well informed of the signs to look for, and therefore, do not persue further. However, as it has been said earlier, not all men present here the way they are in real life. Tis almost like accepting a "meet" is like accepting the fact that sex will be involved. Nope! Not going to happen. And please note, I said "not all men"... | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/3/2008 9:53:00 AM |
"What's going on with these women", is that we're clearly stating in our profile and communication that we don't fall into bed with everyone that comes down the road
And, if I may add to that.....SOME men see this as a challenge. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:40:45 PM | Sex has never been a issue for me....if someone wants sex from the very beginning and I don't .... I have no problem saying No Thanks. If I do then I don't have a problem with that either. I don't allow myself to be used. I am of the age that I can take responibility for what I do and don't do. I don't blame anyone and I don't use sex as away to get a means from someone.........
But on the other hand I usually know and my single female friends know that by the second or third date if there is and attraction and whether sex is going to be part of the relationship established with this person. I know rather quickly and I don't waste their time or my time if it isn't something that I desire with that person....unless it is a going to be a friendship and I never cross the line with friends. Yes I have good morals and a decent character but I am beyond the teenage stuff..I have no problem speaking up for myself and I have no problem telling them no.......and I have had men tell me that women can come on just as strong as men come onto women..........Blue | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:44:44 PM | I agree with the other ladies until they make a crystal ball that actually works or mind reading pills it is hard to tell if a guy will wait until you meet to actually be so bold. I have heard all over these forums how guys are only brave enough to be so bold behind a computer, IM or by phone. Geez, if that was the only way you had to deal with it, that would be heaven and much easier to block. I have had first dates with guys after months and months of communication only to get asked to go a hotel before the main course arrived at the table. There was absolutely no sexual conversations beforehand, in fact just the opposite. I had a guy try to grope me 27 years ago when my mother was sitting next to me, don't tell me guys wouldn't dare act this way to your face or without prior warning and these aren't drunks either.
I guess this is just one of those things that a lot of guys would rather believe that women are just bitter hags and lousy at picking dates instead of the possibility that there are legitimate reasons for women being so careful and needing a little time to determine a man's true motives. Nah, couldn't be that, it must be something the women are doing wrong as usual. So, perhaps when the men complain about the gold diggers and psycho bi***** instead of us ladies slamming the free loaders and whack jobs we should just tell the guys to fix their picker. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 2:43:50 AM | I guess this is just one of those things that a lot of guys would rather believe that women are just bitter hags and lousy at picking dates
Whenever, I hear or read this attitude expressed by a man, I have no desire to get to know him.
So, perhaps when the men complain about the gold diggers and psyco bi**** instead of us ladies slamming the free loaders and whack jobs we should just tell the guys to fix their picker.
Yes, it is tempting.
I've also had first dates, after months of email/phone convos without the subject of sex being posed. Only to be propositioned within the first half-hour of meeting him.
I agree with another poster.........silly......... silly........ men. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 6:55:12 AM | | Speak for yourself.........I, for one am NOT just looking for someone to have sex with. I want a whole lot more from a relationship. But, it does become apparent that some people are only looking for someone to have sex with. You know, the one's that have the " anyone" will do mentality as long as they can get their fuzzies. They hit on the other person, right "out of the gate" either on-line or in person. It must be a pretty hollow existence. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:19:25 AM |
C'mon, aren't we all just looking for someone to have sex with that won't drive us crazy? Well I--for two--can support this. Monogamy is way overrated as is its jewel in the crown, marriage. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:58:32 AM | ^^Well pppfffttt. I am truly truly hurt Mr. S!
Here I was thinking that I was all that and a bag of....????
OT: At this ripe old age, I am still trying to figure out the general gyst of dating in today's society...not an easy task | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 8:42:26 AM | | Great thread Miss Merry! And YES, things have really changed, especially for us boomers...we experienced the 3 channel dial TV, 8 track video cartridges, record players, the hippy culture and the era of free love and flower power. There are probably more single boomers out there now trying to make a connection...than any other generation. What I am finding in the guys that I meet that are my age---that they still have the 60's and 70's attitudes, the "me first mentality"....and a lot of them still haven't grown up yet. Could be that's why they got a divorce in the first place. The men are still as "fast" on the first date as they were when I was in my early twenties. The difference now is that we have internet dating, cell phones, web cams, instant messaging. If the current guy doesn't work out, the next one is only a "click" away. I never assume that I'm the only "one" when I'm meeting someone for the first time. For me personally, appropriate behavior after a first meet and greet is a hug....if there's chemistry, then we can both decide if we want to pursue "dating". | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 9:16:21 AM | {What I don't get is when a man close to my age, straight out infers sex may be better sooner than later. Yeah sure!!!! fast food gives me indigestion now.}
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Yea I've heard that one!!!!indigestion here too lol.....last time I dated hmmmmm I think I was 18 met my EX..........now at 53 I found out realllll fast it's an altogether antithetically different time out there now..I really don't like it,so I deal as best as I can...and 90 percent of the time just move along......not making much sense but thanks for letting me vent a little lol
Em | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 9:35:37 AM | | I personally am turned off by a woman that wants to have sex on the first date. I want to get to know her first. For me sex is sacred, reserved for a couple in love. But I still open doors for a lady. maybe I old fashion. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 9:37:56 AM |
Don`t you really think that there is one single woman that could keep you satisfied?
I do believe that one single woman COULD keep me satisfied. The issue is always WOULD that one single woman keep me satisfied. It is frequently the case in LTRs that one or the other of the partner's enthusiasm for sex wanes over time, leaving the other partner to either accept the situation or turn their attention to other forms of gratification.
In my experience, that period where a couple is mutually and enthusiastically available to each other is of relatively short duration. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 1:45:16 PM | | LOL! Ohhhh come on Phoebe! NOT all of us who want someone to have sex with that won't drive us crazy have that "anyone" will do mentality! Nor do we hit on someone "right out of the gate" nor are we necessarily "hollow" LOL! I don't honestly think Scoundrel intended to sound quite that harsh, and frankly...he does have a point. You're just taking it one step farther (I think) saying that we also FIRST want someone who's reasonably intellligent (for long pauses inbetween), who has a sense of humor, and who's sense of adventure is broader than trying a new channel on the TV. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 2:02:17 PM |
I have had first dates with guys after months and months of communication only to get asked to go a hotel before the main course arrived at the table.
This is an example of why you should never schedule a meal for the first "meet and greet". If you have a short "coffee date" scheduled, then you can politely excuse yourself after 20 minutes if the guy is just interested in having sex and you aren't.
The best advice I can offer to women is to communicate clearly about your desire to NOT have sex immediately. If that's what the guy wants, he will most likely choose to NOT date you.
In the case of the guy who proposed sex before the main course arrived, I suggest that you tell the guy you are not interested and that the date is over. Then get up and walk out. You do not have to put up with bad behavior from a grown man. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 2:19:28 PM |
I don't honestly think Scoundrel intended to sound quite that harsh, and frankly ...he does have a point.
Point taken....
Yes I did take it one step farther by saying:
But, it does become apparent that some people are only looking for someone to have sex with.
I didn't say ALL people.I said SOME people. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 2:53:17 PM |
C'mon, aren't we all just looking for someone to have sex with that won't drive us crazy?
Actually, I had a relationship with a guy who was damn fine in bed and (to me)one of the most annoying men on the planet out of bed. After some time apart due to logistical issues, things sort of cooled off,and I decided to put him into "just friend(no bennies)" territory.
No, I think most of us have higher aspirations than just finding a sex partner we don't want to strangle the rest of the time.
Cindy O | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:01:53 PM | OMG Cindy! Can I ever relate to what you just posted! hahaha
I personally am taking a time out at the moment. Too many issues with some of the men that I have chatted with or met. After a while, it has a tendency to wear one down. So I sit back,relax and regroup! Man it's a war out there!! | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:12:46 PM | Was waiting for someone to pick that out of my post! Thanks Mr. G!
Sometimes I honestly have to say that dating is a war. A war of the "wits". Always seem to have to try and be one step ahead. And you are correct, it shouldn't be that way.
That is why sometimes it is a good thing to pull back and take a time out. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:41:59 PM |
LOL! I don't honestly think Scoundrel intended to sound quite that harsh, and frankly...he does have a point.
I disagree, it pretty well sums up most other posts with the same point. Pays to delve into histories.
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This is an example of why you should never schedule a meal for the first "meet and greet". If you have a short "coffee date" scheduled, then you can politely excuse yourself after 20 minutes if the guy is just interested in having sex and you aren't.
It absolutely makes no difference if it is a meal, coffee or meeting at the aquarium I walk out no matter where or in what venue it takes place it is exactly the reason I only meet in public. I also leave the where up to the man unless of course the outer rim of the Target parking lot is suggested (don’t laugh it happened) then I decline or at least give him the option to make another suggestion.
The best advice I can offer to women is to communicate clearly about your desire to NOT have sex immediately. If that's what the guy wants, he will most likely choose to NOT date you.
You honestly don’t think we didn’t mention it somewhere in the multiple emails and phone calls only to be told, “oh, I feel the EXACT SAME way, you have nothing to worry about”, of course I mean no one lies, EVER! This is where they try to fool you. You would think by stating clearly and up front that you like to take time, get to know someone, blah, blah blah that the asking on the first or second date guys will flee. The ones that do are actually better because you found out right away. The others will lull you into a false sense of thinking “well, he certainly couldn’t be bothering with spending all this time if that were all he wanted”. As with anything, sometimes that is the case but all too often it most certainly doesn’t work out the way you might think. I was lucky enough a long time ago to be made aware of these types and not by the person you would think like my mother or my sister, it was my father. You see my father had 5 sisters and knew exactly what tricks guys tried to pull to get under their skirts. The things he told me guys told his sisters are the exact same things I have heard for over 20 years. So, I stand by my original statement that my belief is the dating world has not changed, just maybe the clothing styles.
In the case of the guy who proposed sex before the main course arrived, I suggest that you tell the guy you are not interested and that the date is over. Then get up and walk out.
This has not happened just once. That is exactly what I have done quite a few times.
You do not have to put up with bad behavior from a grown man.
We don’t experience this with grown men that is exactly the point. The problem is there are too many males posing as grown men, kind of hard to tell by their earlobes which ones are which until you get within their striking distance. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:42:10 PM | GASP!
WAR has been declared!
[puts on helmet]
I volunteer! Sign me up!
Wheres my 72 virgins?
Whats dat?
OH! Wrong war! My bad.
Start de war without me girls.
Gotta load me ...gun. OUTTA BULLETS!!!! | |
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