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Posted: 4/21/2008 7:27:11 AM |
I WILL exclude someone who is too short, or overweight, or does drugs, because those attributes do not appeal to my senses, And yes, I accept that I may well be shooting myself in the foot by doing so, but better unaccompanied than wrongly so...
That kind of posting gets you slaughted on here youre not allowed to have preferences without one of the people you dont want to date coming out of the wood work to call you shallow lol xxx | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 7:30:34 AM | | Some peoples shallowness saves the rest of us so thankfully they are quite welcome to it. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 8:31:07 AM | All I can say on the matter is that I've never subsequently seen a picture of someone who has no pictures on their profile and been pleasantly surprised.
That can't be a coincidence surely? | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 8:38:22 AM | A question for the no pic brigade that believe people should like them and not their pic............................................
How many people do you message who do have pics up?, nuff said. :-) | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 9:00:30 AM | | Ok im one of the no pic brigade,at least not on the profile,they are hidden. I sent messages whether they have a pic or not displayed on their profile. All i can say is if you dont read someone's profile then you wont ever find out. We are all different and have different preferences and go about life differently(two many differents). I choose not to show my pic on here and thats my choice. Hows that. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 9:17:35 AM |
A question for the no pic brigade that believe people should like them and not their pic............................................
How many people do you message who do have pics up?, nuff said. :-)
Well I have and I also know of others who have done. Like I said a lack of a photo can be made up for by having other non physical characteristics.
Also has anyone noticed that most of the people who come across as "Shallow" tend to be the type of person (i.e physically attractive) that will attract likeminded people?
I for one like to keep an open mind and would only rule a person out if they had something about them which WAS important e.g Criminal,drug user,Violent etc etc. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 9:23:32 AM | | I'd just like to add though incase anyone thinks it, I'm not shallow, infact I don't like shallow people. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 9:25:38 AM | i get put down sometimes in this forum as if my opinon dosent count because im not ugly.... and the assumption is always jumped too that im shallow. or its easier for me somehow????????.. I've never gotten that from anywhere but this forum really.
I can empathise. i wouldn't call you shallow at all.
Personal preference is "personal" and every human being has the right to choose.
As for the its easier.... again i empathise. i'm often asked why i'm alone. der! because i havent found someone on the level .....simple.
If you're anything at all like me you prefer a level playing field. and because we do have the right to choices, nothing less than a level playing field will do.
just because someone is nicer looking, doesn't mean you have to put up with dregs from a bad barrel just to appease.
I WILL exclude someone who is too short, or overweight, or does drugs, because those attributes do not appeal to my senses
If it doesn't float your boat, why bother with it? choices.... thats all it is.
We don't want to be stuck with what we don't want or like do we?
and why should we?
If those don't fit our level playing field.... they don't, if they get @rsey about it, then they have the pproblem, not you.
just wanted to edit this and add a line from a song i think is apt.
"I cant make you love me, if you don't,
I can't make your heart feel, something it won't"
You cannot make someone choose you if they don't fancy you... simple as. it isnt shallow at all. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 9:34:41 AM | | The only ones I message without pics are those on the forum whence you get to know a bit about them and something prompts you to do so. Which actually, for me, is true of messages I send anyways. Helios and the Cats jim jams come to mind, super personalities, but too young for me personally but it is their personalities that stand out. it does though make you wonder what they look like. As humans we like to put a face to a personality. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 9:34:42 AM | If those don't fit our level playing field.... they don't, if they get @rsey about it, then they have the pproblem, not you.
How can it be a level playing field when you have already said that if people don't posses certain qualities you will not even consider them?
The field is most certainly not "Level". The problem is that superficial things have become more important than things that truly matter. This is being constantly perpetuated and will only get worse with this "Need for perfection" society.
I would like to see how these "Shallow" people would react should things get to such a level that they themselves start having problems finding "Partners" for reasons which they may see as unimportant.
I have a feeling they would be most vocal in their distain of this "Shallowness". | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 10:15:10 AM |
I for one wouldn't. Simply because I believe everyone has the right to make their own choices, and not be browbeaten into accepting something/someone they really aren't into... and that includes the right for people not to be into me! I send mails off and get no reply, but I don't cry into my rice crispies and wonder why not... just move on.
You may not cry into your rice crispies but thats because you are likely to be someone that has your fair share of successes. Would you feel the same way if the situation i presented manifested itself in such a way where by you had ZERO success? I think its safe to say you would soon change your tune.
Everyone is entitled to their choice but at which point does "Preference" become "Prejudice"? From where I am standing things such as Weight,Height,Financial status etc are becoming matters of prejudice rather than simple matters of preference. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 10:53:10 AM |
The field is most certainly not "Level". The problem is that superficial things have become more important than things that truly matter. This is being constantly perpetuated and will only get worse with this "Need for perfection" society. I would like to see how these "Shallow" people would react should things get to such a level that they themselves start having problems finding "Partners" for reasons which they may see as unimportant.
Everyone is entitled to their choice but at which point does "Preference" become "Prejudice"? From where I am standing things such as Weight,Height,Financial status etc are becoming matters of prejudice rather than simple matters of preference.
Dress it up how you want, but i personally need to be attracted to someone on a physical as well as a mental level to have a relationship with them, if that makes me shallow.. so be it. And its now prejudice to not want to date someone youre not attracted too? LOL its the PC brigade going mad again if you ask me. So you would date everyone who asked you regardless if youre attracted to them physcially or not? or is it a case of mine are prejudices and yours are choices? As usual. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 10:57:19 AM | And preference is just that, PREFERENCE: The selecting of someone or something over another or others. NOT prejudice.
And as a post script.. to return to the original topic... I have always stated quite clearly on my profile that no pic no reply, so tell me why I a) still get mail from people with no pic and b) when I don't reply I end up with a torrent of abusive mails calling me all the names under the sun?
You say its preference but when people start saying they definitely would NOT choose someone because of something which is not essential to a happy/good relationship,to me at least it starts moving into the teritory of prejudice.
Let me give you this example,if you were interested in a job but found out that they were likely to hire a man (Despite gender not being important for this job) would you not start to think that this was a bit predidicial/sexist? Even though according to what you have said this is just a "Preference".
In regards to your second point,you may get mail as people may just wish to chance their arm and like I said before hope that what they have to say may change your views on your no photo "Rule". Some people may just be abusive but some people may get upset if you read/delete their mail and don't at least aknowledge them. This would probably be hightened if a) You delete the mail even before you read it and b) Have something on your profile which suggests that you always respond to mail or expect people to respond to anything you send as double standards are rife when it comes to dating. Don't get me wrong,these people should not be abusive,but sometimes there are reasons behind it.
So you would date everyone who asked you regardless if youre attracted to them physcially or not? or is it a case of mine are prejudices and yours are choices? As usual.
I can't say who I would or would not date and the reason for this is that unlike people such as yourself even though I may have "Preferences", I could/would NOT rule someone out simply because they fail to possess something which I happen to like. The differnce is that you immediately rule someone out who lacks something you look for,if this happened in things such as employment,education etc it would be seen as prejudicial,why should the dating world be any different? | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 11:14:22 AM | I can't say who I would or would not date and the reason for this is that unlike people such as yourself even though I may have "Preferences", I could/would NOT rule someone out simply because they fail to possess something which I happen to like. The differnce is that you immediately rule someone out who lacks something you look for,if this happened in things such as employment,education etc it would be seen as prejudicial,why should the dating world be any different?
Im sorry but i just find your point to be complete nonsense and i cannot for the life of me bother replying anymore. :)
hahahahahah@ Gut_reaction xxxxxx | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 11:18:26 AM | I'm taking brunette girly to court for not wanting to jump on me, such discrimination against fat, greying, balding chaps is derisory and I demand compensation.
Saves me from a heart attack though. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 11:21:32 AM | I'm sorry, but an overweight, short, drug taking bloke would NEVER be essential to a good relationship for me!
You CANNOT put relationships into the same category as employment, education etc, because it is something that comes from the HEART! Don't even try to compare, it is not only ridiculous, it is verging on Big Brother!
Predjudice is predjudice regardless of what area of life it is in,you cannot pick and choose to try and suit your argument.
Drug taking I can understand but a persons height/weight should have ZERO bearing on how good a realtionship would/could be. You say that relationships come from the heart,then if what you say is true then why are you putting so much import on how a person looks when such things have nothing to do with the heart and more on the groin and chemicals released into the brain,triggered by what information is sent to it via the eyes?
Looks are not anything to do with the heart,passion,empathy,love etc are. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 11:25:40 AM |
I can understand but a persons height/weight should have ZERO bearing on how good a realtionship would/could be
I wasnt going to reply anymore, but seriously wake up and smell the coffee. You have to be attracted to someone in some way, be it looks/personality/their intelligence... preferably a combination of the three. Are you telling me seriously that men and women should rule out entirely the looks as its prejudice to short/fat people? really thats laughable.. and my very large female friend would laugh at you to be honest... why? because she wouldnt consider it prejudice and wonder why she should WANT to date anyone who dosent want to date her?. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 11:37:13 AM | ok I have been following this.... And little old me are you just trying to wind the girls up?
seriously you must have some personal tastes when it comes to women??????
or are you that desperate that anything is better than nothing? | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 11:40:50 AM | I wasnt going to reply anymore, but seriously wake up and smell the coffee. You have to be attracted to someone in some way, be it looks/personality/their intelligence... preferably a combination of the three. Are you telling me seriously that men and women should rule out entirely the looks as its prejudice to short/fat people? really thats laughable.. and my very large female friend would laugh at you to be honest... why? because she wouldnt consider it prejudice and wonder why she should WANT to date anyone who dosent want to date her?.
Of course there has to be something that attracts you to someone,that goes without saying. The point I am making is that someone may possess one or more qualities that you would find attractive but you simply won't bother to find that out as you put too much importance on one or two things which at best only play a small part in the success of a relationship and at worst are very shallow.
I'm not saying that looks or anything else for that matter should be ruled out,just that people who do not possess certain "Characteristics" should not immediately be cast aside. You mention your fat friend,I have many "Large" friends and they feel equally agrieved that they should be immediately discounted for one reason alone,especially when they have many other qualities which more than make up for that one shortcoming.
I would like to meet a rich,funny,loving,gorgeous,domestic godess who has a genius level IQ,a nice bum,brown eyes a cheeky smile and loves watching football. Would I discount someone simply because they lack a few of these things? No,because when push comes to shove I want someone that makes me happy and I'm willing to sacrifice things that really don't matter for the chance to have a loving/fullfilling relationship.
People have such a narrow view of what is/is not acceptable and then wonder why they can't find Mr/Mrs right. Its because they are trying to find Mr/Mrs perfect. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 11:44:07 AM |
No,because when push comes to shove I want someone that makes me happy and I'm willing to sacrifice things that don't matter for the chance to have a loving/fullfilling relationship
So why is your list of attributes of what you would want to find in a woman different to mine? why are yours preferences and mine prejuidices? where did i say i would def not date someone? i said it had to be a mix of looks/personality/intelligence for me? Youre jumping to conclusions because youre so busy attempting to put across a point that you dont actually have. Who are you to decide what i should and shouldnt sacrifice to find a relationship that will work for ME, yes thats ME not you.. ME. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 12:02:25 PM | My "Preferences" were just examples,nothing more. The reason why yours may be seen as erring on the side of prejudice is that you "Rule Out" people who lack those things,I do not.
You can decide what you like,that is your decision. However a spade is a spade no matter how you dress it up. You may call it preference but to my mind it is a form of prejudice no mater how you try and disguise it.
Just don't complain when you can't find your Mr/Mrs Perfect,you had a choice of billions,you just chose to rule them all out. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 12:09:58 PM | Yawn. Youre like a broken record . Youre saying the same thing over and over and its not even correct, neither of us said we would rule people out, i said i had preferences and if someones personality and intelligence outweighed their looks i'd still date them.
Its only ok to be the King of Assumption Land if your assumptions are correct, you're mis quoting me. But enough already, i am entitled to my preferences they are not prejudice, why mine are considered prejudices and yours preferences you've still failed to explain.
I often wonder if people who go on about being prejudiced looks wise against in society have issues possibly that leads them to this way of thinking, possibly a LOT of rejection?. Real prejudice is racism, and not the fact that i might find taller men attractive. People who whine about the people who wont date them make themsleves less attractive by the second. | |
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Posted: 4/21/2008 12:19:27 PM | I'll rule in or out whomsoever I damn well please.
I don't have a 'type,' the partners I've had have been pretty varied from a six footer built like a brick outhouse to slight and short; long haired to bald; absolutely beautiful to fugly. The one thing they had in common was that they were pleasing to my eye.
If I choose to exercise the option of discounting someone because they don't have a pic, then that is my choice. Yes, I might miss out on something special but I'll also avoid a lot of grief from married men and freaks. That's fine in my book.
Others may choose to exercise their rightd to choose in other ways and that is also fine. To each his own and all that! | |
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