| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:32:18 AM | Does this bother her, or just you?
If it bothers you and not her, it is not your relationship and not your place to say anything. Just be there when she figures out that something is not right.
If it bothers her then she needs to do something about it. Many of the guys here have painted a not so pretty picture and most of these guys are usually right on the money with good advice.
~tb~ | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:08:10 AM | | I can understand if his place sucks, but he should still invest his share of the effort and expense of being together. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:34:49 AM | First, I'd be thinking that the wife works on Sat nights....
To the gentleman poster who talked about the clean vs dirty apt... would she really want to get serious with someone who hadn't cleaned his bathroom in a month, never washed his sheets, and had a filthy kitchen? That tells us all that he will expect her to do the housekeeping... .doesn't fly in today's world. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:37:10 AM | He is obviously hiding something. She should tell him that her place is not the only option for their entertainment.
If she tolerates it, she only has herself to blame. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:45:51 AM | 
OMG! if you guys want a GREAT laugh, check out Don Coyote's resolutions on his profile!
LOLOLOL.... too too funny! (oh, and watch the april fools jokes - I tried the oreo one but he thought it was great that they had come out with a Mint/Choco flavored cookie...
LOL | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:40:03 AM | | Oh Great a Forum stalker, This is not about me it is about the guy who's furnature is made of Milk Crates, It is funny because I had a G/F who used to IRON her sheets, her place won everytime... | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:55:08 AM | I remember when my 3rd husband & I were first dating, I asked him why he preferred coming
to my place, rather than going to his place. He was living in a rooming house (we had been
neighbours before my son was born). He told me that in his experience, women wouldn't go
out with him if they saw the place he lived in. I was shocked that some people are that shallow
& narrow-minded. But since I had previously lived in that building, he already knew I liked it.
Also, he might be a homebody, or shy &/or lazy. Or if he has a very physically demanding job,
he might just be tired & want to take it easy on the weekend. My S/O has a very physical job,
& we sometimes don't go anywhere on the weekends. As long as we get to spend it together,
I really don't care. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:02:24 AM | Funny, when I first read the OP I didn't think "he's got a wife," I thought "he's ashamed to be seen with her in public." The thing that would bug me, I think, wouldn't be never going to his place, but never going OUT. Assuming that the Saturday nights don't truly end with the dinner and movie, to me this sounds like a convenience rather than a relationship.... and it'll end once he meets someone that he does want to take out and be seen with.
That could be totally wrong... but it's a possibility I think. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:09:58 AM | | sounds funny to me. does she have his home number? i think he is married and he is using her as his mistress on the side. i would buy tickets to a concert or to an upcoming event and tell him she would like it if he accompany her. if he refuses then he is definatly married and she should break it off a.s.a. p. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:30:45 AM | From post 32 as it relates to the Opost:
"....Or if he has a very physically demanding job, he might just be tired & want to take it easy on the weekend..."
That is IMO a very "probable cause"
I do not see why so many people "associate" a serious rel with "going out". When I am single, I go out. When I am with a person I really like, why would I want to go out to a bar or whatever?
If people wanna hang out, then why not choose "hang out" or "activities partner" for what they seek? And the home cooking need not be "elaborate". Who wants to eat a lot or heavy food these days anyway?
Hence I do not "see" the "red flags" in the Opost many fellow posters do! | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:51:20 AM | I've almost always gone to my bf's place. I've had him at my place just enough times so it didn't seem (I thought) obviously one-sided.
But y'know, I like escaping to his place. I like leaving my concerns behind and I love being able to completely relax without the need to feel I'm "hosting" him.
I bring stuff, we're on equal footing there, but he's the better cook (I get too distracted by his manly presence).
If anything is in extreme, there's a reason for it. It might be cause for alarm, or it might be quite benign.
I don't believe OP has said whether she is bothered by the lopsided locale. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:58:31 AM | I haven't dated in a while-- but I very rarely have friends come here.
I rent a basement because I don't have a roommate. (Apartments are 1k+ for a 1 bedroom here... so I'd rather pay the $550 and be able to save money- plus I had the unpaid internship for 4 months of last year, so it worked out pretty well.)
The place is pretty messy, mostly because I owned 70 or 80% of everything that was in the apartment that I shared with my ex. That means that I had to make it all fit down here. Sometimes it looks nice.... sometimes it looks like I exploded. It depends on the day.
I'm more than happy to have company... but I could see why some people wouldn't be comfortable hanging out in my all purpose room. (Though I do have a kitchenette and my own bathroom.)
It comes in handy during the summer though! I have my own patio, and I can grill. It's a finable offense to grill on apartment balconies... so my friends come here for cookouts. (Which is better than the old system when I lived in the apartment. I'd grill outside on the grassy median between parking lots and everyone else would stay inside and chat... over all I'm happy...)
Maybe he's ashamed of some part of his living status though? I don't know.... could be... maybe? | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:13:22 AM | | Well, it's only an issue, in my opinion, if it's an issue for HER. And if it IS an issue for her.... then it's an issue. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:34:07 AM | I think he's cheap.
I dated someone before and we're 25 miles away from each other.
I only have his cell#. I don't have his home phone number and I don't have his home
address. He took me out 5 times, but I didn't let him pay for everything. I always
tried to share. I thought we get along and eveything is going fine. Until he asked to
stay in my place and watch dvd. At first I told him I can't because I have roommates
and they don't want a guys to come over. But he begged me so we stayed in one evening
and he left before midnight. After that he doesn't asked me out anymore. The next
time I saw him was when he called me and asked me if he come over. Before he left
I asked him if we can see a movie the next day and he said yes and it didn't happen.
After 3 days he called me again and asked if he can come over. I asked him if he want
to have dinner together and he said he just had dinner and he just want to come over.
So I said ok and I asked him if he get me a bottle of water. So he came over with
just a bottle of water. Actually that was New Year's eve, it's funny he came over with
a bottle of water. He left my place around 1am. Before he left my place he promised
to take me out but he didn't. When I tried to call him he's not picking up and not even
returning my calls. Then he texted me and he said he want to go slow. So we stopped
talking for 2 months. After 2 months he start talking to me again and said he want to
work it out. I thought he realized that I'm worth it but still he just want to messed up
with me in my place. I really want to spend time with him just like before like going to
the movie or have dinner but I feel like he just want to be with me in my bed. He told
me he live with his mother, and he's 38, so I guess maybe that's the reason why he
can't take me to his house. But when I asked him to take me to his city he just change
the subject. I feel he's hiding something. I mean if you can't take me to your house
at least take me to the city where you live. I also tried to ask him if he can come with
me in PA one weekend and he didn't reply. Obviously he doesn't want to spend a single
cent with me, I mean he knows that I always share everytime we went out.
By the way he's from this site. According to his profile, "trip around the world with
the wrong girl is boring" so I assumed I'm a wrong girl for him. So I'm moving on. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 2:17:25 PM | | 1lonelymama is that a leather thong and bra?If it is where did u get it?.........excuse me op and let me add my opinion in saying I think if u pose a couple of questions to ur friend like they have been posed here then she will probably tell u what we already know. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 2:20:20 PM | | I will take the typical POF response and up it one. Not only is he using her, he is probably a PSYCHO. OMGeeze girl, what are you playing with? Your friend's LIFE could be in DANGER! You need to get in the middle of their bizness and CALL THE COPS on them! Every second you wait could make it too late! | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 3:54:01 PM | ^ You forgot to say that it meant he was cheap. Everything means that he's cheap--- it's a rule.   | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:24:29 PM | | What if.... the guy was divorced, lived with his son who is older and the son was having an extremely hard time dealing with the divorce and having the new relationships over would be painful for the son living at home? | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:20:23 AM | | Similar thing happened to me - the guy I was dating refused to have me over to his place. Turns out there WAS another woman - his mother. He was too embaressed to tell me he lived with his mother in those first few weeks/months. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:31:44 AM | I wouldn't worry too much about it. She's OK with it enough to continue seeing him on his terms.
She must feel he's worth staying in every Saturday night alone with.
How many married couples spend years in that routine, and no one thinks anything about it?
Could be she's a homebody, and he's a her-home body.
Maybe his apartment's not near as nice or cmfortable as hers, and he feels self-conscious?
As the song goes.....Live and let live. | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 46 | |
| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:24:27 AM | Not a good sign, IMHO. I do agree that he could be dealing with children adjusting to a divorce, etc. However, many moons ago I had a similar situation. I dated a guy who was divorced, and after just a few weeks it was apparent that all he wanted was to go out for a (cheap) dinner, and then expected to return to my place. I wasn't OK with that at all. I finally pushed (and it was indeed pushing, but I felt like I had to at that point) to be invited to his place. It was an hour away in another city.
Wow. He agreed very reluctantly, and it was one of the worst experiences of my long dating life. He made it very clear throughout the day that I was not wanted, and was terribly passive-aggressive -- sorry for the psychological jargon, but it was true. At the end of a horrible day, I told him he had communicated quite well to me that I was not ever going to be a part of his life.
And that was that...until a few months later when my phone rang at 9 p.m.! Yes, it was The Drunken Phone Call of Remorse! I almost had to laugh; he was really out of it and kept saying that he had had a lot going on in his life at the time, wanted to see me again, blah blah blah. I turned down that invitation!
So, while this guy may well have other things going on, at the very least he is settled in a comfortable situation and has no reason to change it. She can do better! | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:43:43 AM | | It is possible she is being taken advantage of, but also people have many different arrangements with each other in relationships. So long as you don't think some sort of harmful abuse is going on, you have to respect the privacy of your friend and let her decide as to whether or not to remain in this situation. | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 4/1/2008 1:28:25 AM | Thanks for making my Day I thought youre going say something in his favor I was wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Wow | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 4/3/2008 5:15:28 PM | | there no real proof that shes been taken advantage of based on your discription | |
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| only time at her apartment
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:00:15 AM | Aww..I think you mistook me... I really admired/had a great laugh with your profile
Oh Great a Forum stalker, This is not about  | |
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