| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:18:09 AM | | I agree with orlando native. A separation is supposed to be a time out for decision making not time out for having relationships. Deciding how to proceed with your life is important and dosen't need outside interference. When my wife and I married,we had an agreement. If we ever fell in love with someone else, we would come and tell the other. We would agree to divorce so there would be no cheating involved. After the divorce, then we could do whatever we wished. We were married for 23 wondeful years until She passed away. | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:25:05 AM | I feel that because we are still legally married it is. What do you all think?
This has several answers. Unless you go to court and get a legal separation, you are still married in the eyes of the law. Everyone seems to have their own definition. So, I would say, it is what it is. Untill the ink is dry on the divorce decree, you are still legally married. Now, what you do with that is up to you.
If he has gone on with his life, does it really matter what you call it? besides 'Over'?
Personally, I dont date separated or married or engaged men. They are someone elses and the percentages of them going back is very high. In the end, someone hurts. and Im just not into pain. | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:23:06 AM | | Sounds like he's not wanting to work on the relationship at hand, which means he's out of love with you. Separation is a breathing time - rightfully so to see if there is something left to salvage by maybe going to counseling. Sounds like he's not willing to do that. His idea and your idea of separation are different for sure. If he cheated on you, he'll do it again with someone else. Lose him. | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:56:09 AM | Dating, or even engaging in sexual congress with one not your spouse is NOT "cheating," in and of itself. Cheating is representing that you are doing one thing, as per some agreement (tacit or express) and contemporaneously doing something different -- specifically something that you know would not meet the approval of the other. Approval, or the absence of an agreement, changes the character of the act.
For example, there are wives out there who have husband who either "want" or "permit" those wives to have sex with other men; some even do so on film! Is it "cheating" when they do? No. Is it adultery? Of course. On the other hand, if they share a more "conventional" marriage, her extramarital coital escapades WOULD be "cheating." The same goes for couples who swing or engage in other forms of multi-partner sex. In short, the fact that a couple is legally married is completely immaterial to the question of whether one is "cheating" by seeing someone else.
More germane to the discussion at hand, if SLADY52 is separated from her husband and her husband is representing that he is dating others, then -- by following through on his representations and doing so -- he is not "cheating." He is committing adultery if he engages in fornication with anyone else during their period of separation; but he certainly is not cheating.  | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:02:58 PM | To cheat on someone, you have to be in a commited relationship with them. Given that your hubby moved out immediately, you are *not* in a commited relationship anymore. Legally, yes, you are still married, but since divorce in Oregon is no-fault, I don't think his adultery will matter in court (I'm not a 100% sure on that).
Basically, all your marriage certificate means right now is that you can't legally marry anyone else until the divorce is filed. Oh, and you can't do a profile on eHarmony. But that's it. Your soon-to-be ex obviously has no intention of working things out with you, your house is for sale and he's dating around. It's no longer cheating, he's not trying to hide it from you because the essence of the marriage is over.
It sounds more that you still feel an emotional loyalty to him, an ethical or moral commitment to the concept of marriage that requires you to be faithful until the legalities are over with. That's why it still feels like he's cheating. | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 5/22/2008 1:58:59 PM | Basolutely not cheating.
He can go with who ever he likes if your not keeping him happy !
At what point did he become your property to own ? | |
|
| Difficult Decisions Made More Difficult Through Verbal Obfuscation
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:52:36 PM | If we substitute the word, "unfaithful" or "disloyal," which is invariably the point of these questions of "cheating," then no...if you're already seeking a divorce and separation is a part of the process, then you can no longer be unfaithful or disloyal.
The other consideration, which myriad posters have probably already pointed out--sorry, I ain't readin' that many pages of posts--you have to question if a person who's freshly separated can be in a state of mind to add to or receive anything of value from beginning a new thang. | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 5/22/2008 3:06:10 PM | Not cheating, he is not in a relationship with you , so he has the right so see whomever he wants to. We all have the right to be happy he has moved on you need to also.
usually when a couple have separated, they have been growing apart for a long time, so how long do you need to wait to find some happiness again.
Best wishes to you in both your futures
 | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 5/22/2008 3:11:53 PM | | Yes if you are dating while separated you are cheating, you are still married to the person, CHEATING CHEATING CHEATING | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/30/2008 2:08:59 PM | | my husband left me on july 03 and i think hes seeing sumone else and where not divorced n he hadnt even filed for divorce and b4 he left me i think he was already seeing her even though he claims they was just friends witch i never did believe is it still adutery even though he moved out? since he left i hadnt datted noone,thought bout datting all i do is stay home since he took the car n he wont let me use the car nomore n i think its cause his whore told him not to which is wrong he can go out anytime while im stuck at home 24 hrs aday n get depressed all time cause i cant see none of my friends to try get them to cheer me up | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/30/2008 4:05:54 PM | I think it's a game played. To separate after u cheat. if u don' t want to be with each other then go ahead an divorce. IF u don' this just open up the door of he loves me he loves me not.    Don' get caught up in the game let him or her play it them selfs with the divorce.  | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/30/2008 9:23:19 PM | I can relate,to your story,I believe in this thing called marriage but after awhile of being cheat on full blown out,and after yrs. of trying to work things out that only you find yourself being made a fool of once again,when you sleep at different address for awhile ya it's time to learn to love someone else.First yourself,then someone outside of you,getting my paper work done and filed has been pain in the backside for me,like being sentance for a crime one did'nt commit,I'm throwing aparty when it's filed and another when the devorce is completed.Now i understand the meaning behind ball and chain.It's when it is over and your so called still together.So what is right!What if the right comes around but your not suppose to because it not proper?yes i understand what some would say ,but have to wonder have they had this to deal with themselves ,and not the monday morning quarterback talk! On this subject you will here alot of differernt veiws and it's manly by each one thoughts, what they went threw,inside yourself you know what is right for you. The other part of this is finding people to date that arn't all freaked out about where you are at,which makes the time period that much more harder to endure,like being tried a second time for a crime you didn't commit thats is what it's like this is what you want  So what is right,you make the call!It's your life! Good luck out there,i hope you find what you want and need in your life,and take out the trash in it! Fresh air will do you some good! | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:49:18 AM | texas ice tea - easy answer for your comments - JUST END IT. D-I-V-O-R-C-E. If it is finances that are holding you back, get a second job and pay for it if you want to end it. Who's fault is it that you are not divorced? Marriage is still marriage.
For some women, it is not about being freaked out, it actually is about respecting the sanctity of marriage until it is legally ended. 5 month, 6 months, 8 months, 1 year, 2 years....yada yada yada....JUST DO IT! Complete the process and move on if you really want to move on....until then, you are still legally tied down... If it is over, then prove it is over.               | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:07:38 AM | slady, I've got a couple of questions. Why would you even want to hang onto this guy??? Cheating is, to me, seeing other people while the person you're with knows nothing about them, and you're deliberately concealing this fact. In your case, you have knowledge that your soon-to-be-ex is seeing other people. You recognize that fact that it's over, and you need to move on.
Being legally married has nothing to do with it. Even if you both are considering reconciling, he is obviously doing what he wants to do in the dating world. You need to start thinking about you; seeing other people now would most definitely not be cheating. There is no marriage anymore; just a legal binding. And as you said, that will be dissolved with the sale of your house.
It's time for you to start the next chapter of your life. | |
|
| |
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:29:58 AM | | It's a personal call. Regardless of the situation, it's technically cheating. I would only consider having relations under that situation, if my partner was cheating, or had already cheated. If she were being respectful of me during the separation, and we were moving toward divorce, I'd just wait. Of course, there are few better ways to hurt your ex than to jump into bed with someone else. I don't play those games. | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:59:41 AM | | In some religions it would be cheating if the marriage has not been ended through the church. If it's just a legal document such as a license I don't know if it would be considered cheating. I think a legal separation is just a way to say it's okay to move on physically before the legal matters are taken care of.. that's just my opinion. | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 2:45:47 PM | | Point taken to heart, I'm having trouble with down loading the paper work from the website.Push the button and nothing happens? | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 3:35:01 PM |
I also feel that cheating is not just a sexual thing, it is the removal of emotional feelings and respect from a marriage.
As for divorce, it will come with the sale of our home.
The term "cheating" does not reflects the real situation. It sounds more like a joke or something unimportant. The correct word should be "UNFAITHFUL". Removal of emotional feelings is not the same as respect. You don't disrepect marriage by dating while you are separated. You disrespect this institution by(for example) allowing and supporting the marriage of people of the same sex.
Your husband is not "cheating" he is being "UNFAITHFUL" and "ADULTERER". Cheating is for kids when they are not honest doing their tests! We are not kids, we are ADULTS and refer to these situations with their real name! You don't have to accept his adulterous ways stoically, but you should not follow them either.
Dating while you are separated is not being UNFAITHFUL but if you have sex with other menwhile still married it will be ADULTERY. Don't date other men as a revenge because that might bring you emotional distress. I would advice you to relax and think about what have been said and done while a divorce in on its way. Don't go on a meeting men and dating spree! That would be the biggest mistake you would make at this point. | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 3:51:07 PM | OP, since you say you don't want him back, then to all intents and purposes the marriage is over, just waiting for the legal "stamp." So in that case, I say it is not cheating.
If the two of you had agreed to spend time apart to evaluate the relationship, then in that case I would consider it cheating. | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 4:12:27 PM | Well I'll share with you what happened with me and my ex husband.
When he moved out of our home because he was in love with another woman I knew that was it. I was not going to take him back. I had several reasons the main one was that had a habit of becoming infactuated with women and leaving me for them only to return. I got sick of it.. Secondly he was an alcoholic and had stayed sober for a year a good sobriety and decided to start drinking again because he didn't want to live his life without alcohol.
So when he walked out on me that last time I knew it was over..
So I began to date. He didn't like it.. here he left me for another woman.. but didn't like me dating??? you gotta be kidding.. Then after a couple of weeks the other woman announced her engagement to someone else so my ex didn't have anyone.. he started dating the engaged woman's secretary and inside of a month they were engaged. We were not yet divorced.
I have absolutely and still have absolutely no qualms about dating during my separation.. because it was over and had been over for years.
So I think it depends on the situation. | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 5:20:24 PM | spicemomme nailed it, cheating implies deceit, yet no one can dictate your morals...they are yours.
my opinion:
is he cheating, no
is committing adultery, yes | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:46:25 PM | | Well, I think it's a tough one. It's important to set the ground rules of the separation to avoid these situations. At first glance I'd say it was "cheating" of a sort since you weren't presumably ending the relationship, just being apart until you sorted things out. Having said that, some people separate thus ending the relationship, but have not formalized it or moved toward divorce. That's another thing. It sounds like you hadn't done that at that point, but now you may be there.... | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 8/6/2008 11:37:58 PM | depends on the state u live in..if its a no-fault divorce state..its fine..)legally speaking), but if its not, then you're gonna make some atty. very happy..
Myself, like many others..waited until those papers were signed..i felt 'closure' at that point..but it did take several more months for me to start dating again, as i got raked over the coals financially and hated all women to some degree. | |
|
| Is dating during separation cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2008 12:12:54 AM | | If you put all your cards out on the table and are completely honest with each other about your intensions during the separation than it's not cheating. The responsible thing to do is to let the other person know that you would like to and are going to start seeing other people especially if children are involved. Because naturally the children will want to know the truth as well. As for your situation where he did it without informing you...that could fall under cheating. It's unfortunate that happened to you and I hope you are able to move on from it with lots of success. I do agree with most of the points you made in your posting. | |
|
Home
login 
