| |
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 2:57:33 PM | What do you want? Do you feel like being with a guy with a kid or not? If it does not interest you then move on, this guys future is written in stone now he's a Dad for life.
How do you really feel about his having a baby with her. You sound jealous, you don't seem to trust his feelings for you or her. Does not sound like a great foundation for a relationship. | |
|
| |
| |
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 3:13:07 PM | | Why didn't he take you with him? If you are a couple...a baby being born to a friend whether his or not..you would visit that person together. Tell him how you feel...old feelings are fearful I am sure of cropping up in your mind, especially since its not the two of you sharing this intimate joy together. If you are going to be a couple, his child will be a part of that so why not start when the baby is born? Tell him you want to be a part of that. The mother of the baby will need to know and respect he has moved on and you will be a part of their childs life. Tell him while he is there that you are still supportive and happy for him...get him to talk about the baby...let him brag a little and tll him you can't wait to see her or him. He should have considered your feelings before going... | |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 3:37:09 PM | "Perhaps finding a young man without so much baggage to check would be a whole lot easier"
I guess when men are reading your profile they should just skip over it once they see that you have kids too right? after all kids are baggage.
" You feel left out because your man is off tending to his bastard child"
That has to be one of the most classless statement i ever read in these forums. What would compel you to say such a thing?.
Op your boyfriend made a mistake, and from that mistake comes a child. Now your b/f is showing the kind of person he truly is by standing up and being there for that child. That's called character, Your boyfriend is showing himself to be a man of very high morals. A man that hold himself accountable, and takes responsibility for his actions. It would be a huge mistake if you gave up on such a man so easily. It's times like these that truly test a relationship. Your b/f is doing what he needs to do, it would be alot easier for him if he knew he had your support while doing it.
| |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 3:39:05 PM | I agree with imalady hes a daddy now and your second in line. To him (particulary at the moment nothin else matters but this new, cute fluffy being he created). Im confused as you say he had a fling I take it you were on a break then?
Its fine if you can accept it. Personally I understand your situation and me, Id cut and run. I can see why you feel left out and stuff but fact, out of this one you always will be. Life will change big time for you now since his child hs arrived. So much changes, like financially, him visting her an his child and then theres when he gets custody rights and has weekends with the child. I dont know the answers, only you do. Are you up for all this or not? Be honest with yourself. If your not thats fine, no one can judge you for that x | |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 4:56:12 PM | | Well we talk a bit everyday by IM and he knows how supposrtive iam with everything. I know that i love a great deal and i stuck it out so far, so why would i throw the towel in now right!!! I am the one that didn't want to go because i have to work. | |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 5:03:50 PM | """and if they have what is my best way of dealing with this and keeping my relationship strong and healthy. ""
The best thing to do if you get knocked up when fooling around is to have an abortion or give the kid up for adoption. This may help you and the guy grow up, as mature responsible adults, who know what to do in these situations. Obviously I say this because SHE HAD HIS KID! Otherwise, this wouldn't be an issue.
Its kinda like asking, "My Boyrfriend just lit his house on fire, and I"m wondering what color he should repaint it".
PS: how can you be a father figure if you "fool around"? | |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 5:16:46 PM | If you don't feel like throwing in the towel,then don't.
You probably have done a great deal of talking,and thinking about this.
But whether he know's it or not,you are going to get pushed aside a bit.(alot!)
Have you really considered that thought deeply?
And what if the "fling" or he,decide to get together again?
To raise the baby on their own.
Where will that leave you?
It's very different when it's your own child but,someone else's?
You may find yourself at a crossroad,later on.JMO | |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 5:33:23 PM | fishbill............whats up with you!!!!!!!
There is a young man here willing to stand up to his responsibilites, and your talking about abortion and adopton. I would say that young man has more maturity than you do. | |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 5:47:15 PM |
I know that i love a great deal and i stuck it out so far, so why would i throw the towel in now right!!!
Sounds like the right attitude to me. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Good luck to all involved. | |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 6:04:49 PM | | I know that iam gonna be second and i knew that from the begining. If he dicides to be a family man with her and his son, i would never try to stop that. No matter how bad it could hurt. But i cannot tell my heart to stop loving him!! So iam gonna tough it out because i think it will all turn out in the end and if not iam only 22. | |
|
| |
| |
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 6:54:46 PM | What i don't understand is why you were dating him knowing he had just freshly gotten a woman pregnant and jumped right onto your boat when the other one was sinking...
Are your standards really that low?
yes. he will forget you. thats a no brainer. | |
|
| |
| |
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 8:06:23 PM | Let’s count some of the assumptions here :
1) -You choose a time to date this young man when really he was not totally available to date or be in relationship.
-why you were dating him knowing he had just freshly gotten a woman pregnant and jumped right onto your boat when the other one was sinking...
I missed the point where the OP, or her S.O., knew about the pregnancy when they got together.
2) Or does being perfect for each other include having flings with friends (and not even bothering with a condom, which is also putting your health at risk).
Again, i missed where she talked about what kind of Birth Control, if any, was used. No matter what kind may have been used, none of them are perfect, yes ?
3) dump him and find someone who won't screw around on you?
- well first off if you wereperfect for eachother he wouldnt have cheated
-Yes obviously that support extends to him having affairs with other women
- You need to dump him!!!!! he cheated on you & now has a baby. Hello!!
- Im confused as you say he had a fling I take it you were on a break then?
It seems like more and more folks read what they want to here. Been cheated on ? Then that must be the issue! Two women in a short period of time? Then the guy has to be cheating! Despite the number of people who posted to correct this issue, the “Cheater” accusations just keep coming.
4) -he's a dad and he will look forward to seeing his little one
- effectively this relationship is broken. His loyalties will always be divided between his kids, the other woman and you. His kids will always win over you, and that means the other woman will win over you too.
I HOPE that any man who fathers a child would support that child. But so far all we know is that he has traveled to be with or near the mother. The new mother has to decide whether she will insist on or allow this to be the case. In some states the mother gets to fill in the name of the father on the birth certificate. If she chooses to leave it blank, or the man wishes to question things, a blood test would be in order. That usually takes a few weeks to perform..
A last cynical point..... IS he the father ? Many have assumed the guy was cheating. No one questioned the new mothers number of flings that might have been important. Another assumption,
yes, but why did it get skipped over?
?OP, please take some time in figuring out what is best for you. You seem to have been patient and
supportive with your S.O. so far. That is commendable. Good Luck with what i assume will be some trying days ahead of you.
And for Gods sake learn to ignore the advice of well meaning fools (Especially ME). | |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 8:12:06 PM | You are far to young to allow a guy to is cheating on you to drag you into his future world of endless drama. Which will last far more than the 18 years minimum he will have to support his child.
Please don't settle and find a guy that will be true to you as you are true to him.
Good Luck,,
xoxoxo
E
 | |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 8:27:53 PM | Good luck OP...Are you prepared for all of the drama that could come about with your boyfriend wanting visitation paying child support and maybe one day marrying him and realizing part of him will be with that child and you may come second? If you are do all you can to make this work.
If you are not certain end the relationship now bfore it gets further and maybe your bf gets you pregnant.
The moral thing for your boyfriend to do would be to try to make a relatinship work with the mother of his child..as he seems not to want to do that then maybe you need to decide if yu can handle being step-mom and all of the hings that go with that. | |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 8:40:03 PM | Melissa:
If he means anything at all to you, stand behind him. If he is a good man, he will take responsability, and for that be proud.
If you make it hard on him you will lose, as there is no love stonger than the love of a parent for their child. | |
|
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2008 9:24:23 PM | I am curious as to how long you knew she was pregnant by him and were already contemplating how to cope? Regardless of how long you knew and the fact that you are willing to stay with him means that you have a lot affection for him. That is good that your feelings have not changed due the change of dynamics in your bf's life.
I have one child, divorced, and believe me you have to give up a lot for a child. That is something I am willing to do for her as I love her greatly. I have to become more selective with people I meet and invite to my house. Things like that. Yes, they are expensive, but I have purposed in my heart to love and take care of her.
This description will apply to a woman with child as well.
So basically, his life has changed and will continue to change. If you truly care and love him....then stay with him and support him. You will need to be strong and have courage, as there will be moments that will truly challenge your character and your relationship. | |
|
| |
| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:58:18 AM | | How amazing.....It has been explained several time there was no cheating involved here. Then esad takes it point by point and the very next post is about cheating. lol some people just dont or cant read. | |
|
Home
login 
