| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/7/2005 5:05:41 PM | | I think some people are not destined to be in relationships...Myself included.....Why??? Because we are fiercely independent and don`t need.....That`s not to say that we don`t WANT someone but we just don`t NEED them...Men seem to need needy women...Just my opinion.... | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/7/2005 5:11:47 PM | I'm not sure of anyone being meant to be anything.
A more accurate statement would be, some people have strenghts in certain areas of their lives (bad or good), and have more of a perchance to be alone. | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/7/2005 6:19:04 PM | | Not trying to be the pesimist, but "Meant to be" is a ridiculous theory. We aren't "meant to be" anything. We alone dictate our futures and where we will be. You choose your faith, and work hard to get there, and you will. No argument. | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/7/2005 7:29:27 PM | | I don't think anyone is predestined to do anything. We all make our own choices in life and react to adversities in our own ways. I will be alone by choice. If I didn't want to be alone, I could change that rather easily. We are all what we make of ourselves. | |
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camryn
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Joined: 8/1/2005
Msg: 131 | |
| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/7/2005 7:45:38 PM | | While there are likely some who are totally complete/content in their solitude, I don't think that. for the most part, people are "meant" to be alone..if we all lowered our expectations and/or "settled" (sorry if that sounds snotty..I don't mean it to be!!) as to what we're looking for most of us wouldn't be alone. There are some really great people out there, but the majority of us are insistent on that "spark"..which is soooo important. | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/7/2005 8:55:38 PM | | I don't want to be alone any more, but I refuse to just settle. Some people are always going to be "friend" material, never "lover" material. I am always the "friend"... | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/7/2005 9:05:30 PM | | camryn...I won`t be with anyone without that spark!!!!! That would be sooooo unfair as I would eventually leave...I wouldn`t hurt someone like that, so i don`t get into it in the first place... | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/7/2005 9:07:12 PM | Hot_Pink, gal, you are so young, and have still got a lot of years ahead of you, to find yourself that special someone.
For heaven sakes, don't give up now, on finding yourself your Prince Charming.
Sincerely
Neill | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/28/2005 4:07:37 PM | I think we're all meant to be alone until we can find peace and understanding within ourselves.
Feeling "lonely" and then smothering ourselves in another person's ego is not the answer to finding any kind of lasting and meaningful happiness. Relationships are generally just a temporary anesthesia to our pain, and like with any drug abuse, we end up becoming dependent, and it ultimately makes our life more miserable.
I feel that the pains of loneliness are the result of inner divisions within ourselves. With our materialistic, ambitious lives (always looking for faster, further, higher) we become detached from life, and fragmented within ourselves. We look out at the world, seeing the things that sparkle our eyes, and we say "I want it". We go out and pick flowers, killing them by trying to own their beauty, instead of just looking and appreciating them, and respecting them as the living thing they are. Our approach to life is entirely wrong, and that's what causes loneliness.
Having a relationship with another dysfunctional ego is a recipe for disaster. Most people reading this are single or in a crumbling relationship, looking for another. Now is a good time to reflect more deeply on life. Don't be so quick to throw away your independence. It's actually a blessing. Use the time to look within yourself. And if you can go deep enough, you may be able to see the cracks within yourself that your approach to life (which has been ingrained in us from our education and influences) has caused. Mending these cracks and then diving even further within, you may find a different kind of relationship, one free from being based on looks, income level, status, politics and power plays. You may find something entirely different.
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/28/2005 4:36:28 PM | Some people are much better off alone and their being alone is better for those they come in contact with.
There are people with certain jobs,careers and passions that make them better suited to be alone. | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/28/2005 7:12:38 PM | waltercross
Here's a heads up.
If you have kids, it will be a few decades before you're alone again. Or who knows, they may never leave and you'll never be alone
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 8/28/2005 7:57:19 PM | This is purely a matter of choice. No one will know you exist unless you let it be known. Not inacting or making some attempt to get noticed is not going to have someone knocking on your door saying: "Where have you been all my life". You are making personal choices that you will live with forever. I don't feel that there is any reason to feel sorry for one who does not strive for the things which can better thier life. They either don't care or have some kind of mental disorder. Live and let live.
BTW I do care about my choices. | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 9/5/2005 5:30:00 AM | I don't agree with this theory that we (in all cases) choose, or bring things on, ourselves.
I think it's a popular pop-psych theory that allows us to blame the victim. That way, we can (a) not waste sympathy on them; (b) not help them (and not feel guilty about it); and (c) keep denying what we don't want to believe: that bad things just do happen to good people.
I am a woman who's been able to reach every goal I ever set for myself -- professionally, because you can influence that. But personally, all I've done is exhausted myself trying.
I was married at 23, and separated at 35, and have two children. The breakup counsellor said, "you'll do fine...you've got everything going for you. This is just the beginning.'
Well, it was the beginning......of the end. I'm now 45. I have worked, done volunteer work, been involved in politics and my children's school and extracurricular activities, tried Internet dating and singles events, dated existing friends.....and through it all, the best I've done was a nine-month relationship with a man (I think he was a commitmentphobe) who dumped me cruelly earlier this year...vanished without a trace, just weeks after saying he wanted a future with me.
I've had a few short relationships, always with men who suddenly ran when the going was good and took me, oblivious and happy as a clam, by surprise. And there have been a few men who wanted to date me though I wasn't interested in them.
I don't buy the "subconscious choice" theory, either -- I don't think I subconsciously choose commitmentphobes. When you're 45 and a man comes along about as often as a comet or a meteor, you don't "choose." You cross your fingers and take a chance.
It bothers me to hear people say, "why is X still single? What's wrong with him/her?" There's nothing wrong with me -- I'm attractive, smart, funny, fun to be with...vivacious, even... loving, kind, etc. I want more than anything to find a loving partner and have a meaningful relationship before I die. And I have tried everything.
And still I am alone.
Maybe I'm doing something terribly wrong, or the desperation is written all over my face. But there's one thing I know for sure: I did not choose this for myself. | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 9/5/2005 7:36:45 AM | @bennie7
Well written! I understand your pain and frustration. I totally agree with you. I too didn't ask for this curse, nor did I bring it upon myself to be alone. As some would say: "I'm mental", because I am. Social phobia(anxiety), panic attacks, clinical depression, obsessive compuslive disorder is what I am dealing with, and it is HELL!  For the last 10 months I have been searching for the perfect "happy pill" along with the help of our fine psychiatry doctors and therapists. All I can say is the longer I stay alone, the more depressed I become. How can a depressed person with high anxiety ever "love" themselves. I've been single for 37 long years, and with all these problems I fully expect another 37 years of HELL...  | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 9/5/2005 9:17:34 AM | I would rather be alone the rest of my life than with a person I was miserable with.I'm not particularly religious but I find wisdom in all religions from Islam,to Chrisianity,even Satanism.When my ex left and I was packing things to move out of the house we lived in,I picked up an old Bible and as I was flipping through it to see if anything like money or pictures was stuck in the pages,it fell open to a scripture in Proverbs (I wish I could remember the exact verse)that said something to the effect of it being better to live on the roof of a burning house than to be with a quarellsome woman.
I knew an old wise man once who said,"When I'm by myself,I'm in good company". | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 9/5/2005 9:40:19 AM | | I think it takes allsorts and a lot of nuns have had relationships b4 becoming ordained and some priests get married don't they? I think there is someone for every1 but I think there are prolly ppl who don't deserve love but who am I to judge :) | |
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| relationships
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:05:20 AM | Have you thought of going to a therapist to work through these issues? From your response posted above, it sounds like you had poor role models for relationships in your family of origin. I think it would be important for you to get some professional help in order to work out your emotional issues with regard to marital relationships.
Good luck,
Judith | |
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| relationships
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:08:30 AM | I'm chock full of issues and inconveniences...being alone is inevitable! | |
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| Do you think some people are meant to be alone?
Posted: 3/2/2008 7:01:33 AM | I think that it is true that some people are meant to be alone, I wish it was not but I even pray that Im not one of those poeple always on there own but that what it looks like its going to be that way. I am a 28 year old male in the army and have not had any luck finding some one even through i want someone to share my life with and even have children. I have loads of female friends but that seems to be how far I get because the female never wants to ruin the friendship.
I have always beleived that any relationship should start with friendship then trust and then love. Am I wrong in my beliefs on this. | |
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