| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:09:20 PM | | I thought about this again...What if she would have come clean about being attracted to your bf at the time you were dating? Would that have made a difference? Would you have kicked her to the curb then? You can't control who you like, whether it be your bestfriends bf or whatever. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:14:56 PM | | I think out of all the men in the world, why did she have to date your ex ? personally i think that is unethical and shows the low morals that she has to you as a friend. If you forgive her, you will always wonder what else she may be doing behind your back. If you forget her, you have limited yourself to what she CAN do behind your back. Best of luck to you hun ! my heart goes out to ya ! I too have been there. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:24:06 PM | Aghh!!
"what should I do forgive her or forget her?"
What is with these women who think to dump great friendships because of a man?
And...who do these women think they are that have a belief system in place about keeping all of their girlfriends away from the ex?
My ex can date whoever he wants. My girlfriends can date whoever they want.
AN EX IS AN EX!
You, OP, are a collector of ex's. You can't let go of them.
And...I wouldn't want you for a girlfriend. I had a girlfriend like you once. She went nuts on me.
The man that she was FWB with for 4 months had dumped her. He dated another women for a few times which burned her  something terrible! Then I met up with him at Safeway a few months later and we got talking. We had a really great chat and he asked me for coffee. We had coffee and then he asked me for a date. I said "Maybe....ask me again in a few days." I phoned my girlfriend and told her what happened and asked her if she was OK with it. She went ice cold. She said " I still have feelings for him. How could you even talk to him after what he did to me?".
I tried to reason with her. No go. I told the guy that I couldn't see him because my friend still had feelings for him and she was putting our friendship on the line because of this.
To make a long story short. She dumped our friendship because he phoned her and told her to quit trying to manipulate his life. He told her he can see whoever he pleases and so should your friend be able to. I happen to like her very much. I always have and I am going to convince her to date me.
I didn't date him even though I did really like him because of a loyalty to her. Now I regret it. I don't have either of them! He's moved on and is dating someone else regularly.
So, missy, get your head out of your a#ss and quit trying to control people!!! | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/5/2008 6:31:54 AM | | For one I am not trying to control anyone it was her choice to pick between him and me and she picked him I have known her since kindergarten and as far as I am concerned she is not a true friend, friends just don't do that to eachother.......and you don't see it from my side because you yourself were her, your the one who wanted your friends ex and you didn't do it because your friendship meant more....to me there are so many other men out there why did she have to pick my ex!!! | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/5/2008 6:37:46 AM | Then she was not a real friend to you but you also fail to indicate how long you were with this guy. I would tend to not have a problem with it if I had not been dating the guy very long and if it was just dating versus a serious long-term relationship. If a friend wanted whatever trouble I had just gotten rid of, then they kind of deserve what they get. They would remain an acquaintance probably but would definitely be off the friend's list.
Reading your repost, you really were not a true friend to her either. If she is really happy with this guy and it is a case of his being a good guy but just not working with you, even if he was the one to break-up and you have not accepted it yet, you would tell her to abandon whatever happiness she found or you withdraw your friendship of the same duration, 18 years? Over a guy, you certainly gave him a huge amount of power in your life. My grandmother always told me two wrongs do not make a right. People disappoint us in life, we do not necessarily get rid of them because they illustrate their humanity.
Did you consider if this guy breaks her heart, she will have learned only one lesson instead of two? If you had maintained the friendship she would have recognized that you were a true friend to her by remaining friends when she did something you felt was shitty to you. And I bet she never would have done something like that again, unless you left something out and this is how she treats everyone, and you just thought it would never be you too. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/5/2008 8:19:04 AM | | Your "friend" is the worst kind of friend. Willing to throw away your friendship for a guy. It smells of desperation. She's one of those girls that will do anything to get a guy, ANY guy. It's really sad that you've been friends since kindergarten and she would disregard your feelings so easily. Sorry to say but it's probably not the last time you will lose a friend over a guy. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/5/2008 9:13:56 AM | If your friend started seeing him after you broke up with him, I don't think she did anything wrong.
If you atre jealously possive, and don't want your friend to be with him: you should have kept him. | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 83 | |
| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/5/2008 9:28:08 AM | There are far too many "rules" about who is off limits to date. The problem with not dating someone's ex, especially when you're 23, is that many of the people you meet tend to be friends of friends. Those who are friends with your friends are likely to have a lot in common with you, so it would make sense that someone's "friend" would be attractive to you as well.
If you live your life by a self-generated code and expect others to follow it, you're going to live a disappointing life. You broke up with him; it's sad, and I'm sorry you feel hurt. Now go get a hobby, a goal, a degree, or a new boyfriend if that's what you need. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/5/2008 12:31:52 PM | I can see where everyone is coming from about why her friend should go ahead and date her ex and it not being a problem. BUT, if this is such an okay thing to do why do the people involved generally lie and sneak around about it in the first place?
Both times this happened to me, I caught the people involved in a tons of lies. When people are honest from the get-go about things, there is not an issue. Esp if you all know each other. If a friend of mine says she would NEVER date an ex of mine or words to that effect, I take her at her word.
I think the OP was just looking to hear whether her feelings about this were correct. In essence, her feelings are her feelings so I don't think anything we write will change that. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/5/2008 8:02:02 PM | Oh my goodness, OP!
If you think that I did something wrong...and I didn't, (re-read my post) then I think everyone is going to have to take a good look at you again and your "I am a victim...wahh!" story.
I think there's more to it than what you have said. I think you might just have a "princess" mentality and you figure that you can control everyone and everything.
Grow up before you lose everyone that meant anything to you. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:19:33 AM |
Well I have been broken up with my boyfriend for about a month and a half now and I just found out that after a week that we were broken up my best friend was dating him, I asked if she had been seeing him while we were dating and she said she didn't have feelings for him.......
what should I do forgive her or forget her?
I think this is a bogus post because I find it hard to believe anyone would actually believe that. She was doing more than seeing him while you two were together,
And why refer to her as 'best friend' and ask about forgiving her? She doesn't seem to be asking for forgiveness. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:46:24 AM | I know the OP in real life and I can assure all that read, that this story in fact is quite legit.
She dated this man , had very deep feelings for him as he did for her , but as she mentioned his commitment issues or perhaps not seeing an entire future with her caused them to break up, happens all the time right? That is NOT the issue here, what is the issue is that within ONE WEEK her best friend since kindergarten is now with her x-boyfriend. That is the key element to this thread, simply is this right or wrong to do no matter how long or short the OP's relationship was with this man.
As I said earlier, it certainly leads one to believe that yes, these two were initiating something behind the OP's back while they were together, that is what I find COMPLETELY WRONG. Perhaps if this best friend and X had waited a little longer to hook up , then maybe it would not have stung the OP so bad.
I think that if time had passed, where both parties had moved on and healed from the breakup, and then those two began to date that "Forever" would have been able to accept this new relationship.
Come on folks, she was still healing and then to have this thrown in her face by a trusted friend, that is just plain WRONG. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/6/2008 7:22:13 PM | | You broke up with him, so why does it matter? She likes him and thinks he is a catch. Maybe you regret it now? | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/6/2008 7:45:09 PM | | AH HELLL NO! She completely broke the "best friends unwritten law".......you DONT DATE each others ex's.......He's your ex for a reason! Why would she want your left overs? I would be JUST as pissed and think you have every reason to be mad, hurt, upset AND betrayed.......... | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:05:16 PM | OP:
You guessed it. She's not your friend. Friends don't do that kind of thing. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:49:48 PM | | I was in a similar situation only i was on the other end..... I dated my best friends ex bf but it was 2 years after they broke up! I believe that after a substantial period of time it is exceptable! In our situation both him and I spent alot of time at her house because they were still friends so him and I started to have feelings for each other! In our case I went to her and asked her if it was ok that I date him before i did so, and I would never choose a guy over a friend! You need to forget she is low to disrespect you like that! I know you guys were broken up but like I said there is a grace period before you should date a friends ex and you always talk to the friend first! As a friend she should know that emotion does not just shut off so even if he was your ex you would still love him or atleast have feelings for him for a while!! | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:11:48 AM | | like i said before he broke up with me I didn't end our relationship | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/12/2008 1:33:04 PM | | I know this is going to sound terrible but seeing as he broke up with you and started dating the other chick right away, doesn't it seem he broke up with you for her? I know it blows but thats what it seems like from what I get out of this. Either way GET OVER IT!!! It's not the first time to happen to someone, it sucks but life goes on. You're on a site to meet other people so do so. Sorry so cynical, but been scorned too many times to think that other women let men ruin them. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/12/2008 1:43:46 PM | oh my god. I had this similar kind of thing happen to me and it changed me completely. Except I was still seeing the guy, trying to see if I liked him and he was going around telling my bff that I was talking sh*t about her and vice versa and so we both agreed not to talk to him because he was ruining our friendship. Then I find out a week later that they were dating behind my back and she never planned to stop talking to him! Needless to say they are still together 4 years later! I stopped talking to her for 2 years because she really hurt me. It really ruined my trust in people and I havent been the same since. I have no regreats though, it just showed me what kind of a person my bestfriend really was. I wasn't even mad at him at all, it was all directed to her. If I would have continued to be friends with her it would have been a slap in the face to see them together and knowing they are still together. Needless to say, we are simply aquaintences now.
For your situation it really is your call. I guess your bff doesn't know the golden rule of girl code. I would leave that b*ch in the dust, if she was really your bestie she wouldn't do that to you. Who knows what else she will try to pull next. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/12/2008 4:51:27 PM | Sugar...
Man pops onto the scene. The ladies are vying for his attention. He goes out with different ones in the group ...the ones who are willing to go out with him. He tests the attraction factor with a few of them, after all, he is a man. You happened to be one of those lovelies (as you said"trying to see if I liked him ") he was just seeing. The OPERATIVE word here is "seeing". No commitment, no realtionship et al.
I am at the age where I know what women are capable of. They will sell their own grandmother down the road for a man. They will disown their best friend for a man. If they see that the man they had their eye on is looking a bit too interested in their friend they will want to tear her eyes and hair out. So...what do they do? They run her down to the man to discourage his interest. The funny thing...it never works! You are the one that looks evil.
He was interested in your best friend and you dis-owned her....for what? A man you hardly knew? A man you were just seeing and you didn't know you'd like him or not?
Talk about full-fledged control freak, you are!!! Grow- up! There is no code in mature relationships! | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/12/2008 4:58:40 PM | | My advice is lose the best friend........ She is NOT a " Best friend" if she is busy going after your leftovers! PERIOD! With a friend like that who needs an enemy? Atleast it was just a "Friend"..... My own sister cheated with my BF and they are now living together .... To me .... it goes against the unspoken moral code of ethics! Find a new best friend...... cuz when the relationships in our lives dont work out .... all we have left is our friendships! | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:36:11 PM | wow do you ever have it ass'd backwards wallflower. And maybe thats my fault for not giving enough information. The point is is that she did it all behind my back and true friends don't do that, we had both agreed otherwise not to talk to him at all because of what he was saying about us. I was simply stating what had happened to me to help Op out with what she should do, don't make this thread about me because it isn't. There is such a thing as human decency when it comes to "doing the right thing". Don't bother replying to this.
Op if you want to talk more I'm here to support you =]Goodluck! | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:24:16 AM |
like i said before he broke up with me I didn't end our relationship
OP, your 'best friend' was enticing your BF away from you, wanting him for herself. He made his choice... I would venture to say she was neither happy (jealous?) for you, or a friend. | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:10:58 AM | | My thing is with this whole situation I really do miss her as a friend because we were so close and I actually talked to her for the first time today and I told her flat out that maybe one day down the road we can be civil with eachother but for right now I don't see us being friends again because I wouldn't be able to trust her again I would be afraid if I got a boyfriend that she would try to do it again.....me being the person I am I would never do that to a friend | |
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| Best friend dates ex
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:01:20 PM | | it is a crime to go after your friends ex. if you have feelings for them and vise versa, at least have the decency to let your friend know and find out from you whats going on. ESPECIALLY if its your best friend. | |
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