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Posted: 4/3/2008 9:52:19 AM | The hormones of pregnancy make you feel more vulnerable than you do at other times. I think this is nature's way of making you extra protective of the baby you are carrying. People without children often don't understand this, and interpret it as a sign of weakness.
Here in the UK single people and gay couples have the same rights to adopt a child as anyone else. The mother gets no say as the choice of adoptive parent/s is made by the authorities NOT the mother. So a child could be given up for adoption by one single Mum to be raised by a single mother.
For the OP I've pm'd you the URLs of some UK based online support groups already, as you'll need to know about the legalities on our side of the pond re maternity benefits, fathers rights etc. It'll be hard, I'll grant you that but noone ever said anything worth having in life was going to be easy. A happy well-adjusted child is worth having!
If you can concentrate on your child and financial situation for now, you'll get there. get yourself down to the jobcentre ASAP and ask to be allocated a lone parent advisor - they'll sit you down and take you through the maze of options you have. Your local children's centre is also likely to be able to offer you a support group/pre natal classes/info on childcare etc.
You can pick up your studies at any time via the Open University if studying on campus proves too expensive. Baby stuff can be obtained via ebay/freecycle/gumtree for peanuts. If you use cloth nappies and breastfeed your big expense will be daycare when you return to work - the lone parent advisor will help you sort out the costs for this. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2008 9:54:51 AM |
A family doesn't have to exist with a father and mother in the same household, everyone in love and living happily ever after.
A mother does NOT have to give their child up just because the father is not in the picture, a single mother is fully capable of raising a child on their own, tons of women do it everyday. A child can just the same love and care and upbringing with a one parent house hold then a two parent house hold.
A child doesn't HAVE to have a mother and a father, you're ABSOLUTELY right. In fact, a child could probably be raised by wolves. Consequently, what does that argument have to do with what's BEST for this child?? | |
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Posted: 4/3/2008 9:57:15 AM |
I didn't just read that, did I? You state you have no children. She is a soon to be single parent coming to a, oh... forum for single parents, asking for advice, and that is what you spew? Oh my!
What's REALLY sad is that it takes a person W/O kids to think about what's best for the CHILD and not the OP. That's sad. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2008 9:59:28 AM | Honey, all you got to do is Keep your head up!! IT WILL GET BETTER! I'm a single mother of 2 very busy boys. I am not employed at the moment & living off child support & other help. I lived in that crap for 3 yrs. And, we just split up on Easter 2008. I know it hasn't been that long but, I was by myself when my second son was born in March & their dad started coming back around in May. But, I had been by myself for 8 months before, he decided to "come back around". It's his loss, not yours, he is missing his childs life (first steps, first tooth, first word, etc.) Take it from me, I know how hard it can be, just keep your kid in mind & raise him/her the best way you can. It will be worth it in the end. The only reason he said all those mean things to you & made u quit ur job--is because that's where he wanted you. To make you feel like you are worth nothing, i've lived that life & it's nothing to put up with. You DESERVE better than all this and, so DOES ur child. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP & DO WHAT U GOTTA DO!! | |
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Posted: 4/3/2008 11:58:04 AM |
A child doesn't HAVE to have a mother and a father, you're ABSOLUTELY right. In fact, a child could probably be raised by wolves. Consequently, what does that argument have to do with what's BEST for this child??
What makes you suitably qualified to say what is best for this child? | |
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Posted: 4/3/2008 12:05:40 PM | | That's the guy that was emailing me the other day naughtyeyes. pay no mind to him. Oh. Not to mention I'm pretty sure it's just fairmont/polara/whatever he is going by now. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2008 12:21:57 PM |
What makes you suitably qualified to say what is best for this child?
The fact that I'm more concerned with this child's welfare than anyone else on this board. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2008 2:00:43 PM | Situation? No guilt there. You wanted the baby when you conceived, keep wanting the baby. The worst thing you can do to a child is fill the womb full of toxic emotional energy. Concentrate on the love.
Thank God he left now, what, did you want three years of hell from him first instead of three months? Blessings have been given to you that he walked out, probably found another woman to be abusive to.
OPTIONS are there, blessings are there, it's ALL there for the taking and asking and the receiving. Open your eyes, open your ears. Go to every social agnecy and family member, not for a hand out but for a hand up. The degree is still there, scholarships are still there, jobs are still there -though if you can concentrate on school, if any agency gives you that option and support, do that first, so you can go back to work at higher pay with better benefits. Look for a place to room with, another single mum, perhaps, go back to family, go to a shelter, whatever, it hurts to lose everything, but the thing is, the time will come when you begin to gain again and the trick then it to make sure that nothing and no one enters you life and home that you don't sincerely WANT there. I mean, say you find a new flat that you can afford, don't even let a sofa in that isn't to your liking. The opportunity to surround yourself with people and beauty and things that you love comes with losing what suffocates you. So you lost a suffocator. YAY!!!!! He was just in the way of someone wonderful coming in your life. Now, he's out of the way. the first someone wonderful is this fantastic child that you carry.
And if you truly don't want this baby, look at adoption and PLEASE, infuse loving thoughts into the womb daily. there is plenty of evidence that a mother's anxiety can harm a child before it's ever born.
Lots of prays for you from me. I'm also always around for an email if you need to vent. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2008 9:59:37 PM | Just be proud he left, I was in the same position through 2 pregnancies, including hitting me. I was moved to 3 other states during my marriage and finally he left after 18 years when I thought everything was better. Oh well, all the better for me.  | |
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