| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 2/21/2009 12:57:27 AM | I am 42 and I don't find it too difficult to find dates. The problem is finding men who are compatible.
I have been on this site for under a week and I already had two dates, neither perfect, but I am talking to about three men who seems to fit the bill. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/22/2009 10:24:38 PM | | I disagree. I am 40 yrs. old and I have no problems getting dates. I have dated 12 years younger, my age, 16 years older, and every age in between. In fact, I probably turn away more dates now then when I was younger because I am more selective. Maybe your issue is confidence. Confidence comes from within. I am not sure I am just guessing because I do not know you, but if you are not sure of yourself or if you are not secure with who you are then you will not get approached. People can sense this with a person, and confidence shines through. This is just a guess so please don't take offense. This is just my opinion of what the issue may be. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/23/2009 5:44:05 AM | | Jason, you are attractive and young (only 34), but already bitter because of women. You've got issues. You might get very young girls, even if you have no money. Such girls might be attracted to you because of your looks, your age or just because they are needy for love. If they are after your money, then they might get a lover who is their age while being with you. I met a pretty young girl who pursued older accomplished men because they could offer her the lifestyle she wanted. And she had young lovers while being with older men. Now, speaking about older women with younger men. I knew one, she was 47 when she married a 32 year old handsome, tall guy. He was not after sugar mamas. He's just a mature, very religious great guy. He liked her because she was pretty, athletic and like him dedicated to the Jehovas faith. I heard they are very happy. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:26:49 PM | | In the real life? Not really a problem. Online? Just about impossible since I never meet most women's (my age ) crazy expectations. I’ve been here for 5 years, in 5 different provinces and countless cities. It’s getting worse each year. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/23/2009 5:12:29 PM | | yes it is hard to find a date. I am a nice guy. I have my own car, work full time and i treat women with respect and dignity. I give them flowers and little trinkit gifts to let them know I am thinking about them. But, yet as we see on here lots of the time, some women are on here just to use this site as a chat house and are not serious about finding someone. I want to find the woman of my dreams the one who will complete me. I am not picky I want to be married some day | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:40:56 PM | Look at this, chevelle:
I want to find the woman of my dreams the one who will complete me.
Try rewriting it in other words and see if you can imagine any smart female being attracted:
1. "Instead of recognizing you for what you actually are I will always be comparing you with the unrealistic ideal I fantasize in my mind."
2. "I am not a complete human being but missing something and instead of working on myself to become whole I intend to use you as a repair kit to patch up my sad life." | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:59:42 PM | I tend to agree with most ... it's not hard to find A date, it's whether or not it's the RIGHT date for you! Plus I think we're here because we have busy, crazy lives and a dating website makes it easier to get thru the early red tape, blind dates, referrals ... the list goes on. This is just my perspective on dating over 40! whatever works for you, do it!
I have met and dated just a very select few by choice [here and other dating sites]. I much prefer PoF because I don't believe in having to pay to talk to someone. Also by choice, I've been single since the Summer '06. You have to be comfortable with who you are and confident about what you are looking for in a date. I have chosen not to compromise myself and my beliefs. I find many who are not here to date but for a hook up/one night stand. I'm way beyond the games and refuse to play them.
I find many men in my area won't move out of their comfort zone of 10-25 miles [heck 5 miles even] while have no trouble driving 2-4 hrs or meeting at a middle destination. Then the qualifiers become an issue. I'm open, honest and straight forward w/the gentlemen I have an opportunity to speak with. I have gotten criticized for the length of my profile--Whatever, it says it like it is. I am not here because I NEED a date, I would like to meet that special someone [yes, just looking for one] to share my time with, get to know one day at a time! Where the future takes it ... is an unknown
Plus I consider myself a unique person and while I mention my tattoos, I don't display them. When I've said, you didn't read my profile, I have ink, it's a turn off for you. The person argued w/me and told me what was acceptable [size wise and placement of a tattoo on a woman]. Wow! I do have a picture and will share, nothing you wouldn't see with me a dress or shorts. But dating period, over 40 or otherwise, w/some gentlemen, they don't get it.
I think that PoF fits ... dating is so much the same! Sometimes you can throw your line in and not get a bite, other times they hit the line like crazy  ... they just might not be the one for you!
I've found patience ... and well good things come to those who wait ... I've waited and finally our schedules have meshed and I've got a date!
Good luck! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/23/2009 9:18:45 PM | Extraordinary insight! I'm sure you have plenty of dates! :) It's all about a confident attitude! It's our life, it's all about what we make of it...it's by choice!
Something to keep in mind. I friend shared this with me and I stole it!  No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.
Pretty much sums it up! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/23/2009 9:22:22 PM | | I find it difficult to find a date, muchless fine a compatible man. I am ignored by most men since I have not been married, and to most am an average/cute plump women who is shorter than the seemingly required standard of 5'5''-5'8. plus I have opinions and put up with and give very little crap. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/23/2009 10:48:34 PM | hazblueeyez ....Thank you for the compliment and the private message as well. You’re a sweetie! And to answer your question No I don’t have a lot of dates. I have male friends and I like that better! I have lots of men contact me as most women do.. They love women and they enjoy women and they are so wonderful to talk to..However, we women need to learn to one thing. TAKE YOUR TIME.
I “sift” through those that contact me. It’s called the “process of elimination” ... in a good and friendly way of course. I am generally interested in getting to know him. Some are friends and remain good friends for years to come. Some have waited a year or more to meet me. Lol yes I know that is way too long but for a small handful it just worked out that way. Some said forget this and ran for the hills. Lol more power to ya!
Too many women (men too) rush into the first meet without really knowing what you’re meeting. And instead of looking for a friend, you’re looking for an instant connection! What did you plan on connecting to? Ever ask yourself that? Do you really want to plug your energy and thoughts into someone you met in a coffee shop? “Oh there was just no chemistry” No chemistry? You mean it didn’t lead to sex? Lol Time and taking your time really is your best friend. Not your enemy.
But still... as women we tend to worry about too many things in life. The clock ticking, our weight our looks, our hair, our AGE why? Because we were taught that? Meanwhile NONE of that matters!
Men fall in love with your character, your kindness, how much you love life and yourself, how fun you are and how positive you stay! Men know what they want and need. We are not talking about the players that haven’t grown up yet lol they all cry the same river in the end. I’m lonely I wish I could find someone! We are talking about decent people that really do want to live a good life shared with someone else.
I still say to the posts that carry one negative thought about dating after 40 ... wake up!
Stop putting yourself down, stop telling yourself I can’t find anyone this is too hard, smile at every person you see and meet them with a sparkle in your eyes and mean it. Lol
Note to bob2014: An important one (not impotent) but important! It’s not all about getting it up to make the relationship work! Love, real love making that is... doesn’t have restrictions or time limits and life doesn’t stop just because he’s not as good as he use to be or he’s now impotent or she starts to ‘dry out” as the men love to say. It looks deeper into the many levels of intimacy. Most of which you don’t even scratch the surface while you have your youth. You had to lose something to learn to appreciate it more.
Sooooo... Age doesn’t matter! It’s is your energy that draws people in! Not your looks, your money, your success at work, your car, your body, but it boils down to one small tool. ( no not that tool lol) Your mouth, and what comes out of it! Speak life words and life will become better.
Think big, think sexy, think positive, watch how fast your world changes for the better. You become a magnet to people without even trying.
Stay sexy at 20 at 40 at 80 at 100! Yupe! Even at 100 for those lucky to make it there. lol
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/23/2009 11:09:40 PM |
I find it difficult to find a date, muchless fine a compatible man. I am ignored by most men since I have not been married, and to most am an average/cute plump women who is shorter than the seemingly required standard of 5'5''-5'8. plus I have opinions and put up with and give very little crap.
Fifi47, I read your profile ...
...I think any of us [when looking for a date, male or female it doesn't matter, I think the same rule applies] want to find someone different, positive and intriguing. None of the qualifiers matter, age, shape, size, height...there is someone for everyone, we just have to know where to find them.
If you don't have a photo or a hidden one to attach to email me, then I won't email with you. You don't have to post it publicly and some folks can't due to their job. But you can have one to attach. Honestly if someone viewed me without a photo 99% of the time I won't look. Just too busy w/work and life and I don't live on my laptop (okay tonite I seem to).
I want to know why I should take what scarce personal time I have to venture into your world to try and strike up a conversation ... what about you will intrigue me and what makes you stand out for me to share a thoughtful exchange of words.
Now just my .02, start positive, keep it positive and with your positive words and thoughts, your confidence will be evident [opinions and putting up with very little crap--as you put it], add a picture you can attach and think about what you write ...
Florence Littauer has said that our words are silver boxes...gifts we give to those we speak with in our lives. Are your words gifts that someone reading your profile would want to open to get to know more about you? If you walked in to meet someone on a first day, would you say the opening lines of your profile.
Be it as it may these are all negatives: no, not, don't, won't ... twist them to positive to make you shine!
I put up with very little as well ... at the end of the day, I'm still just me! I've been blessed with many friends and some very special friends [many of my friends are male friends, no not dates] whose friendship will last a lifetime. I believe that as living breathing human beings we are not meant to be alone or lonely and it is great to have someone to share our lives with. One day again, the hopeful romantic in me will find that someone too! If not, it's okay, there's another new day tomorrow!
 and I can start again!
Wishing you all a terrific Tuesday!
Good Nite! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/23/2009 11:37:10 PM | To WILD DNA ... you are most welcome and a compliment very well deserved!  I, too, like you have male friends and they are open and honest and at the end of the day they go their way and I go mine!
I can't believe how much we think alike!
Negative Nellys and Neds...
Dating is has no limits you ... You are limited by the restrictions you place upon yourself! No age, no distance, not a height or a weight ... we all have preferences and with those are limits we have chosen. Don't complain about what you made as your own choice!
Too many on PoF say and confuse chemistry and connection with sex and intimacy! Dating, truly dating and getting to know someone it's not about that! As a relationship develops, it will follow the path you have chosen.
Any single one of us on PoF can find someone to 'just do it' with, most likely in our own backyard. Not for me and not that I agree that it really belongs here, but I will give kudos to those who put it out there and ask for causal/intimate encounters ... at least they are honest about what they want. At the same time, shame on those who complain ... set your email preferences to exclude them. That's why we have options and choices w/our profile settings!
Not everyone can read between the lines...so spell it out. If it offends someone, so be it, 95% chance they are not a match for you!  I spell it out in my profile and then translate it for those who might miss it: Translation: No, I am not here for a casual hook up, nor am I interested in one later!
WILD DNA said it best ... Take your time! No that doesn't mean to be a pen pal for eternity but take you time to talk to someone ... there is no rush, we're not in a race or competition! Take your time and enjoy the exchange to get to know someone .
We've all taken the short-cut to dating via a website ... that doesn't mean that we cut every corner there is out there! An email doesn't mean a date or a proposal...it's a great way to start to communicate! If you don't express yourself well via the written word, exchange numbers or block your number, if the other party offers to talk rather than write. Some of us are on computers all day ... the last thing we want to do it write again!
Good Nite!
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/23/2009 11:41:00 PM | Sorry ... [one] correction and ONE addition ... since I confused myself:
Dating [ ] has no limits ON you ... You are limited by the restrictions you place upon yourself! No age, no distance, not a height or a weight ... we all have preferences and with those are limits we have chosen. Don't complain about what you made as your own choice! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/24/2009 6:04:52 AM |
I find it difficult to find a date, muchless fine a compatible man. I am ignored by most men since I have not been married, and to most am an average/cute plump women who is shorter than the seemingly required standard of 5'5''-5'8. plus I have opinions and put up with and give very little crap.
I think a lot of women sell themselves short. This poster seems to think she has to go along with the men she perceives as concerned about her features such as her weight. Maybe she is better off without knowing those kind of men anyway. You do NOT have an obligation to conform to the expectations of others. Your first duty is to be true to yourself.
I have noticed that there are some physically unattractive women who gave no trouble attracting and holding men's attention and affection. How so? It's because of what they DO, not what they look like.
Nobody has much control over the body they have, when it comes to things like eye color, height, etc., but every one of us has a lot of choices about what we DO. Why not quit worrying about what you DON'T have and just use to the full what you DO have?
Any woman with eyelashes can learn to flutter them. Any woman with a face can smile at a man. If she gives signs of interest, she attracts interest. Shrinking violets are a dime a dozen and they are boring; women who think they just wait for attention don't deserve to get much attention. There is no law against a woman saying "Hello" yet many women seem to think they gave to wait passively for men to open a conversation. Why?
It's an old cliché yet it's oh so true. No man can resist being attracted to scents - and I don't mean Chanel Number 5. I mean the aroma of fresh cooked foods. Grilled onions in the skillet. Home baked bread just out of the oven. And most irresistible of all - cinnamon cookies. I don't think any man in the world doesn't respond with positive feelings to somebody who places a surprise plate of home baked hot cinnamon cookies in front of him instead of expecting him to take her out to a restaurant. Betty Crocker and Aunt Jemima will still be around when Madonna and Paris Hilton are history. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/24/2009 9:23:47 AM | First dates havnt been a problem.
I just wish that when they show you there picture that it is a currant one not something that is 10 years out of date like some i have met.
Perhaps i am being to fussy, but I dont want to spend the rest of my life with someone that is unfit and badly over weight. | |
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| Aattractions 30+ Singles Night Nottingam
Posted: 3/24/2009 1:38:17 PM | Hi my name is wendy and I just want to let you know about a singles night that is taking place in Nottingham this coming friday at the up n down under on st james street just off the market square in nottingham. we are trying to raise money for a 5yr old boy called caden that has cancer. please come and support us as we need something in nottingham for over 30's. Please let me know if you would like to come.
kind regards Wendy | |
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| Aattractions 30+ Singles Night Nottingam
Posted: 3/24/2009 2:11:32 PM | | Condescention seems to run rampant here, along with giving advice without knowing much at all about someone's life or personality. No one knows what any one lives through from day to day or what they have experienced, so until I walk a mile in someone's shoes, I try to refrain from judging them based on a short profile. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/24/2009 2:14:52 PM | Great reply, fra59e. I hope a lot of people read it and act on it.
As a man, I have to say that after 40 I had no trouble finding dates. I looked for compatibility before I'd even meet, which helped a lot in having good dates. My goal was long-term, but there's a lot of meeting and short-term dating involved in getting there, which in itself was enjoyable. I think many women will lower their standards just to have a date - I think you need to be happy with yourself as you are and look at dating and relationships as a potentially wonderful addition to your life, not your reason for being! Noone really needs a relationship as long as you have friends, much less a bad relationship, whereas a good one can be transformative. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 3/24/2009 11:37:57 PM | Wow. I've thought a little about this since 40 ain't too far on the horizon. From an economics perspective, I suppose that the 20's are generally out, since the experience gap is probably a bit wide. In my early 30's I dated some 20 somethings, ok, early 20 somethings. It was nice, but I can understand what it means to be at different places in your life. The feckless, crap they're going through is what I've already gone through and it's not very appealing to go through that again.
And 30's, well my experience suggests the same as yours. The majority are divorcees with children. It makes sense. Typically it's in your 30's that you get married or unmarried depending on how things worked out for you. This is the natural outcome for those of us who are discriminating in the type of woman we want. Because I sure as hell am not going to settle for less than the right person for me.
So it goes.
That said, I know that I am confident enough to find somebody should I be 40 and single. | |
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