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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/12/2009 8:44:24 AM | The older I get, the easier it is to find a date........the problem is that it is that much harder to find another that I am attracted to and want to date....
When I think back to my early years of dating when a teen, my insecurity and lack of confidence was far greater, along with a self image that had yet to define itself and the person that I have become.
Now, finding a date is not hard, but damn if I can find enough of those that fit what I want to date, be single and available, financially secure, emotionally stable, attractive and fit enough to meet my criteria.
So, the problem is not finding dates...the problem is finding dates that are worth trying to date in the first place.
Just my opinion......   | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/12/2009 9:01:35 AM | ^^^That's exactly it C Deacon - taking people up on their offers isn't extremely difficult, most of us get offers quite frequently that'd keep us busy if we had no standards or just wanted to get out of the house and do things with chaperones.
Finding people we actually want or care to take offers from is the actual challenge. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/12/2009 12:50:38 PM |
So, the problem is not finding dates...the problem is finding dates that are worth trying to date in the first place.
 Amen! In our age group there are a lot of angry and broken people who are undesirable. It makes you want to stay home with a good book or a movie....alone.  | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/15/2009 12:46:26 PM | Yup, that summarizes it exactly! No problem finding "dates", just not anyone that you would want actually want to go out with.
Did anyone else have the problem of only being contacted by men older than themselves? (I found that creepy, which is why I closed my profile.) Where were all the same-age men? | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/15/2009 1:15:21 PM | Re: male vs. female "shelf life"
Actually, that's backwards. Weird how many seem to think this. Men age faster physically, get sick earlier, look older faster and die 10-20 years earlier. Once they hit 40, they are at risk of sudden death even when apparently very healthy. (Women's health risks increase more around age 60.) Impotence by age 40 is around 40% (< 2% before age 40) whereas female sexual function remains intact. Childbearing issues are often misquoted - although men produce sperm and can father children into their 80's, the genetic quality drops sharply with age. Males after age 40-45 have a greater risk of transmitting certain genetic defects just like women, and there are some disorders linked only to fathers over age 45 (nothing to do with the women).
The unilateral "shelf life" idea is a myth created and perpetuated by males & certain types of females to maintain inequality b/w genders. It was also a favourite of the "Real Women Group" (the 90's political group fighting to have women removed from the work place, at least after marriage - sound familiar?) | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/16/2009 4:32:51 AM | I'm 51. There are quality men out there, ladies. I'm no stunning, twig thin model type. I have 4 kids, and 4 grandchildren.
What I do have is a can-do attitude. I don't need a man to take care of me. I want a man to enjoy his company and have a great time enjoying life. Don't waste your time on the jerks, male or female. And don't limit yourself to your age group! There are some very nice men in their late 30's..... ;) | |
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VF102
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Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 159 | |
| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/16/2009 6:54:44 AM | Well the problem is that too many women think that they can "play" forever or take forever looking for "Mr. Perfection" who by the way does not exist. Then they wake up at 40 find out that their looks have gone away. Mean while us men can get dates, married, have kids, etc. into old age. Just look at Donald Trump, Art Bell, Larry King, etc. I have found that the majority of women over 30 who have never been married or never had children usually have some sort of "issues" going on in the head so I tend to stick with women in their late 20s if possible. I mean really, 11 billion people on the planet and after 30 years you can't find a husband?!? Houston, we have a problem! A man is never too old to be a sugar daddy.
Jason | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/16/2009 6:58:14 AM | | ^^^Big difference between being wanted for who you are and being pursued because you have a lot of money (hope you don't mind her sleeping with someone her age on the sly). Most of the men you mentioned are celebritites. The average man over 40 better be in good shape and good looking to date/marry/have kids into old age, since the majority of them aren't worth billions. The ones that are already have dates. | |
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VF102
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Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 161 | |
| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/16/2009 10:12:08 AM | Outside of my boring government job that I have had for 9 years I have worked a part time retail sales job since 1993. In this retail sales job I have seen many sugar daddies come in with their girlfriends, wives, fiances, lovers, etc. I have yet to see a single sugar momma walk through the door with her boyfriend, husband, fiance, lover, etc. Now how do you explain this?
Jason | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/16/2009 10:20:16 AM | | ^^^Um, they had enough money to attract women they couldn't get otherwise, and the women they were with would rather date for money over attraction? That's my point....it's not about the people. I am sure if someone better looking with the same as or more money approached these women, they'd consider trading up. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/16/2009 10:55:31 PM | All my brothers were married by the time they were in their early 30s-
I'm, 40, single, and discovering truth to the old addage :
"The good ones are taken"
I met some really nice women- that sure enough, they're unavailable, and were married or in commited relationships.
I'm not into bars or clubs, as I hate noise, plus I'm too old in the eyes of the 20 something women who frequent such places.
I'm not giving up, but man of man, it is not easy- I wonder though if I waited too long. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/16/2009 10:59:41 PM | QUOTE: "Really after 40 the men are pretty much all diseased, broke, only semi-literate and looking for a housekeeper/nurse. "
Interesting- One could apply similar negative traits to women over 40-
But in truth, life is what you make of it- If you see the world and its people as vile and foul, that is all you will see, and all you will ever attract.
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/17/2009 12:13:53 PM |
Re: male vs. female "shelf life"
Actually, that's backwards. Weird how many seem to think this. Men age faster physically, get sick earlier, look older faster and die 10-20 years earlier. Once they hit 40, they are at risk of sudden death even when apparently very healthy. (Women's health risks increase more around age 60.) Impotence by age 40 is around 40% (< 2% before age 40) whereas female sexual function remains intact. Childbearing issues are often misquoted - although men produce sperm and can father children into their 80's, the genetic quality drops sharply with age. Males after age 40-45 have a greater risk of transmitting certain genetic defects just like women, and there are some disorders linked only to fathers over age 45 (nothing to do with the women).
The unilateral "shelf life" idea is a myth created and perpetuated by males & certain types of females to maintain inequality b/w genders. It was also a favourite of the "Real Women Group" (the 90's political group fighting to have women removed from the work place, at least after marriage - sound familiar?)
Diana8, are you sure that men "look older faster" than women? I don't think it is true. I have heard that women in general have less collagen in their faces and therefore usually show their ages faster than men. I know that men tend to die at younger ages, but I think that I have seen far more women in their 20s who like they are 10 years older than they really are, than I have of men of the same age. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/17/2009 2:04:41 PM |
Well the problem is that too many women think that they can "play" forever or take forever looking for "Mr. Perfection" who by the way does not exist. Then they wake up at 40 find out that their looks have gone away. Mean while us men can get dates, married, have kids, etc. into old age. Just look at Donald Trump, Art Bell, Larry King, etc. I have found that the majority of women over 30 who have never been married or never had children usually have some sort of "issues" going on in the head so I tend to stick with women in their late 20s if possible. I mean really, 11 billion people on the planet and after 30 years you can't find a husband?!? Houston, we have a problem! A man is never too old to be a sugar daddy.
Jason
I agree with VF102. I know many women who wasted their prime dating years chasing after the player-type guys. They thought that they could live a "Sex and the City" lifestyle and then would find a "Prince Charming" who would sweep them off their feet when they hit their mid-3os. These women are no longer capable of getting the types of guys they shunned in their 20s.
A guy can get dates into his 40s if he is reasonably successful and good-looking. I don't think he has to be rich to obtain women in their 30s at that age. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/17/2009 4:43:48 PM | jennielady... haven’t you heard that “life begins at 40’ what are you talking about woman!!!! Forget the negative posts up above and only listen to the positive ones. The rest are just venting! Lol It's not about playing the game or being a player. Sugar Daddies and all that crap! Forget all that!
What you need is to get out there with no brakes and no self imposed restrictions. Time to live again! That doesn’t mean take whatever comes along your way but... men in general love women of all shapes and sizes. They love to spoil them, feed them, touch them, play /flirt with them... lol
I believe there is someone for everyone. I’m sure you have noticed the “odd couple” walking hand in hand down the street. He’s to die for, she’s ok and/or vice versa. Then you notice how they are absolutely absorbed with one another, not a care in the world. They love each other’s company and that’s all that matters! The rest just falls into place.
Make yourself fun and available. Men are attracted to women with self confidence not arrogant and not full of herself either! She is sweet and charming, sexy and sensual and most of all easy to get along with. She keeps herself neat and tidy and well cared for. And just by looking at her you can see that she is full of life! She is happy with her surroundings and that shows ...from the inside and out! How? by the way she carries herself. Attitude is most important. Men are not stupid, they to know what they want. They know what kind of woman attracts them and what doesn’t.
A male co- worker kept coming into my office one day...he was very distracting as he was not only sexy but the new worker soon to be manager of our other department. I often passed by him at work but I just never bothered to say hi. He had no idea I was the one that would be training him in a few short weeks, but believe me I was looking forward to it! lol.
So on this particular day ... I was trying to have a chat before work started with a female friend of mine. He kept walking into the office getting little things asking silly questions. Finally after interrupting us for the fourth time, I said can I help you? He came closer to me leaned over and boldly said..You smell so good! She rolled her eyes and smiled... I ended up dating him for four years!
Stop saying things like “I can’t find a man...I’m too old, is there any chance after 40”etc...those are all negative thoughts that get you nowhere. Stay sexy, stay alive, and remember ...after 40 the fun is just beginning!
Good luck sweetie, and let us all know when prince charming comes along! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/17/2009 6:03:38 PM | | Ohhh...not all the good ones are taken...Don't they say you should save the best till last...thats why i'm still single but all my siblings are married...lol | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/17/2009 6:16:34 PM | Diana8 whoa honey, your facts are a little misleading. Impotence happens in men on average from 55 to 65 not 40. Many men can function normally into their 70's. A recent study in Britain say 1 man in 40 over the age of 40 has ED problems and then it is 1 man in4 over the age of 65. This of course discounts the whole Viagra thing.
The answer to the thread is as many have stated, above 35 we have become more aware of what we want and what we need. Therefore the idea of seetling for close or the thought that they can or will change, a fallacy often embraced by twenty somethings will not due.
In the end we want what we want and don't want to compromise. As for the rest it is difficult at times to find that person who lights us up and is interesting. Bob | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/17/2009 6:37:41 PM | | Hate to disagree with you there bob, but there are a hell of a lot of impotant men out there closer to 40. Ask some of your female friends that are dating.lol | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/17/2009 6:43:20 PM | OK, I just got brave enough to post this. Be gentle, I am playing devil's advocate during some of this. Hope it isn't too confusing to read.
Prior Post: “Well the problem is that too many women think that they can "play" forever ….wake up at 40 find out that their looks have gone away. Mean while us men can get dates, married, have kids, etc. into old age. Just look at Donald Trump, Art Bell, Larry King, etc. I have found that the majority of women over 30 who have never been married or never had children usually have some sort of "issues" going on in the head so I tend to stick with women in their late 20s if possible. I mean really, 11 billion people on the planet and after 30 years you can't find a husband?!? Houston, we have a problem! A man is never too old to be a sugar daddy.”
****Wow, you just didn’t consider perhaps there are reasons why women divorced/or stayed single for many years. I for one, was married over 22 years ago – for a short 6 months. I found out I couldn’t have children – he left. Do you have any idea how hard it is in your 20-30’s to find someone who doesn’t want their “own” kids and “own” family? Who is accepting of that? No, I’m sure you don’t. Many people in general are selfish and self-centered. Look beyond what you believe is their problem.
**Sugar momma – hey look here – I N D E P E N D E N T - just like the song, got my own car, my own house, two jobs – Do you have any idea how many men, who aren’t working, etc.. think I am their ticket to an easy life? Perhaps, unlike some men (note some) I see through these motives and elude them - ** Oooppps, I read, and can think too.
**Re: male vs. female "shelf life"—you go girl! Absolutely! Shelf life my behindie! There are very few men, even younger than me that work 60+ hours a week, keep a house, two doggies, visit and have friends, take care of and mow (by hand, non self propelled) a yard 100’x500’ and hilly! Grow and garden over an acre in the summer, then can those foods. Have fun hunting and fishing with friends and family. I’m busy and stay that way – When I can find someone, to keep up – then – we can slow down together and have lots of fun!
**Prior Post: “All my brothers were married by the time they were in their early 30s-
I'm, 40, single, and discovering truth to the old addage : "The good ones are taken"I met some really nice women- that sure enough, they're unavailable, and were married or in commited relationships. I'm not into bars or clubs, as I hate noise, plus I'm too old in the eyes of the 20 something women who frequent such places. I'm not giving up, but man of man, it is not easy- I wonder though if I waited too long.”
**They say it’s never too late, I hope not. There are women and men out there – it is finding them. I think you have to search, keep your options open – not just seek out certain types of looks. I love the ads “slender/pretty/athletic/look good in……” Hello, are you all that? How about intelligent, independent, attractive, compassionate, fun-loving? What ‘s wrong with those attributes? (Not saying you wrote that, I didn’t read your profile, I’m just stating that sometimes we narrow our searches, and need to broaden our horizons. I dated a man for many years that at first I did not find attractive at all, by the end of the first month – he most certainly was!)
***So, the problem is not finding dates...the problem is finding dates that are worth trying to date in the first place. – Totally agree- anyone out there a matchmaker? POF is a good start, maybe we need to look at someone else picking out someone for us – POF matchmaking – I find you one, you find me one, and so on and so on, etc…..
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/18/2009 10:51:29 AM | Well there xcentric, you sound like an amazing woman, truth is many people think having children is the end all be all. There are those who don't want children, and there is nothing wrong with that, after all it is their preference. Some may even be willing to marry the right woman and adopt, it is indeed unfortunate that at the time you sought a relationship you did not find a man BIG enough to think of it that way.
Yes you are right on the finding a person worth dating is a daunting enough task without some throwing limitations of age (shelf life) on top of it.
Bakedbrie, if that is what you find I can't argue with that. It does fly in the face of what scientific studies say that I researched on Google, but who am I to say. Remember though 20 women dating in the same age range in a specific geographic area may well date 2 or 3 guys all of which are impotent. Thereby giving the impression more are than are not. Again just a thought, Bob. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/18/2009 4:40:18 PM | Your message is puzzling to me. Also, you might consider using spell check. What is the source of your "statistics"?
For example, considering how multi cultural Canada is, it's hard to believe that only 3% have different religious beliefs. Do your research before posting. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/21/2009 12:41:42 AM | I think VF102 is on the money here.
When it comes to dating:
Women care about how successful a man is.
Men don’t care how successful a woman is.
Men value a woman’s physical appearance above all other factors.
Women also value a man’s physical appearance, but not to the same degree as men.
An individual’s career is often much better when they are 45 than when they were 25. In general, a person’s physical appearance is worse at 45 then when they were 25.
An average or below average looking man who has built a very successful career will have significantly better dating prospects at age 45 then when he was 25. | |
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