| | My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dadsPage 16 of 18 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18) | I consider myself a single dad. I'm a dad, and i'm single...so i think the phrase single dad fits.
I have my son on weekends fri-sun. I pay entirely for his school and i pay his mother child support. I would love to have my son full time and have told his mother that he could come live with me and she could come get him on weekends. This way she could focus on school or whatever she wants to do without having my son in the way. That and the fact that she drops him off at school at 8 in the morning and picks him up at 5pm and 3 days of the week she has night classes where my mom ends up watching him from 6-10.
She doesn't want to give him up. She thinks it would make her look like a bad mother. I don't want to take him away from her because I think its best that both parents have an active role in the childs life..... so....for now i guess i'm a part time dad, but that change the fact that i'm a single dad.
Anyone who thinks that because a father doesn't have his child full time cares or loves their child less than someone who does have them full time is shallow and naive.
There are plenty of single dads who have hardly any social life because they give up their weekends to be with their kids. Myself included.
I know plenty of single moms who say the whole reason they want to have the kids during the week is so they could have their weekends free to go out and party, and collect child support.
But i'm not on here calling all "full time moms" gold digging sluts because i know to think that would be judgemental and untrue in most cases. | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:50:26 AM | I agree whole heartedly with you jim, fathers and mothers should both have equal parenting time. Like you said thier are some fathers who are the minority and people take that upon themselves to judge all men. I commend the fathers who stand up and ask for more time with thier children. I believe it is both parents responsibility to take care of thier children no matter what. Thier is always a diffrent situation with everyones lives with how they seperated, left, departed, abonded the spouse/children. That all needs to be taken into condsideration but do not put the children in the middle.
Again I commend all fathers and mothers who step up to the plate to do whats best for the children, again we are parents (not judges) to teach are children.
Angel of two | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/26/2009 10:18:43 AM | In this day and age I think it is better to been a little more clear on our situation.
I am a divorced single male who has shared custody of my daughter.
I am not single. I am divorced. Just saying you are single does not give full disclosure.
I am not a single parent. | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:58:09 AM | | In my experience it normally is the part-time dads that do lament on the everyday challenges of being a single parent. Dad's who share responsibility or wish to see their children more often don't, but also lots of dads express a wish to their friends and family to see their kids more often but when given the opportunity or encouraged to by the mother have always got some excuse not to. It makes them look good to others when sounding off about how little they see their kids but at the end of the day in reality it suits them. Only talking from my experience mind you so i'm not generalizing here, so please all you excellent single dads don't be offended. | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/27/2009 9:44:33 AM | | You poisonous witch to label all 'part time' fathers as lazy and uncontributing... I love my son and would happily have him all the time but his mother sees to it that I get minimal contact. As for just contributing money, I think you'll find the emotional loss of not seeing your son on a daily and sometimes weekly basis is cost enough in some cases. How dare you label all in this way! Damned annoyed from Peterborough... | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:41:07 AM |
You poisonous witch to label all 'part time' fathers as lazy and uncontributing...
You shouldn't worry......the the poor little girls went home because she did not have enough...or anyone to support her!
Perhaps her knitting circle who are all of the same ilk all support her premise...but she did seem to lack support here?
And she was unable to articulate a decent arguement so she left to the provincial page...and now seems silent?
But feel free to jump in if she ever returns and spouts more trash or foolish illogical comments? | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/28/2009 3:05:35 AM | I am a full time dad. No part time every other weekend crap here.
Your right the difference is night and day!! so part time fathers and mothers don't sit there with that woe is me attitude about having to actually care for your children 4 days out of the month and how tough it is figuring out where to order the delivery dinner from. try being a full time parent with a job a house to pay for and clean, laundry to wash fold and put away. then there is the mornings showers, breakfast teeth brushing and off to school.
it's not over yet. You pick them up from school a little play time , homework to help them through, real meals to be cooked entertainment and off to bed. wow now time for yourself.. you get to clean the kitchen from the dinner and homework mess. then lay out the next days school clothes be certain that your children remembered to gather all their homework and place it in their book bags. make lunches for the next day . Now you can go to bed. wake the next day to do it all again and you do it gladly because these are your children you love them with all your heart and the joy they bring into your life is greater than anything you'll ever know.
You get to be the Tooth Fairy, Santa, the Easter bunny plan b-day parties.
D r. visits dental check ups and the occasional broken bone and finger in the door injury.
You get to be the counselor and friend the referee and the disciplinarian (not a the fun part).
But that's not all you get to date or see the lady or man in your life but maybe once every other weekend if the other parent doesn't give you some lame excuse for not being able to deal with the kids that weekend (again) !!!
don't get me wrong I know you part time parents love your kids as much as the rest of us do. but I'm fed up with hearing about how tough it raising your kids (every other weekend) !
I wouldn't trade my life for any other, I love being a full time father it's something I enjoy and do well! It's not for everyone, not just fathers some mothers haven't got what it takes as well. It takes a lot of sacrifice and patience and unselfish devotion. Do it for a week on your own without your girlfriend or boyfriend around to take part of the load. Just you and your children and see for yourself what the difference is, I dare ya!
I hope I helped you with your quest to educate the moaning part timers. Like you I have no patience for the sad stories of the so called single parent that only works the weekend shift. too easy!!!
Now single part time parents don't get me wrong I have respect for what your challenges as a parent are, I just wont listen to your complaining about the riggers of doing it! Good luck to all parents it's not easy being a good one , but the rewards are indescribable!! and happy fishing. | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/28/2009 7:10:45 AM | Wow.....
I was at my single mom's group today and we all had a beef about single dad's who lament on the challenges of single parenting, when in reality some only contribute some cash and/or have the kids some of the time.
Only???
So 1/4th of your income plus most, if not all, your free time isn't enough???
Granted, I don't go around town b*tching about child support or spending time with my daughter ( I consider both a privilege ), so it does seem you are referring to some losers, but don't attack all fathers based on a handful ok?
Single mothers and actual full-time fathers, please share your realities of full-time parenting to offer support and give part-time dads some clarity about what the full responsibility is really like.
Here's a better idea....
How about all the part-time moms and dads share the realities of:
1) Having to say goodbye to your son/daughter for days or weeks on end.
2) Having to trust someone else's judgement about what's best for your child.
You are probably right about one thing, as a "PART TIME" dad I can't imagine how exhausting it must be to be a "FULL TIME" parent, but I also can't imagine how wonderful it must be to wake up and not see my little angel's bed empty.
Be thankful for what you have and quit trying to make yourself sound better than others. | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/28/2009 11:26:33 AM |
I was at my single mom's group today and we all had a beef about single dad's who lament on the challenges of single parenting, when in reality some only contribute some cash and/or have the kids some of the time.
Let's raise awareness that single parenting, even if they have a fully participating part-time parent in the picture do not have it easy and it can not be compared in the slightest to the challenges of being a part-time dad. Single mom's have the hardest time due to challenges unique to being a mother in this society.
Single mothers and actual full-time fathers, please share your realities of full-time parenting to offer support and give part-time dads some clarity about what the full responsibility is really like.
I find your post very offensive. Single mothers always cry about being so hard done by yet you have all sorts of programs to help you out. Half the time single moms also have children from multiple fathers, yet you guys act like the men are at fault too. With all due respect I have nothing against single mothers as their job is not an easy one. To turn around and have an issue with a man saying he is a single father..and self glorify yourselves like you are harder done by than the men is pretty sad. I have my daughters exactly 50% of the time. Our schedule consists of the kids going back and forth during the week and alternating the weekends. I still pay 1400 dollars a month for child support yet I have them half the time and my kids mother has a good job and is quite self sufficient. How are you single mothers in any position to say you have a harder time with your lives than a man in my position? I don't complain about what I have on my plate, I don't look at you and say ...tough life having the govt send you "X" amount of money a month on top of the child support you receive from the father (s) You have a lot of nerve whining about men classifying themselves as single fathers when we don't have the opportunity to have the kids full time. Quite often the mother is bitter that the father is sleeping next to another woman rather than them and refuse to allow more access to the man..refuse to allow him his parental rights. I work my ass off for my children and am happy that I can help my children's mother with child support knowing my kids are in a better place from the effort i put forth. i don't have my children sleeping in my house every night but go f*ck yourself if you dare say i am not a single father. I am a father 365 days a yr...I am there for my kids and their mom whenever they need me and am attentive to all their needs all the time...Focus on being a good parent rather than ****ing about what someone classifies themselves as..don't you have better stuff to think about?
yours truly....
A single Dad
PS SINGLE FATHER- A man who is single and at the same time is a father... your unintelligent complaint is referring to a part time father posing as a full time father....Single dad is not impying they have the role of a full time dad.....it is merely using the english language correctly. | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:20:05 PM |
I'm a father first. I have two boys that are everything to me. they live with me most of the time. I feel that as a single parent my first priority is their protection.
Your profile states one thing? And your post?
I am a full time dad. No part time every other weekend crap here.
So when you talk about the differences you might also like to consider the single parents who sit on the sidelines and perhaps wish they were allowed or able to be more involved and not the part time weekend only parent.
But that's not all you get to date or see the lady or man in your life but maybe once every other weekend if the other parent doesn't give you some lame excuse for not being able to deal with the kids that weekend (again) !!!
So you dont know any babysitters?
I hope I helped you with your quest to educate the moaning part timers. Like you I have no patience for the sad stories of the so called single parent that only works the weekend shift. too easy!!!
It has been over 6yrs now and it has been very rewarding and I would never have it any other way.
So what could be worse. the moaning custodial parent or the moaning ncp? I have no patience for custodial parents who sit and talk how difficult it is being a custodial parent. I make or made a choice to be the custodial parent and in fact spend probably double the amount of time with my children than you do. But that was a choice as I wanted to see them achieve or have opportunities based on education and athletic abilities.
But you are right the role of full time custodial parent is not for everyone. The cooking and laundry not just for yourself but for everyone is a little more difficult than the part time parent. But then it could also be worse.....my ex could still be part of the household and then I really would be unhappy and miserable.
But why do you feel the need to suggest you are so much better? | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/28/2009 1:28:22 PM | Tealwood,
Never suggested that I was any better than anyone else. Simply outlining the differences of part time and full time for those of you that choose to take the back seat then complain as if your driving the bus! If this is not you then you shouldn't find it offensive.
If you happen to find it offensive my suggestion would be , take a look inward .
My stitch in this thread is to speak of the dead beat dads and moms that have made some selfish choices, their own wants and desires ahead of the needs of their children. leaving the other parent to the task of raising the kids. Mostly alone!
The parent that forgot that it took two to create the family and promised to be their to help raise them and give them what they need, then jump ship and drop responsibilities. you may leave a not so good relationship that isn't the worse thing but leaving your children to the other parent to chase that other thing and then complain to anyone with an ear that RAISING children is tough, and the few responsibilities that you choose to take on is such a drain on your schedule. The parent that gets to pick and choose the things that he/she can and will deal with and when. The parent that forgets that children need something from both of you always, I'm speaking as the parent that has to see his /her kids sadness as the other never seems to have time for him , hold him as he cries because his other parent didn't make it to see him on his b-day as promised ( to be with that other thing was that important!)
I suppose I'm a little ....okay a lot bitter but I along with raising my children I'm working on that! lol
If this offends you perhaps a good long sole search would help, just a thought!
and for the parents that would love to see their kids more and do everything they to make that happen, for the ones that are sad to look upon the empty bed where your angle would be.
I understand that too , the few times mine are not there pains me as well. I feel for you and hope you get more time with your children parents like you are not the topic of this stitch. And should be offended! | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/28/2009 1:38:27 PM | I have to take issue with this as well. Fathers are not given the same rights in Court as the Mothers, so they maybe are not able to be as involved as they would like to be. And I am sorry to say this but some support groups can be nothing more than a bunch of Hens complaining and playing things up to be worse than they really are.
I am a single dad, with full custody and I sure don't need a support group to whine and complain about problems. I have had my son full time since he was 14 months old and he is 7 now, and yes there are challenges, but a support group, get real. | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/28/2009 2:33:38 PM | You should understand something.
I have 2 children. One is here basically full time...((this year away 9 nights...last year about 3 nights ))..and the other about 75%. I understand getting up in the middle of the night when they are sick and then having to go to work without perhaps getting a full nights rest. I understand getting up and making the lunches and getting them up for school. Or calling now from the highway to insure they are off for school on time. I understand being the one to drive them to their after school activities. Last summer I probably did about 12,000km's for soccer. And I understand the pain or anguish when they look out and do not see both parents so we simply adjust and insure the time we do have is that much better.
I also understand and have gone through the children being upset when they talk or ask why their mother has at times seemed more interested in her life than spending time with them. And rather than get upset about it I treasure the added experience and time we can share together as an abbreviated family of 3.
I sit in the drivers seat and with the children as we determine the direction that we are choosing to go. I still find offensive any time a custodial parent denigrates or marginalize the contribution of a ncp. Not everyone is capable or suitable to be the parent our children requires from us. I suggest any contribution they have to offer is better than nothing. Yet I also envy the custodial parent who never see's their ex...as perhaps that may make things easier....but that would just be for me?
At times in the past i was resentful when my ex would take only one child at a time but i realized that was what was best and each child spent quality time with her...as opposed to more stressful or angry environment when they were both together for a few days or an evening.
then complain to anyone with an ear that RAISING children is tough,
I suggest being a single father raising children is easy. What is hard is raising your children and trying to maintain a strong healthy marriage in today's society!
And woman perhaps make it easy for single fathers with custody to succeed. LOL....after all woman have such low expectation of our ability we cannot help but succeed.
But any custodial parent when faced with an ex who does not live up to their expectation.......should take a pill and and realize the time they spend with their children can never be measured. And the ones who are not involved will never make up that time. It take 2 to tango and create our children and be it one or be it two participating or active parents.....at the end of the day whining or crying about what they do or do not do compared to you....is only
Petty | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/28/2009 4:20:12 PM | Again it seems something was lost,
I believe that I expressed how happy I am to be with my boys! as I said I would 't trade my life for any other. I agree that any time they could have with their mom is better none, anything she can give to the boys as a mother is better than nothing (almost anything)!
Understand I'm not complaining about the things that I do as a father, I truly see my life with my sons a wonderful gift from god. Every little thing from a cute fathers day card made @ school to wiggling and giggling out the first or last baby tooth. But the core premise of this thread was to outline the difference between part time parenting for the part timers that chose to be and now are complaining about how much they have to do!
perhaps I misunderstood the core ! If I did I apologize , and my stitches should be part of a different thread.
I don't think I ever said anything to diminish the contribution of any parent (part time) by choice or as a result of a court system that leans toward one gender over the other . I would further state that no matter how I feel about the contribution my ex brings to raising our sons, I would always encourage her to have a relationship with them and them with her.
You seem to be a terrific father and I'm finding lately that people like you and I are not the exception any more ( or at least we're closing the gap) .
like you I don't need a pill to help me to appreciate my children or the time with them. I feel I have been blessed with this gift and I for one intend to work it to the fullest. and I look forward to seeing my sons grow up into two fine young men. My gift to society, children that will contribute something not be a drain on it . here's hoping!
Good luck with you and yours,
I hope I cleared up and removed any thought that I don't respect parenting and parents- custodial , 50/50 or any percentage . | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/7/2009 9:35:57 PM | SINGLE DADS HAVE IT MUCH HARDER THAN SINGLE MOMS
THAT BEING SAID, IF THE COURTS WERE NOT SO ASS BACKWARDS ABOUT CUSTODY, I KNOW MY CHILREN WOULD BE BETTER OFF LIVING MORE WITH ME THAN MY EX WIFE AND HER BOYFRIEND, BY THE WAY, THE PIECE O CRAP SHE CHEATED ON ME WITH
WOMEN HAVE GOT IT MADE
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HEARD ABOUT A SINGLE DAD GETTING CHILD SUPPORT?
WHICH SOCIETAL CHALLENGES DO SINGLE MOTHERS FACE, BESIDES A GOOD ACCOUNTANT TO FIGURE OUT THE TAXES? | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/7/2009 11:28:21 PM | 1. I would love to join a support group that was for single parents. Not a group that was labeled single mom's support group.
2. The supports that are in place for me as single parent who happens to be a father taking care of his kids 24/7 (and mother that is supposed to see her kids every other weekend and see's them about once for about two hours every six months ) are very few.
3. As a single father I have been treated with more ignorance by so many women its truly astonishing.....from how to take care of my kids when they have a cold, to how to discipline my kids, to how much time I should spend with my kids, and how to keep my house clean or what I should feed my kids for supper.
4. The courts however favorable to my situation in rewarding full child support. Denied my request for spousal support even though I had been a stay at home dad the previous ten years and gave up a career as a bank manager.
5. I have yet to receive a cent of child support in 30 months. And, surprisingly there has been no enforcement of the child support agreement by the agencies deemed responsible for such issues in my province. ( 30 months at 465/month). Hmmmm!
6. The worst of it is when your children are visiting one of the rare times they go to see their mother and then see their mother and her boyfriend performing for their adult internet dating site. And, then ask me why their mother chooses to do such things. Further to that point, when I brought the point to the judges attention it was deemed that there is no physical danger to the children.
7. Yes, I do agree with the OP about single dads who have weekend visitations and identify themselves as a full time father. HMMM! Sounds like a guy who is shallow enough to use his kids for ulterior motives, and that is WRONG!
8. Single women who are raising their children 24/7 thankyou for doing a great job. However it is not as hard as it is for a man who is raising his children 24/7. AND FOR THOSE WOMEN WHO ARE ABOUT TO REPLY TO THIS BY SAYING WELCOME TO OUR WORLD...THEY ARE NOT THE SAME WORLDS. OURS IS LACKING SOCIAL AND ECONOMIC SUPPORTS FOR SINGLE MEN THAT WOMEN HAVE AND ARE ENTITLED TO, THAT MEN ARE NOT WHO ARE FULL TIME PARENTS ON THEIR OWN.
To all of us parents who are raising our kids the best they can.......
 Keep up the great work. | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/8/2009 3:07:23 PM | 1. I would love to join a support group that was for single parents. Not a group that was labeled single mom's support group.
2. The supports that are in place for me as single parent who happens to be a father taking care of his kids 24/7 (and mother that is supposed to see her kids every other weekend and see's them about once for about two hours every six months ) are very few.
3. As a single father I have been treated with more ignorance by so many women its truly astonishing.....from how to take care of my kids when they have a cold, to how to discipline my kids, to how much time I should spend with my kids, and how to keep my house clean or what I should feed my kids for supper.
And I would assume there are more than a few woman who have men give them loads of advice about raising their children. Good for you in that you are another illustration that men are capable of raising children...but...
4. The courts however favorable to my situation in rewarding full child support. Denied my request for spousal support even though I had been a stay at home dad the previous ten years and gave up a career as a bank manager.
So there may be a few mothers...woman who I have made can we say....inflammatory statements about in respect to not being equally finacially responsible...
Spousal support! You got to be kidding me. I paid it not because I like it...not because I thought it was fair....but because it was not worth the battle and case law suggested I might be held liable anyways...
But your profile..........age 39......less the suggested 10 years you were a stay at home....would put you at 29....which suggests 10 years of post high school? less 4yrs of University.....that leaves us with 6yrs...of a career.
But that does not or does it include the almost 3yrs since your marriage fell apart?
So one wonders how a rising star....someone who enters in the banking profession and within a few years is a branch manager....suddenly leaves to be a stay at home Daddy....cleaning diapers...cleaning the house....and putting food on the table for the wife when she came home.
Yea...okay...
8. Single women who are raising their children 24/7 thankyou for doing a great job. However it is not as hard as it is for a man who is raising his children 24/7. AND FOR THOSE WOMEN WHO ARE ABOUT TO REPLY TO THIS BY SAYING WELCOME TO OUR WORLD...THEY ARE NOT THE SAME WORLDS. OURS IS LACKING SOCIAL AND ECONOMIC SUPPORTS FOR SINGLE MEN THAT WOMEN HAVE AND ARE ENTITLED TO, THAT MEN ARE NOT WHO ARE FULL TIME PARENTS ON THEIR OWN.
You know I have never really had any problems getting help when I needed it.
5. I have yet to receive a cent of child support in 30 months. And, surprisingly there has been no enforcement of the child support agreement by the agencies deemed responsible for such issues in my province. ( 30 months at 465/month). Hmmmm!
Join the majority of custodial fathers who do not see any cs....but the majority of custodial fathers based on the US census also work full time as well so we do not have a problem?
But again this begs the question.....bank manager earning ????? stops working and wife later assessed $465 month....which for 2 children suggests less than $32,000 per year.......somewhere the economics do not seem very solid?
7. Yes, I do agree with the OP about single dads who have weekend visitations and identify themselves as a full time father. HMMM! Sounds like a guy who is shallow enough to use his kids for ulterior motives, and that is WRONG!
Shallow are parents who hide behind their children about a lack of finacial resources when they are not working or not working full time....Look at the history and the career of the complaining parent and perhaps the real reason is something more than children.
Spousal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should be ashamed of yourself. | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/8/2009 3:37:53 PM | | Yeah I know a guy that says he's a single dad, when he sees his kids once every 2 weeks. He uses it to get the ladies. He actually wanted to back out of their lives so he wouldn't have to pay child support. Whenever a woman is around though, he'll make sure to point out how hard it is being a single dad. | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/9/2009 11:51:11 AM |
But your profile..........age 39......less the suggested 10 years you were a stay at home....would put you at 29....which suggests 10 years of post high school? less 4yrs of University.....that leaves us with 6yrs...of a career.
But that does not or does it include the almost 3yrs since your marriage fell apart?
So one wonders how a rising star....someone who enters in the banking profession and within a few years is a branch manager....suddenly leaves to be a stay at home Daddy....cleaning diapers...cleaning the house....and putting food on the table for the wife when she came home.
Yea...okay...
Sorry to inform you about your assumptions are not even remotely accurate. The six years of a career in banking was correct. Your salary base was way off! And, secondly the wife wanted to pursue her career which made more money than mine. And yes, she came home to a clean house, and dinner on the table.
Oh and 465 a month is the table amount for two kids based on her annual salary of 48,000/year.
Secondly why should I be ashamed for asking for spousal support, (so are single mothers who ask for spousal support be expecting to be in great receipt of your vile and such hurting words for wanting spousal support too) I gave up a job as a bank manager to raise my kids for ten years and now I am stuck working a job that is far less financially rewarding but extremely rewarding working with intellectually challenged people in the community..... And one might conclude that also that if this about gender, then maybe we should look at your age and conclude your values are different and based on none equality issues you have. Do you have a problem paying spousal support?
Secondly do you have an understanding of raising kids on your own and finding a full time day job as a single parent they are few and far between.
Shallow are parents who hide behind their children about a lack of finacial resources when they are not working or not working full time....Look at the history and the career of the complaining parent and perhaps the real reason is something more than children.
This is a rather curious statement. Shallow are the people who take pot shots on a forum with no basis to their inane logic and ignorant assumptions that are seemingly based on their own personal opinions. You do have a valid point about history though. Although those are assumptions again without knowing the poster. Maybe we should all draw the same conclusions about your profile. 49 years old and cutting parents on a forum.
Lets get a little perspective. And maybe you should get life instead of stalking people on the forums looking to show how intelligent you are. Posting intelligent thoughts is one thing, however, slamming people based on assumptions you make yourself on open forums....HHmmmm good luck to you. Maybe their is something to a single 49 year old man...makes someone wonder about that?
Just a few thoughts! | |
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dkv321
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Msg: 397 | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/9/2009 4:22:14 PM |
My girls call me Daddy. Therefore, I am a Single Dad.
Pretty much will trust their opinions before anyone else.
Well said ! DKV...because no matter where some are be it custodial or non custodial...be it active or non active...you are still the father or the Dad!
Mikey...the poster you are identifying with also has perceptions in respect to her need or requirement to support herself and her child!
My baby is why I live on less because his sweetness, our connection and I just love him so much. No amount of guilt inducing will change that I happily accept the financial support and work less hours.
Today I declined work for two reasons.
1) Baby needed a break. We worked 3 days in a row.
2) His dad was available to see him today for a short visit.
I always marvel at people who talk about others being responsible and supporting their children while at the same time they are found not working or working part time or working below their capabilities.
But as to child support....
simplified tables Ontario
http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/sup-pen/grl/tables2006/on_8.html
31600 288 466 626 757 867 960
48000 444 725 946 1113 1253 1370
But heck...since I have never pursued a dime...perhaps there are different tables in respect to cs?
Secondly why should I be ashamed for asking for spousal support, (so are single mothers who ask for spousal support be expecting to be in great receipt of your vile and such hurting words for wanting spousal support too) I gave up a job as a bank manager to raise my kids for ten years and now I am stuck working a job that is far less financially rewarding but extremely rewarding working with intellectually challenged people in the community..... And one might conclude that also that if this about gender, then maybe we should look at your age and conclude your values are different and based on none equality issues you have. Do you have a problem paying spousal support?
I have made similar comments in respect to woman asking for or saying they were entitled to spousal support! As to individuals choices in where they work that is often a matter of personal choice but why should someone be expected to subsidize a persons decision not to work full time or to work at an occupation that is below their education or work experience? You made a choice in life in respect to where you wanted or did not want to work. Why should someone else be penalized or forced to finacially make up the difference because of your choice or for some their inability to do the job.
And this is not anything to do with gender. And in fact based on what is happening in the universities we will probably see more woman earning better jobs and the ones looking or asking for spousal more and more will be the men.
I had a great problem paying the lump sum spousal support as I felt my ex made choices because she felt more emotional rewarding reinforcement working with animals than she did working in her field. And once i started earning more than she did she felt it was her right to support her and be the primary breadwinner. And she also felt she was entitled once we separated that i should continue to pay or subsidize her choice of not working as hard or being delibarately underemployed.
As she is still working in a field that does not pay her as well as she was once paid...i choose not to pursue cs..
Now as to your career choice. I would never suggest someone in your field is of less value than anyone else. But people make a choice in occupations and with that comes accepting the finacial renumuration that is part of that choice. I grew up as a pk...where my father entered the ministry as a calling where there was never a great deal of money. If he needed extra he would and did drive a cab...drove a truck..or a number of other extra jobs to make up what was lacking in his chosen profession.
Hey look...age 49..single primary custodial parent to 2 children..i know i have made more than a few mistakes in life.
But I also know I have worked and earned everything that is in my house. I have never whined and complained about why I am unable to afford something as long ago I was taught that we are architects of our own fortune or misfortune. I did require help for 6 months in the form of partial subsidized before and after school care simply because the bank accounts were emptied by my ex. But once things were cleared up....I was happy to be paying for my own children and sometimes going without on my own requirements.
And maybe you should get life instead of stalking people on the forums looking to show how intelligent you are. Posting intelligent thoughts is one thing, however, slamming people based on assumptions you make yourself on open forums....
I have no problem making apologies to people if I made mistakes in my conclusions.
But stalking???? please. You made a post in single parents and I responded in a manner that was critical of your sense of entitlement to finacial support.
as to your complaint about a lack of services for men in comparison to woman...you are correct..And the differences in family court for men and woman...
I made choices in life...and I have no problems with the results...just do not ask me to like hearing or being supportive of people who look for others to finacially compensate them for their choices in life. Just review and consider the education or lack of education of many of the single parents and one has to ask why would a responsible adult bring children into this world when they are not even capable of providing a home for themselves. I suggest the answer is they look for someone else to do the providing and we then ask where is the line between those who are looking for a free meal ticket..and those who really need short term assistance? | |
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fin m
| | Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 399 | |
| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/10/2009 6:10:33 PM | | Very much agree with what you say my friend, it would seem that many individuals who have posted on here are rather angry with their ex or with their situations and then let this colour their opinions on a group of people all of whom carry a label of convenience they are given by society so that we can be put into our little boxes. Every familial situation is different and all parents have a responsibility to contribute as much as they can to their children in terms of life skills, education, love and fiscal support regardless of social status and wealth. It is hugely unfair to make such a withering judgement on a group of people all of whos situations will have complicating factors to one degree or another. We can only hope that people who in general have a low opinion of single dads are at some stage sooner rather than later able to interact with a single dad who may challenge the opinions they have formed so firmly.... | |
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| My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/13/2009 2:44:05 PM | I want to post in this thread just to get a reply from Tealwood. Love it!
Do me next! Do me next!
Single father, primary residency of two children (66.6%), she pays no child support, I pay $1300 a month in spousal support. wheeeee!
The "single father" tag seems to still be a new one to a lot of people. Most people always refer to the mother as the single parent and to the guy as the divorced guy who has kids; as if to imply they aren't fathers. | |
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