| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:23:06 AM | Harder to date after 40???
I'll let ya know after Sunday.
After reading silver's post I just learned that I am going to grow stupider. Damnit all to hell. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:24:35 AM | IME, as you get older it's not hard to find "a date" but it might be hard to find someone you actually WANT to date.
Depending on your mindset and how busy you are with your live in other areas, you'll either be frustrated about it, or you won't notice it much. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/18/2009 12:01:42 AM | | I guess I should go shoe shopping. But then again if I find the right shoes, I may lose all my free time. I've been over 40 for more than three years now and I'm sure if I really wanted a date I could find one. Who said I lived in denial?? | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:08:12 AM | Our option pool has shrunk, that's a fact.
As others said, it's not hard to get a date, it's getting a quality date with someone who has similar interests that's the hard part.
I think it's more because at our age, we don't travel in groups like we did in our younger days, when a lot of us probably met people through our friends.
All my friends are either settled down and have significant others, and don't socialize much, or they party like they're in their 20s.
I've been spending a lot more time home alone lately, because I don't fit into either category.
Where are all the "medium" people hanging out these days??? | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/18/2009 6:11:25 PM |
Our option pool has shrunk, that's a fact.
Mine hasn't. Maybe it shrinks for females?
As others said, it's not hard to get a date, it's getting a quality date with someone who has similar interests that's the hard part.
I don't like the word "date" - it sounds too much like the language of silly teen age kids who want "puppy love" which they imagine to be romance, and they think there is some one person only who can satisfy them, and they think another person can "make" them happy rather than choosing to be happy. And I object to being called a "quality" anything as if I am merchandise to be graded and stamped with a seal of approval if I match up to some grading standard I did not choose to set or to submit to. And I do NOT limit my friendships to persons with similar interests but enjoy learning new things from others with very different interests.
I think it's more because at our age, we don't travel in groups like we did in our younger days, when a lot of us probably met people through our friends.
Harrumph. I enjoy travel in groups as much now as I ever did.
All my friends are either settled down and have significant others, and don't socialize much, or they party like they're in their 20s.
What law says you cannot enjoy the friendship and companionship of persons who are in relationships or marriages? Grown ups know that your cordial relationships to other adults do NOT necessarily imply jumping into bed together.
I've been spending a lot more time home alone lately, because I don't fit into either category.
I enjoy times of solitude.
Where are all the "medium" people hanging out these days???
Since I am neither a steak nor a stove I am not "medium" anything. I am an individual, exactly as I am, and not a mere member of any category. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:07:39 PM | fra59....I dont think all older women are like the way you describe.
But what I did find in my 20s and 30s is that alot of men preferred those same women who are are traditional and play by the old rules
Alot of us single women who were hardworking, active with alot of interests, innovative and thought for ourselves and had a pretty much egalitarian view of relationships between the sexes were overlooked for the more traditional women.
Then after a decade or so of marriage I saw alot of men hate it because she become so dependent and her interests only included the kids...They also complained that she got fat and didnt share the same interests as them, like hiking and travel.
While us single women who were rejected in our 20s quietly carved out a high quality life for ourselves by creating a rewording career, , doing alot of travel, going on hiking trips, and volunteer activites.
Now in my 40s, I was suddenly a hotter commodity by the same divorced men who would have rejected me in my 20s.
But then the tables were turned and it was them who were stuck in the old ways with painful reminders of their exes and single women in the 40s didnt want anything to do with them.
You should have grabbed us while you could...haha | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:09:26 PM | | 40 is very different for a woman then it is for a man. Face it after 30 women are quickly going past their shelf date. You take what you can get I guess. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/19/2009 8:11:50 PM |
... Now in my 40s, I was suddenly a hotter commodity by the same divorced men who would have rejected me in my 20s.
If a woman finds she is more desired after 40 it's not hard to understand. Many females reach a peak of attractiveness then. They have had enough experience in life to make them interesting persons. Meanwhile the beer-bellied men, after 40, are getting ready for their ulcers and heart attacks. The men's peak years of being enterprising and interesting people may have been 20 to 30.
All too many women under 30, however decorative, are really not yet very interesting. Some seem to need to be entertained rather than loving and being loved. Some are looking for a meal ticket. A child or two comes along and she still doesn't have her degree and now she is left watching soap operas and tending the rug rats while she munches Cheetos and sips Diet Pepsi.
A sad fate awaits the woman who gets married and loses her identity because of her absurd commitment to taking second place to a husband. Inevitably the dude dies before she does, then as an old woman she is adrift because she never acquired the skills of building a life. Unable to make decisions, she lapses into sitting around with hands folded talking about what her dead husband would have thought, what medications her friends are on, and Jesus and Bingo. She has lost everything because she never grew into becoming the equal of men.
If I were looking for a woman to build a life with (I am not looking) I would pass over 9 out of 10 females and seek the one who stands on her own feet, looks me right in the eye, is capable of making decisions, manages her own affairs and is used to paying her own way, takes responsibility for outcomes of her freely chosen decisions, and can take rejection in stride.
Self confidence is an appealing characteristic and if a man wants a clinging vine or a shrinking violet he will do better to look in Home Depot's Garden Department instead of expecting female helplessness and dependency.
There is one feature that really stands out in the women I have most loved: they know more than I know about something, and I learn from them.
Now let me admit that maybe all that sounds cynical and exaggerated so let's get back in topic: women in the 'forties. I seriously say that is when their attractiveness can very likely max out at new heights and IMHO the woman who passes the big four oh will do well to enjoy every moment of being exactly what she is with no regrets and no looking back. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/20/2009 1:56:44 PM | I haven't had that much of a problem-it's keeping them that becomes a chore-the dreaded "handshake," the "I don't think I'm ready," etc. all kill the will and sap yer soul-but I keep Ramblin' On!! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/21/2009 5:13:48 PM | | jennie, I am 41 never been married and no children... long story... but i get dates some of the men are younger than me some are same age you just have to set a list of priorities in place and move forward... finding a date is not so hard finding a good one may be though LOL however when you talk long term thats a little tuffer... will it happen possibly... but you cant rush it first you better off knowing somone and them know you and dont just rely on the net go out to a place with friends and have dinner let them know you are looking for a possible mate... go to local events and dress accordingly talk to people around you... you will be surprised at how fast the news will travel of your being single and a sweet lady.... there could and im sure there are plenty of men who are seeking a sweet honest lady to settle down with they too just have not found her yet.... but never put yourself under the pressure of something like this based on somone elses life... it just isnt fair to yourself.... | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/28/2009 11:27:45 PM | I have no problem finding women that are interested in me to date. But it's been a looooong time since I found one that I thought was long term or even potential marriage material. I have given up a this point and surpisingly I don't really care to date anymore. One of my life goals was to get married and have kids. Now I'm getting too old. So instead, I am enjoying my freedom. And I no longer blame myself for my singleness. I used to think there was something 'wrong'.. but I actually feel stronger because I'm not running around looking to cling to someone to validate me.
There are two sides to every coin. Enjoy what you have in your life and focus on what's working. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/29/2009 7:37:26 AM | I think what makes it harder to date in say mid 30s or 40s is if you have children you cant just pick up and go spur of the moment like you did before .....there are plenty of men 40ish out there just have to wait for the right one to come along...... | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/29/2009 7:38:15 AM | I will be 40 this year and it's not that i cannot get a date, but as some have put it, it's getting to the second and 3rd date that seems to be the problem here. I seem to have been on a lot of first dates only lately. Mainly because upon meeting them i realize that either we have nothing in common, or there is no chemistry or they never fully read my profile as i always assume they should before contacting me so upon meeting subjects have come up and they realize we are not on the same page. lol..At any rate, it is hard to find good quality people now a days and unfortunately the older we get, the pickier we become because we KNOW what we want and DON'T want. I have a motto i live by..I would rather be alone than with bad company..
Also, I agree with some in there...men our age tend to want to go for a woman in her 20's or even early 30's.... | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/10/2009 10:47:30 PM | quality, ? are we looking for someone who is like minded ? someone who compatable ?
someone who we want to be with 24/7, or is it that in our 40's, that we start to get set in our ways, and wont tollerate anything that doesnt suit us on the day. I remember breaking up with a woman, because she ordered chicken salt on the chips, i dont like chicken salt, but couldnt we have negotiated ? I didnt really break up over the salt, but it was an excuse for an out, there were other issues, hence, set in our ways | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/11/2009 1:48:23 AM | | ~OT~ I don't think it's all that tough to find quality men to date. I find quality in every person I meet, if I didn't ~ I wouldn't be meeting them at all. I don't believe I've met anyone who wouldn't be a wonderful man for someone (not necessarily me.) It's not a matter of lagging quality ~ it's finding someone who understands all the complexities of me. JMO | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/11/2009 5:09:20 AM | You sound bitter and I don't have a sense that you're making a life for yourself, developing your interests and hobbies. That will mean that you are less attractive to men, no matter what your age. I would suggest that you develop your own life and friendships and then someone will appear out of nowhere.
Judith | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/11/2009 2:04:00 PM | | jennielady, you're not alone and you're not bitter - probably just disappointed and a bit disillusioned. It will pass. I've had the same sitn - never any trouble meeting/dating until I turned 40. A lot of the responses on here raise very good points but they sort of miss the big picture. Yes, distraction, self-actualization, maintaining personal hobbies, friendships, career - all very important. But as to your point: it IS very hard to find a quality person at this age. The internet does bring out a lot of the dishonest or unstable people, as well as a huge number of insecure & narcissisitic "daddy-daughter" seekers. Many women I know also found internet dating extremely depressing - personally, I only received contacts from older men and divorced fathers. (They were all very nice but those qualities are too risky.) Like others suggested here, I found it best to focus on actual social activities and other hobbies/interests. I basically closed my profile and meet people the 'normal way' now - much happier! If I meet a single man my own age with no children, great. If not, so be it. Good luck to you - you aren't alone in your experience. Hope it all works out. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/11/2009 2:51:49 PM | | I have found it easier since turning 40 to find dates. In fact I find them where I'm not necessarily looking for them. I think your ability to find a date at any age is a factor that involves confidence, physicality, and peace within. I also think that when you aren't really " looking" that's when it most naturally seems to happen, probably because you appear happier and more self assured. Since turning I'd say about 37 or 38 I've found that I am more attractive to the opposite sex, of all ages, then I ever have been. I'm not any prettier, I'm still the same person and have the same interests I have always had, but I go after what I want now, and I " appear" to be happy and confident in doing such. I think that's what men are attracted to. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/11/2009 3:02:22 PM |
I have found it easier since turning 40 to find dates. In fact I find them where I'm not necessarily looking for them. I think your ability to find a date at any age is a factor that involves confidence, physicality, and peace within. I also think that when you aren't really " looking" that's when it most naturally seems to happen, probably because you appear happier and more self assured. Since turning I'd say about 37 or 38 I've found that I am more attractive to the opposite sex, of all ages, then I ever have been. I'm not any prettier, I'm still the same person and have the same interests I have always had, but I go after what I want now, and I " appear" to be happy and confident in doing such. I think that's what men are attracted to.
add that it's just too blasted cold in Alberta to be single!
People have to be nice, your going to be indoors with them for most of the year! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/12/2009 7:01:56 AM | | I sure hope it isn't hard to find a date after 40 Ill be hitting 40 in a few months.....I am still hoping I find that special guy for my life. | |
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