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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/5/2008 6:23:08 PM | OP,
I know that when I first started chatting I had no clue how important it was to see and be seen. The first time someone stopped talking to me after seeing a pic it really bothered me - I mean seriously bothered me. It's not that I was withholding, I simply had NO pics of myself - digital or otherwise. Since then I've learned how important it is to have a thick skin and that the net enables people to be the jerks they always wanted to be. lol
If she was new to the whole online experience I would say YES, she has every right be shocked by his reaction, but now she knows better. If she's been doing the net thing for a while she's gotten a feel for how things work and she shouldn't have been the least bit surprised. She should never have invested so much time and effort in a person who had never seen her. Even if you don't have a pic you can always do your best at an honest description (I'm a BBW/heavy gal). I can't imagine in 6 weeks he never asked her to do that, but then again, maybe he was the newbie!
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:50:05 AM | | Frankly, I don't understand why a person is judged to be a "jerk", or "shallow", if physical attraction is an integral element in selecting a person with whom they might want to have a relationship. We all have our own preferences. I certainly accept the fact that there are a whole lot women out there that do not find me attractive. They may think my profile reads great, and I might even make a good friend, but they wouldn't get caught dead holding my hand in public! | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:10:01 AM | April - I totally agree...there has to be some sort of physical attraction for things to be stepped up a notch than just online chatting. Let's face it, it's true in any and all relationships. Well, I suppose there could be exceptions (like someone being blind).
I talk with many people I have no idea what they look like. Even just chatting with them, it's nice to see what they look like so you can put a face with the words...
His behavior doesn't surprise me at all. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:14:47 PM | I think it should be left as a choice, but those who don't post one are setting themselves up for disappointment, even if considered hot by a lot of people IRL. Assuming most are like me, in that I form a mental image of someone I hear or read, that is hardly ever close to the real people. Almost any band I've ever heard, never appears as imagined for example.
Tastes are different and flexible, a lot of folks think Angelina Jolee and madonna are hot, I can't stand either one. I also believe its easier to improve on a so so first impression, than it is to maintain a good one established on looks alone. Use to work with a beautiful Lady, fun personality, pretty face, sexy voice, but very overweight. Guys who'd only talked with her on the phone were always asking “what does she look like, hot I bet.” You could see the disappointment they set themselves up for when they found out. But having seen her to begin with, she only got more attractive to me over time.
People almost feel ripped off if they're expectations aren't met, so even a no pic hottie may be blown off just as quickly, through no fault of their own. They just didn't match the imagination. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:47:31 PM | That is the problem with "online dating". You can't really know someone until you meet them in person. The saying, "It's what is inside that counts" does have a lot of bearing on whether or not you want to be with someone. BUT, the outer package should represent the inner package and vice versa.
It's like a gal I knew who was in a wheelchair, as she had been all her life. She set a guy up for a blind date and didn't bother to tell him she lived in a wheelchair. Needless to say, when they met, he was totally surprised. She talked about how he left to go to the men's room and never came back. WHO IS TO BLAME?? Well... knowing the gal as I knew her, I wouldn't want to hang around her for more than a couple of minutes. She had a royal chip on her shoulder and was pretty obnoxious and "pity me - lucky you".
YES.. the overweight woman KNEW the guy probably wouldn't be impressed with her physical appearance or she wouldn't have waited so long, nor would she have been so "surprised"!! | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:48:15 PM | They talked for over 160 hours.
Who knows what they said in that stretch of time? There are two sides to this story, and I don't doubt that while one side is busy being upset about "shallow, fickle and inconsistent men," the other side is busy being upset about "how that chick made excuse after excuse about why she couldn't show him her picture, all the while lying about her attractiveness."
I'm going to insist on seeing what someone looks like fairly early in an email conversation... and I won't be too trusting of someone who tells me that they don't have a pic... I also don't think there's any value in talking to someone online for six weeks before meeting them. Even if you have a picture, you're building them up too much in your mind. Have a picture, insist on seeing a picture, and when it comes to meeting... just do it. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/8/2008 5:56:57 PM | BUT, the outer package should represent the inner package and vice versa.
If you figure out how to make that happen, email me: we could go into bidness and make really BIG bucks, lol!
I don't especially care if the body reflects a gorgeous soul (I'll settle for a gorgeous soul inny day) -- but I surely do wish detecting a really ugly soul were as easy as looking for an ugly body. . . .
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:26:48 PM | Mator13: No disrespect...
My pic is posted many times, just not permanently. Anyone who asks gets my pic. Not hiding anything. I have one guy told me about his fantacies. Not inclined to be part of that too often. lol
To each his own. Believe me, I find I can manage the PM traffic more without the pic. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/9/2008 12:26:07 AM | I can understand why some people do not post a photo. However, there is no excuse not to send a photo to someone through private email. I would not chat with someone for six weeks if I had not seen a photo of them. It is a waste of time. Call me shallow but we need to be attracted to the person and anyone can pretent to be anyone else so a few photos do come in handy.
She should not be shocked. He finally saw her photo and decided he was not attracted to her physically and maybe he felt scammed, lied to, etc. Who knows what she told him she looked like and I doubt she said she was x amount of pounds overweight.
~Carrie | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:57:04 PM | | Reminds me of the stretch marks thread somewhere in this forum.........I use to post a photo and get very little replies and when I didnt post a pic, I got a lot of *you sound so great as per your profile!* and then nothing after I remitted a pic. Now, I simply feel its YOUR problem if you dont like the way I look. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:09:23 PM | I like to see pics of people too. I like to know what a person looks like so that when they message me, so I can put a face to the words. I have posted my picture, that way if I'm not someone's cup of tea, they won't try to contact me.
There are men who do like overweight women, and if this lady had a picture of herself up in the first place, the man she was chatting with would never had started chatting with her but someone who likes large women would. Everyone has different tastes.
I don't like very obese men either. Depending on the man, a few pounds over is okay, but very obese is a turnoff for me. I also like some meat on a man, and men that are too skinny don't attract me either. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/12/2008 9:07:11 AM | People are shallow... there.. I said it, and Im waiting for the "no they're not" response, but let me finsih.
She should well have expected that. Most people have some detail they are shallow about and with guys, predictably, it's almost always image. (Sorry ladies... guys are often visual creatures.)
Sadly, this man proved shallow to the point that he wouldnt even try to be friends (which clearly could have happened if they could chat that long that often for that length of time). But she should not have been shocked that he would be turned off at that point.... if anything, maybe glad she lost someone who if they clearly dont want a friend probably only wanted one thing . (Way to hold up the stereotype buddy.  )
Ok, Im done rambling... ranting isnt my thing in the morning... not before Ive dealt with people on the road.
See ya. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/12/2008 9:34:42 AM | I don't have a PIC up for all the world to see but that doesn't mean I don't have them here on POF...
I just figure if the female is unwilling to engage in a conversation then what does it matter what I look like. I don't send messages but wait to receive. It beats getting the read/delete or unread/delete thing women like to do. I'm at least given a fair chance instead of wasting time at a keyboard sending a message that is going to be ignored.
No, I don't get alot of messages as the females only chose to write profiles with pictures. But hey, I could care less I'm not looking to meet someone shallow who only goes by a photo to measure a persons worth and attractiveness.
Good luck to you all | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/13/2008 3:45:39 PM | This is one of the reasons why I have a web cam. Chat and emails are one dimensional and just don't tell you that much about a person's sense of style. Photos only give you a basic idea of physical appearance. Being able to video with someone adds a so much more to getting to know someone. You can see how people act and react to you. It's much harder to fake or misrepresent yourself. In chats, because the non verbal communication is missing, people can find themselves using words in ways they never would otherwise in an effort to get the point accross. In real life, I would NEVER say some of the things I have said to stangers in chat - and I think most people can say the same.
I like my cam - helps me to keep it as real as this alternate universe can get. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:43:20 AM | Personally I think the guy is shallow. I mean there is just no other word for it. Of all the elements that make a person, physical characteristics aren't a huge factor in many relationships. Unless of course the guy was only looking for a booty call from the beginning.
Sure, the guy might not like a fatty in bed so I wouldn't be surprised if he said 'I don't want to have sex with you, but I want to have sex, so I'm going to look for someone else to sleep with' but to refuse to talk with the person? To refuse to chat with the person on the computer? Thats cold. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/14/2008 11:54:48 AM | | She was the one being deceptive. She knew he would not like it. That is why I always post pictures and will not write to someone that does not show me a recent full length picture of themselves. I am a big girl. I state it, The pictures reflect it. No surprises there.If you don't like it, Don't write me Cheryl | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:53:04 PM |
She was the one being deceptive. She knew he would not like it. That is why I always post pictures and will not write to someone that does not show me a recent full length picture of themselves. I am a big girl. I state it, The pictures reflect it. No surprises there.If you don't like it, Don't write me.
Sadly your right and your just being truthful about it. She should not withheld the photo and evidently her only reason in doing so was she felt fairly confident he wouldn't be as attracted to her as she had hoped.
Now, I don't keep a Pic up for all the world to see either but I make it very clear in my own profile that I do have them. I have nothing to hide nor am I embarassed about my looks. I look just fine I'm not ugly or an overweight sloth. But I figure if the woman is unwilling to speak with me then what does it matter what I look like? I'd just soon them move on to the next guy, since they place more value on looks than substance. Yet, you will see them say millions of times in countless threads telling guys that looks doesn't matter, it's your personality!  | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:42:45 PM | If I remember correctly OP: your picture didnt make the women on the POF forums thrilled, is that why you took them down?
I remember you wanted advice on how to abuse american women when you are indeed yourself from middle eastern. Dont you have any morals? Where did these go?? | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:10:51 PM | | The bottom line is that they should not have waited for 6 weeks to exchange pics. In many cases a person can form an fantasy image of other person. If the photo doesn't match the image, then one person loses interest in the other person. Personally I would not reject a woman based on a pic unless she was much different than my ideal physical type. For example if she was extremely overweight. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:31:09 PM | [QUOTE]I would NEVER say some of the things I have said to stangers in chat - and I think most people can say the same.[/QUOTE]
Probably true, though I need to get a better camera before I do those things (mine is a web and digital combo... and without batteries, it does niether).
In the meantime, I think it's safe to say if Im being REALLY argumentative, that's the "Net" in me talking. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:20:38 AM | | I dont keep a picture up at all. I am simply uninterested in someone who is only interested in my looks. I will send a picture but even that depends on how I am asked for the picture. When I run across people who make it obvious that they have nothing to say to me unless they see my picture I just keep moving. I need someone who can converse with me on many levels or I would be bored to death. If there is no physical attraction it wont happen but that doesnt come first for me | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:12:42 AM |
am i right or wrong?
I would say neither is right nor wrong. You thinking it's right or wrong, isn't going to change it for everyone else. Anyways, that aside though.......
if a girl is withholding her pic for 6 weeks, then she knows herself that she is unattractive and is banking on her "personality" to win over the guy
I do disagree with this line of thought though actually. I would imagine that some people may do this (i.e no pic) purposefully for this exact reasoning; or rather, the opposite of it - if that makes sense i.e. they're attractive, no pic, choose to do so because of society (i.e. yours for example) beliefs, knowing full well that some people have such absurd beliefs and use it as a means of weeding out undesirables.
I have met a few women before, whom did not give away their picture or photo of themselves at the first moments notice or chance. But most of these women were actually quite attractive, very attractive indeed. One I ended up having a close relationship with for many years.
But yes, I'm sure there are some out there that do so for the reason you've mentioned. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 8/26/2008 3:03:25 PM | Pictures are tricky things. I've found it isn't always fair to judge a person by a picture. I have many examples of women I've met that look way better in person than any of their pictures. Only a few have looked worst in person. haha
Anyway, there must be physical attraction but being polite is such a lost art isn't it? Why do we have to be rude because we can on the internet? Show some class once in a while. This guy could have backed off a little without being so rude and shutting things off cold turkey. Kinda of a jerk if you ask me. | |
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