| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/2/2008 2:25:01 PM | At work, NEVER did I so much as touch the many gals
that were fellow employees, or people coming and going.
Poking people shows me that the poker probably was not
brought up around others, having never developed 'boundaries'
for himself or others.
I did meet those types, once witnessing him being tossed against
a wall, the look of surprise on his face.......PRICELESS!
Someone pokes my gal, will likely find a similar WALL to kiss.
Establishing a rapport with others is one thing, 'poking' crosses
a line. That line being RESPECT for others.
Pokers are INFANTILE in my eyes, that is the true issue here. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/2/2008 2:39:52 PM | ^^^"Pokers are INFANTILE in my eyes, that is the true issue here."
You're serious, aren't you....NAAHHHH.
~ds~ | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/2/2008 2:40:51 PM | Gideon, I was moved by your story, you put considerable thought into your posting - let us hope it does some good. Sometimes you truly do, have to call a spade a spade.
I agree your former boyfriend is going to take a long time to heal after this, he is going to be a real problem now to the next sweet girl he meets...you've done a dreadful thing.
Melissa as you detox your system, look to your health as well, start taking better care of yourself. Do some fun things that don't involve dating, take up art, non-competitive sport - anything, work off some of that anger at the gym maybe. There are lots of self-help books but in your heart, you have to decide to be the one who really wants to change.
At one place I worked I regularly hugged a lovely chubby MARRIED man, and that was ALL it was. Many at work wanted hugs too, but essentially I am really shy, some people heal by their very presence, to them touch doesn't have to lead to anything beyond friendship. Touch is a normal human thing, it encourages, it affirms, it shows affection, care and natural human warmth. Not all touch is sexual, go for a massage and discover this for yourself. To be touch shy, is often a sign of someone who is emotionally closed or abused, yet this self imposed boundary is also closing them off to the very real healing affirmation touch can bring. Not all touch is bad, I would also recommend some Reiki healing if this isn't against your beliefs. Ever clapped someone on the back and taken away their headache - seen them perk up? Respectful open-hearted touch is a beautiful gift - apart from one person, (touch shy ex-husband) I've never yet had a complaint or a refusal of an offer for a massage - ever. Proabably because this heart, has nothing to hide. Ever massaged a quadraplegic? So full of knots it makes you want to cry, maybe Melissa if you took a massage course - your life would change hugely, nursing homes etc can never get enough people to help out. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/2/2008 6:02:24 PM | | if he loves you, he'll respect your descisions and not make you feel guilty. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/2/2008 6:51:41 PM |
if he loves you, he'll respect your descisions and not make you feel guilty.
Isn't that supposed to work in both directions? It's obvious that she doesn't respect or trust the guy. I have no idea why they are still together. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:01:12 PM | I think you should get over yourself and quit ordering him around like he's a 5 year old. Reread your own post and count how many times you said "I told him to do this" and "I told him to do that." You turned what is probably a decent guy who hasn't cheated on you into a rebellious child who will now do whatever he wants out of spite.
I can't believe he's put up with your nonsense this long. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/3/2008 12:55:15 AM | | I'd dump him just for using the word "worser". | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/3/2008 5:41:35 AM | Notice the OP hasn't been back. I've seen this sort of thing before on advice forums; no amount of reason or logic will work. The OP has been quoted in another thread saying that various types of medical help have not changed her. If professionals can't fix her issues, I highly doubt POFers can.
A hallmark of different personality disorders is the fact that the person with the disorder resists all advice or help. It could be this person is suffering that sort of issue, in which case people can type their fingers off and it won't make a whit of difference.
If she comes back at all, I'll betcha billion bucks that it will be to go on about more grievances about the BF and how wronged she has been and that there will be no acknowledgment of any of the advice offered here. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:13:10 AM | | Any touching is an invitation to touch back. He's looking for more! | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/3/2008 5:46:11 PM |
Any touching is an invitation to touch back.
Really? So every time I shake hands with someone I am issuing an invitation to have sex with me? Wow, I never knew that. 
He's looking for more!
Or perhaps he's not. Why assume the worst? | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/3/2008 6:51:03 PM | Ive got a good friend that is treated as such by her husband. He dictates what she can and cannot do who she sees and cannot see. IF she doesn't do as he says, he punishes her, lectures her hours on end keeping her up til 3 or 4 am in the morning until she submits to his wishes and demands.
I have told her that it is abuse and that she shouldn't tolerate such abuse from anyone. But she just puts up with it, and has resigned herself to a life of lonliness and abuse. I can't get her to realize she's not alone. :( | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:12:56 PM | Whoah hang on....theres alot of hating goin on in this thread, sure everyones free to have their own opinion but i think the personal attacks are wrong.
i guess we have to imagine how we would feel if our partner that we loved was poking and teasing another girl. it is pretty harmless but i guess it can be classed as mild flirting. i think u have self confidence issues that needs to be worked on cuz ur insecurities will end up driving him away. but he does need to understand that the way he's behaving is upsetting u. if he loves u and cares for u enough then he should stop what he's doing and give u some support with ur self confidence. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:25:39 PM | Has "do not feed the forum trolls" been a lesson that was overlooked? 
I had to keep reading this thread; talk about a laugh and a 1/2.
If I had this sort of a gf...and I was a male...and I was like this...haha then I would keep poking girls at work and I don't mean with, okay nevermind. ;-)
OP, your outlook is a tad too much to handle, and we've only read what you've had to say online. I can only imagine the poor guy that's involved. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:53:44 PM | | Sorry eeek, no offense, but I think you're missing the point. I was responding to the fact that someone's other half was poking and touching girls at his place of work not greeting them with a handshake. Are you really saying that this can not be misconstrued as being flirtatious?? | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/4/2008 4:54:50 PM | sounds like you both need counselling and there is now a power struggle. Let me tell you there are never any winners when this type of thing occurs. You only make each miserable.
Your comment:So now I'm confused. Wheather I should move on. I still love him, but not how he treats me anymore.
Did you ever have a mutally trusting and respectful relationship? Is that possible from the start you do not trust yourself and have issues...
all to often people run to get involved in the next great relationship assuming it will make them happy and carry their garbage into it.
Fix yourself first...then the right one will enter your life
Good Luck | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/4/2008 4:59:34 PM | To Poke or Not To Poke....that is the question.
I am a Poker...and I like it that way..... I am not an unemotional fearful of human touch Eunach of a woman. I have feelings and emotions and touch is important to me.
I have no fear of PDA...Public Displays of Affection either.
so...who wants a Good Poke?..  | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/4/2008 5:04:50 PM | perhaps there should be poke therapy? | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/4/2008 5:05:53 PM | Msg #166: "Are you really saying that this can not be misconstrued as being flirtatious??"
It could be construed....or it could be miscontrued. Depends on who's doing the construing. If he pokes a girl at work, he knows what he meant by it (we don't) and she knows what he meant by it (we still don't). We can make assumptions...OP can make assumptions (and has) and demand it stop regardless the intent. We can make further assumptions that she is controlling by demanding such. In, and of itself, I wouldn't presume her to be controlling on that one facet....but after viewing the entire picture, IMO it's fairly obvious...at least to me based on the OPost.
~ds~ | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/4/2008 9:19:50 PM | "My BF and I are in an argument over him touching (poking, pat on back) a girl at his work. I told him from day one that I would not like him to touch any girl (except relatives) in any way shape or form."
I think this relates to the jealousy/trust issues you mentioned in another thread.
"Our relationship is on the rocks. He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy and not to have distrust in him. He also lost a couple of "girl" friends because of me."
To be honest, this is not a sign the relationship between you is healthy. I don't like to sound critical, but you seem to be very controlling of your partner, and you place very stringent conditions upon his movements and freedom so he can retain your trust. This is quite toxic to a man in an emotional sense, especially if your jealousy is costing him his friendships.
"He says there's nothing wrong with poking, she's just a friend at work. BUT, I told him to stop, and he refuses cause he thinks I should get over myself and not to worry. "I don't cheat, would never cheat, and don't touch people inappropriately" He says. "I even poke the guys" (but guys are very different; they're guys)"
Unless he is engaging in intimate touching (kissing, erotic touching, etc) then I think it is very hard to argue his touching is inappropriate. If a male friend hugged you or kissed you on the cheek, what would it feel like if your male partner thought that was cheating? Or if touching any man was cheating? It would make life very hard because human body contact occurs all the time.
"But I still don't like him to do that. I've told him I'd have to leave him if he persists on doing what he's doing, cause he's not respecting me nor my feelings."
I think it is acceptable to tell your partner some of his behaviours make you feel uncomfortable, but I think holding the relationship hostage is very excessive. Doing this shows you have very little trust in your partner and hence you are acting in a very controlling way, keeping him on a very tight leash. This is no way to have a decent relationship with someone.
"He says I don't need respecting anymore after what I've done. "You've done worser things to me, so I've had enough giving you what you want"
That broke my heart.
Just because I've done something (which was the most stupid thing ever), doesn't mean I should get stoned at, and have no respect neither from him."
Respect is mutual in a relationship and requires a certain amount of ethical integrity. You don't say explicitly what it is you did, but if it was some act of cheating, given how you have been extremely strict on this issue towards your partner, it would make you and your actions extremely hypocritical in the eyes of your partner. I think you need to work on building up your trust of your partner if you want this relationship to survive, and allow your partner more freedom and leeway in his interactions with other women, especially if you yourself have not lived up to your own expectations.
"So now I'm confused. Wheather I should move on. I still love him, but not how he treats me anymore.
I believe in "Give & Take", but he's not giving me anything anymore. He's says he given me too much before, and now I should give him everything.
I think not. Give and take works on both ends. I'm not just gonna sit back and let him do everything and I get nothing in return.
Help me on this."
Looking at this objectively, you both have some serious trust issues to work out. I can see your male partner is chafing a lot under the restrictions you are placing on his freedom and movements, especially in regards to women, and he clearly states he thinks your fears are unjustified. I think if he was going to cheat, he would have done so already, but he hasn't, so his integrity is not really in question; the trust and respect you have for each other is the real issue. I think you need to back down on your stringent demands and stop holding the relationship hostage if your demands are not met; you need instead to be more flexible and willing to compromise with your partner on these trust issues. I think it is better if you tell your partner he needs to be careful with the way he interacts with women, because some forms of touching/contact make you feel very uncomfortable, because to you they are signs of intimacy which should remain only within your relationship. If you put your feelings forward a bit more reasonably I think your partner might be more willing to listen to your point of view, and that would go a long way to defusing this explosive spiral of jealousy and mistrust which is poisoning your relationship.
I think it would also help if you tried to understand the deeper roots of your jealous fears of losing male partners to female rivals. I think if you could curtail these emotions and fears, you would find dealing with men a lot easier. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/4/2008 9:52:10 PM |
He says there's nothing wrong with poking, she's just a friend at work. BUT, I told him to stop, and he refuses cause he thinks I should get over myself and not to worry.
He's right too. Your.. yes YOUR insecurities aren't his problem and he's probably sick to death of dealing with them.
On the rocks is probably the prefect way to describe your relationship. But it could be a total understatement, too.
I told him to get out a "long" time ago, but he still clunged on like a koala bear.
Don't kid a kidder. He's not clinging.. YOU are.
But it still doesn't mean he has to disrespect me and act like an ***hole towards me neither.
Too true
end sarcasm..
Why not? It apparently gives you the right to do that to him. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/5/2008 2:09:20 AM | Apparently you can't live by your own rules, but you expect him to. Usually it's people who cheat who are the most paranoid about getting cheated on. You are not his mother, so stop acting like you are. You two have had a parent/child relationship. The problem with that is the child (your boyfriend) is growing up and rebelling.
Of course you believe in "Give & Take". He did all of the giving and you did all of the taking. That was heaven for you! Be grateful he hasn't grown a pair of b*lls and didn't walk out on you like he should have when you screwed up. What a hypocrite you've been. Change your attitude and give him time to recover from your screw up, or lose your boyfriend. Simple. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/5/2008 9:13:45 PM |
Sorry eeek, no offense, but I think you're missing the point.
I didn't miss you point at all. I just didn't agree with it.
I was responding to the fact that someone's other half was poking and touching girls at his place of work not greeting them with a handshake.
But you quite plainly said: " Any touching is an invitation to touch back ". That sure sounds like a handshake would be included.
Are you really saying that this can not be misconstrued as being flirtatious??
And how does that relate to what you said? | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/5/2008 9:33:14 PM | | I had a few things to say but I feel like that would just be piling on. You sound alot like me ex-wife. That's EX-wife! see where i'm going with that? | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/5/2008 9:56:00 PM | Hey bluejean i have a question. If all touching is an indication you want more would that include hugging and kissing? I wonder because there are a lot of women who use these when meeting or departing so if a hand shake would work instead does that mean......
What really is wrong with flirting? I think most people do it to some extent. I know for a fact some peolpe i flirt with i would never entertain the idea of "something more". It is meerly a means of communicating that you feel comfortable enough with that person to be playful.
As for the OP i'm glad your boyfriend took his balls from your purse when you were sleeping. Normally i would never advocate anyone going into anothers purse, wallet or pants (my ex hated that i wouldn't get things from her purse) but in this case it was self preservation. (yes ladies i did at least take the purse to her to get whatever item)( i'm a redneck not a creatan) | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 4/5/2008 11:49:23 PM | aw man im kind of disappointed.
the OP hasnt written in 3 or 4 pages. i was getting a kick out of it.
she thought that her man was in the wrong but she was kinda messed up. i found it kinda funny. | |
|
Home
login 
