| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:37:11 PM | TRIZZAT YOU RULE!!!!!
I would like to say that this was no fly by 20 minute progression, before I jumped in the car to be bedded for the night. We were already dating and in a relationship but I appreciate your honesty. I appreciated it so much I then searched your profile. I liked that so much that I just had too add you to my favorites list. I hope you get many more favorites. Girls if you read this Forum you can only like this guy seriously add him too your favorites, he is an alright guy. Your my bag baby.  | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:04:44 PM | OP...the best advice I can give anyone, including one I gave my own daughters and one that I now give my granddaughter and one I try to follow myself is to have sex only when YOU want to have sex.
Don't have sex because it's expected of you - or because you think you love him or that he'll love you "more" - or because it's what "others" do - or because you want to "hold on" to him or....and on and on and on it goes...
This way, when you DO have sex with someone, you "own it" and you don't put the "blame" on anyone else but where it belongs should things not turn out the way you thought they would.
So if I decide to have sex with a guy who "seems" very nice and sincere, I still have to be aware that he might not be who he appears to be and I have to take a moment to think of the "what if's".
What if he isn't who I think he is? What if he never calls me again? What he just wanted to get in my pants? What if???
And if I'm confortable with all of the (possible) answers, then I go ahead and have sex with him
knowing full well that I was just as much a willing participant as he was, and that I and I alone am
responsible for *me* and for *my* actions. I could have simply said no;)
Take care and good luck to you...
JMHO | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:44:09 PM | Wondering if a f**k buddie would come in handy here.
Keep the good guys out of bed, keep dating them and use the FB for activities after he has gone home.
OMG that is cheating isnt it, laughing out loud. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:17:41 PM | | Just kind of the same thing with women who don't respond to men without pictures. No matter how good looking, how, rich, how well off you/they seem to want positive proof that the guy is a good prospect. No picture = legs closed = same thing. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:55:09 PM | | I personally would rather have an awsome average guy than a drop dead gorgeous jerk any day. However on the other hand men do the same thing. They tend to look for a super model and become disappointed when she ends up being dumb as a stump or sleeping with all of his friends. It goes both ways. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:00:57 AM | People attract those of a like mind. If all your friends are being played by guys, it's because what you attract in friends gravitates those that normally seek out guys who end up playing them.
Which means that "all guys" don't do that, so knock off your generalization bullcrap. It just means that you and your friends attract guys that are more inclined to that type of behavior. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:02:09 AM |
I personally would rather have an awsome average guy than a drop dead gorgeous jerk any day. However on the other hand men do the same thing. They tend to look for a super model and become disappointed when she ends up being dumb as a stump or sleeping with all of his friends. It goes both ways.
You must be a supermodel then, because I think you're gorgeous :P
Course, I've always been a sucker for a girl in glasses   | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:10:52 AM |
Is it the longer we keep men at bay that they are willing to actually stay involved in the relationship.
Only if you believe the solution is to punish yourself and the men with whom you'd like to have a relationship for making poor choices in other relationships. That doesn't make much sense to me. If you have sex with someone, presumably you do it because that is what you want to do. If you feel like you did it for some other reason, then you're at fault for trying to use sex to manipulate someone (which is what you are suggesting here, too.) Don't have sex unless you want to have sex. | |
|
| |
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:51:58 AM | If a guy is happy and truly content being in a relationship with you when you're withholding sex, I wouldn't expect much sex out of him once you do decide to have it...
I understand where you are coming from, and I am sure it is frustrating. Not all guys are like that, though. If a guy is just out for sex though, he's going to do the same thing no matter if you sleep with him on the first date (some of my best relationships started this way) or 2 years down the road. Would you rather find out he's a prick like that after a week or two, or after you've invested 6 months into the relationship?
Additionally, withholding sex just for this reason, when you would sleep with someone otherwise, is just playing games. If I found out someone did that with me, we would be done. Not because I wasn't getting laid for that time period, but because she was playing games and was not willing to trust me. If my word isn't good enough for someone I'm dating, I'm not willing to offer her more than that. Be careful before you start playing games like that.
I don't know the answers, but there are guys out there who aren't like that. It's just weeding through them. According to Seinfeld, 95% of the population is undateable. For the rest of the people getting together, it's the alcohol. Keep that in mind  | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:40:15 AM | I'm not a guy, so please forgive my need to interject here. I'm not sure sex is really the issue but how people handle break ups. Yes, there are some players/dogs out there (of both genders). It's my experience, however, that most guys are decent human beings who do respect the women they get involved with.
The problem is that most of the time we (people in general) tend to have sex before we really know someone to any extent, which takes months or longer. It's easy to get carried away with the excitement of a new relationship and forget that the "cracks" don't really start to show until you've been together a while. From what I've seen, men and women tend to operate differently. Again speaking generally, women tend to have sex when they're ready to "cement the deal" and men tend have sex as part of the "getting to know you" process. I think it's a just matter of timing that a lot of relationships fall apart after sex occurs. For a while after having sex we have a woman who knows she wants a relationship and a guy that's still figuring it out. So when a guy leaves after sex has been initiated, it isn't because they've gotten what they wanted and are ready to move on to their next "victim", but because they've decided, for one reason or another, the woman just isn't the right partner for them.
I think where the real problem exists is that relationships are easy to get into (emotionally speaking) but can be pretty heart wrenching for both parties when one wants out. In spite of the fact that most people want some sort of resolution when a relationship ends, there are people who run away, either figuratively or literaly, to avoid dealing with the negative emotions and reactions that come with a break up. Leaving the other with only hurt feelings and speculation as to what went wrong. When no other obvious cause is evident, the easiest conclusion for most women is to assume they were being used for sex. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:46:35 AM | | IMO, If the OP and other like minded women want to hold out on guys in that context.... Please. It reminds me of the playground fights I had with my brother and cousin's which ends by one of us saying "I'm taking my ball and going home". We are supposed to be adults. Holding out will get you to the same place, -alone, and without any. It also brings to light a thinking process that goes beyond sex. I feel sex is a two way street and one of the many great facets of any relationship, not a bargining chip. And you don't have to be on the same page all the time. I have waited a long time to be intimate with some girls because it was the right thing to do. We both wanted it just as much, but it didn't happen till it was right. Alot of posters have said be up front early in the relationship. I agree. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/18/2008 2:19:38 AM | Yeah, I think the school of thought that suggests it's better to weed out the player sooner rather than later is about right. Any game that leads to less sex sounds un-fun to me. The poster who said that women often regard sex as sealing the deal and men regard it as part of getting to know someone was on to something, but I think people of either gender can think either way. Or else I'm actually a dude. ;-) The phrasing in the original question makes it sound like sex for women is a chore or a bargaining chip-- something onerous to be endured. It never occurred to me before, but "chore" rhymes with "whore," and trading sex for committment is commodifying sex, instead of letting it be a shared moment of mutual pleasure.
I agree with the general sentiment that came out in a lot of different posts that sex won't wreck a good, genuine connection. I doubt that the getting-to-know-you and negotiation (for sex) phases are really "emotional involvement" in the first place. As I read recently, "There's no such thing as rejection, only the wrong fit." And after having sex, anyone (whether male or female) might reassess the situation, regardless of how it went, because it can up the ante. Sex is not a promise, a declaration of love, a prediction-- it's just a moment. It has no shelf life and can't be stockpiled. So I think you should go for it if or when YOU want it, and not worry so much about whether it will lead to a LTR. It's not money, honey! ;-) | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:27:08 AM | It seems so very weird to think that those men who tend to leave, leave right after sex. Not before, not after the second or third time. The men leave after the first sexual experience. I have never heard a girl say he just stopped talking to me, weird we didn't get so far as having sex. We had sex a couple of times, he stopped talking to me. Well unless of course he is willing to use the girl for a f/b situation, then he leaves her because she wants more. Of course that is more of a control thing, SOME men think that they have power, the more constant sexual partners they have. Instead in most cases especially involving these forums you hear, we had sex he stopped talking to me. How's that for those decent human beings, who respect the women they get involved with. I could understand some context where some women use sex as to cement the start of their pretend ideal relationship. But, I would have to have a relationship prior to a sexual encounter. What is to be said about those men who leave the relationship the moment after sex, months of dating included. Was that situation different. No. I have talked to multiple women. They were not all women that were trying to seal the deal. Now it would be a totally different situation if he didn't try to get into her pants and left. The women wouldn't have felt used at all.
The plain and simple truth is that THESE men are not being honest with their intentions, THESE men are there for just the sex. They are ruining it for the gentelmen out there. Although I DO NOT think that every man is a dog, there will be more and more encounters of the such, that increases the womans thought process to believe that men are dogs, eventually ruining it for ALL men. Simple solution Men stop bagging and leaving. Bag her a few times then leave, with a modicome of decencybreak it off with her, using you words like big boys . That isn't going to happen and we all know it. I just wish it would. There are men out there who do it. They like the idea of the HUMP and RUN. I have heard men bragg about it. I've found myself in a happier place, since I have began to make them wait untill I get a real commitment. When I/they leave, we each know that it was because we were not a fit, or because we didn't like what we saw in the other. Never a bag em' leave em' situation. I am just here to teach other women how to be seen on a pedistal, instead of like a non living object to those men that do take advantage of those situations. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:30:33 AM | Mr. NAMENOTTAKEN
Are you advocating that I should sleep with every guy I meet within two weeks. How wonderful of you to suggest such a solution. Hey girls this guy says become sluttier and you will meet a guy who is well intentioned. No it just means that you will become more of a slut, and easier prey for those men who's intentions are not the greatest. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:45:35 AM |
I am just here to teach other women how to be seen on a pedistal
Too much drama, too many head games. Very unattractive. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:53:44 AM | I am just here to teach other women how to be seen on a pedistal, instead of like a non living object to those men that do take advantage of those situations.
You must date nice guys then because I certainly am not gonna put any woman on a pedestal. Treat her well for sure but never will she be looked at as if she's above me or that I have to cater to her every whim.
Instead of having sex, get to know the men you are involving yourself with first. COMMUNICATE what you are hoping to get out of it and LISTEN to what he has to say. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:00:42 AM | No brainer and you want the truth... here it is.
Most normal men want sex and love. If they can't find love, sex will do nicely until they find love.
Most women want love, money and sex with the right man. If they make their own money, that rich ugly man has no chance unless he can add fame to the mix.
You're running into men who like you okay and when they don't like you all that much any longer, still want the sex so they stick around but the courtship is over.
A man who truly loves you will never stop courting you and will wait for the sex because he loves you...not your female parts. Once you give up your female parts, you're stuck wondering as you are now WTF? You wouldn't be wondering had you waited because the only thing he'd have gotten was you...not your body. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:42:08 AM | be patient/ make the effort to get to know her
don't sleep with them on first date/ if there is a connection then........
don't be too needy/ don't be aloof
don't be too available/ show her your interested
respect her/take control be a "man"
sex is part of it/know them better before sleeping with them
ya know, being single isn't so bad after all!
seriously, does anyone actually win this "game"?
it IS just a crap shoot, and seems the dice are loaded as well!
 | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:45:49 AM | I am just here to teach other women how to be seen on a pedistal
LMAO.........OP, You went from posting a question to wanting to be a spokesmodel for all women all in the same thread. ( looking to be put on a pedistal on POF? )
You wanting to be treated well is one thing, but I'm sorry to inform you.......if you want to be put on a pedistal, best to go buy your own and stand on it. You will be awfully lonely up there. I can't speak for other men, but I myself am not treating any woman as a prized possesion, sounds like a snotty attitude wanting to be put on a pedistal if you ask me. Turns me off.
I rather seek out a woman who carries herself well and has no agenda. One who knows that when the time is right, the sex will happen. You can't blame all men from running after they get sex. I am sure that's all that some (either sex is as guilty) want. You have to understand that if it isn't the greatest for either of us, there is a possibility that one may run.
I believe that a couple has to be compatible in "every" way or it just isn't going to work out. Communication is the key with a relationship more so than often, I believe it to be the most important factor of a healthy relationship.
I had a relationship last year, six weeks into it we had sex. She was a great person, I had even known her for years. The sex compatability killed it for me. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:37:16 PM | Hi..
OP.. please stop presuming that you are speaking for me.. or giving me advice.. as a woman.
I do not wish to be put on a pedestal. I wish to be treated with dignity, respect and honesty. For me.. the way to receive that is to have trust in myself with my decisions. Plain and simple.
And as for the derogatory remarks about men.. they are wrong. Yes.. there are some that may not be as honest as they should. But are they really men.. or boys? That is not only for you to decide.. but to take responsibility with whatever happens. To learn and to move on.
I wish you luck in whatever you decide. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/19/2008 12:19:00 AM | Interestingly, I've heard frustrations from women on both sides. If they have sex "early", the guy ends up losing interest and parts ways. If they won't have sex "early enough", the guy gets frustrated, loses interest, and parts ways.
Don't play the game of "longer we keep men at bay". Hey, you have to earn his respect just as much as he has to earn yours. Not all guys are players. However, to weed out players or guys who are more interested in a fling, is a different story. If you are not at all interested in flings, then you have to make that apparent to him, first. Second, if you only want to deal with guys who really dig you (again, not wanting a mere fling), wait longer but not forever. If he loses interest after a few dates because you haven't "done the deed", even though you expressed interest and have done more than a goodnight kisses at the doorstep, then he's probably looking for a fling. If he really digs you, as long as there is some opening-up process on the intimate level, and you don't come off as a prude, then he won't mind holding off for the actual "home run" -- in fact, it can be tantilizing to him. In a nutshell, add some patience into it, but don't come off as a prude... you'll see his true colors shine through. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:51:18 AM | How many times do I have to say that I am not speaking for all woman kind in here. When will it just be taken as a conversation, instead of a blanket generalization. It is the same when I am talking about men. These are conversational topics not blanket generalizations. Look Baileyd stop assumeing that I was talking for you, because I never even said your name. In fact before you said anything I didn't even know you exhisted. Are you having a moment of paranoid schitzophrenia, or what? | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 8/19/2008 9:24:35 AM | OP: Perhaps, to save confusion in the future you might want to... oh, I dunno... qualify your ****ing statements so that you aren't making blanket generalizations. When you type "women" or "men" it means by default all of them.
Hint: "some", "the ones I know", etc... are your friends in this instance. Use them. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
