| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/2/2009 10:02:18 AM | I've found it difficult. I think as we age we get set in our ways, and are less able to adapt and change for and with a mate. I think a lot of people pass over perfectly elligable people based on some little flaw that could easily be overlooked or changed, thinking we can get and deserve "better".
From a guy's perspective, we ARE more visual creatures, and I personally don't discriminate based strictly on age, but will admit that I tend to like women younger than I simply because I'm more physically attracted to them. Also from a guys perspective, I see a lot of women who are very interested in financial security and specifically list a salary for their mate.
I think dating is a women's game in general, and this internet dating thing is even more so. The women my age that have taken good care of themselves seem to get so many e-mails they can cherry-pick between dozens of guys. Makes us feel like a contestant on "The Bachelorette". | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:10:10 PM |
I've found it difficult. I think as we age we get set in our ways, and are less able to adapt and change for and with a mate. I think a lot of people pass over perfectly elligable people based on some little flaw that could easily be overlooked or changed, thinking we can get and deserve "better".
From a guy's perspective, we ARE more visual creatures, and I personally don't discriminate based strictly on age, but will admit that I tend to like women younger than I simply because I'm more physically attracted to them.
I think the above is partially true. I'm 40, and there are things that I tolerated when I was in my 20s that are deal-breakers now -- but those observations came from experience and lessons learned the hard/painful way. Certain qualities, when a person has them, are not compatible with me. I know that, I accept that, and so I pass over what another woman might think is a great guy because of them. You can't change people -- they have to want to change -- and when we get older, we become resistant to change.
On the age thing, I find that if I go out to a bar or club with female friends, I get hit on by guys in their 20s. Then again, I keep myself in good shape, care for my skin (sunscreen, moisturizers) and dress in an age-appropriate but still "hip" way, so I appear much younger than 40. Would I personally date a younger man? Maybe 4-5 years younger, but not much more than that. I am not interested in someone whose entire frame of reference is different than mine. What would the common ground be? What would we talk about? My mother used to have a saying about older men who pursue much younger women: It's like a dog chasing a car. Once they catch one, what are they going to do with it? Having a pretty partner on your arm is nice, but it has to be boring when the visual appeal becomes familiar and you have nothing to talk about. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:35:57 PM | i find it hard to date because it involves letting someone into my life - a life that is pretty stable and filled already...and with all the horror stories and people that seem to be/go insane - stalkers/bullies/etc... it's a risk i'm reluctant to open my life, and therefore indirectly expose my children, to...
of course, if i met the right man, someone i really clicked with on many levels, then that hesitancy would quickly disappear, i'm sure... and i'm very open to the idea of that happening, one day...
but 'til then, i'm in no rush to 'upset the applecart' as they say... | |
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gra006
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Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 205 | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/2/2009 3:59:57 PM | this is true, so why is it that the men get younger women when it seems to me that its the women who need younger men. After all, we live longer anyway!
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/3/2009 1:51:26 AM | How good do you look? I'm 40, and most people peg me early 30's - 30-33. That's a combination of good genes and taking care of myself. A lot of people by the time they hit late 30's or early 40's have really let them self go and then want to blame in on age. When I see a hot woman, older or younger doesn't really enter into the equation.
Age is relative. How you live and how you look is entirely up to you. Make the effort, look good, and people notice. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/3/2009 2:55:01 AM | | I would not want a person who noticed me because of how I looked (even if I was a "hot" woman (at my age that idea totally cracks me up)...... if that is all he likes about me he needs to move on to someone who has nothing more to offer him than a pretty package. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:55:44 AM |
... I would not want a person who noticed me because of how I looked ... if that is all he likes about me he needs to move on to someone who has nothing more to offer him than a pretty package.
Naturally appearance matters; it is the first thing the world sees about you. But in my opinion far too many women are obsessed with appearance and fail to appreciate the significance of behavior.
In the long run I think what a woman DOES will always outweigh the way she looks.
Why are so many women reluctant to use what they have? Hey, women on list, when was the last time you fluttered your eyelashes at a man? Smiled at a stranger? Fixed your gaze on some guy who attracts you until he notices you?
Did you ever unexpectedly surprise a man by putting in front of him a plate of fresh baked fragrant cinnamon cookies hot from the oven? There is truth in the old saying about "the way to a man's heart...".
I get so tired of passive women who think this is still the Victorian era when females were supposed to be precious prizes sheltered by their daddies until some dashing beau "wins" her and she is "given away" to the strains of Mendelsohn Really, folks, that stuff is mostly just in novels now
Women today can be the most free autonomous self-directed individuals women have ever been in all history. First the vote, then the pill, then legalized abortion. She is no longer a baby-making machine, a breed sow serving males, but a free human being in control of her own body and her own life. Why are so many women still timid about seuzing the opportunities they now have to assert themselves as men's equal? | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/3/2009 12:53:08 PM | It is not hard to find a date. It is hard to find exactly what you are looking for. You need to be specific and true to yourself. If you don’t state it, don’t ask for exactly what you want …. Well no one is going to drive up, knock on your door and tell you they are it. We all need to stop and remember that we will never find that “perfect” person. We all need to not be so critical and to look just outside the “box”. Take a chance and go out with someone that is not on your list of requirements and be open-minded. Just know your deal breakers and be open to learn, do and experience those ….a touch different from your comfort zone. And remember, that descriptions are hard as we all see ourselves as what is in our head.
We need to get out, meet people, answer emails and kiss a lot of frogs and frogettes along the way. Don’t be afraid to call it an early evening when you know it is all wrong. But gals and guys, do be positive, open, explore the new and the different and enjoy life as it is. Don’t throw away the friends you meet along the way. You never know where, you will meet that new mate…..could be a friend of one of your new friends. And above all learn how to hit block and delete and then just laugh a little. It is not the end of the world yet. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/3/2009 12:57:26 PM | fifi47, as much as I would like to agree with you. I will say we do need to see the real person. We all change as we age, some for the good and some, not so much. To be truthful we all look for a certain look and that is fine. We should have what we want. If you take a minute to look at the real person you will find there are many more nice people out there that you suspected. I like what I like and what I don't like.... I really don't like. Be honest with yourself and change for noone. If you continue to be honest with your "look", likes and dislikes we all should eventually find the person that brings out the 'best" we can be.
Look outside the box folks, and always have your best day. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/3/2009 1:40:56 PM | | If someone finds a lot of dates they cannot understand people who do not find a lot of dates, and telling them what to do or how to act is a moot point. If I was divorced, had a different face, gained at least a few inches in height and had a different pesonality I would probably appeal to many more men. Sorry, those things are not going to happen-the man for me who finds my perfectly imperfect self to be awesome seems to live on another planet. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/3/2009 5:56:23 PM | | Ive got to be honest as a young man i took what a person looked like as a sign of the person i wanted to be with and that is why im single now but times change a person as i want to know the person inside and that is what matters you can have a beautiful woman on your arms but she may be very shallow and empty inside it took me 25 years to realise that so looks never bother me as long as shes got a good heart. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/3/2009 7:08:07 PM | First post here.
What I don't get is how a woman can laugh, have a good time, and say after a first day "Yes Scott, I'd love to go out again...had a great time..etc", then boom. Nothing. Maybe it's me, but I'm soooo tired of the "one date and youre on my list if it's convenient" routine.
To me, it's an issue of having very similar lifestyles or at our age, or it just won't work. I am 47, have two boys, ages 5 and 7, and obviously got started later on kids. IMO once women around my age go out, find out how much I truly love my boys, think about how much they mean to me (thus they're not going to be the only center of my universe), and time to be spent raising children, they have second thoughts.
The fact is, most men or women into their 40's have been through, or are almost done with, raising children. It's a huge difference maker. Either that, or I am a huge loser !
Scott | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/4/2009 9:00:53 AM | | I have found some of the stats on this thread interesting! and I would agree! the wrong person is easy to find; its the right one that hard to find! | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/4/2009 9:06:16 AM | I'm 47 and have not found it difficult to get a date at all.
Mind you, having learned about myself over the years, I do have deal breakers and those I stand by. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/4/2009 10:10:24 PM | I find it hard, due to Im into camping, off-roading and most ladies in there 40s just dont want to go off-roading or camping, and the ones that do, are covered with tats, and/or smoke.
The ladies that do like to go camping or off-roading are either taken, married are to young or say Im to old, lol, BUT for the most part, Im happy  | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 4/4/2009 10:27:41 PM | | In my opinion it's not more difficult, but because a lot of us just become more discerning as we get older, it just means a little more work. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 9/25/2009 4:16:41 AM | | i disagree...i have given up on dating and that is when i have met individuals...i have only dated once in the past two months...i find more friends...i am very selective and wary...hopefully i will find my partner...not focusing on this site only...do not put all my eggs in one basket...distribute my eggs...it is different ...but something that needs to be done | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 9/25/2009 8:02:11 AM | Wow, your post and profile paint a very disturbing picture. "Really after 40 the men are pretty much all diseased, broke, only semi-literate and looking for a housekeeper/nurse". I guess I should just check into a nursing home! Try using the laws of attraction and positive mental imagery to draw what you want into your life which would be the opposite of the energy you are putting out there now.
I am reading an interesting book called the Evolution of Desire (David Buss) that might give you some perspective. Also, congrats on staying in shape .... there are very few fit women here in the US to choose from. Happy Fishing | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 9/26/2009 8:30:31 AM | I never in my life found it difficult to "get" a "date" and maybe that's because I don't do "dates" and never did. I build friendly relationships. It works.
Scanning this site, it is noticeable that most of the PoF women seem to want "long term." In my experience if you are open to being real and compassionate and well-disposed to people even if there is no scary expectation like "long term" put on them then the long term relationship is more likely to follow without a lot of striving for it.
Really, women, do you think males are attracted by women who state right up front such a high expectation as "long term" implies? I enjoyed a decades-long love affair that ended only when she died - and we met by pure chance and were just friendly and ready to offer a high degree of trust from the moment when we first met, with never any promises or expectations of anything beyond the immediate moment. Also, we each found great pleasure in seeing the other attracted to others indeed helping it happen. I think possessiveness kills affection.
Announcing "long term" even before you know someone sounds like signing up for a "long term" hitch - twenty years in the Foreign Legion. If you were considering applying to go to work for a company, how would you react if the interviewer told you even before you knew anything about the company that you would be there forever if you signed on? Like the Hotel California where you can check in but you can never leave?
That "long term" thing sounds like a judge's sentence, not a choice of a free person. Bernard Madoff got "long term." | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 9/26/2009 9:13:59 AM | | I want to get married, which I view as a long term relationship. To me, being honest upfront lets potential partners know if we are on the same page or not. Personally, I have met more than my share of men who are into casual dating or fwb, and meeting them is a waste of his time and mine. | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:21:55 AM | yeah i know the feeling.
i am 41 and i have tried this online dating however when i go and try to find some girl or lady over 30s they ask for my picture because i don't have it on my profile i put it on for a few minutes so they can see me and boom they do not chat with me anymore .
i think if u gonna get someone here u need to have goods looks and be over 6 feet tall
( how powerful u r on bed ) and most of the girls i wanna be friends are chubby over 37 years old over 25 pounds more than being chubby.
i believe if i am a better good looking and tall i will not be here wasting time online .
so if u r not tall enough or good looking u will not find a decent girl not here or anywhere, but if u do be prepare to handle her because pain and worries will came to u . | |
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| after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 9/26/2009 12:01:44 PM | hmmmm
A men on 40s dating a woman on their 20s ?
wow u really are rich men or silly for getting something like that
a women on their 20s will cheat on u not matter how much money u give to her
u really believe she will only be 4 u ?
not matter how much money u spend on Viagra , Cialis or Rogaine u still going to loose
have u ever wonder why older women go for a guy on their 20s ?
because he has money , looks , education ? nah
u remember Bruce Willis and demi moore ? she has millions his boyfriends has power
Studies reveal most younger guys and girls are very sexually active and perform better on bed than an older person , and what most women want is SEX that its their main priority .
from time to time a real decent women on their late,s 30s will choose a men on their 40s for a true relationship but to find one, U need to drive from east to west , north to south from these pretty country to find someone sincere and loyal .
someone to grow old with u
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