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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:28:15 AM | You are bang on about the reasons for this obsession with White as the standard of beauty.
but there are also white men who will only date asian or black women
There are VERY few White men who will date Black women PERIOD!!! It is rare to f ind a White man who will exclusively date Black women. Robert Deniro is one of the few.
There are certainly a number of White men who tend to prefer Asian women for the very reasons you state. It is interesting because I know a lot of Asian women both here and overseas. The ones who want to date White men indicate that the reason for their preference is that they feel the White men will be less sexist and more egalitarian. Meanwhile a lot of the White men who date Asian women do so because they think the women will be more traditional and submissive. Do you see the clash, right from the get go? Making decisions based on stereotypes always lands one in trouble. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:55:58 AM | Ethnicity doesn't bother me, but there is a certain nationality that I absolutely will not date.
There are 2 reasons:
#1: Extreme materialism
#2: Atrocious driving
Oddly enough my ex sister in law is from that place & got a job as a DMV driving examiner... She has driven her car in to the back wall of her garage at least 12 times & no one in her family will get in a car with her behind the wheel.... | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:21:30 AM | Personally I chose to live in a color-blind world, it has served me well in my brief 28 years on the planet, and I hope it continues to do so... 
I date women of varying ethnicities based on attraction and personality, in that order. I find certain physiques attractive, and so long as the woman has that to start with, I could care less what ethnicity she is from a sexual standpoint - after that's where personality comes in, making the distinction between whether she's a purely sexual-driven conquest, or whether I truly like her inside and out 
I've never dated based on stereotypes, because I myself am a living contradiction to black stereotypes - I've been called Oreo and Uncle Tom more times than I can count, as well as being commented on with expressions like "you certainly don't speak black", or "you're very well-disciplined/responsible for a Jamaican"... 
The funny thing being, I've got a rainbow array of friends and past lovers, and each of them too defied their racial molds - one of my best buds is a chain-smoking theatrical East-Indian that refuses arranged marriage, another good friend is a half-Japanese/half-French Canadian dude who can't speak a word of his Asian heritage. We call ourselves the Banana-Oreo duo! 
Life's too short to pigeon-hole yourself to match what others believe you are capable/incapable of... 
I also don't bother dating women that have opening lines in their profile like "I LOVE chocolate men", or "sexii black men" (deliberately mis-spelled), or "Dark men only"... I'm no one's novelty act / trained circus attraction...  | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:45:44 AM | For me it's purely physical attraction and whether or not our personalities click. That's all I need.
I have no racial preferences whatsoever, but I do find myself very attracted to Oriental women (I went out with a Chinese girl for 5 years). I merely put this down to some kind of specific physical (and perhaps cultural) attraction, but certainly not stereotype.
Stereotype is a prejudgment and I certainly don't like to prejudge people.
However as a Black Man sure... When women (usually White women LOL!) come up and ask me about the "big willy" thing, I do use it to my own advantage 
I like women period. So if I can entice a sexy woman into bed, simply based on her somewhat misguided prejudgments, then heck why not 
It's good to eat a variety of food  | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:22:35 PM | almondcookie,
I agree, there are far more white men wanting to date asian women. I didn't realize the reason *many asian women had for wanting to date white men, though. That's unfortunate.
*Obviously, dear readers, this doesn't apply to everyone. I'm sure you know, as I do, a white man with an asian woman simply for love. Just remember that exceptions do not disprove the rule.
You're right, I don't see many white men with black women and that's sad, but even more disturbing to me is the black men who only date "other than black" women. I went out with a black guy for a few months who it turned out only dated white women. Period. I didn't realize this until I saw some pictures of him with ex's and ask some questions. It made me incredibly uncomfortable on a few levels, including that he made HUGE deal about it when I told him my grandfather was Chinese (making me about 1/4). His reasons for not dating black women were highly based on stereotypes and learned that he had shared these reasons with his MOTHER when she asked him why he never dated black girls! Jesus!
Appearance is only a part of this big problem. I see "The Pursuit of Whiteness" everywhere. My cousins who are half Peruvian will not claim that part of their heritage. On POF I see obviously asian men calling themselves Caucasian. At first I thought maybe they do that to get past peoples filters, but why would you want to go out with someone who has that filter in place?
To the poster who claims color-blindness. I don't know if that's even possible, let alone desirable. What I've observed that to really mean (from a white perspective) is "I'll try not to notice that you're black/asian/hispanic if you'll try really hard to act as white as possible. Unless, of course, it benefits me in some way to point out that I have a black/asian/hispanic co-worker/friend/lover."
OP, I'm sorry I jacked your post for my diatribe. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:29:11 PM | I think it's more personal physical tastes. Some people might be into darker skinned people and such, others aren't.
When it comes to dating, I don't think there is any "racism". Dating, relationships, that's a personal thing...and everyone of every color should have the right to be preferential to what they want, even if they limit themselves in life.
I personally am usually open to any race as long as I find her attractive.  | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:37:26 PM |
you are absolutely correct in your statement about the poster who claims to live in a color-blind world. it seems the only color he's blind to is his own.
<img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0> 
Well said. Now why can't I think of these cool 1 or 2 liners when I need to?
On POF I see obviously asian men calling themselves Caucasian.
Yeah that one REALLY sticks in my craw especially those who will IGNORE any woman who isn't white if they write to them. It's quite pathetic actually. I expect that from a White guy and I am pleasantly surprised by the few who don't respond that way. I DON'T expect an Asian guy who himself is complainig about discrmination to turn around and discriminate. Then some of those same guys come on here and whine about all the rejection they are facing from White women. It REALLY bugs me. You know I have never seen a Black guy do that.
However as a Black Man sure... When women (usually White women LOL!) come up and ask me about the "big willy" thing, I do use it to my own advantage
I like women period. So if I can entice a sexy woman into bed, simply based on her somewhat misguided prejudgments, then heck why not
Definitely crossing kinkybastard off MY favourites list. Oh just checked, he was never there in the first place.
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:18:24 PM |
For me it's purely physical attraction and whether or not our personalities click. That's all I need.
Wow, that's great! So I'm assuming you've dated plenty of black women and have positive things to say about black women in general?
I have no racial preferences whatsoever, but I do find myself very attracted to Oriental women (I went out with a Chinese girl for 5 years). I merely put this down to some kind of specific physical (and perhaps cultural) attraction, but certainly not stereotype.
Hahahahahaha! WOW. No racial preferences but specific physical and perhaps cultural ones? Who do you think you're kidding??
You can call it what you want but that doesn't change what it IS.
However as a Black Man sure... When women (usually White women LOL!) come up and ask me about the "big willy" thing, I do use it to my own advantage
I am embarrassed for any woman who would come up and ask you about the size of your**** but even more embarrassed for you, that you'd encourage stereotypes that were created to strip black men of their humanity and reduce them to nothing more than breeding stock. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:17:14 PM | What a surprise that after as little as two posts I have already been character-assassinated by two irate ethnic female posters on a thread that isn't even about ME, just for interjecting my opinion on the matter...
With so many of my "people" so quick to crucify me at every turn, I can hardly fathom WHY I'd be so reluctant to count myself amongst them in the first place...
Ladies, thanks for your "posts", but I'm not the subject at hand, the OP's query about the nature of ethnic dating IS. I offered my opinion on the subject, based on my personal experience, and nowhere did I post anything remotely so inflammatory to warrant such vehemence, especially considering the fact that none of us has ever spoken/met.
Kindly stay on topic, your misplaced bitterness towards me would be bewildering if I could even be bothered wasting my time on it.
Now let's see if anyone can actually manage to remain on-topic for a change... Discuss! | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:36:25 PM | I grew up in a very mixed neighborhood in Queens New York. A little bit of everything, We all got along just fine and looked out for each other. I don't see people as a colour, ***holes comes in all different shades.
I moved to Canada about 10 years ago, The city i live in (vancouver) is very limited with African -American women. I can go days sometimes without seeing one. So i have never dated an African-American since i moved here. It's a trade-off because i love where i live, I just wished sometimes there was more African-americans.
I sometimes feel like i am losing my identity. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:39:27 PM |
What a surprise that after as little as two posts
I believe it is so posted to be "as few as two posts". Perhaps your Japanese is a bit better than your English.
Hajimemashite. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.
I have already been character-assassinated by two irate black female posters on a thread that isn't even about ME, just for interjecting my opinion on the matter...
I believe that someone has struck a nerve. What drama!!  Boy if you can squeeze that much venom out of 2 sentences per person, you're REALY good. I'll call you next time I have to squeeze lemons.
It is fascinating that you didn't notice the comments the half Asian woman made. Her comments were LONGER and SPOT ON by the way. Yet you perceived no venom there. Your overreaction is quite telling.
With so many of my "people" so quick to crucify me at every turn, I can hardly fathom WHY I'd be so reluctant to count myself amongst them in the first place...
WHOA! Again SUCH DRAMA! The plot thickens. I can hardly fathom WHY I'd be so reluctant to count myself amongst them in the first place... . I can't believe what I am reading. Sweetie your race is what it is...all the reluctance to identify with it in the world won't change that.
So far no one has been off topic. The question was:
Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
It's an excellent question. You answered the question. There were some comments about your answer. So far, I don't see a problem. Where is the problem? When one is colour "blind" to all colours but his own, I guess it's clearly falling on the stereotypes end of the spectrum.
Some cross-cultural/interracial relationships are based on compability, others are based on stereotypes and, at times, a lack of pride in one's own heritage. When relationships are based on stereotypes rather than compatibility, they are doomed to fail. For me ANY relationship is based on common interests, shared values and, yes, attraction does have to develop. The ethnic origin or racial backgroud of the invididual really does not come into play for me. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:26:06 PM | Well said, almondcookie. I had to read tiger's post a couple of times to figure out if I was one of the irate ethnic women he was referring to, but I guess not. That's so interesting. I thought the two of you were gentler in your replies than I was, and yet you are the irate ones. Huh.
The truth hurts sometimes and I'd like to say to the two gentlemen that I wasn't saying any of that to be vindictive. A question was asked and I gave my opinion and offered responses to your answers. You are free to do the same with mine, however it is incredibly arrogant of you to try to shut me up because you don't like what I had to say.
For the record, I'm 1/4 Asian, my grandfather was Chinese but my father was never allowed to know him. That part of his and my history was kept a close secret by my grandmother for reasons I can only imagine but will never know. I was raised as a white person with all the benefits and privilege that go along with that. So when I share an opinion, it's from a white point of view.
Thanks to everyone here who shares their thoughts. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 4/1/2008 3:51:51 AM | I'm an equal opportunity dater. It's really more about compatibility and attraction. I've only had the opportunity to date black or white men. I guess that is who I've had the most contact with. I don't go seeking out a certain race - I seek out men of character.
What does creep me out is when I come across white men who date only black women exclusively. These are the guys trying to date some stereotype in their head. I don't think they realize how insulting and creepy they appear. Invariably they will go through a lot of women because they aren't dating for compatibility, they are trying to get human beings to fit some twisted ideal that only exists in their own heads. I can't speak for black men who only date a a particular race other than their own.
I steer clear of men who want to date me because I'm black, no other reason required, or men looking to experiment. These types get weeded out right away. Major creep factor. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:18:12 AM |
TheSecretofJoy responded:
Well said, almondcookie. I had to read tiger's post a couple of times to figure out if I was one of the irate ethnic women he was referring to, but I guess not. That's so interesting. I thought the two of you were gentler in your replies than I was, and yet you are the irate ones. Huh.
The truth hurts sometimes and I'd like to say to the two gentlemen that I wasn't saying any of that to be vindictive. A question was asked and I gave my opinion and offered responses to your answers. You are free to do the same with mine, however it is incredibly arrogant of you to try to shut me up because you don't like what I had to say.
My simple point was "Why are the three of you even discussing me in the FIRST place?"
The OP asked a question, and I responded with an opinion. I am not the OP, nor did I refer to any of YOUR posts in my response addressing the original question posed. Hence I am curious why three people are choosing to comment on MY personality when it has nothing to do with the original thread query. If you disagree with my naive "color-blind" world view, that is your God-given right and prerogative  . I realize it is an open forum, but basic forum etiquette behooves all posters that contribute to discuss the subject at hand, not analyze or insinuate things about other posters, which is the first step towards "Flaming". 
As for Almond Cookie's commentary on my English writing skills, it's called writer's discretion... Lastly if you want a little Japanese chat:
"Ore ga kouei ja nai desu. Ano sannin yarou o jigoku e iku ga hoshii. Sore ja, nidoto o hanashi wa zettai ni tanoshikunai yo."  | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:58:23 AM | Being the product of two mixed parents (Mexican-Irish, the other Black-Native American) I can say I've never been one to identify with any particular group as I've lived my life. In that vein, I'm certain that has made it easier for me to openly date women from any background that may come along.
For me, she merely needs to look good with a tolerable personality. The rest is fluff.
As for others...they date who they choose to date based on a wide array of factors. I care not the reason why, until that reason pertains to me. My world is huge. THE world, however, is bigger.
F. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 4/1/2008 11:50:30 AM |
My simple point was "Why are the three of you even discussing me in the FIRST place?"
The OP asked a question, and I responded with an opinion. I am not the OP, nor did I refer to any of YOUR posts in my response addressing the original question posed. Hence I am curious why three people are choosing to comment on MY personality when it has nothing to do with the original thread query. If you disagree with my naive "color-blind" world view, that is your God-given right and prerogative . I realize it is an open forum, but basic forum etiquette behooves all posters that contribute to discuss the subject at hand, not analyze or insinuate things about other posters, which is the first step towards "Flaming".
tiger,
It's what people do. Someone asks a question, someone responds, and pretty soon people are responding to each other. It's called a CONVERSATION. Discussing the subject at hand, if you will. If you had agreed with what I said you wouldn't be taking issue with me responding directly to you, so the problem you're having is really that you didn't agree with what I said. Why don't you respond to what I said?
As for your use of "less" instead of the correct "fewer", you're wrong, it's not writers discretion, it's a very common grammar mistake.
What does creep me out is when I come across white men who date only black women exclusively. These are the guys trying to date some stereotype in their head. I don't think they realize how insulting and creepy they appear. Invariably they will go through a lot of women because they aren't dating for compatibility, they are trying to get human beings to fit some twisted ideal that only exists in their own heads. I can't speak for black men who only date a a particular race other than their own.
I steer clear of men who want to date me because I'm black, no other reason required, or men looking to experiment. These types get weeded out right away. Major creep factor.
Exactly! I think some white men who date black women are trying to prove they aren't "racist", also. A guy I was in school with was dating a girl from Sudan and if anyone pointed out how he both had and used power and privilege as a white male he would get really angry and ultimately hold up his black girlfriend as proof that he wasn't being racist.
On the flip side, black guys that only date white women not only make me uncomfortable but I end up pissing them off because I question them on the reasons behind it. When something causes so much pain and frustration to an entire group of people it needs to be questioned and examined.
This is a good conversation and I'm glad the original question was asked, though the OP seems to have disappeared. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 4/1/2008 1:23:42 PM |
The SecretOfJoy posted:
tiger,
It's what people do. Someone asks a question, someone responds, and pretty soon people are responding to each other. It's called a CONVERSATION. Discussing the subject at hand, if you will. If you had agreed with what I said you wouldn't be taking issue with me responding directly to you, so the problem you're having is really that you didn't agree with what I said. Why don't you respond to what I said?
As for your use of "less" instead of the correct "fewer", you're wrong, it's not writers discretion, it's a very common grammar mistake.
Fair enough my dear, I'll chalk this one up to "agree to disagree" and leave it at that, for I have nothing additional to contribute to the subject at hand aside from what I've already written.
In closing though I will just make three comments:
(1) I did not use the word "less" instead of "fewer", as you've quoted. If you're going to quote me, please at least do so properly as it's readily apparent that you know how to use the quote feature...
(2) On the topic of "grammatical correctness": though I would never dare to claim a Microsoft product as a all-encompassing grammatical tool, if you were to paste my "erroneous" statement "What a surprise that after as little as two posts I have already been[...]" into Microsoft Word, and the suggested correction "What a surprise that after as few as two posts I have already been[...]", with spell & grammar check activated, neither one sets off the grammar flag. Yes I know Word can be retarded at times, but if it can at least flag commonly-misused words like "they're" vs. "their" vs. "there", I at least attribute it some degree of validity...
(3) If you are indeed the self-appointed grammar deity on the forums, shouldn't my user name be capitalized in the opening address of your quote above...? Also you've forgotten the apostrophe to indicate possession when using the term "writer's discretion"...
Confucius say "she who craps in glass house should not throw stones"...
At any rate, I wish you no ill-will, and thank you for at least having the civility to clarify your reasoning. Best of luck to you and all, and let the discussion continue without any further sidetracking on my part! | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 45 | |
| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 4/1/2008 1:27:03 PM | I steer clear of men who want to date me because I'm black, no other reason required, or men looking to experiment. These types get weeded out right away. Major creep factor.
On the flip side, black guys that only date white women not only make me uncomfortable but I end up pissing them off because I question them on the reasons behind it. When something causes so much pain and frustration to an entire group of people it needs to be questioned and examined.
Maybe in some cases, that is what they are attracted to. I know some white women who are attracted to black men or Asian women who are attracted to white men. It's not any different than a woman who is usually attracted to tall men, athletic/fit men or men with dark hair. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 4/1/2008 2:42:21 PM | I'm a white woman who hasn't date anything but black men for about 20 years, not because I go out of my way to find men with black skin, but because they've always been the ones to meet my personal preferences..............
Physically : Broad shoulders
NO body hair!
Small, tight butt
Dark hair
Dark brown eyes
Personality : Laid back
Passion for reggae/dancehall music
Similar tastes in food/movies/comedy etc.
Find me a man of any ethnicity that can be all of the above and i would happily date him if I were single. It just happens that all the men that tick my boxes and I find myself getting along with on that level have been black.
Not all white women who date black men believe the "myth" about certain parts of their bodies and some of us actually don't care about that anyway !
I do get quite sick of white men asking if that's why I always have relationships with black men, do they really think that's going to make me like them or think I'll be flattered by their assumption that I'm that shallow ?!
I'd also like to add that I don't agree with the "colour blind" notion either. I think its much better if we see colour and differences and embrace them rather than trying to pretend they don't actually exist.
Can't we just all get along and date people we're compatible with whatever their skin colour?
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 4/1/2008 3:42:46 PM | | In real life in my opinion theres more to dating dynamics then the above stated qualities. The way one interacts with others and carries oneself speaks for itself, and women are far more attracted to confidence more then anything else. Its impossible to gauge that online, so without a doubt ethnicity and stereotyping plays a much bigger part, so big that I would personally deem online dating as quizzically unhealthy, really. In other words people are much more likely to take one look at your picture(s), and build an idea of what your already about before they even really know anything about you. I guess we are all guilty of it online, and really unless you can get past your own image and idealisms only then can you really view others with an open mind. Just a thought. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 4/1/2008 4:28:19 PM | As a woman of mixed ethnicities, I pretty much have to date inter-racially to date at all. Not likely to find my particular c0cktail anywhere outside my family.
I find that over the years I have tended towards exclusively dating white men. It isn't an intention, but personality wise I find that culturally I have obviously been acculturated within their mind frame. Actually I particularly seem to do well with white men who were raised in upper-middle class families (as opposed to ones raised poor, wealthy, or middle-class). This is likely because I was educated in private schools and so surrounded by that social group. I find conversation flows most easily with men from that background. We "get" what the other means more quickly and are relaxed with each other.
The only group I'm pretty close to swearing off dating out of hand is black men, and that's because I've just heard too many times from them that they don't date black women. I guess I'm supposed to be flattered by that, or else look at them as somehow above black women, but instead it just makes me see them as racists with some serious identity issues. And why would I want a man interested in me simply because I'm not black? I want someone who sees me as an individual and would like to imagine that even if I was black, the man I'm dating would still love me just as much. I have some African ancestors back somewhere in my ethnic mix and I am just as proud of that as I am of my Asian, Caucasian, and Native American heritage. Wish "all-black" men felt the same about themselves and didn't feel a need to "date up" due to racist stereotypes they harbor about women of their own race. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 4/1/2008 4:48:57 PM | | I don't date people based race, like a few have replied, its all about personal preference. Although I do know what you're saying, but I do not know why. I have dated white girls, Chinese girls, Filipino girls and Hispanic girls. Its all about personality for me, not where their from. You can be from any part of the world and be awesome! | |
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