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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:49:41 PM | OMG, what BS this is:
"I don't think its easier....most men in their 40's are looking for a woman as an arm ornament which means they probably haven't had children and and are still thin and slender....we older women on the other hand have had children and are now they are teenagers ....the men our age don' t seeem to want a woman who isn't pefect physically so they look for older 20's to mid 30's and we are left with what...nothing...maybe i'm wrong but that has beeen my experience.....when i do date...the men are nice but because I'm not phyically perfect..i get passed by..... "
C'mon sister, being attractive does NOT mean that you need to look glamorous; it means behaving as a woman who likes herself, knows her qualities, acquires confidence in herself, knows she has something to give others and is not scared to let people know what qualities she has. When was the last time you made a point of catching a man's eye and smiling at him? Or speaking to a stranger?
Last week I watched the DVD of the true story of King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson. Before he became King he was Prince of Wales, considered the world's most eligible bachelor - and Wallis totally charmed him: how? She was NOT "pretty."
Yet she made herelf a part of his life he just could not live without, and he even gave up being King in order to marry her.
Her classmates said that even in her teen years she was absolutely determined to get something when she made up her mind to it. She got the devotion of this dude. That is so different from the attitude that a woman is supposed to be a cute-looking prize for men to compete for, or that if she takes him to bed that is giving him a "favor."
When she lived in China in an earlier marriage she went with her husband to brothels and learned from pros how to please a man in bed! How many women would go to that extent? Would you?
I can't think of anything more pathetic than any woman who thinks she is going to be sought after and she needs to be a barbie doll to be chosen by a man. Why doesn't SHE decide what SHE wants and stop with the self-pity and GO FOR IT?
How many men can resist a woman who really wants him, will take a chance on being rejected, and lets him know for sure that she wants him? If he is so stuck in silly gender roles that she freaks him out by being "too bold" then he is such a loser she shouldn't waste time on him anyway; let him have the weak sisters.
Get with the program, girls - decide what you want and who you want and just go get it/him instead of waiting for it/him to be delivered to you like a pizza. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 7:29:41 PM |
I dont think it's your age, it might be your location.
I have been pretty content with my experiences from POF. I totally credit that to the city I live near. I am 44.
I don't think it's age or location. It's all in the attitude. I'm 10 miles from town in any direction I go - and my new POF friend lives 2 1/2 hrs away.
Smile and let them wonder why, OP. ;) | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 7:58:11 PM | mmm pizza delivered....stop it...
Actually I've been developing a pet man/kept man idea. 3 female housemates could support our own "butler" between us. I could have him for heavy duties such as outdoor sports, the sisters could have him for "light duties" indoors.... Between the three of us, we would have the means to know "where he'd been" and monitor his health, take him to the vet for his shots an all...... Surely there would be a man willing to take on such a job?  | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:31:54 PM | | Just imagine the advert: 3 professional women require the services of a live in butler. Salary $30k incl.super and health insurance, uniforms provided.....former tradesman/labourer viewed favourably...must be willing to work long hours and weekends.... | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:08:22 AM | Okay, guys, I looked at Quicksilver's profile and it's obvious that she's quite a woman. I hope somebody out there in Oz will find her soon. He will need to be as feisty as she is or he will get eaten alive. But for some lucky guy who has what it takes there's a great time ahead, what we in Southern California used to call an "E ride," meaning the most exciting attraction at Disneyland.
Her ambitious attitude reminds me of when I once responded to an ad announcing the formation of a new motorcycle club for road touring in groups. I like that so I went along. I found the club was started by two women who didn't even have motorcycles. They just wanted to meet some men and saw that this would be a way to bring a whole bunch of males to their door.
I really admire women who have that kind of enterprise and imagination. It looks as if this babe is that kind of woman so go get her, you Ockers out there. Real women like that don't just sit around drinking Diet Pepsi and watching television, they figure out ways to bring you into their lives and they will make you enjoy it.
And after 40 it is EASIER than ever to find a date. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:21:38 AM | ^^^^ $30K?! And they say it's men who are cheap? No, really, you should consider those "Rent-A-Rick" handyman guys who put their adverts up on the telephone poles, if that's all the spare change you've got between the three of you.
Sorry but you've confused me, is it ok for people to settle or not ?
And thus anyone with any bit of cleverness is confronted with a classic problem in Game Theory: the trick is to not settle, but make the other person do so; but when everyone is adopting this strategy and not budging, it devolves into a game of mutual stand-off.
Another analogy might be the financial markets, where there is a bid -- what someone is willing pay for shares or a bushel of corn -- and an ask -- what someone wants to be paid for what they've got. The difference is known as the spread. Now, let's say some company's shares can be unambiguously valued at $50. The buyer wants a bargain (otherwise why bother), and so is only willing to offer $45. Similarly, any potential seller wants a premium, and so is only willing to take $55. The spread is $10. Unless one or the other is motivated enough to capitulate and move over to the other side, no trade ever takes place. What happens in real life is a slightly more motivated buyer may up the bid a little, topping the previous high bid by a bit, to say $46. Or a slightly more motivated seller may drop their ask to $54. And so on, the net effect being that the spread narrows, making it easier for trading to take place. In the actual markets, spreads are typically pennies or small fractions of a dollar for things that are actively traded. In unusual or out-of-the-way markets, spreads can be and typically are huge on a percentage basis.
I think it's this latter situation which applies increasing to the dating market these days. From the point of view of many males, women have had so much self-esteem-building sunshine pumped up their skirts as of late, and been told so many times "you're worth it" and "you deserve it", that they appear to have outrageously and unrealistically high asking prices, which they tenaciously stick to by refusing to "settle"; ironically, they not infrequently then think this increases their value even more. At the same time, they've tried to devalue any currency in which men might bid, by labeling them smelly worthless pigs who only care about beer, sex, football, and pizza, etc., etc., etc.
The net effect is that spreads, especially those for older women, have increased to the point where virtually no trading (dating) is taking place. One of the reasons, and there are several, I think those who are younger no longer "date" but call it "hooking up" instead is to deny the fact that the woman is lowering her asking price substantially in order to go on a date. Anyway, marriage rates continue to decline, the number of singles continues to increase, etc. So the market's not in great shape. Wendy Dennis wrote about this fifteen years ago in her book "Hot and Bothered".
I think location is certainly a factor in trying to meet our equals if we are middle class professionals. In our country area, a strong percentage of the males here are recovering or active drug/alchohol addicts. The remaining percentage are long term unemployed with very low education levels -it is just a fact of country life in most places.
And the sisters of those men are just about as likely to exhibit these same sorts of pathologies because you're referring to a social class thing, which I think effects both sexes in different ways but roughly equally in net effects. In other words, for every undesirable male there's an undesirable female, so long as birth rates are about 50/50.
...What remains of the middle class is a greater proportion of educated females than ever before, they simply aren't finding the working class males to be their ideal.
True, and true. But only 40% of the population has any college experience at all, and less than 25% has a four-year degree.
The guys who you're talking about may not have any interest in her because of her art history degree from Podunk State, and some make way more than she does.
...Her [Wallis Simpson] classmates said that even in her teen years she was absolutely determined to get something when she made up her mind to it.
...How many men can resist a woman who really wants him, will take a chance on being rejected, and lets him know for sure that she wants him?
That hussy! I think most 'modern' females would say they would do anything to avoid appearing "desperate" -- maybe even "settle".
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:23:22 PM | "...Her [Wallis Simpson] classmates said that even in her teen years she was absolutely determined to get something when she made up her mind to it.
...How many men can resist a woman who really wants him, will take a chance on being rejected, and lets him know for sure that she wants him?'
A comment:
That hussy! I think most 'modern' females would say they would do anything to avoid appearing "desperate" -- maybe even "settle".
My response to the comment:
That Wallis Simpson was the LEAST desperate woman of her generation. Apparently she was capable of grabbing any man she set her sights on. She succeeded in marrying two times before she snagged her king. The reason the Brits got all bent out of shape over what she did was that she was still married to her second husband, Mr. Simpson, and so was not eligible to marry Edward legally.
He had always been able to have any woman he set his sights on, and he had a penchant for bedding married women. So those two really deserved each other.
So Wallis Simpson was not desperate and she was not a typical woman. She was unusually determnined and self-confident and very intelligent and maybe evil.
Funny thing - she was NOT beautiful. The same is true of Clepatra, who also bedded emperors. Women are mistaken if they sell themselves short on the grounds that they don't look like the latest Hollywood bimbo. Charm is NOT the same thing as beauty. Charm can be learned. If you are not charming that is not fate, it is your choice.
And after 40 you may not be so beautiful but you CAN be charming. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:42:16 PM | Fra, as you've amply demonstrated Prince/Princess Charming can indeed be ageless. Thanks for the compliment. Now, a motorcycle club hugh? More than one? The mind boggles...stop it....
So in this market driven economy we've had one refuse the bid of $30k with benefits,
do we have any other bids? Name your price and working conditions. I must say, I think the deal is rather good. The attention of 3 women, 3 times as many Christmas and birthday presents, probably more jumpers, shirts, suits, ties, shoes (sigh) than you could ever hope to wear. 3 women prompting you to stay fit and well, a clear and understandable job description with reviews so you know how you are performing. No surprises, everything in black and white. Variety, stability, and rehabilitation into the arena of acquiring charming social graces, really what more could a man dream of?
So you think the $30K, with guaranteed time off, is not a good deal? Some women might disagree, there is super as well remember, wives don't get that.
I disagree with the posting that there are equal numbers of drug/alcohol affected women as there are men. Problems aren't gender specific, but females overall, do appear to have better coping skills when things hit the skids. I disagree that there are equal numbers of male/female uneducated types when the colleges and unis of today are predominantly filled with..female students. I look around at uni, and wonder who my educated peers are going to find to marry, because the males would have just a 20% representation if that. Frankly when the poor guys speak, which is rather infrequently, well we hold our breath, because well few actually have anything to say. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/22/2008 12:43:00 PM | | I totally agree with that one! It is hard! I never had a problem my whole life there were always more men than I had time for. Since 40 very slim. Sure they want to have sex but I mean a serious person that wants to date. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/22/2008 1:39:59 PM | Posted By: MelloDLyn on 4/22/2008 12 00 PM
Subject: after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Message: I totally agree with that one! It is hard! I never had a problem my whole life there were always more men than I had time for. Since 40 very slim. Sure they want to have sex but I mean a serious person that wants to date.
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Well, I have never in my life found it hard to connect with attractive females. Why? It may be a matter of attitude. Are some people just trying too hard?
No way can it be looks or wealth. But it may be a matter of living without expectations or putting values judgments on people. And I have never considered spending time with anybody to be "dating." And no way would I hang out in a "singles bar" nor have much respect for people who do.
I think people who think every contact with the other sex us done in the context of "dating" really screw up by missing out on frank, fearless social contact without expectations. It's called "friendship" - remember that old-fashioned term?
Why can't people just relate to others in an open accepting way, without judging? And it doesn't have to be one-on-one; there's no law that says you cannot have lots of friends of both sexes. They can be gay and straight, of any age and any ethnicity, and married or single. Why not?
Relationships do not need to be based on the quest for "romance" or the biological need for sex. Why do people want to live in boxes or put fences around themselves? Isn't it better just to open up your life to new experiences and meeting all kinds of people and letting the love stuff just happen if it is going to happen? | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/23/2008 8:17:25 AM | There was me thinking I'd bide my time a little, not quite ready yet for dating again...Yikes! reading some of this thread I'd better get my head together...times a ticking!
Lee | |
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FLSTNI
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Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 88 | |
| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:29:52 PM | OK. Some might read this as selfish. Here it goes.
Dating is dating. I don't date much. Used to.
Quanity verses quality.
Learned not to waste my or his time if we don't match.
I have my interest's and hobbies that I have developed on my own.
I don't and will not date a non biker. It's what I love. Will not date a smoker.
So that being said I don't date much. Take what OP said and add my own list then I am in the negative percent. Oh well. I still have my bike.
I do get asked out. Online and in person. I just choose not to waste someones time.
Any nonsmoking bikers out there????? LOL
Jeanie | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:24:53 PM | I actually find it easier to get a date now then when I was in my 20s and 30s...of course I was MARRIED then too....LOL
I think as we get more mature (noticed I didnt use the 'o' word...lol) we refine what it is we will accept...so in essence, perhaps it can be harder to find a relationship...getting dates is like buying groceries...there is always something on the shelf, you just have to decide what brand you like the best :) | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/25/2008 3:21:32 PM |
I don't and will not date a non biker. It's what I love. Will not date a smoker.
I can relate to Jeanie's comments about knowing what she likes (bikers and non-smokers) and won't stray from that. I feel that way when it comes to tastes in music. Music is more than a casual interest...a lot of the events I enjoy involve music...so if my partner or friends can't get into the same styles/genres as I do, then we're not likely to click/connect or have much in common. Music is where I won't make a compromise. We either share the same tastes or I'm not interested. Very simple. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:09:06 PM | There should be no age limit to retire from dating I think, it's been interesting for me here I think my luck is changing now. I heard of a couple got who married in their fifties last year.
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:36:59 PM |
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
I think it's very hard finding dates. I'm not too sure which is the biggest obstacle for me...work, finding the time, personal commitments, just being too damn picky....
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/26/2008 11:41:26 PM | after 40 it is really hard to find a date
I think it's very hard finding dates. I'm not too sure which is the biggest obstacle for me...work, finding the time, personal commitments, just being too damn picky....
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You didn't mention demographics. It is a reality that in advanced years there are fewer and fewer men because males die younger.
Another factor is that there are men known to me who raise a family and then say the hell with it and do something like go into a monastery, or go live in Aspen and teach skiing, or emigrate to Australia, or come our as gays, or whatever. All kinds of changes that leave women and families out of the picture. Men have a whole lot of options and know it, way more options than the older women know they have. The women over 50 where I live are not very interesting people; what they have is their bingo games, Jesus in their hearts, and memories of their dead husbands. What would attract a man to them? They have not made much of their lives. I think a more alive woman probably gets more company but around here the men are much more interesting people - but they are way fewer in numbers and they die younger. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:34:24 AM |
The women over 50 where I live are not very interesting people; what they have is their bingo games, Jesus in their hearts, and memories of their dead husbands. What would attract a man to them?
Wow..I thought it was just me seeing this in older women around Alabama. Their profile starts out with 'I am a Christian woman' and ends with some comment about the wonderful life they had with their now dead husband. It's tough to compete with Jesus and Ghosts.
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:48:12 AM | I was just reading this forum, tinkrbella - you are hot, you should have zero problems geting dates with a guy of any age.
Also, I noticed you work out and stay in great shape. That is so important for a woman to be marketable in the dating pool. You may say thats shallow, blah blah. But, when you are fit, in great shape, you are healthy, happy and excude sexual sensuality.
If you are fat, or not in good shape its a total turnoff. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:04:01 AM | | well finding a date is easy if your picture looks like your pretty, handsome, ect. I've been on here forever and all i get is the guys that are desperate and i cant find anyone im attracted to. whats up with that? im not saying that attraction is what its all about but gawd you have to be able to look at their face and say could i kiss this? I think i got my profile right? any suggestions on what im doing wrong? | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:19:05 AM | Well, I'll be 40 in two months, and I think things are actually going to get better. I look forward to my 40s. It's all in the state of mind I guess.
Things seem to be way more promising offline, at the moment.  | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:48:40 AM |
Another factor is that there are men who ... say the hell with it and do something like go into a monastery, or go live in Aspen and teach skiing, or emigrate to Australia ... or whatever.
Hey, you're describing my 20's, 30's, and my 40's so far.
I don't know where I absorbed the idea from, but the thinking was that you just live your life and do what you do, and eventually "the one" or someone approximating her will cross your path, or vice versa. It didn't work out that way. Never even came close. Online/offline, it doesn't seem to make any difference. Not that the way it's unfolded is necessarily a Bad Thing.
So, for the record, I never actually said "the hell with it". | |
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