| Anyone game for a review? Come on, I won't bite.....teehee
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:33:52 PM | Your profile contained elements of negativity from my perspective which could be eliminated.
As a senior citizen, the term the term "laid back" among other s c's is vague. It
doesn't mean as much to me as "I am as comfortable in an evening gown as in a pair of jeans." It may to someone closer to your age. Perhaps something like, "I'm as confortable on the back end of a "hog" as in a Lamborghini.
It is my wish that you find Mr. Right. I found Ms. Right once only to discover that her first name was Always.
Leib | |
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| Anyone game for a review? Come on, I won't bite.....teehee
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:47:58 PM | | I have had a few bites but I would love to find Mr. Right. The one. I seem to be attracting the wrong guys. I would love some help revamping my profile to attract the right kind of guy. Could you please help. Thanks | |
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Posted: 3/31/2008 9:06:43 PM | Hi Snow,
I really liked your photos. They show much more than words could describe.
The text portion of your profile, in my humble opinion, would be hard for a young lady to figure out. I have cut and pasted one section and will tease it apart.
like being outdoors as much as possible. With camping and fishing being my favorite hobbies.
A comma is needed after possible and with should not be capitalized. An educated woman would spot this defect immediately
I like to hunt too, so please pass on me if you are a PETA activitist or hate hunters.
She will do that without your telling her to. By omitting sentences such as this throughout the profile, you will shorted the profile significantly and make it both more comprehensible and interesting. This may not be done quickly, but I feel it will truly complement your wonderful photo collection.
While I am an "outdoorsy" type, I am not a man's man,
This is another example of negativity. My suggestion is that you drop it.
I am trying to get my childrens book published. I like to give foot and back rubs, and I like writing poems for my lady and hide it for her to find later in the day...just to let her know how special I think she is.
This portion of the paragraph has two problems. First, it needs to be isolated from the material preceding it. Next, it needs to be broken into several smaller ones. My suggestion is that you elaborate on the childrens's book by answering several questions such as: What is its theme? What age children is it intended for?
The next shortcoming of the portion of the paragraph has to to do with the connection between back rubs and writing poems. If my interpretation of the paragraph is correct, you are trying to say that you want to make your lady feel good. The key term here is "feel good." This suggests manipulation and none of my associates like being manipulated. Personally, I'd leave that entire sentence in the celestial bit bucket.
If you want a) your lady to read your poems and b) be subtle about it, put them in a binder and leave them on the front seat of the car. When she gets into the car nochalantly say, "Oh. Those are a few poems I'm thinking of submitting to publishers." A reasonable response on her part would be, "Do you mind if I take a look at them?"
The poems on the seat combined with the statement in the profile that you are attempting to publish childrens' books will created a consistent statement concerning your verbal qualifications for her affection.
Leib | |
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31guy
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Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 56 | |
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Posted: 4/1/2008 2:25:03 AM | Thank you Leib! Your comments are much appreciated.
Snoman | |
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| Anyone game for a review? Come on, I won't bite.....teehee
Posted: 4/1/2008 6:31:36 AM | Hi Misndakine,
I loved your profile...humorous, yet tactful, lengthy yet poignant. Very good
Only thing I would suggest is separate your profile into paragraphs. That way readers can catch a breath while taking in the full effect  Try the places where the sentences leave some extra space.
Other than that ....it is "PEACHY KEEN JELLY BEAN" 
Happy fishing,
Lisa | |
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| Anyone game for a review? Come on, I won't bite.....teehee
Posted: 4/1/2008 6:39:19 AM | Hi Lynne,
You girl are an inspiration and my new role model!
Your profile is short but it works for you because of the content you have chosen to enclose.
I love the picture, but consider adding a couple more that show some more of your personality and find a good one to show an up close shot....
You proved to me that "Stella can get her Groove back" ....good job.
Happy fishing!
Lisa | |
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| Anyone game for a review? Come on, I won't bite.....teehee
Posted: 4/1/2008 6:47:38 AM | Hi sexygothgirl,
I thought that your profile was pretty much age appropriate...the pictures are good :)
I see that according to your favorites, changes are not really necessary.
Consider changing it up periodically just for the fun of it though :)
Have fun!
Lisa | |
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| Anyone game for a review? Come on, I won't bite.....teehee
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:13:11 AM | The men and women (especially!) are "hit and run" when they look at profiles. If what you wrote doesn't grab their attention they'll move on.
One thing that kills it for me is one huge paragraph in their description. It makes it look long and tedious and as much as we want to learn about a person we don't want to read all that. I suggest looking at what you wrote and inserting a break somewhere. Its definitely easier on the eyes and changes the pace of the reading.
Other than that. It looks good. You have good pics and don't sound boring.
G'luck!  | |
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| Anyone game for a review? Come on, I won't bite.....teehee
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:26:12 AM | Hi drummergirl....
I thought your profile looked good.
To the point with a hint of chuckle good job...
I do suggest removing the photo of your beautiful granddaughter though...unfortunately, we now live in a world where all a wack-job has to do is look at the town you are from and go from there. I do not want to read about that on the 6 o'clock news....
Other than that 2 thumbs up!!
Happy fishing,
Lisa | |
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| Anyone game for a review? Come on, I won't bite.....teehee
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:47:47 AM | Hi Ryan...
First thing I could see is that your profile was written well....only, you did not take much time to explain what kind of woman you were looking for....so I would write a small paragraph about the details that catch your eye and your heart...be sure to skip a space between your likes and those of which you will be searching for.
All else said...good profile  Happy fishing!
Lisa | |
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| Anyone game for a review? Come on, I won't bite.....teehee
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:56:38 AM | Good morning Doug....
Sweetie, unless you are placing an add for a roommate...let's begin again...haha
Start by telling a little more about yourself (other than the 3 sentences you already have  ) Remember...not too heavy on the negativity though...more about your positive outlook and what you enjoy most.
Set your mail settings to more criteria if you prefer certain things...that helps weed out a lot of "no-fits" right away....
add some more and ask me again to review if you like
Good luck,
Lisa | |
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Posted: 4/1/2008 8:57:48 AM | LOL...ok snowman, were you wanting MY review (after all it is my thread) or Liebs....hahaha
Lisa | |
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