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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/1/2008 6:16:05 PM | | Well I am 46 and have tried every approach. I have been aggressive and asked guys out--they hate that--I have sat back and waited and waited and they hate that--yikes--My kids will be married well before I will be again! Maybe we could all have a double wedding--because at my age--I have a better chance of being eaten by a shark than find true love--no punn intended--in the mean time--I keep the faith and go with the flow--the right guy is bound to eventually show up and if not---well then at least I get the whole bed to myself ! | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/1/2008 6:23:37 PM | Not really. Maybe it's better to become old be alone. Better than with someone who can make your life miserable. That can happen!
Today I saw two elderly couples....very old, and they seemed to be so much in love. Maybe there is hope for some of us! | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/1/2008 6:36:58 PM | OP, I too am 25, and feel that same pressure. I think it's in part that some sort of inner timer starts to chime periodically, and that all our friends at this age are beginning to marry and pop out a bunch of kids. We're all too aware that once we get into our thirties, the dating game gets much much more difficult.
Strangely enough, while I feel the pressure to get married and have children, I've been pulling away from the idea of traditional marriage. Side-by-side apartments sounds awesome to me right about now- each person gets personal space, each person has the other's key. Sounds good to me right now, anyway. | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:03:08 PM | | I've been single my whole life. Not something I'm totally thrilled about but then again is it better to be with someone just to be with someone. Myself I'm not much of a romantic or a lover boy it's just never been my style. I've been told by friends because of the way I am I will probably be alone forever and if that's what happens, then that's life but it's my life and I'm going to try to make the best of it alone or not. | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:31:58 PM | Babygirl!
Okay, I think I've heard enough of this junk!
There is no Magical age number for birthing! Forget the stats. How do you make a MONUMENTAL DECISION in your life, and you just recently became LEGAL???????
George Constanza is a FICTIONAL character on TV, H E L L O!!!!!!!
Ok babygirl,
Here it is, slow your jets and have some fun, date maybe a new guy whenever you feel like it (once a month) for now it ain't that serious.
DATE YOURSELF IN THE MEANTIME ITS OKAY!!!!!!
Go on a cruise, travel the world on your vacations from work, plan at least 3 a year.
Stop dwelling on ole' folk junk that you should not be thinking about anyway.
And...
Stop taking advice from folk that never had it and never will (like 7up).
Go ahead be young with some young peeps!
I had fun when I was your age and I don't have many lonely moments now based on my younger days, there are just too many memories. If I never run into true love now I have loved and been loved in my 20's and 30's RRREEAAAAALLLLL GGGOOOOOOD!!!!!
Make it do what it do baby! | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:49:25 PM | Look, right now for instance, at my age, I could be "reproductive" (technically-speaking, in an "animal kingdom" sense :-0 ) with 2 to 3, possibly sometimes 4 quite feasibly, different females, nearly every day,
Again, delusional. "could be" and "are" are two entirely different things.
Dreaming about it is called "fantasy"...
Being single, on a dating site, thinking one is going to have those fantasies come true, when obviously one is not even close to that fantasy....thats called "delusional".
Keep on dreaming.
EDIT:
Now I feel the distinct need to go wash out my eyes with lysol after reading that post......good lord mothr of the IRS and all that is holy............
>>>>> Bethlet I was KIDDING about that.....not "fantasizing" about it...... that's why I said "in the animal kingdom" ; meaning if we were still as we were perhaps thousands & thousands of yrs ago, or even further back in prehistory -- not even modern humans yet. The fact remains though, physiologically, we could still technically do that. Obviously it's not feasible, or desirable, in modern times, but even despite our having evolved Nature has left us basically much the same as the other large primates & mammals in the reproductive dept. We however use our higher brains (most of us do at least) to learn to appreciate a much more refined lifestyle where we men needn't worry about "spreading ourselves around" as many times as possible as much as we can just to ensure our genetic success because we're likely to be killed off by large predators or other males very soon. Clearly that's not a real worry for most of us anymore. We've learned to appreciate the value of (again most of us have at least) sustained monogamous relationships for the purpose of raising our young, etc etc. I wasn't "dreaming" about living that way; I was simply showing yet one more example of where I feel Nature has (unfortunately for women) skewed things slightly in the males' favor again; the ease w/which men can reproduce (or at least conceive) and then simply move on to another, and the long length of time over which they can usually do so (sometimes their whole lives from puberty to very old age) as opposed to women. I wasn't advising men to behave like horny chimpanzee males however. | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:20:33 PM | I can relate to the OP's message about the fear of ever finding a man. I'm 26 and have been single all my life because I can't seem to find a man that will accept my physical disability. By the looks of it, I will most likely be single forever. However, if I do so happen to be single forever, then it's probably meant to be. I always think that everything happens for a reason. Keep your head up and you will find a man before you know it! You just have to be patient.
Good Luck and Take Care!! | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:38:00 AM | | Gizmo that won't be a problem at all. You're very attractive and you are only 26 !!! I wouldn't start talking about "forever" just yet! Something will come along for you in the future, sooner or later. The odds of eventually finding someone are highly in your favor, same as I said about the OP. Good luck! | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:54:39 AM | When I lived in Florida it wasn't unusual to see tons of older folks out, dating, hooking up, having a good time. My grandpa always had a girlfriend too.
Nobody has to die alone, stop worrying and just keep looking.
What did worrying ever do for anyone? Except make you have gray hair, then you just look old.
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:17:30 PM | wow In your 20's and worrying about growing old alone. Some advise.......enjoy this time and dont even think about that at this point in your life. You'll reach 30 and 40 and be working...taking care of a home, and kids and a husband...........ah then comes divorce or being a widow or widower......but by then you will have a sense of self, and will know although it would be great to have a SO other in your life it's not so bad if you are without one. That is, provided you have made good friendships...have close ties with family.......and have otherwise led a good and productive life.
See it comes to the point, if you learn as you go through life, that you dont need someone else to validate who you are.......Is it nice to have it?....sure....but the world doesnt cave in around you if you dont.............Just relax and enjoy your youth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/2/2008 1:07:13 PM | OPinion,
Threre is a gal I dated back 20 years ago,
she needed me as her 'cardboard cutout',
that is I was her 'front', all the while leading me on,
while she held out for those DOCTORS to ask her out.
She worked with doctors every day, not one looked
her way. She resorted to telling her relative that 'I' was
an M.D. !! A promotion!! lol
Afterward, I broke it off when she revealed to me just
how sick she is, she really needs psychiatric help, she
is 'trapped' in her self-imposed prison, sad to witness.
20 years later, she is still there, waiting for the phone to
ring. She was dating an attorney for awhile, but he discovered
as I did, that she will never break free from her prison.
Her school chum is a close friend of mine, she is in contact
with her, she is still 'in prison'. Age 56 Life sentence.
When I talked to her, she laughed at me, haughty laugh,
she actually jeered me for being the fool [I WAS] for
investing my time, buying her 'front', as if we really going
somewhere.
I fear for those who suffer at their OWN HAND!
Growing OLD, oblivious of the real world, swirling around them! | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/2/2008 1:22:58 PM | gizmo ~~ DO NOT GIVE UP!!! I know two women, one with your kind of arthritis and one with spina bifida, who found mates, became mothers and were enormously happy and successful in their lives. Yes. It is a sorter, no doubt about that. But as one of these friends said to me -- It's not all bad: saves you a lot of time dealing with the shallow ones. . . . This is one lovely world we live in, and nearly anything you can imagine is possible. Go for that ~~ and best wishes.
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:28:59 AM | | In old age they have actually found that people depend on friends more than family for happiness. In other words, not having a partner does not mean you will be alone. If you are only in your 20's, I would suggest that you just have fun and let things happen as they may, you have a lot of years ahead of you. | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:28:02 PM |
Is it possible to really have it all...or are some of us meant to be alone and be content with what we do have???
I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I will end up growing old all alone. I just don't seem to fit the mold or meet the criteria or standards that many women have set so I have just accepted it and do my day to day things. I hate to think that there are some out there that might be destined to grow old alone, while many others are fortunate enough to have someone, which is great for them. But it does at times seem as though there are a few that might not find someone to grow old with. | |
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pfishy
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Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 58 | |
| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:27:35 AM | Ha! Finally a woman who is afraid of being alone for the rest of her life! Sorry to sound so enthusiastic, I really don't mean to. I'm in the same boat you are, only I resigned myself to the idea of dieing alone a long time ago. It really sucks at first, seeing all of your friends in happy relationships, getting married and having kids, but after a while you will get used to it. Besides, "love" is just science and biology, and once you realize how it all works, you will feel foolish for allowing yourself to be manipulated by your own mind.
My advice: get used to it. You're not as alone as you think.... | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/4/2008 8:06:51 AM | | Yeah but if you resign yourself completely to the "idea of dying alone" isn't that just risking that sort of thing becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy???? Isn't it better perhaps to consider the prospect of some sort of hope? | |
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| Fear of getting old alone...???
Posted: 4/4/2008 8:26:39 AM | u must believe its in HIS time all of OUR seasons were planned by HIM b4 we were born sit back relax enjoy life and all the gifts HE has given u and if HE means for it to happen it will
kathi | |
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pfishy
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Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 61 | |
| Isn't it better perhaps to consider the prospect of some sort of hope?
Posted: 4/4/2008 12:27:13 PM | Hope breeds heartache through constant disappointment. Aim low, and always expect the worst. That way, you are never really disappointed. I f something good happens its a pleasant surprise, if its something bad, then you already saw it coming.
At least this way I have all my bases covered at all times. | |
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| Isn't it better perhaps to consider the prospect of some sort of hope?
Posted: 4/5/2008 7:25:18 PM | I totally agree with you pfishy!! I never have high expectations of anything and that's why I'm rarely disappointed. And you're right, if something good does happen, then it's a pleasant surprise and you get to enjoy you so much more because you weren't expecting it.
It does suck to see all your friends get married and have kids and you wonder if you'll ever go through those things. These things do come into mind as you get older.
Thanks for your thoughts!! | |
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| Isn't it better perhaps to consider the prospect of some sort of hope?
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:06:04 AM | Well well well, so many pessimistic people around here. I once heard it said "The person who expects too much in life may end up loosing everything, the person who expects too little may get nothing at all..."
That said, maybe not everyone is destined to end up with a "soul mate" or a positive long term relationship. Some people maybe just too different from the ideal norm.
Perhaps you could just find something else to do with your life? There must be something else you enjoy doing. Not that you should give up hope of course.
My own situation for example. I've been single for a long long time. In the mean time I really enjoy my motorcycle and my guitar, hanging out with friends, taking in some computer games now and then. If I find the love of my life than great! If not... well I don't think life has to be so bad anyway.
Why am I perpetually single? I've always been one to go against the grain and as a result spent my life from about age 12-17 near the bottom of the social ladder (especially in school). Quite simply I had very little female relation skill development during that time and at the age of 22 am far behind where I should be, especially considering I'm a decent looking guy. Things like "chemistry", "connections" and so on with women seem almost alien to me. I've since cleaned up my act and have confidence and go to the gym often and am in ever improving physical condition. I get alot more respect from people at work now than I ever did in school. I have however learned to not care too much about the woman thing and take pleasure from whatever else I can find in life.
Just something to consider JustMyOpionion. What else do you take pleasure in life from? Failing that what do you like to do to escape reality? | |
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| Isn't it better perhaps to consider the prospect of some sort of hope?
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:21:14 AM | QUOTE: My own situation for example. I've been single for a long long time. In the mean time I really enjoy my motorcycle and my guitar, hanging out with friends, taking in some computer games now and then. If I find the love of my life than great! If not... well I don't think life has to be so bad anyway.
Why am I perpetually single? I've always been one to go against the grain and as a result spent my life from about age 12-17 near the bottom of the social ladder (especially in school). Quite simply I had very little female relation skill development during that time and at the age of 22 am far behind where I should be, especially considering I'm a decent looking guy. Things like "chemistry", "connections" and so on with women seem almost alien to me. I've since cleaned up my act and have confidence and go to the gym often and am in ever improving physical condition. I get alot more respect from people at work now than I ever did in school. I have however learned to not care too much about the woman thing and take pleasure from whatever else I can find in life.
>>>>>That's a great attitude to have. I would say, personally, stay where you're at and keep doing exactly what you're doing. You're bound to eventually more than likely run into someone w/whom you really click. But you'll be clicking w/her because the two of you truly fit well, not because you've changed yourself in any way or altered who you are to fit in with a lot of this culture's BS "norms" or mores or what have you. In short, F_ck 'em. If you meet some girl, let her know who you truly are. If she doesn't like you, look at this way; you've made it 22 yrs w/out her love.  There are plenty others, & she's just another pretty face.
When you no longer care too much "about the woman thing" , you'll find that's when , ironically, you start meeting more & you start finding that more of them want you. It's when people are trying too hard that they inadvertently push it away. That's been my experience at least. Good luck. | |
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