| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 3/31/2008 6:02:47 PM | No, Slady52, you would not be cheating if you hooked it up with another dude. You'd be committing adultery if you chose to get your freak on with him, but the law is unlikely to give a damn. It is only an issue of your personal perception of the moral acceptability of your deeds.
I say date; and, when you're ready, pick a guy and shagg him rotten!!!  | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:00:14 PM |
I feel that because we are still legally married it is.
1. Adultery is not a crime under Oregon law. (Brown v. Vogt)
2. "Cheating" is a subjective word interpreted via morals, religion, philosophy opinions.
3. This place is the last place I'd ask for an objective opinion as "get even" is the battle cry.
4. Thinking is more accurate than feeling. Think choices and possible outcomes.
5. Divorce, breakups often produce a "rebound effect" which clouds thinking.
6. If there is carry-over emotional baggage is this fair to next guy.
7. You should be explaining your situation to professional counselor. | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:10:33 PM | I feel if you are still married period if you are dating that is cheating.
I have also learned that you thebugisback is a very shallow person, who does not respect other people. I truly feel sorry for anyone that you would be associated with.  | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:41:32 PM | Sounds like semantics. YOU KNOW HE'S a cheater. You KNOW you have to move on. What difference does it make if he's cheating with one or one thousand other women. Obviously, he's just pretty much over being married. It's all about him and his single bachelor life at this point.
I speak here from experience. He's a cheating suck wad. Let him go. Maybe he'll catch something. | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:06:31 AM | i am beginning to lose all faith in the human race.... or at least a large part of it that lives in the US of A...
Please please please.....turn your mind on...
the relationship itself is over... like you say, you in what ever way that you choose, need to move on.... legal technicalities are totally and completely irrelivant...
See as little of your Xhusband as you can, and refuse to know anything else about him.
You are Now your own person with your own life regardless of your X or the law..
You knew that already...  | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:35:53 AM |
Since she is the one the relationship ended over
Affairs are never the cause, they are a symptom if a relationship that for whatever reasons is in trouble. Divorce is a formality and a divison of assets. But if your husband went with a woman before you separated, what difference does it make if he goes with more now? There seems no point in splitting hairs. Maybe when you find someone new to fill your heart, you won't care about who your estranged hubby is sleeping with any more.
Best wishes
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:58:00 AM | I feel that this post is accurate. Is it ok to date while seperated? It was a hard question for me to answer. It's even tougher when you think how you are supposed to tell someone you're interested in that you would like to date. Hence, I guess the reason for site's like these when you can choose a status of seperated and have an opportunity to explain yourself a little. I personally miss having that someone in my life to speak with on nearly a daily basis. I say nearly because when you're dating you may not talk every day, I sure hope when you're married you do. So it's part of the reason I created a profile here, after seeing a lawyer about a divorce. You have to ask before dating, do I plan to ever work on this relationship? If not, then proceed with the paperwork of the divorce, get things started, and then consider dating. You must take care of the closet before you can put something else into it. Even if the trash has not yet been picked up ( Meaning the divorce isn't final ).
So I guess that's my long winded answer on when I feel it's ok to start dating. But I guess I could be considered to be bias here as well.. | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 11:10:51 AM | If you are "seperated" you are not living together, but are still legally (and in the eyes of the church) married.
You can dress it up , make excuses, and deny reality till the cows come home.
BUT, until you have the divorce papers in your hands, you are STILL MARRIED.
And YES it is cheating to fool around with another when you are MARRIED.
I am still shocked at how many people go through all the pomp & circumstance.
All the planning and preparation, all the invites and celebration of GETTING married.
But think they can end it all with but a single thought...........
Please people............
The moon isnt made of green cheese.
Really its not.
You can trust me................... | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 11:23:14 AM |
If you are "seperated" you are not living together, but are still legally (and in the eyes of the church) married.
You can dress it up , make excuses, and deny reality till the cows come home.
BUT, until you have the divorce papers in your hands, you are STILL MARRIED.
And YES it is cheating to fool around with another when you are MARRIED.
This is only applicable to those in the church to which you refer and not all churches. Individuals who are not participants in the Christian faith tradition give no validity or value to the "eyes of the church".
Marriage is an agreement, between two or more people. When that agreement ends, the marriage ends. What is left, for those who have chosen to seek the protections available under the laws of state by obtaining a "marriage license" is a civil dissolution of those rights and a division of property, along with a custody, visitation schedule, and support where children are involved. As far as the agreement between the partners, it is over and dissolved when partners remove themselves from the marriage.
Legal status is not required for a "marriage" to be in existence any more than it is required for a "marriage" to no longer be in existence. The legal status of "marriage" is only valuable to the state.
Best.
ACP | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:12:46 PM | | He cheated!! With one or many doesn't matter, the damage is done. You are now separated...all bets are off. Are you going to wait for some lawyer to send you a piece of paper before you move on? I know it's not easy to start over again, but if I were you I wouldn't wait too long to test the waters again. | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:31:22 PM | | I've been separated for two years. The only reason the divorce is not final is because he won't file or pay for it and I can't afford to pay for it. So I finally got tired of waiting around and am filing it myself. Anyway, IMO, it's only cheating if there is any chance of reconciliation. | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:34:25 PM | When it comes time for the divorce, ESPECIALLY if there is any custody involved, the judge can most certainly take it into consideration if you are seeing someone, too. Then you're going to be fighting to prove that you weren't dating that person while you were still with your husband.
Besides, married is married, until you either die or divorce. And sleeping with someone while married is cheating. | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:43:53 PM | QUOTE: "
This is only applicable to those in the church to which you refer and not all churches. Individuals who are not participants in the Christian faith tradition give no validity or value to the "eyes of the church".
Marriage is an agreement, between two or more people. When that agreement ends, the marriage ends."
Then why get "married" in a "church" at all in the first place???
That's hypocricy. | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:49:30 PM | | I don't see it as cheating, but with all due respect, please don't ask me for a date if you are separated or recently divorced. | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:54:46 PM |
When it comes time for the divorce, ESPECIALLY if there is any custody involved, the judge can most certainly take it into consideration if you are seeing someone, too. Then you're going to be fighting to prove that you weren't dating that person while you were still with your husband.
This is not true.. At least not here in Canada. Seeing someone else while living together and married is generally grounds for adultery which means that the person suing for divorce on the grounds of adultery would get their divorce BUT it has nothing to do with the custody, guardianship or access to the children of the marriage UNLESS the new partner has some seriously bad habits that can be proven to NOT be in the best interests of the children. Even then, dating someone rarely gets any airtime at all in custody hearings. | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:00:49 PM | My ex wife got ridiculously fat, went absolutely crazy, had an affair with another woman ...
And then through the world's biggest temper tantrum when I started seeing someone after we'd separated. She kicked me out six weeks before my dad died because she'd thought we'd have to support my mom ... six years later the fact that I took up with someone else is the only thing that matters. Go figure.
Do you know *why* he had an affair? I don't meant to criticize here, I'm just saying you have to do some introspection. Normal adults need companionship, physical affection, and perhaps even some lust enters into the equation. Your first time out will be a disaster - just accept that now :-( | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:32:47 PM | Your marriage is over. I have been there done this.
Start divorce proceedings it is VERY empowering!! Find out what your rights are and move on. Also get counseling for yourself!
I was separated from my husband for a month after 16 years of marriage. He came back after I found out he had been having an affair during the last year of our marriage. We went to counseling and he continued to see the woman. We separated after 6 months of pure hell and he continued to see the woman. I did not date during this time as I was sure he would get his head out of his ass at some point. It was only after 2 more months of hell I decided to file for divorce. That day was like a breath of fresh air! I finally took back control of my life and I haven't looked back since. He begged me back but it was too late. Oh and he and the other woman continue to have "affairs" while he dates other women. That is all she will ever be to him. I am SO happy I am no longer their victim!! Yay me!! | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:44:57 PM | He cheated.
You separated.
You don't want him back.
It's not cheating now...it was when you were together, but not now.
The only way I'd say it's close to cheating is if the two of you were separated with the intention of working on your marriage and getting back together.
I know that your concern is because you were hurt.
If he cheated, he's not worth it...good luck to you. | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/2/2008 1:50:36 AM | You're seperated.
Seperate households, seperate lives, and in some states - seperate legal status.
Short answer - no.
Long answer: Neither of you has the right to say who can do what with their fun-parts, nor when, nor with whom. | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/2/2008 2:47:13 AM | lafenmom.......wrote....
You know we've "come a long way baby" when a wife can sue the other woman!
end quote.
I saw on Dr phil.... A woman who was sued by a woman in the usa.(cannot remember what state)
This woman was contacted by an old male friend(she knew from years ago).... he told her was divorced etc... they started dating/seeing each other....
His wife.. found out about it and proceeded to file charges/ sue her.... (that is when the woman found out he was only seperated ..not divorced)..
It was some archaic law.. never changed apparently.....
The wife stated that they were seperated and in the process of trying to repair their marriage.. and they would of if this woman had not intefferred..
So the woman tried to fight it... but said the travelling to another state.. to go to court each time... and the time of work and the stress etc... and the mounting costs involved was too much .. so she settled and paid the wife $50,000...
im sure if your interested in what usa state it was you could find it ...
the woman who was sued said ... something like she wouldnt date a seperated/ divorced man unless she saw the papers first..
smiles/peace | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/2/2008 2:52:12 AM | Using the as yet lack of divorce papers to call it cheating sounds a little too bureaucratic for my liking; and also petty too. The two have separated. Their marriage is over whether the court has decreed it yet or not. When it comes to someone who has broken trust with you, why lower yourself by showing you still care about what they do? Why empower them? When people get freaky about whom an ex is sleeping with, it only serves to show they still have feelings for that ex...that ex being the same person who has betrayed and rejected them. I say chin up and walk away with your dignity intact...no matter how hard it is, there is nothing to be gained by trying to tell a partner who has left you who they can or cannot sleep with.
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/2/2008 3:51:54 AM | As long as you are completely upfront and honest about your current status with a date I don't see how anyone gets hurt. But cheating on your husband? He was no longer your husband the minute he chose a fling over you and moved out.
Are you ever planning on getting back with the Ex? Why on earth are you discussing dating with him? | |
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| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:04:01 PM | | I guess it all comes down to different strokes for different folks. What you believe. As no one else is living the situation you ultimately have to make your own choice no matter what anyone else thinks. That's why a lot of times I agree to disagree. | |
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