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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/5/2008 4:42:15 AM | Geez... Quicksilver.... You're painting a pretty awful picture of our aussie guys. Can't say i agree with you. I've been on the internet dating scene for the past 2 years. The first year i met quite a few wonderful men, just never made "that" connection, then i met the man i am very much in love with now.. NEVER have i met any men of the calibre of the ones quicksilver has met....
Its not bitter to call it a day on a bad deal - and really if the only thing on offer are lies and std's, well why would you want to buy in on that? The prize is your health and hanging onto it, really a relationship with a man is only an offer of disease and abuse - and nothing else, so why would anyone want to go looking for that? Why would you even want to talk to one, let alone invite one out to dinner? Probably catch worms or mono, eek. Besides if you invited him out to dinner and he can barely read, how is he going to manage to eat without a TV in front of him. Should I be expecting conversation? What if his teeth fall out? LOL! Op i am three years older than you and have never had a problem meeting potential partners. Can't tell you what the problem is for you... | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/5/2008 11:56:48 AM |
....OP,
Speaking for myself... I dont find it any more harder to find dates at 47 than I did at 27... In fact, I might go so far to say that it might even be easier to some degree, I think its due in part to the fact I have a more mature outlook and expectation.
But thats just me.........
I have to disagree with you; before I met the man I am currently seeing, I had no problem whatsoever getting dates.
The way I see it, you're negative and are setting yourself up for any failure that may come your way.
Adjust your mind set - it can do wonders!
Also remember; like attracts like. Whilst you're being negative, you may just attract a negative man or any man who reads into your negativity.
I totally agree with both posts quoted above.  Life's what you make it. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/5/2008 12:45:46 PM | | I don't think its easier....most men in their 40's are looking for a woman as an arm ornament which means they probably haven't had children and and are still thin and slender....we older women on the other hand have had children and are now they are teenagers ....the men our age don' t seeem to want a woman who isn't pefect physically so they look for older 20's to mid 30's and we are left with what...nothing...maybe i'm wrong but that has beeen my experience.....when i do date...the men are nice but because I'm not phyically perfect..i get passed by..... | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/5/2008 3:01:44 PM | I haven't laughed this hard in ages! So all women, my age, are superior to all men, the same age, in intelligence/health and career achievements? You don't think there are men that think just depending on male friends, or having a dog, is a better option as well?
My best friend and I have both raised our children alone without any financial support from our ex's, and I mean we raised them, they are with us day in and day out.
I run 10K a few times a week, hike, bike, blade, go to the gym, eat well, run a successful business, have all my teeth, have a clean house, am easy going, with a great sense of humor, and zest for life... and I'm almost 50!
I'm not saying there isn't some slugs out there but that crosses over to both genders. Maybe it's just your attitude that has all the "diseased, broke, only semi-literate, looking for a housekeeper/nurse" type guys contacting you?
Now excuse me, I have a Birthday party to attend...  | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/5/2008 3:15:44 PM | im 40 and i have no problem finding dates either on this site or on other sites i belong too, i dont tend to go out to bars with freinds at the weekend like i did when i was younger so this is a good place to meet people.
Dont put yourself down, if you dont know your own worth how can you expect anyone else too? and dont be desperate to settle down, be happy with who you are and others will flock to you.
:) | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 3:08:27 AM | zozzo, msg 10 is kind of right.................
a lot of women are too materialistic.............and i find it so annoying.
in the same kind of feeling , a lot of women i have met ?( and read about ) are just simply tooooooooo fussy......we all have in our brains an idea of how a person should look and act but most men overlook this because we know in the main part this woman will never happen, but women will continue to search and search and search and hope for their " ideal" man and nothing short of " mr man of fantasy " will do.
From reading and from women i have actually met i have discovered some women in their endless search for " mr right" will deliberatley look for faults in men whilst looking for him, if not enough boxes have been ticked then the guy cant possibly be " mr right" so she doesnt want to know any more...........how silly is this......lol
i dare say some men are picky but in general most men are not as fussy or as picky.
i just get this feeling now that the women on dates or those dates that " appear" to have developed into some thing more are still " checking" me out and still ticking boxes even in a relationship, which is why i wouldnt feel " safe" even if i was in a relationship simply because i would be going round with her scared of doing something wrong just in case she ticked a box against me................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 3:43:16 AM | I hear that a lot, that we 'check boxes' and I'm still not sure what it means. For me, I'm looking for someone I'm attracted to, is that a box? I'm looking for a guy who's attracted to me, another box? We enjoy each otehers company, another? I don't care what car he drives, how much money he has, what brand of watch he wears, I care about who he is. And as for men not being fussy, I'm not interested in a guy who's thinking, oh she'll do - I can't be bothered to look anymore, or in a guy who's constantly looking over my shoulder for a newer model. I'm looking for a guy who wants to be with me.
I think being older has its drawbacks. I met my husband in college, we were all about the same age, all single, all spent time with each other and so it was easy to see who you got on with and were attracted to. Now, I don't meet many new people my own age, and when I do they're very rarely single. I don't think it's the age that's the problem, its the situation.
H.x | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:20:12 AM | From my perspective, I can honesty say it is easier now than when I was 19. However, the percentage of what's techincally undatable out there in any age bracket seems to have risen. The married parollees with no teeth seem to be lurking more now than they did back then, plus they all seem to love me.
/I | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:24:37 AM |
From reading and from women i have actually met i have discovered some women in their endless search for " mr right" will deliberatley look for faults in men whilst looking for him, if not enough boxes have been ticked then the guy cant possibly be " mr right" so she doesnt want to know any more...........how silly is this......lol
i dare say some men are picky but in general most men are not as fussy or as picky.
I dont think theres anything wrong with being *picky* or *fussy* you say it like its a bad thing, personally ive been very lucky to have two long term loving relationships of 10yrs and 8yrs, we learn from our experinces and ive learnt im not willing to settle anymore, its not fair on me and its certainly not fair on the partner who could be with someone who really values them instead of someone who is *making do*.
I'd rather be fussy and single then in a relationship where im settling. :) | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:44:46 AM | for example................., i recently met a woman ( off POF ) , on our second meet , i went to the mens room , washed my hands but the hot air dryer didnt work and there were no paper towels , she then went into the ladies room to get the paper towels for me, she then said " thats a plus, thats a box ticked ", she then said it was because i washed my hands that it was a box ticked in my favour.
Once at her house i was cutting cheese, i was cutting the cheese along the top, she then told me off for not cutting down the SIDE of the cheese so that was therefore a X and not a tick in the box.
The woman before her that i was with said that i eating with my mouth open whilst talking , this was not quite true and she WAS looking for faults tho, at breakfast time whilst eating a cooked breakfast she never stopped talking to me, i put my hand over my mouth each time i replied.......that was a X in my box, she later said she didnt like my sweater and that was another X in the box.
anyway, i gave up looking, after those two.................................
its not about settling for less, its about seeing the best in people and not LOOKING for faults, nobody is perfect, if i were to say i would only be happy being with my " ideal" woman i would never be with any one.
I just think ( in my personal experience AND from reading forum postings ) that a lot of women have in their heads what their " ideal" man is and nothing and i mean NOTHING else will do.
a MASSIVE turn off for me is reading in a profile that a man should NOT be this, should NOT be that, should NOT do that | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:51:12 AM | | Im new to this Plenty of fish site..I have posted my "Dating Resume" so to say. Its a shame really it has come down to this. I just turned 40 in November....everyone I meet say I dont look it..but I guess thats another topic on here somewhere else, Im sure. My point to this topic is....Men, you know who you are....you want someone younger and arm-eye candy is all. Yes most of us women posting on this forum, has had a child or two, maybe more. Has tried to "trust" someone at one time or another, not pointing any fingers......whispers...Guys! and yes it goes the other way also. I find it hard to date, because of those main too things. I aint blonde...no offense blonde gals. I aint skinny...Im a few extra pounds....im not severely obese either. I am a true person, I am looking for a true man with an openmind to become friends with. Is that hard??? YES..it is, because of the only guys here are not wanting someone their age or you have to meet a certain weight,blood type...or whatever. So seriously, we need the guys who are real to make their own dating site to weed out the ones who are stuck in youngville. I want to know when it changed from looking at people thru their souls and personality to looking at.. if their boobs are still where they are suppose to be, how skinny they are...we need to get back to peronality and real women,because most of these men are gonna find that blonde fake,barbie looking type girl, who is gonna take them for all they are eventually, or leave them for a younger guy. Am I right girls? So why not get a true Woman .....and guys dont make out to be something you aint..be honest. Your old too just like us, so deal with it...we are! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:20:55 AM | > ...so deal with it...we are!
Coulda fooled me... Most around here seem to be dealing with it by endlessly repeating the "will not settle" mantra.
> Men, you know who you are....you want someone younger and arm-eye candy is all.
It's called "not settling"... Deal with it! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a "enjoyable" date
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:58:22 PM | Wow... I'm new here & thought I'd check out a thread or 2. I'm sure it's hard for egocentricists or cynicists (not naming "names") to find a first or 2nd date, but for those with positive outlooks and pleasant personalties I would believe don't have any problem finding an enjoyable date. I do think it depends on where you live, and for the ladies I have been told (and seen) that you have to filter a lot of creeps. I also think it's hard for the ladies to trust that a decent guy would be willing to be friends and a gentleman if they've been hurt or used by self centered jerks. That being said I empathize with "teardrops", lots of guys seem to have a "trophydate" attitude, but a lot of women now are also superficial, dictating wealth, no previous children, etc. Personally I have no problem dating in my 40's but I'm selective about personality. I rarely contact anyone and am not a a "chaser" type, I find the nicer and confident ladies aren't afraid to say hello, and I am polite and answer everyone. Manners and kindness are not extinct. I'm here because it's easier to meet like minded people and make friends than even in school in our teens and 20's. A mature guy our age won't lie about his age or chase 20 somethings. ( I notice a lot of ladies feel the need to "fudge" though ; ) ... LOL!!! I'm proud that I'm in great shape at 44 and expect to be when I'm 50 too, and personally, I won't date anyone under 38 or 39. Women hit their prime at 40, they are mature, confident, and have a seasoned beauty and outlook - most anyway. I started preferring ladies over 40 in my mid 30's, and I'd proudly go on a date with a "young" lady up to 50!!! As long as she's young at heart, good company, and takes good care of herself. Perfection is an airbrushed illusion, and were all going to get older, hopefully with grace. Other than the anonymous soul that had my pic of me and my son deleted, my experiences on POF have been pleasant so far, some sweet ladies have even contacted me without a pic up ( and to her and anyone else like her I would say please just leave my profile alone, I want that pic of my son up - I love him and he is a part of me)
Sorry if this was too long - Good Luck "teardrops" you seem like a sweet, real lady...
And that other dude should get over himself, eh ladies???!!!
Drop me a line and say hi wherever you are. Nobody can have too many friends
Peace, Harmony, and adios Bush!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:15:12 PM | I'm happy that has worked for you.
I'm very positive and happy and friendly but have had no luck at all the last 5 years being single.
Before I turned 35 I had no problems finding dates - they may not have been "soulmates" but I dated.
I think it does get much more difficult at this age unless you are drop dead gorgeous. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:27:37 PM |
Coulda fooled me... Most around here seem to be dealing with it by endlessly repeating the "will not settle" mantra.
It's called "not settling"... Deal with it!
Sorry but you've confused me, is it ok for people to settle or not ? i personally dont settle as i believe both myself and the gentleman deserve better, but my preferences arent based on age and anyone who settles on the age factor is storing up trouble for the future, a mans experince of life can only increase with age, personally give me an older guy every day of the week :) | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:31:06 PM | I think location is certainly a factor in trying to meet our equals if we are middle class professionals. In our country area, a strong percentage of the males here are recovering or active drug/alchohol addicts. The remaining percentage are long term unemployed with very low education levels -it is just a fact of country life in most places. When I worked in the city, wearing my corporate clothes, there were plenty of offers for coffee etc - but when I was wearing a wedding ring, but not when I wasn't wearing a ring.....tis a mystery.
I probably get approached by undesirables because there simply are so many of them, and I'm basically friendly and approachable. If I wear nice clothes I seem less approachable to men, they look, but they don't make eye contact or speak to you.
However you really do, want to meet another middle class professional - who hopefully really does own a suit that fits him. Few men seem to read or be aware of anything outside their work - they seem extremely stumped for words on any topic at all. A silent, lost for words/confused man is frankly boring, you don't really want to be Miss Encyclopedia or the fount of knowledge - you just want someone with a mind who actually has an opinion - and who isn't going to snuff on you in the near future...
Australian men, in the main seem a very unsophisticated lot, it is just the culture here. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:43:55 PM | Dates are pretty easy to get, wanting a second date is aother story. Also, as mn400 put it, a very small percentage of those available are ones I would be interested in. Of those, some are obviously not going to be interested in me. I think Jerry Seinfeld broke it down and ended up with 5% of the single population being dateable, a little harsh, but funny.
As far as men in their 40s wanting 20-something year olds, not me. If one asked me out I would go out if I liked her but I try to stay in mid-30s to low 40s, have more in common with them and do not want to be in the situation I put my neighbor in when he brought his girlfriend over to the property line "So, is this is your daughter?" Don't think he ever liked me as much as a neighbor after that, I should've known better. The biggest reason for me to go out with a younger woman is that she may have kids more my sons' ages, most women my age have teens or kids in their 20s and may not want to be with a guy who has young ones, which is fine and understandable. I just started a little late. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:02:17 PM | | I suspect we are witnessing a substantial social change. The middle class used to be a large sector of the population, composed of roughly equal proportions of male and female. Now the lower class masses are the main sector of the population and the middle class is shrinking rapidly. What remains of the middle class is a greater proportion of educated females than ever before, they simply aren't finding the working class males to be their ideal. I think this trend is a considerable problem because essentially the working class males are out of a job and at the end of their working careers at around age 40. Educated females can not only reasonably expect full time work well into their 60s and beyond but they are also interested and curious about life. Females are also looking after their health as well. Supporting a man in his 40s or later, financially gutted, with no tertiary studies behind him is unattractive. Not taking care of his health, with a cavalier attitude about personal hygiene and stds - many men are simply not a strong prospect for your remaining future. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:03:36 PM | Location is a big thing. I live in an area that is mostly families and couples.
I don't have a vehicle and I can't join any groups or classes because I work shift work and different shifts every week - often 2-3 weeks without 2 days off in a row.
This makes it difficult if not impossible to meet people.
I find that the guys I have met before want relationships fast - too fast for me.
I know the stereotype is that women want relationships and men don't.
I don't necessarily think that is true.
" they look, but they don't make eye contact or speak to you." - that is so true Quick Silver. | |
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