| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:19:47 PM | | Sure. Because in the state that I live in, and the fact that she refuses to work, I'll be stuck paying alimony, and that ain't gonna happen. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:25:33 PM | Well OP...Hmm.
You kinda sound like a nutter. But your whole relationship sounds like a co-dependent nightmare. Both of you need to walk away-no, run. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:28:02 PM | Just notice what you say:
He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy and not to have distrust in him. He also lost a couple of "girl" friends because of me.
This tells me that not only you are a manipulator that want only your way, but that you are also very jealous.
I told him to stop, and he refuses cause he thinks I should get over myself and not to worry.
He is right. And he told you that he doesn't cheat. Some people are just like that, they touch. That is his choice.
He says I don't need respecting anymore after what I've done. "You've done worser things to me, so I've had enough giving you what you want"
That broke my heart.
I don't think there is give an take in this relationship, It is more do as I say or else. So if I was that guy, I would have dumped you a while back. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:33:59 PM | Holy shit! what a ball breaking ****! The only advice I can offer is this:
Do NOT breed, we already have more than enough psychos on the planet. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:48:30 PM | | The motto of the Black Widow spider. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:54:08 PM | The forums continue to be wonderful entertainment!  | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:54:30 PM | "I'm surprised he hasn't left you already. You sound like a control freak with major jeolousy issues."
I second that. Who cares if you don't like him "poking" other women? You don't own him. It is not your place to tell him what to do. The 4ussy might be good enough to keep him wanting you around but at some point the cost in his self-respect will be too high and he will tell you to hit the road unless you manage to blackmail him into staying around somehow. And even then you might be able to keep his body around but you can't keep his heart. My advise to him would be to run, fast. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:58:57 PM | Sounds like a total control freak to me.
A relationship should be on equal footing, not one person barking orders to the other. I'd have run away long ago if I were that guy. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:32:43 PM | It really sounds like to me that you find it hard to trust boyfriends, and you are pushing him, and testing him to see if he will leave, because what he is doing is NOT wrong.
However, no-one has infinite patience, or infinite love. If you keep pushing hard enough and long enough, he will be forced to leave. Even if not for himself, for the sake of any kids that will come along. If that happens, he will have to take the kids with him, because kids need someone to love them, and love means trust.
Choose now: No trust, and no love. Or trust, and love. Trusting others definitely means you will get hurt. But not getting hurt only happens when you close your heart to love. Love means accepting good and bad, happiness and pain.
This is a lesson many people only learn in their 50s. I would hope that you change now, so that you get 30 more years of love in your life. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:38:00 PM | You're building exactly what you fear; your boyfriend will leave because of your control and insecurity issues.
Time you learned this now and put forth only the better for yourself with any future relationships. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:39:48 PM | Melissa, remorse, guilt and doubt are healthy things - they signal to you that you are ready now to accept some change if you have the courage to face yourself.
Apologise to this poor man, release him and focus on healing yourself.
Change is difficult and uncomfortable, but just like working out with exercises it has a purpose and a result. Write down an inventory of your past - you are looking for instances of violation of your personal boundaries. You will then get an insight as to where your need to control comes from and the source of your insecurities.
Yes, you are, going to need professional help - an no, giving yourself the best chance of happiness in this life - is going to be worth every cent.
One possibility is to contact a service, explain your financial situation and offer to be the guinea pig for someone doing their initial training under supervision. You will be helping someone else as you do this.
Accept that you do, need help. Accept that this is not the right time to have a relationship. Accept that unless you make a concerted effort to change - you will continue to hurt those around you. In the meantime, please make sure you don't have children - they are just too vulnerable for this level of rage and that is what all, of this is about. Build up your self esteem and you won't need any of this junk. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:44:26 PM | I presume he is poking women at work with his finger.
I further presume that YOU think this is a come-on of some sort.
From this I conclude that you two have a very, very strange sex life, control issues notwithstanding.
[I bet your next post is about him combing his hair the wrong way. Doesn't he know that to please you, he must comb it to the LEFT?! Men are idiots.] | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:47:46 PM | I'll Help you on this:
""""o now I'm confused. Wheather I should move on. I still love him, but not how he treats me anymore.
I believe in "Give & Take", but he's not giving me anything anymore. He's says he given me too much before, and now I should give him everything.
I think not. Give and take works on both ends. I'm not just gonna sit back and let him do everything and I get nothing in return.""""
Give and take is great, but I didn't read one word about you doing a damn thing! So, If there is nothing to take, there is nothing to give. You are both even. Not too bad considering how childish you are being.. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:51:18 PM | Well OP I see you haven't tried to get any help since your last thread, but what has me amazed is that he stayed with you.
You do something wrong and he has to pay for it even more?
You really do need to seek some help, badly, so you can go on and try to lead a healthy life. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:30:30 PM | This not working for you and when something don't work it needs dumping.You need to dump your whole way of looking at the world and of conducting relationships its toxic.The only way a relationship will last , is if you see it as a place you go to give, not take.Its best to nip jealousy early on, in the bud. You have let it grow into a ravening monster, that is feeding on your insecurities and low self worth. It is eating you alive.You can control your thoughts , stand and back and observe your thinking, ask is it rational or just plain fear driven??.Jealousy arises from fear and the need to feel safe. Obviously there was a time in your life, you did not feel safe or maybe were abandoned.The things in our past can limit us or help us grow. It depends on how we frame them.We can become angry, distrustful and bitter or we can become empathic, compassionate and brave. It is a choice we make, because it is our life with our choices.The buck stops, when we are adults ,with us,else we become powerless victims. You are just 20, just a sapling in the tree of life, still growing and developing and becoming.You will look back in 10 years and cringe. "Was that me."The human brain rewires it from age 15 to 25 so at 25 , you will have a new frontal cortex heheheh .Look in the mirror because all change starts with self awareness and self knowledge. We cant control others or change them, but you can change and control your emotions and your thoughts.Others change in reaction to our changes. Your thinking is way off kilter now, is it not.Love yourself, you deserve it.Be single for a while and get to know who you are, live in the present without fear. If someone leaves hey!! you,ll survive, the world wont end.Be strong alone and build strength of mind and self reliance.We cant guarantee anything in this world, everything we have can be taken in an instant, people. things, nothing lasts forever.All we really own or control is ourselves. Be grateful for love when you have it and let it go with gratitude for having it, when its gone. All the love in world to youxxx  | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:46:48 PM |
He use to do everything I say and anything I say
Geez...are you his mother that he needs you to tell him what to do?
Looks like you've got major control issues here....it's not too pretty | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:48:35 PM | Hmm... he's doing stuff that could be looked at as sexual harrasment at work... and you want him to do everything you say all the time every time...
Sounds like a "very healthy" relationship.
A control freak and a womanizer.
At least some of us now know which woman NOT to PM...
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:50:13 PM |
He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy
Yeah, so I pretty much stopped reading after that.
How's that workin for ya OP?
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ndulj
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Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 69 | |
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:53:14 PM | OP are you over 14?
Yes I read your profile, but between the pix and your viewpoint I have a strong feeling that you aren't even old enough to drive. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:57:57 PM | sounds like he grew up, grew a set amd regained custody of his backbone when he ended things with you.
you need to grow up and get a life. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:03:50 PM | Jeeez!
Leave him!
Let the guy be happy!
That is one seriously strange relationship..what are you on? | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:10:21 PM | | You should be grateful that he's still dating you. Most guys wouldn't put up with that crap. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:11:47 PM | In another post, you have said:
"ALL strippers, hookers, and the like can be shot and pissed on then burned in hell! There's no need for them, society is good without them, they cause no good to families and they are just a big bore and it's ridiculous how some men pertray women as nothing but sex objects. But if there were no women acting like this, then all will be good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All these exlamation marks indicate that you are being "triggered" by this aspect of life. This means that it is an exaggeration. Most women can handle the fact that strippers exist in this world.
You are indicating that you don't trust YOURSELF enough to be able to attract and keep a man without going to extreme measures to "keep him faithful."
>>>But a man isn't being faithful if you are forcing him to be. <<<
If you take away all his choice in the matter, then that isn't him being faithful to you--that just means you have given him no opportunity to be unfaithful.
You cannot stop someone from cheating by preventing them from contacting women altogether, or getting rid of all flirting, or strippers, or hookers.
Even if somehow you were able to do these things, you can never be absolutely sure that he isn't cheating unless you were to put a chastity belt on him. And, of course, that would be to totally humiliate him.
And that is what you are doing now, verbally. You are putting a verbal chastity belt on him. It will humiliate him every time you do it--even if you do it by "mistake."
The worst thing anyone can experience with someone they care about is to be accused of something they did not do.
Every single moment he WAS faithful to you, and you implied he wasn't, or accused him, or checked on him, is insulting his faithfulness to you. So you are essentially punishing him emotionally for any goodness that he happens to do.
This means there is absolutely no benefit for any man to being faithful with you.
No man will ever like having this done to him unless he is looking for a dominatrix.
There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and being with someone who respects you. There is EVERYthing wrong with over-reacting to the things that bother you. You will draw to you the very experiences that you are so afraid of.
You sound like you or someone you are very close to (perhaps a parent) has been cheated on before. If you are hyper-vigilant with every new man in your life about this, then you are telling him that you EXPECT the past to be repeated, and he has to then "pay" for the sins of another, by being put into a verbal jail cell with you. Having been assumed to be "guilty" just because he is a man.
Doing this makes your relationships about fear, not love.
Try to shift the balance to being more about the LOVE that you DO have, and not about your fears and insecurities.
Try to see that you can be worthy of a person who doesn't cheat on you---EVEN if you don't constantly check on him, and worry about his faithfulness. Even without "testing" his loyalty. Nobody likes being put through "tests." You will make every guy cringe if you try to test them.
Love isn't all about faithfulness anyway, it is simply about LOVE, and acceptance and being comfortable together. Try to focus on that, or you will slowly tighten your grip on each and every relationship you have with a man until he suffocates.
If any subsequent man is with you, and you have not shown any signs of jealousy, or "checking" behavior with him, and he then shows an obvious sign that he is cheating--by obvious, I mean you catch him actually cheating--not by implication (like touching, looking, ect.), then you have a right to protect your boundaries by leaving him. But certainly don't punish him by staying with him and making his life miserable! Because if he is miserable, then you are miserable, and you will have no love in your life. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:13:49 PM | Op: Although tempted to, I won't e- slap you verbally regarding your opening post. I've read your profile, and I humbly suggest that you go to Alonon, or Adult Children of Alcoholics... I think it will help you to see life with a more healthy view.
Your attitude [I think] comes from your childhood and upbringing. Until you look within, you will always feel that most folks in your life aren't giving you what you want or need ... cause you'll always need something more.
Google "Adult Children of Alcoholics", find a chapter near you and go... It may help you in the future and, you really have nothing to lose by going except perhaps your sub-concious sense of inflated intitlement. At the very least.. the book
"Co-Dependant No More" will shed some light on your insecurities and your angst filled relationships.
Good luck. | |
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| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:59:38 PM | You have been on a dating site since 3/12/2007.........but he can't poke someone!!!!!MERCY!!
Not only not poke somebody, but can't even talk to anybody that's female. Yet she's on a dating site.
[church lady]Now isn't the special[/church lady]
I find that a lot of women have issues when "their" man talks to or glances at other women.
I've known some couple like that. All of them ended up seperating.
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