| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:46:13 AM | I have know about the baby since the middle on september!!!!
So (for the benefit of those who can read) you've known about it since the relationship began? Did he know about it before he started dating you? Why did he start dating if he knew about the baby?
You must have found out maybe 2 weeks after you first met, why did you decide to carry on dating after only 2 weeks? Do you know how the 'fling' got pregnant? Did they use contraception? How long was this 'fling' anyway?
To be honest it sounds as though your desperate. You're kidding yourself that you can make this work, because thats what you want to believe. I really don't mean that to criticise you by saying that, your just too young to know better.
Op your boyfriend made a mistake, and from that mistake comes a child
Its suprising how many people don't make these little 'mistakes'. Whereas other people seem to make lots of 'mistakes'. They must just be very unlucky. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:02:48 AM | galonthemt
How amazing.....It has been explained several time there was no cheating involved here. Then esad takes it point by point and the very next post is about cheating. lol some people just dont or cant read.
I was thinking just that! OVER AND OVER so I had to go over to the what makes you shake your head thread and post about it hahahaha.
satsumo
Do you know how the 'fling' got pregnant? Did they use contraception? How long was this 'fling' anyway?
Um do YOU know HOW babies are made????? ~ shakes head yet again~ rest of the questions you ask are NOYB and irrelevant.
As for making it work out with the Mum as in a relationship,... c'mon ppl she already said they are JUST FRIENDS,......... anyone ever heard of FWB's??? (FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS???) might just be a lesson here that ANY form of birth control ( except for abstinence) is NOT 100%!!!!!!!!! | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:05:45 AM | Let's not forget this relationship has been going for some 7 to 8 months. Not a lifetime for sure but long enough for this couple to have a connection.
OP only you will be able to tell by he is treating you, how this relationship will progress. As I have stated I commend him for taking responsibility for this child. There are many that would just try to avoid. If he is sure this baby is his then kudos to him. If he has any doubt at all there is nothing wrong in his asking for a DNA test. It would be heartbreaking to bond with this child and then find out later.
My only advise to you would be to tell him to continue to be honest with you about his feelings that relate to your relationship with each other.
Good Luck | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:17:14 AM | waiting 3 days to tell you...he probably just didn't know what to say as he felt so deeply about you at that time..new love and now a baby haunting him on his heels..not sure how you would react...worried he would lose you...see my point? 3 days is not that long to ponder about how to tell you...it could have been 3 weeks or not at all. I think its great he is being responsible for his child. If you both take responsibility together for this new little creature in your lives and try to find the joy in it...you will survive it.True Love doesn't change because adversity happens in the best of relationships..7 month or 7 years. It does however grow with the lessons learned from it. Hang in there and share the joy with him so he knows you are excited for him too. If you make it a negative..he will feel pulled and you won't win. You love him through this and I know he will feel and see it. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:22:07 AM |
Um do YOU know HOW babies are made????? ~ shakes head yet again~ rest of the questions you ask are NOYB and irrelevant.
I was asking to try to find out if hes irresponsible. Hes made one 'mistake' and he seems to be doing the right thing. I simply wanted to see if this was a stupidity or accident. For all we know the fling might stopped taking the pill deliberately to keep him. Or maybe he refuses to use condoms.
As for it being NYOB, the OP asked for advice, so I'm asking for information. How are we supposed to give advice about something we don't know about? Either someone asks questions or we all keep taking blind guesses. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:34:28 AM | | Well he took me for supper where my aunt works!!!!! He ordered our supper because he likes me to try new things otherwise i won't. Anyways after the orders was placed we got some drinks, we were talking holding hands, kissing and just happy to be with each other!!! I bought him a movie (knocked up) for his birthday a week or so before and i was wondering if he liked it or not. He said that he did not like it and i asked why? This is what he said " Iam gonna be a dad and that video scared the shit out of me" I laught until it sunk in. I went to the bathroom cried for like five minute then talked with my aunt that works at that resturant, so i was gone for 15 minutes total. I came back all puffy red eyed and he said that he has strond feelings for me and knew it would be hard for us, but would understand if i didn't want to be with him. I thought to myself it took me a long time to find a guy that makes me want to be a better person and adores me in everyway imaginable. So i would be stupid to give gime up. That is how he told me it started out rocky but in the end it was an amazing night one hell of any experience and memory. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:44:26 AM | Stick around. You knew the baby was coming and you've been together for some time now.
He is now a father as well as your boyfriend. You won't be his number 1 priority but try to keep in mind that you WANT someone who is a good father and puts his children first. He's got all the right qualities...you just have to get over being selfish. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:23:41 AM | Just a note for those who can't count. He didn't cheat on her: she started with him in September. Babies take nine months, which it hasn't been yet. . . . Jeeze, no wunder peeps have such a hard time gettin' together, what with all the breaking of backs from jumping to conclusions, lol!
OPie: tell him how it's making you feel. Then see.
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 2:10:41 PM | Well he called me iam so happy, he knows hos much i worry!! I asked about everthing, her , the baby and how he is handling everything. Then he told me that he missed me and was thinking of me. He has bad service out there, so he drove into town to call me!!!  So i worry way to much. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/8/2008 11:47:32 AM |
On thursday the baby was born, he went up there for a week. So now iam sitting thinking where do i stand,
IN MY WORLD,
if I was in a sincere relationship with a woman, other than the mother of the newborn, I would take her with me and as a 'couple', we would visit my new child.
After all, if the woman I am with, is a long term relationship(if we are living together), then she needs to be involved.
If I am just dating and banging a chick, because there is no one I want to be in a relationship with, I would go alone.
Everyone can make the time, and find the resources, when they WANT something.
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:25:50 PM | This situation will lead to heartbreak in my opinion. I'd cut loose before you really are in too deep.
His priority now will be the child. And unfortunately that means a long term relationship with the fling. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:59:00 PM | Hahaha.
Ok, this thread is a great example of how many people have lost the art of listening in this day and age. Not only are people missing the simple fact he never cheated they are also not listening to the OP and her story.
OP you are beautiful, you are doing fine, you are just going through a bit of self doubt which is understandable. But keep following your own heart and you will be fine.
To everyone else jumping to random conclusions please take the time to listen to the OP, not just her first post but all her others and I'm sure you will see she is doing exactly what she needs to. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/9/2008 6:44:31 AM | | OP you will be ok...the other thought I had after my last post is...think of the wonderful ways you can influence this sweet little baby in her life...it not only shows love and respect for the father..your boyfriend..it will give her many facets in which to develop. You hang in there...you have a new baby to love too.... | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/9/2008 8:39:08 AM | OP,
I know you didn't mean for it to be funny, but the irony about your present Knocked Up sent me into stitches...
Seriously, I think you and your story are both truly special. It may not be the path everyone would take but your journey is your own. Trust your gut. You can ask for advice but trust what you have chosen because your path will teach you what you, and you alone, need to learn.
Good luck to you and your boo, as he sounds like quite a nice bloke, his luck notwithstanding... At any rate, the poster who stated you can be an influence on this new baby's life is quite right and that's a special gift. And, you don't even have stretch marks!! That might be the best of both worlds.
PS: I'm sorry so many folks misread your OP...dang. It's like a self-perpetuating virus!  | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/9/2008 8:05:37 PM | Well, you have only been together since september...
Personally I wouldnt have gotten involved with him in the first place. If you can hang in there I give you props, I wouldnt be able to. This was a friend he knocked up? So it's not even like she's a crazy ex...
Ugh, I just could NEVER do it.
Good luck. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/9/2008 8:20:50 PM | Financially this man is compromised, time wise - he is compromised, ethically - he is compromised. Personally I would be thinking this week, could stretch a lot longer, as in I wouldn't be around when he came back, I would change my numbers as well.
At 22, you deserve a man who is a good financial prospect, a good bit more responsible and one who is fully yours. Have you had a background check done on him? What is his credit history like? What are his family and friends like? Con men can be really charming too, that is how they operate, people believe they are nice.
So where is he staying during this week? Phone calls don't really mean a lot, words are cheap. He is ringing you...mmm, occupied is he? Don't ring me, I'll call you? Is there "bad service" when you ring?
The test would be, if you went on holiday around the time he was due back, where do you think he would go? Throw this one back, you can do better. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/10/2008 12:35:58 AM | To everyone else jumping to random conclusions please take the time to listen to the OP, not just her first post but all her others and I'm sure you will see she is doing exactly what she needs to.
___________________________________________________________
And what is that Mrpoetic lover? Please do tell.... | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/10/2008 1:26:46 AM | | OK op, I get it that he didn't directly cheat on you. Maybe he is a good man in a way. But here is the way i see it. It sounds like he is not very mature. Neither him nor his friend. You could be letting yourself in for a lot of baby mama drama. She made a baby with him. If he has any feeling at all for the child he will want to be a part of that child's life. That part is good and right. But you may as well set your hat that she will want him to be there with her and if she is like a lot of women i have seen she will try to get between you and him and turn his head. You got a long way to go. I hope he loves you a lot. Because if this happened as you said right before you met him, Got her pregnant and gone to the next, "YOU OP", I would be very careful and use protection. He could do you the same way...... You say you know him? I have heard a lot of women say that while standing in the food stamp line alone and the man they thought they knew no where in sight. Just be very careful OP. Good luck to you. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/10/2008 1:30:23 AM | | That baby is likely going to become important. As long as he didn't find out about this pregnancy last week you have had a heads up, I would assume. You need to figure out whether you can cope with this or whether you can't. It certainly is a tough decission but (if you knew...) then this is a decission you should have come to a long time ago. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/18/2008 5:19:36 AM | "So now iam sitting thinking where do i stand, is he gonna forget me, moved up there or is she gonna try to make a family."
If your b/f is the biological father of the child, unless your friend's future partner adopts the child, your b/f will be liable to pay child support for his child to your friend, the baby's mother. The child will always be a part of his life, and you will need to take this into account when considering your future relationship with him. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:26:01 PM | OP, you are in a situation where you are having to accept two outside relationships in your man's life for the next two decades, that with his child by another woman and with the child's mother. He is going to have significant financial, emotional, and time commitments to those relationships and you are not going to ever be able to be the priority for him that he is for you. These days missing him and wondering what is going on between the three of them together are the way of your future with him.
If you think that over time you will adjust to this and be secure and happy on your own during the time he needs to be with them, then no problem. If you don't mind prioritizing a mate more than he prioritizes you, again no problem. If you don't mind him supporting another woman's household while the two of you try to build a life together, no problem. People do accept all these conditions every day. Happens all the time. The question is only whether you are someone who can be happy in such a situation.
Sounds like maybe you are such a person, in which case congratulations on finding a wonderful relationship with a man you adore. If you aren't such a person, just don't discount your feelings when resentment, sadness, and a sense of betrayal grows over time. When that gets to be more of the relationship than enjoyment of each other it is time to say goodbye. In the mean time you will have grown, enjoyed some good times with him, and become even more ready for your next relationship. So you can't really go wrong here as long as you never deny your own feelings or feel you don't have the right to act accordingly. | |
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| The baby was born, now what do i do with my relationship?
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:14:08 PM | I have to say I am suspicious of all this.
Earlier you start a thread that you found porn on your bf computer and deleted it - trust issues.
Then you start a thread asking if you are just a fwb.
Now this thread all within weeks of each other.
Hmmmm | |
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