| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:36:06 PM | OP msg #21: "I'm not coming." He does this very often. It leaves me with a few days rush afterwards to try to get everything done I should've gotten done, then he calls again, says how about this date? And the process repeats."
Cheshire, he does it because he is allowed to do it without any repercussions. In one breath, you say "it don't bother me" and in the next, you express your frustration cuz the cycle repeats. Ask yourself why the cycle is repeating!? If it annoys you, tell him it annoys you. If he makes adjustments, great....the cycle stops. If he doesn't, he don't give a rat's butt about you (other than the great sex)....you will eventually tire of putting out for someone who doesn't give a rat's butt about you and end it....again, the cycle stops....ball is in your court, Sweetheart. Your serve.
~ds~ | |
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| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:46:34 PM | | This is a good point. I somewhat believe people when they say things. I take them at face value until they prove otherwise. I guess I'm just silly that way. | |
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| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/2/2008 8:36:47 PM | Cheshire grin, you seem like a cool person. If I lived near you I would hang out with you, so here's what you would hear from me:
If he really has that little time, maybe he shouldn't be in a relationship. After only three months he has proven himself unreliable. Drop it. Do it in a respectful way. Tell him you don't feel he has the time to devote to a relationship like this right now and you don't want to be pinned down by that. If you don't want a serious relationship that should open it up on your end. If he still wants to nail you, he's gotta realize that you aren't his. He doesn't own you. One night when he says he wants to come over, tell him your busy. That should make him think. | |
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| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/2/2008 8:44:57 PM | | Girlfriend....reading your post, you ALREADY know what to do. Dump his ass and GO FISHING!!! Come on girls....listen to your gut!!! Dont' allow a guy (or a guy allow a girl, just to be fair here) to use you!!! All he wants is a frickin BOOTY CALL!!! You have morals and valuse. Follow them! You have an inner voice. Listen to it!! That feeling in your stomach that you feel, (you know it's there, admit it!!) that feeling IS your inner voice telling you to DUMP HIS ASS!!! | |
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| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:13:27 PM | I guess the only thing to really do is set priorities. As I've learned here, sometimes relationships click, but it cannot happen every day. You've got to work at it.
That being said, if he has become a major factor in your life, and apparently you are in his if he says so; then it's time to assess the situation at hand. Sit down with the guy and talk it out, be clear and concise with your feelings on the matter and the issues surrounding your distrust. Put your foot down too. If this relationship is going to work then you two need to MAKE time for each other!
I hope that helps n__n | |
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| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:13:13 PM |
My trust issues are more that I don't believe anyone will be there for me if I need them. So I don't trust people with my problems or issues. I just suck it up and deal with it.
That is because you get involved with and let people like him in to your life that are not reliable. How can one build trust, when they haven't had someone who was a person of their word and reliable?
A person is being used and a doormat, when they feel like they are. When the other person isn't fulfilling their side of the relationship, it becomes one sided. Therefore, one is the taker (user) and the other is the giver (doormat). | |
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| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/3/2008 1:22:06 AM |
I'm not saying what he is doing is right, i'm saying i don't understand why you are shocked by his behavior given both your situations. You continue to see him and have sex with him regardless so what's his motivation to change?
You shouldn't need a motivation to be at least vaguely reliable and treat someone with a bit of respect. It's something you either want to do or you don't, regardless of how serious you are. The moment you try to 'bribe' someone to change the way they act, you're embarking on a completely messed up relationship to start with.
If I were you OP, I'd drop the guy. Or have a damn good go at him and end it if he doesn't change noticably and immediately. I have no patience for someone who's going to cancel on me 75% of the time or turn up hours late. Whether it's just for sex or not, you should have enough self respect not to put up with being constantly let down or messed around. | |
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DanXS
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Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 33 | |
| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/3/2008 1:46:19 AM | | Sounds like he is taking advantage to me, but then maybe he is just very busy and can't help it. I would say if your mostly into him for the sex, then keep it how it is until you find someone who gives you more attention. If you really like him, why don't you both try to move in together, so that you have time together regardless of how busy you both are? | |
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| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/3/2008 2:01:59 AM | | i once dated someone like that,he he didnt turn up id call him,he was always late or just didnt arrive no phone call no,in the end it didnt take long before i dumped him,and decided id be better off single,yes i loved him we were together along time over 9yrs,but sometimes you have to draw the line. | |
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| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:48:04 PM | | Sounds like he's quite a bit busy doing stuff all the time to really be able to maintain a good relationship. I know a bit how production manager for a theater is, and there are alot of hours they have to put in extra like showing up at least an hour early and leaving at least an hour later than everyone else. Plus all the extra stuff if it's a really busy place. Have a friend who is on the go like that. Part of the reason busy like that alot is because she doesn't know how to say "no" and lets people belittle her until she does comply... so she is constantly busy. And she usually ends up cancelling all the time on me when we have stuff planned because I'm a bit more understanding of what is happening. After all you have all sorts of teachings by parents, religion, etc. that say you have to give up your own wants for everyone else. Yet not doing for yourself is just as bad as not doing for others. A major thing is that he should have been the first one you talked to about this to begin with. What one person may consider "okay" another might not find it "okay". Yet if they do it all the time, they truly might be unaware of doing it until someone brings it up .. | |
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| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:55:02 PM | | Also on the note of trust issues, both of you seem from your posting to be unwilling to trust another. You cannot expect to be trusted if you are unwilling to give any trust. Just like with anything in a relationship like respect, trust, love, etc... can't and shouldn't expect any more than you are truly giving in the relationship. Though some people play the victim drama and lie aloud claiming how they gave so much this that and the other, yet inside know they didn't give anything. Then when the relationship ends, they point fingers at the other person to continue the drama. Some people aren't even aware they do this and get really defensive about you saying it to them. Yet until they are willing to accept responsibility for what they were doing and be truthful about it, they are going to continue through a series of "bad" relationships until they get their wakeup call. And the truth will eventually catch up to us all no matter how fast or far we run, and the longer it's ignored, the harder it's going to hit us when it does come knocking... | |
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| A little advice on what to do?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:12:21 PM | | The funny thing is you needed no advice -- you already know what you need to do -- you just need validation on it :) it's either dump him, talk to him, or be a doormat -- your choice | |
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